by Tucker, RH
Micah nods. “He told me he used to have them all of the time. Every once in a while he’ll get them, but lately, it’s been more. It’s because of you, and I know that freaks him out.”
“Me? Why?”
“Just …” He lets out a deep breath, finally looking away. “Just talk to him. Or get him to talk to you. Please? You’d be good for him.”
“Look, I like him, but I don’t think I can be someone’s therapy pillow.”
“No, sorry, that’s not what I mean. I just meant, you and him. Both of you, he can’t see it. Maybe you can’t either, but I’ve known him long enough to know you’re on his mind. You’re not just one of those girls he’ll hook up with and forget. He wouldn’t be dreaming about her so much if you weren’t on his mind, as weird as that sounds.”
“I don’t know. I think this is too much. I said he’s got issues before, and this just reinforces that. What he really needs is to figure himself out. Not by sleeping around either.”
“I’ve told him that already. I’ve given up on that fight. He uses it as a crutch, and as close as we are when it comes to this topic, he bottles everything up and doesn’t want to be told what to do. Schoolwork, job, even dishing out advice to me about my relationship, he’s great. Level headed and right more than half the time. When it comes to this?” He lets out a disheartened scoff. “He won’t listen to anyone. Why do you think he hardly ever goes home?”
“We haven’t really talked about his home or family.”
“Look, I know I’m asking a lot. Probably too much. But if anyone might be able to help him with this, it’s you.”
“Thanks, but … I don’t know.”
“Just think about. Please?” Taking a seat in his truck, he turns on the ignition and looks back at me, waiting for an answer. I finally nod. “Thank you.”
He drives away, leaving me more confused than this morning. This isn’t my problem. I might not have huge issues in my life, but I do still have a life I’m trying to live. But then I remember the times I wake up next to him. I remember his words, even if he was drunk, and how earnest they were. If he wouldn’t put up those walls, would I be able to connect to that honest version of Taylor I saw? Or is this just a big can of worms that’s not going to do anything except explode in my face?
Chapter 16
Taylor
“It’s awesome, right?” Calvin says, showing me around the building.
Precision Fitness has been his idea and baby for a while. He’s always talked about it, but I figured it was one of those pipe dreams. Even when he turned in his two weeks at the gym, I thought he’d inevitably end up working at another gym. But I’m standing in the middle of an empty building, a little impressed.
“Where’s the equipment?” I ask.
“Getting shipped in. The chiropractor is already handing out referrals, so we just gotta wait and hope they call. I’m putting out fliers all over town. It’ll be slow in the beginning, but we can do it.”
“Wait, wait.” I turn around, scanning the area again. “I thought you had the referrals already. I thought you had a client list.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you told me you did, Cal. Remember? ‘I’ve got a client list lined up.’” I repeat his words back to him.
“Well, yeah, it doesn’t happen overnight.”
“Cal, I quit my job.”
“Dude, don’t blame that on me. I didn’t ask you to quit on the spot.”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
“What?”
“How the hell am I supposed to pay my rent? I don’t have any clients lined up, other than maybe Becky if you can even call her that. Wait, so what’s Ethan doing?”
“A couple members from the gym are following him over, and he’s still got the clients he has. He’s starting to hold sessions in a small sub-lease, downtown.”
“Great. Just great.”
“Calm down. It’ll be fine. Just go back to Bobby and tell him you don’t quit yet.”
“Yet? You can’t be serious. This is just perfect. Thanks a lot.”
“Like I said, I didn’t tell you to quit on the spot.”
“Whatever,” I spit out and head for the doors of the empty building.
Not registering my annoyance, he chuckles, calling out as I leave, “Two weeks, bro. Maybe a month. We’ll have the grand opening party.”
I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s not exactly like he said. In the short time I’ve known him, he’s always exaggerated things. Set up a beach party, and it’s a day in his brother’s backyard and their pool. Ask him to cover a shift at work, and he’ll call off work in my place. I don’t know why I expected this time to be any different.
Even with the new revelation of what my working prospect is, I’m still irritated with everything that happened with Sasha a week ago. I should be happy that it’s finally over. I can get back to my normal life, looking forward to the damn nightmares being over. Except they’re not.
In the past, when I’d have a dream about everything, they’d come and go. The last time I thought I’d try to get serious with a girl, the night terrors came on strong. However, once I ended that relationship, the nightmares stopped. This time they’re sticking around. I’m barely getting any sleep, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Hoping to distract myself, I get home and start working on an English paper that I have due in a couple of days.
“Hey, Veronica’s coming over, and we’re going to the movies. Want to join?” Micah says, throwing a hoodie on as he comes out of his room.
“Naw, I’m good.” I flip a page of my book. He’s standing in front of the kitchen door, but instead of moving, he waits there. I glance over and see him giving me an unsure stare. “What?”
“I’ve been meaning to tell you something, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up.”
“Micah, I know, all right?” I stop him, knowing how his talks usually start. When he sees me stressing out, he’s always been the first to offer a hearing ear. “Dude, I’m working my way through it, but I’ll be okay. I always am.”
