by Tucker, RH
“I do count that.” She laughs. “Siblings?”
“Naw, my roommate’s daughter. She’s four, and since she’s on winter break, has had an extended stay over at our place. I think we’ll be married by the time she goes back to her mom’s.”
“Lucky girl.” She starts on the machine, laughing.
“Thanks.” My cellphone chimes and I excuse myself, taking a few steps away. Pulling out my phone, I see a text message from Sasha. My eyes widen with shock.
Sasha: Hey, can you talk?
Taking a deep breath, a sliver of hope instills itself in me. I glance around the gym, unsure how to answer. After Claire, I only have fifteen minutes before my next training session starts, but we’ve still got thirty more minutes on the session right now.
Me: Not really. I’m at work.
Sasha: I know
Taken aback by her reply, I look over at the entrance and see her standing outside. She offers me a small smile as she waves. Glancing back at Claire, I see her walking toward me, her bag over her shoulder.
“Go talk to her. We’ll call today’s session a short one.”
“What? You know each other?” I stare at her, befuddled.
“Yeah, kind of.” She giggles. “I’ll let her explain.”
She motions with her head toward the front doors, and I follow behind her. Sasha stands off to the side. Claire waves over at her, and she waves back, before giving me a sheepish look.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, walking over to her.
“I … I need to apologize.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I get it, okay?” Shaking my head at myself, I watch Claire get in her car and drive away. “How do you know Claire?”
“Yeah, see, that’s what I need to apologize about.” Staring down at her finger, she picks at her cuticles. “I saw you guys together.”
“Me and Claire? When?”
“A couple of days before Christmas. You guys were in a supermarket, and I was there with Tara. You were with her in the produce section, and you were holding a stalk of celery.”
“Celery?” I rack my brain and remember meeting up with Claire, going over things she should be focusing on for her diet. Then I remember Sasha’s words and crack a smile. Celery McGiggles. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I saw her and you, and she was all giggly, and it looked like you were flirting.” She lets out a sigh. “I thought you guys were going out or something.”
I want to ask her how she could think I would do something like that, but the truth is it makes perfect sense. It’s exactly what I would do in the past.
“But that’s not even what I’m apologizing for,” she continues. “So, I saw that, and I was so pissed off at you, Taylor. Then, you sent me that Christmas text and it made me even madder. I thought you were either going out with her and still texting me, or you hooked up with her, and now you were trying to come back to me. It’s why I never replied and wanted to forget about you. And then …” Shaking her head, she scoffs at herself. “When you showed up at my house a couple days ago and saw Jake, I just wanted to get rid of you. No, worse than that, I wanted you to feel like I felt.”
“So, you and Jake …”
“No.” She shakes her head, and finally meets my eyes. “He was picking up my sister. They met at a New Year’s Eve party the night before and decided to go out again.”
Maybe I should be mad or offended, or even annoyed, but I’m not. My jaw drops and I instantly start laughing.
“You think this is funny?”
“No,” I reply, but the laughter continues. “I really don’t.”
“It’s not funny,” she says with a smirk, slapping my chest.
“I know, I know. Wait, so how do you know Claire then?”
Biting her bottom lip, she averts her eyes again. “So, after you left, I was going to drown my sorrows in eggs. Tara stopped me, and we went to this café she knew was open, and guess who the waitress was there?”
“Celery McGiggles,” I answer through laughter, though I try to hold it back. She knits her brows together, trying to be mad, but I see her fighting off a grin.
“I made a complete ass of myself, practically telling her off because she started talking about her boyfriend and I thought she was talking about you.”
I can’t help it. The laughter turns into hysterics, and I double over, hands on my knees, laughing into the ground.
“It’s not funny!”
“You’re right.” Attempting to get the laughter in check, I try to catch my breath. “And I’m not even laughing because of this. Well, mostly.” She purses her lips together, still fighting back the grin. “I’m just incredibly happy. I seriously thought I messed everything up.”
