by Elise Jae
“Paxton Ridge outpost.”
Shock curses under his breath and turns toward the window, hand over his face. “I assume you picked the option furthest from us on purpose.”
“I thought it would be easier for all involved if I was gone.”
“No. That’s not going to make it easier, you asshole.”
A throat clearing—a small sound too loud in our current mood—pulls all of our attention. I cringe as they turn sharply to her.
“Hey guys.” Christina says, eying us warily. “What’s going on?”
We hadn’t been speaking English, so she can’t know.
But I won’t lie to her. Not outright anyway.
“Nothing important right now.” I walk around the counter and gather her to me, picking her up to carry her the rest of the way to the couch.
The others don’t come with us… but I know they want to argue in front of her as little as I do.
“How did you three wind up together?” She yawns as she asks the question, snuggling closer.
I wouldn’t answer that question for anyone in the universe but her. But then… I’d probably tell her anything she wanted to know… if she asked in that sleepy tone of voice.
"The Maker... he brought us together so that he could tear us apart.” I’d been thinking about this too much lately. “It was one of his favorite things to do. He'd pull all of the sensors off of me, drag me into another room... and make me watch them. Make me watch as they managed perfectly fine without me."
“I can’t be certain about sians, but we humans are able to endure a lot and surviving without things we need is something that we do all too often.”
"They don't need me. And they're probably better off without me."
"I don't think they believe that." She reaches up and runs a finger along the underside of my jaw. “I don’t believe it either. And I can’t imagine one of you without the others. You’re three pieces of a whole.”
Shock and Risk stand on the other side of the room. Risk has a faint smile on his lips, but Shock doesn’t look happy. And I know exactly how he feels.
It’s time we have this actual conversation. Because putting it off is only making it harder.
I pull her to her feet and try not to tug as I lead her across to be near the others.
“What’s up?” She looks at me like I’m playing some sort of a joke.
“You said you want to stay.”
“Yes.”
“And you want to bond with us?”
“Also yes.” A funny little quirk twists her lips.
“I hate that we have to be clinical about this, but… you have to choose between us. You can only have one.”
She looks at me, and I know it’s because I’m standing over here, not because she’s going to choose me.
“No.” She says when she turns back to them. “I’m not going to choose. Call me selfish, but I want you all. And I don’t intend to give any of you up.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“Then we’ll make it how it works.”
“You’re fighting biology, Chris. I know you’ve gleaned some of the stuff Jess has been working on. You have to choose.”
“No, she doesn’t.” I hear myself saying it, but I’m not entirely sure I believe it's me.
After all, I’m the one who made a point of forcing this conversation.
Eight
SHOCK
It’s remarkable how easily Chris has settled into our normal routine.
She fits.
Everyone’s working but me.
She’s scowling at whatever problem her Earth counterpart with the Agency has sent her, Risk is working up our report for Kimba and Arc is down in the maze, working out his frustrations.
I have things I could be doing too, but I’m restless.
When I stand, both she and Risk spare me a glance that lasts only as long as it takes to determine I don’t need them.
And I listen for Arc as I make it back to Arc’s room.
His has a tub that could fit two of us, but for now, it will be enough to envelope her.
I turn the water on, waiting for the icy gallon or three that had been sitting in the pipes to pass before I plug it up.
I don’t think any of us has ever used one of the baths in this compound, but I’d seen the way she looked at it that first day.
When the water is high enough I’m sure it’s ready for her, I go out and collect her. Risk watches us, but doesn’t come after me for seemingly stealing her away. He knows where we both stand on who gets her. He knows I’m not going to do anything to chance that.
“Where are we going?” Her words are soft against my neck as she holds tight to me. I know she’s not a small woman by Earth standards, but lifting her, it feels like she weighs nothing at all.
“We’ve all been dirty lately,” I say nipping at her ear. “I thought it was time to let you get thoroughly clean.”
When I set her down, she raises her hands and lets me pull her sweater over her head before she pulls loose the bow at her waist and lets the pants fall. She isn’t wearing any undergarments, and as soon as she toes off her socks, she’s gloriously naked again.
It would be so easy to get distracted. But now isn’t the time for indulging in any of the hundreds of fantasies that have played through my mind since she arrived.
Holding her steady, I help her into the warm, bubbly water. She shivers with delight and sits back, letting the water wash over her in little waves.
If I didn’t have ulterior motives, I’d leave now. Let her have this peace. But I don’t know how likely it is I’ll be able to get her alone again.
Fingers skimming the water, I run through a dozen different ways to say it. But there’s nothing easy about it.
“Arc is forever being shoved to the side. No matter how often or how hard we try to drag him back to the front, it seems like everyone else would like to forget he’s there.”
“How could you possibly do that?”
“He doesn't make it easy to love him, that’s for sure.”
“I don’t know… it seems like it’s perfectly easy to love him.”