“No, I know.” He folds his arm. “Look, I do think you need to talk about it more, maybe go back to your therapist you used to see. But that’s not what this is about.”
“Then what?”
There’s a knock at the door, and he stops. I walk over to open it, hoping whoever this is can end our little discussion before it even begins.
“Taylor.”
Looking back at the open doorway, I discover Sasha standing there. “Sasha. What are you doing here?”
“I … that last morning … I just thought we should talk.”
The instant my eyes land on her, I want to kiss her. I want to pull her close and hold her. All of the feelings I’ve been fighting with myself over because I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want her, because then where does that leave me?
So I double down on my resolve, letting out a deep breath, and shake my head. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I think there is,” she replies, pushing the hair off of her face. “Can I come in?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The words are a struggle to get out, but I tighten my grip on the door handle, forcing them out. The sun bouncing off of her blonde hair makes me want to run my fingers through it.
But you can’t, my thoughts scold me.
“Taylor, please? Look, Micah told me what happened, and I just think—”
“Wait, what?” I feel like I’ve just been hit in the face with frigid water. My head snaps to the side, staring Micah down. He quickly averts his eyes. “Micah told you what?”
Turning my attention back to her, I watch as she leans forward a little and looks over at him. “No, I don’t know everything, but … I mean, he said that you’ve been through some things and thinks maybe—”
“Oh, he thinks?” I take a step back, glaring at Micah. “You think, Micah? Really? And just what the hell is it that you’re thinking
?”
“Taylor, dude, I just …” He lets out a long breath.
I narrow my eyes. “I’m waiting. You just what?”
“Taylor, it’s not his fault.”
I throw my finger in her face, clenching my teeth. “You don’t have any clue what’s going on here.”
“Hey! I’m just trying to help you,” she shouts back.
“Yeah, because I have a damn sign hanging from my forehead that reads ‘help me’.”
“Taylor, come on, man. It’s not her fault.”
“You’re goddamn right it’s not her fault. It’s yours, you jackass.”
“Screw this, I’m out of here.” Sasha grabs the door, slamming it shut.
“What the hell were you thinking, Micah?”
“I just want to help you.”
“You had no right. No right! I don’t need my business blasted all over the city.”
“The city? What are you talking about? I told one person, and she deserves to know.”
“Micah, I trusted you. How could you do that?”
“Taylor, she’s good for you. I know you see that and you’re just fighting it.”
“Go to hell!”
“Uh …” My head swivels back to the doorway to find Veronica there. “Is this a bad time?”
“No, it’s not,” I snap at her. “Get the hell out of here and take this ass with you.”
“Hey!” Micah walks over to the door, getting in front of me. “Don’t talk to her like that.”
“Screw you, you backstabbing prick.”
“Taylor, I wanted to help you, and you’re biting my head off. You need to chill.”
“Don’t tell me to chill, you asshole. How could you tell her? I told you that in confidence. What, did you tell Vero, too?”
“Tell me what?”
“Nothing,” Micah responds but stares at me. “Of course I didn’t tell her. I didn’t tell Sasha everything. I don’t even know everything, you idiot. Just what you let slip out that night you were drunk.”
“Oh, I’m the idiot.” I take a step to him, pushing his chest.
“Taylor, calm down.”
“Calm down? You stabbed me in the back.”
“Taylor—” Veronica starts, but I cut her off, putting a finger in her face.
“I told you, stay the hell out of this.”
“And I told you,” Micah gets in front of me, “don’t talk to her like that. I’m just trying to help, man.”
“And I don’t need your shitty help, you dick. Get the hell out of here, you’ve already done enough.”
I turn to head back to my bedroom when I feel a tug on my arm. “Taylor, would you just listen—”
I spin around and slam my fist into his mouth, sending him down to a knee.
“Taylor!” Veronica screams.
“Screw you, Micah,” I spit out, walking into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
Chapter 17
Sasha
“Just delete them already.” Tara taps her fingers across my phone.
We’re sitting at a small table in Teddy’s Grill, a little place where we like to come and order hamburgers and chocolate milkshakes, both of which we think are the best in the city. It’s kind of like our comfort food when either of us is upset over something. It’s been three days since I popped up at Taylor’s and he exploded on me. Again. I still haven’t gotten over it.
Tara’s been telling me to not only delete our text messages but his entire phone number from my cell. I want to do it, but at the same time, I’m in the loop. Not totally, probably not even a quarter of the loop, but now I have some context. Now I know there is something going on with him. So even though he was a major douchebag, both to me and from what I saw toward Micah, I still feel like I want to know what’s going on. I want him to open up to me.
“Sasha, I swear, I’m gonna steal your phone and do it for you.”
“You don’t get it, Tara,” I reply, pausing to take a drink of my chocolate shake. “He’s going through something.”