“Hey, you almost did!” She puts a finger in my chest. “Why did you close yourself off like that? I didn’t know what you were doing, and I think that’s the reason I freaked out when I saw you and her in the market.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I step closer, and it feels like forever since I’ve been able to put my arms around her. Inches away from her, I can finally see the sparkle off of her blue eyes. “I pushed everyone away, Sasha. And people who wanted to help, like you and Micah, who I should’ve looked at as people who cared about me, I just pushed aside. I’m sorry.”
I push a strand of her hair behind her ear.
“It wasn’t until getting everything off of my chest and talking to AJ, of all people, did I finally realize that I can’t keep living in the past. Reese wouldn’t want that. People told me that before, but it wasn’t until recently that I finally believed it.”
Putting her hands up to my face, she draws closer. “She’s always going to be a part of your life. I know that. You guys grew up together, you have that history, and she’ll always have a piece of you. That’s okay. Actually …” Looking away for a moment, she bites her lip again, before meeting my eyes. “I hope you don’t mind, but when I was trying to find you, after my colossal mix-up, the only place I could think to look for you was the beach. Obviously, you weren’t there, but I … I talked to her.”
“Really?”
With an unsure expression, she nods. “I didn’t plan on it, it just kind of happened.”
“What’d you say?”
“What I told you. That I know she’ll always have a piece of you. That if she was anything like you, that I’m sure you guys would’ve been great together. But I also asked her if she’d let you know that’s it’s okay to …” Nervously, her lip quivers. “I know you loved her, Taylor. But I hope one day you know it’s okay to love someone else. And I want to be that someone.”
“You are.”
My words are instant, and I only stop them to kiss her. Feeling her lips against mine, I realize how much I missed her smell. Her arms draw me in closer as I hold her face. Resting my forehead against hers, our noses brush against one another.
“I do love you, Sasha. I loved you before, but I was afraid that I shouldn’t. Or that it wouldn’t be enough. But you’re right, it’s different. And I don’t know that I’ll ever be one hundred percent after everything that happened, but everything that I have left is yours. If you want it.”
“I want it all, Taylor. Everything you can give me. And I’ll give you everything because I love you, too.”
Kissing her again, for the first time I feel free. Free of worry over a future of trying to justify loving someone other than Reese. Free of guilt over the same thing. And free, knowing that Sasha knows me, wants me, and everything I have left she’ll take, accept, and love.
Epilogue
“Are you sure?” Sasha questions, giving me a suspicious look. “You just passed the classes you bombed last semester. It’d be fun to go out and celebrate tonight.”
We’re lying on my couch, in my apartment I only just moved into a month ago.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Ethan won’t hold it against you, you know? He said his mom is more than happy to
watch Ashley.”
I grab the remote, flipping on the TV and starting one of Ashley’s favorite Disney movies.
“I know he won’t hold it against me, and it’s not like I’m doing this out of guilt. He needs someone to watch her, and I don’t mind. Plus, I kind of want you to meet her. I can’t believe I lived with him for nearly five months and you never did.”
“Ha!” Leaning over, she grabs a slice of the pizza I ordered. Cheese and pineapple. Not my favorite combination, but it’s Ashley’s. “You mean you want her to meet the other woman.”
“Hey.”
“The way Ethan explains it, you guys are already engaged.”
“Oh, is someone jealous?”
My hand runs up her arm, and she leans into me, putting the pizza back on the table. I know Ethan is supposed to arrive any minute, but it doesn’t stop me from pulling her closer. Unfortunately, we’re cut short as the door swings open, and she skirts away, smirking.
“We’re here!” Ethan calls out.
Ashley, running in from behind him, barrels right toward me. “Tay—” Her words and motion come to a complete stop.
“What’s up, munchkin?” I call over to her. She doesn’t move. “Ashley, this is Sasha.” I look over, and Sasha gives her a warm smile, waving. “My girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” Ashley responds, and her eyes well up.