“Good.” He clenches his jaw and lets go of me. “That’s why you have to choose him to be your bondmate. If you do decide, unequivocally, to stay.”
Another shrill screech, another perimeter alarm.
She flinches, glaring toward the sound.
“Don’t worry about rushing this. I have no idea how long this is going to take.”
I press a kiss to her forehead and leave her to the heat and languor of the bath. Thankful she doesn’t have the opportunity to argue.
Arc meets me in the hall, casting a curious glance toward his room, and Risk joins us a moment later. “Chris is in the bath. Let’s get this dealt with and get back to her.”
I assume Arc steps in and checks on her, but he meets us in decent enough time.
“What’s the problem this time?” He asks, sealing up the side of his suit.
I have to look to Risk, because I didn't think to ask.
“Another broken sensor.”
“Another one?” Arc glares at the screen narrowing in on the pulsing red indicator.
“There have been a few where the wind has snapped the rods lately.”
“How many is a few?”
“Seven throughout the caldera, but the system is aging, it was bound to start having failures at some point.”
We probably don’t all need to go out to fix the sensor, but I don’t have to say anything to know that the other two are just as suspicious of the frequency as I am.
And when we arrive at the sensor, it looks like that’s all that happened, but I don’t like the feeling I get... like we’re being watched.
I scan the horizon as the other two set up the new sensor, and don’t look at them again until Risk clears his throat.
“She wants to bond with us.”
I turn back to tell him I know, but Arc is scowling at the s
now.
“If she bonds with one of us, that will be the end of it.” Arc says, not looking at either of us.
I shake my head anyway. “No, if she bonds with one of us. That will be the start of it.”
When Arc looks at me, I know he doesn’t believe me.
Risk places a hand on his shoulder. “We share everything, Arc. If she wants all of us, why should this be any different?”
“Because one of us will be bonded to her. I can’t believe whoever of us that is is going to be okay sharing her.”
None of us have ever been possessive. But maybe he’s right.
And that solidifies my conviction.
She bonds with Arc, or none of us at all.
CHRISTINA
The fireplace has probably seen more use in the short time I’ve been here than it has in its entire existence.
I look up from the tablet and watch them, all seated away from the heat, all angled toward me—though I’m not sure they realize it.
They’ve been subdued since they came back and I’m not going to push them to find out why.
I’m trying to sort through problems from a galaxy away, when the doorbell rings.
All three of them flinch.
Another reminder that this is, ostensibly their fortress of solitude.
Shock pulls up the front door camera and scowls at his tablet. “It’s Jess and Trench.”
Part of me wants to tell them to send her away, but the longer I put this off, the worse it’s going to be, so....
“Time to face the music.”
Untangling my mind from Earth problems, I join Shock, who has paused at the front door.
His eyes search my face for a moment before he opens it and we let them in. They might be family, but even as Jess tows me in for a hug, it feels like an invasion.
“Are you okay?”
Something about the way she asks it reminds me of prison visit scenes in movies, and for half a second, I expect her to try to pass me a shiv.
But she pushes back, holding me at arms length, studying me like she expects to find something wrong.
Her lips twist, not quite to a frown, but whatever she’s found fault in, she doesn’t say.
Instead, her eyes brighten. “That’s a really cute top.”
“Thanks, Arc picked it out.”
The scowl that touches her lips lasts a bare second, but it was definitely there.
Trench says something in their language and then, “Catch up, we’ve got monster things to talk about.”
And it’ll be easier to steer the conversation away from Arc if he’s not physically a part of it.
“We brought this,” She holds up a bag and shakes it, clinking bottles inside. “It’s the serum I synthesized that hurts the monsters.”
She doesn’t give me the warning I expect. But maybe that’s because she already told me it burns sian skin almost as effectively. I choose to believe that, instead of dwelling on the idea she might want me to hurt one or all of the men who had taken me in, even on accident.
I sit on the side of the couch that lets me see the kitchen, and even though I know it’s silly—they outnumber him three to one—I don’t like Trench being close to them when his bondmate is still so hostile toward Arc.
Strange how, on this planet, I keep thinking of her as Trench’s bondmate first, and my sister second.
It wasn’t like that with Laurel.
Maybe it’s because I know her opinions are influenced by Trench’s past… not a concern for my happiness.
“Are you okay?”
“Better than, actually.
She doesn’t believe me. “Seriously, Chris. Just say the word and I’ll take you home with me, right now.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I like them, and I like it here.”
“I’m sure Shock and Risk are fine, but Arc….”
I’m sick and tired of the way she looks at him. “What is your problem with him?”
“He’s an asshole.”
My favorite word.
“They’re all a little rough around the edges. From what little I know about what they’ve been through, you can hardly be surprised.”
“He thought I’d ask Trench to murder someone. Worse, he thought his brother would actually do it.”