“So you keep saying, but you haven’t told me what. I don’t care if he had a bad break up—”
“It’s not that.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She slaps her hands on the wood table. “He’s being a gigantic a-hole, and you don’t deserve that. If you’re not going to tell me—”
“I told you, I don’t feel comfortable telling you. You know I love you, but he was distraught that Micah even told me. I don’t think he wants anyone to know.”
She stares off into the distance, and I take the last bite of my burger while waiting for her rebuttal. When it doesn’t come, and she continues to stare, I finally turn around to see what’s going on.
“What are you—” My words halt as I see Taylor across the restaurant, sitting next to a tall blonde.
Of course. Of course he’d just go out with someone else already.
“What an ass,” I hiss.
“See, I told you. You should go over there and slap him across the face.”
From where we’re sitting, there’s a bar and a row of glasses and bottles lined up, so he can’t directly see me. The thought crosses my mind, but I shake my head.
“No, let’s just forget it.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I’m gonna use the bathroom and then let’s just get out of here.” Reaching into my purse, I pull out a twenty. “Here, go pay, so we don’t have to wait around. Meet me out by the car.”
“Okay.” She takes the money, and I get up and cautiously walk along the back wall, toward the restroom. Before entering, I take a quick glance back and see Taylor. His eyes meet mine, but I turn away before I know if he registers that it’s me, and head into the bathroom.
I stare at myself in the mirror, washing my hands as I finish. Taking a deep breath, I build up enough determination to walk out and not even glance in his direction, hoping to head directly to my car. My hopes are dashed as I open the restroom door and almost crash into him.
He’s not walking across the way to the men’s room. Instead, he’s leaning against the wall, as if he was waiting for me to exit.
“Hey,” he says.
Seriously? That’s how he starts? His first words should be an apology, and since they’re not, the annoyance and frustration return from the last time I saw him.
“I have nothing to say to you,” I snap, trying to walk past him.
He grabs my wrist, stopping me. “I’m sorry, okay?”
“Okay? Seriously, if that’s your idea of an apology, then you need to—”
“Sasha, I mean it. I’m really sorry. But you had no right to come to my place like that. I felt like I was being ambushed or something.”
“Taylor, I wasn’t trying to ambush you. Micah told me who Reese is and—”
“Micah doesn’t know shit,” he growls out. Shaking his head, he seems more frustrated at Micah than me, but it’s still annoying. “He should’ve never told you anything.”
“Don’t be mad at him, he just wants to help. I want to help.”
He takes a step closer to me, and we sink deeper into the dark corner. “I don’t need help. You don’t know what I’ve been through and I don’t need to explain it to you.”
Finally yanking my wrist away, I press my finger into his chest. “Taylor, you just apologized, and now you’re going on the offense again.” I let out a sigh, rubbing my forehead. “You’re right, though. You don’t owe me an explanation. You’re being a dick, but you’re right.” He chuckles, easing the tension I’m feeling. “I know we’re …” I shake my head, unable to find the right word. “Whatever we are, but when I went to your place, I just wanted to be there for you.”
“I know that. I shouldn’t have acted like that, but again, I don’t need help.”
I press my palms into his chest, gripping his dark blue shirt, more frustration setting in. “Listen to yourself. You’re not an island, you jerk. I like you. Let’s take all of your issues off the table, okay
?” He narrows his eyes but cracks a grin, easing more of my tension and increasing my confidence. “Am I more than a booty call to you? And before you answer that, my rule still stands, and that’s the only time I’ll ever refer to myself like that.”
He finally smiles, leaning closer to me. His lips graze mine, and I run my hands behind him, locking them behind his neck. His breath mixes with mine, and I lean closer, knowing this is probably a bad idea. The thought fades away instantly when he gravitates closer, and our lips connect. There’s a new heat felt from connecting with him than from the times before. When we met up before, it was under an agreement. I may have already liked him, but I wasn’t sure where he stands.
“That wasn’t an answer,” I whisper as his lips float against mine.
He grins. “Truth?”
“I only want the truth from you, Taylor. Anything less than the truth isn’t worth anything.”
“I want you to be.” For the first time, his eyes break away from mine. “But I’m not sure I can have you.”
“Taylor, that doesn’t make any sense.”
He lets out an incredulous self-chuckle, shaking his head. “I know. I’m pretty messed up, Sash.”
You can say that again. But his words are like a magnet. This back and forth, the push and pull we’ve had for weeks. Now I’m feeling pulled again, instead of pushed. And maybe I shouldn’t want it, but I do.
Even though I can’t see where he was sitting, my eyes flick past him. “You know, you’ve got a lot of nerve doing this while you’re here on a date.”
Letting out an honest laugh, he leans his forehead against mine. “Her name is Monica. She’s not a date, she’s Ethan’s sister. Ethan and I were getting lunch, and he still had Ashley in the car.”
“Ashley?”
“His daughter. She wanted to see her aunt.” He laughs again, leaning a little closer. “So, is this a jealous Sasha I’m dealing with? It’s kind of a turn on.”
Cocking my head to the side, I arch a brow. “Still a cocky bastard I see.”
“Some things never change.” He smiles. “Can I come over tonight?”