My eyes jump up to Ethan’s, and he furiously shakes his head side to side, mouthing the word ‘No.’ Looking back at Ashley, I watch as her lip trembles.
“Oh, no, not girlfriend …” I counter, turning back to Sasha, who’s holding back a laugh. “I mean, like, you know, girl friend. She’s a girl who’s my friend.”
Ashley narrows her eyes, deciding if she wants to believe me, and looks over at Sasha. Pulling her stuffed unicorn closer to her, she takes a timid step closer.
Ethan shuts the door behind them and eyes his daughter carefully, and I already feel weird. Like I’m cheating on her. How crazy is that?
“Ashley?” he calls over to her. “You want a slice?”
“We got cheesy sticks, too,” I add, hoping to disperse the weird tension I’m now feeling.
Ashley’s eyes bounce from me to the pizza box, over to Sasha, and then back to me. She takes another step closer, and I stick out my hand to her.
“Okay, come on.” The motion seems to dispel whatever fear she has, but she nervously bites her lip as she walks closer. “You okay?” I ask her, picking her up and placing her on my lap.
Keeping her lips in a straight line, she gives me a small nod.
“Taylor, you sure you don’t mind?” Ethan calls over, grabbing a slice and heading back to the door. “I can totally have my mom watch her.”
“Dude, we’re fine. Right, munchkin?” I tickle her a little and a giggle bubbles forth. “See, we’re good.”
“Okay, cool. Thanks. I’ll be back probably around midnight or so.”
“It’s all good, E. Have fun.”
“Ash, you behave for Taylor, okay?”
She nods and then looks over at Sasha again. Ethan laughs as he exits. When he shuts the door, she looks over at me and then scoots between Sasha and me. Sasha lets out another giggle, and I roll my eyes at her.
“You gonna be okay, Ash?” I ask her.
“You didn’t say hello to Ms. Pretty.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I grab her stuffed unicorn and tap her on the nose. “Ms. Pretty, it’s so nice to see you again. What’s that?” I glance over at Ashley, who takes a bite of her pizza while looking at me curiously. “No. I don’t believe it. Ashley is so nice, she would never do something like stuff her dad’s shoes with toilet paper.”
“I only did it one time!” Ashley counters, grabbing Ms. Pretty back, and she starts to blush. The embarrassment seems to die off quickly, and when she snuggles closer to me, I start the movie.
Occasionally, she’ll look over at Sasha, who’s now sitting on the other side of the couch, our legs crossed with one another’s. Every time she glances at Sasha, Ashley seems to snuggle closer to me, wrapping her arms around one of mine, which in turn, elicits a small giggle from Sasha.
After the second movie, she starts to fall asleep. I move to take her to my bed so she can sleep until Ethan comes back, but she grabs ahold of my neck.
“No.”
“Come on, munchkin. You’re falling asleep. You know your dad will get mad at me if I let you stay up too late.”
She pleads her case about how it’s not too late, and her dad won’t ever know, then looks over at Sasha, who’s watching the interaction intently.
“Please?” Ashley glances back up at me, her eyes misting over. “Please, Taylor?”
I shake my head at myself. “Fine,” I grumble with a smile. “But if your dad gets mad at me, I’m blaming you.”
She doesn’t laugh at my joke. Instead, she pulls her stuffed animal closer and lies over me. I look over at Sasha, giving her a shrug. This time she doesn’t giggle. She keeps her eyes on me a moment longer, then Ashley, who’s fallen back asleep on me.
Somewhere between songs in Beauty and the Beast, I must doze off, too.
“He did it again, didn’t he?” I hear a voice. My eyes squint open to see Ethan and Sasha standing over me. I’m now covered with a blanket, Ashley still in my arms.
“What’s that?” Sasha asks him.