I blink at her. “I’m sure there’s some context missing from your story.”
“Not enough to make that okay.”
“I know you don’t know this… so I’m going to tell you something he probably wouldn’t want me to. But you need to hear it.
“The three of them were experimented on together. They were pulled away from the others.”
“I know that.”
“But beyond that, Arc was pulled away from them too. He wasn’t brutalized, as far as I can figure, the one they call the Maker never abused him physically. But they were children, Jess. And the man who was basically a god in their world told him horrible things about the others. He’s been dealing with sorting out the truth from the lies for so long….”
Jessica’s brows pinched. “And maybe the Maker told him something about Trench that made finding me with coronal slices a bit too much to handle.”
“Precisely.” I can’t begin to imagine what memories that might have triggered. “You tend to forget that most of us aren’t as easy around body parts and organs as you are.”
Her brows pinch and I know I’ve hit the mark, but I also know she’s not about to back away from her original opinion.
“I still don’t like it. Especially if you think he’s unstable.”
That last word is like a slap of cold water. I have to lock every muscle to keep from standing. In my periphery, I see Risk tense, watching me, waiting to see if I need them.
“Christ, Jess. None of them are unstable. You’re the one being the asshole now. And if you can’t get over this, you don’t need to come back.” I stand and hold my hand toward the door.
“Are you kicking me out?”
She doesn’t immediately move, so I leave her there, exhaling some of my frustrations as I cross the room to the guys.
“Sorry you have to leave so soon,” I say to the man who will one day legally be my brother in law.
Trench slides a look to Jess and I know he feels whatever it is she does. But he smiles politely and says something to his brother in their language before he goes to collect Jess’ jacket.
“I’ll see you around.” I go to the door, closing my eyes as I pull it inward.
When I open them again, it’s to the deep green car marring the otherwise pristine, snow covered drive. Trench murmurs a goodbye and goes directly to their car, it starts with a faint rumble.
Looking at Jess is difficult. “Take some time to think about where those prejudices come from, and if you really need to hold onto them.”
She steps out, onto the snow covered stoop, brows pinched in worry. “You will talk to me before you make your choice, right? Just don’t do anything foolish.”
“I don’t think we have anything to talk about when it comes to that.” There are a dozen hurtful things I could say to her, but I bite them all back. “I’ll see you at the next meeting.”
Cold sweeps in through the open doorway, but I don’t close it until she’s safely in the car.
When I do, I drop my head against the cold panel and let out a low breath.
Arc’s hands run down my arms gently squeezing my biceps and I lean back into him. I don’t know how much of the conversation he heard… but with the three of them, I have a feeling everything reached their sensitive ears.
“I’m sorry she doesn’t know or understand you.”
I feel him shrug. “I’ve gotten used to it.”
But he shouldn’t have to be used to it.
I turn into his arms, letting him pick me up again, and carry me back to the others.
Nine
ARC
It’s dark out, and everyone else is asleep when my personal comm flashes, a blue strobe against the ceiling.<
br />
Untangling myself from the pile, I pull up the message and then read it two more times.
But if Trench needs my help, I’m not going to ignore him.
No one wakes when I leave, and I suit up and am out the door in a silent routine that feels oddly stiff now.
It’s the first time in a very long time that I’ve hesitated walking out that door by myself.
When I reach him, Tench is wrapping up the monster he’s killed. The scowl I catch on his face before he turns to me tells me he’s found no pleasure in the death he’s dealt.
“Doesn’t look like you needed me after all.”
“I do, just at home, not out here.”
There’s something odd about the request, but I can’t think of what it might be, so I follow him back to his outpost, expecting him to need help putting his latest test subject away..
When Jessica is there to greet us, I know... “So that’s why you called me.”
Jess actually looks worried.
“It was the only way I could think of getting you without Chris interfering.”
“I’m not going to talk about her with you.”
“Then just listen.” She points toward the door into the house, and I go.
It was going to be an uncomfortable conversation regardless, I might as well be uncomfortably warm for it anyway.
She starts talking before the door fully closes. “I don’t want you to hurt my baby sister.”
The accusation in those words stabs at me, but she doesn’t notice. And I go to the window so she won’t see my face.
“I know that I have my own biases. That, I am not going to be the one who can look at your interactions from the outside with any clarity. Trench has told me to stay out of it. She’s a twenty two-year old woman, after all. She can make her own decisions—”
“You don’t have to worry. She isn’t going to choose me. No one ever chooses me.”
She’s silent, and somehow, that grates more than the insinuations in her previous speech.
“She picked you over me.”
“Choosing to stay at our outpost—”
“No, she made it clear that if I made her choose, it’d be you.” She holds up her hand and looks toward the snow falling outside the window with pursed lips. “And no, we weren’t talking about Shock and Risk, this was specifically you.”