“He’s such a pushover for her. It’s why I tell him he has to marry her. Not because I want that, but he’s ruining her for every other guy she’ll ever meet. Save for me, of course.”
“I’m awake, you know,” I whisper, hearing Sasha laugh.
Ignoring me while still laughing, he leans down and picks her up. “Come on, Ash. Time to go home.”
She grumbles something, clutching her stuffed animal, and Ethan offers me a nod and smile of appreciation. Locking the door behind them, Sasha turns off the lights and then the TV as I sit up.
“Lay back down,” she says.
Still half asleep, I raise my shoulders and do as she orders. She lifts the blanket and settles closer to me, kissing my chin.
“I finally get my spot back. At least it’s warm.” She laughs, and I feel her hand over my cheek, running across my scar.
“Jealous much?” I reply, pulling her closer.
“Normally, no. But that little girl is an expert at using puppy dog eyes. She’s got you wrapped around her finger.”
I let out a chuckle. “She’s a sweetie.”
A quietness falls over us as I start to fall asleep, still feeling her fingers caress my scar. Her next words pull me from my sleep.
“You would’ve been a great dad, Taylor.”
I find her eyes in the dark living room. She stares back at me, offering me another warm smile, the same one I saw from her time to time tonight.
We’ve talked more about what happened to me. I’ve confided in her so much of my history with Reese of growing up together and our families. She’s always been, and continues to be, caring and thoughtful. She listens and nods, letting me reveal all of the things I lost, but it’s helped because doing that means I’m coming to terms with everything and building new things. A new future. With her.
“Thank you,” I whisper to her, holding her hand against my cheek.
“And one day, you still will be.”
Staring at one another in the dark, I realize it’s moments like these that ground me. I can’t say all of my nightmares are gone. I don’t get them often, but every once in a while, I still do. But she’s there. If I want to talk, she’ll listen. If not, she’ll just lay with me.
“Thank you,” I repeat.
“You don’t have to thank me. I love you.”
“No, I do.” I lean into her, giving her a soft kiss. Keeping my forehead against hers, my thumb runs over her lips. “I’ll always thank you, Sasha, because I don’t know that I’d be where I am now if it wasn’t for you. I know I’ve told you before, but every piece of my heart that I have left is yours. I love you. N
ow and forever.” I kiss her again, then let out a soft chuckle. “As long as you keep cooking like you do.”
She laughs. “Hey, that’s not fair. If I always cook amazing food, you’re bound to turn into a glutton. You know I only love you for your body.”
“You and I both know that’s not why you really love me.”
“Oh no? Do tell.”
My lips skim lower, kissing her neck. “You don’t love me for my body. You love me for what I do to yours.” Her hands run through my hair, and she shivers in my arms, making me laugh. “See, you can’t hide it.”
“Cocky bastard.”
“You love it.”
“Yeah. I do.”
* * *
From the desk of RH Tucker
* * *
Here we are. Piece by Piece is officially out in the world, and I have now published five full-length novels and two short stories. My journey as an independent author so far has been a crazy and incredible journey.
Rumor Has It started out with the title “i emoji u.” True to You started with the title “Cosplay Love.” Things evolve and change over time, and so did those stories. What's always stayed the same is my desire to tell a good story. Yes, I’m a writer and an author, but I first and foremost think of myself as a storyteller. I want to tell a good story. One that you can’t put down.
I have written other works. I have four full-length novels that will probably never see the light of day because they just aren’t good. This isn’t fishing for encouragement. We all start somewhere, no matter what type of ocean we want to sail our boats in, and those boats were full of holes.
Rumor Has It has its flaws, I'm well aware of those. As does, True to You, Heart Shaped Lock, Through the Layers, and yes, I'm sure Piece by Piece has its flaws, too. But one thing I'm reasonably certain of is that each book is better than the last.
Rumor Has It, and True to You, were written at practically the same time, so those are probably closest as far as my development as an author, but Heart Shaped Box came next.
