by J. P. Scott
“So, where do we go from here? I feel like we’ve talked a lot, but have we actually reached a conclusion about anything?”
“I say we sleep on it. Let the thoughts and the emotions settle. Maybe we will decide on things tomorrow; maybe we will need more time. Let’s just promise to keep talking about it and be honest with each other.” He looked into Ollie’s eyes and winked. “Deal?”
“Deal.” Ollie slowly moved his hands down Jeremy’s back and to the top of his shorts. He slipped his hands down and grabbed Jeremy’s ass. “Can we keep it business as usual until then?”
“Anything you want, sir.”
Twenty-Five
“It’s posted. Did you see the email?”
“The training job?”
“How did you miss it?”
Ollie scrolled through his inbox. “Well, I’ve been a little distracted today.” That was a bit of understatement.
Jessica leaned over Ollie’s shoulder. “It came out early this morning. Keep scrolling up. Holy cow, you have a lot of unread emails today. What have you been doing?”
“Lost in thought, I guess.”
“Well, snap out of it. Look, here.” Ollie opened the email showing the positions available currently for the company. He clicked the link for the training position. “We need to put our prep into high gear. See that posting date?”
“We only have until Friday. Don’t they usually have these things out for two weeks?”
“It’s a good thing we’ve already started. But whatever is distracting you, try to move past it.”
That was easier said than done. Ollie was still thinking about his conversation with Jeremy last night and the follow up this morning. He was not sure if he had made the right decision and regretted not taking more than a night to tell Jeremy what he was thinking and feeling. He was considering revisiting the topic tonight after work when they had a chance to talk.
“Can you meet after work to go over questions?”
It was Tuesday, so no training session with Patrick. Ollie thought about his weekend and how he had splurged more than he should have. Happy hour with Cam, dinner Saturday with Jeremy, wine yesterday with Cam again. He could use an extra-long session of cardio to mitigate the damage. Maybe he could still sneak some exercise in after dinner if he met with Jessica for a bit after work.
“You are so out of it.”
“Sorry,” Ollie knew that he had to pull it together, “Sure, I can get together to work on questions. Hang out at my place?”
“Perfect. I’ll meet you in the lobby and follow you over after work.”
Ollie waved goodbye and turned his attention back to his computer. He began to scroll through the emails, deleting the emails about system issues that had been reported and then resolved, accepted meeting invites, and scanned for anything that might be sensitive in nature that he needed to get on right away. He found nothing pressing, so he returned to the posting. The moment of truth was finally upon him. It was not a theory or conjecture. Marvin Schneider was retiring and the hunt was on for his replacement. Ollie knew he only had one shot at this. If he did not go for it and someone else was hired, he doubted he would ever see the chance come up again.
The tight feeling was back and he felt nausea rise. Why did the thought of applying for the job fill him with such anxiety?
You’ve got this. Jessica has been helping you. Everyone thinks you would be perfect for the job. Stop worrying!
And what better thing to get his mind off of Jeremy than to focus on this interview.
This morning when he got up, he thought he knew what he wanted. Jeremy was cooking breakfast when Ollie got out of the shower, dressed, and joined him in the kitchen. He sat on a barstool and watched Jeremy move around the kitchen. Because of Jeremy’s late morning flight, he was able to spend a little more time at the house getting ready. He said he liked to fix a nice breakfast on his travel days and was working on omelets for the two of them.
“I think I’m okay if you see that guy.” Jeremy stopped whisking the eggs and turned to look at Ollie.
“And you’re sure that you’re not going to be jealous. I don’t want to fight about this when I get back.”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
Jeremy set everything down and leaned across the counter to kiss Ollie. “I haven’t decided what I’m okay with. I might tell the guy that I can’t see him anymore.”
“I’d be okay with that, too,” Ollie smiled.
Jeremy touched Ollie’s nose playfully, “I’m sure you would. Regardless of my decision, I think you should go out and have some fun. Meet up with that guy who sent you the pics. Even if it’s just for drinks or coffee or something. If you get to see his penis in real life, I’ll be a little jealous, but also okay with it.”
“What if I see like twenty dicks this weekend.”
“Well, you would be a little whore. I’ll still fantasize about it.” He returned to his omelet prep, “And what makes you think you could suddenly get twenty dicks?”
Ollie picked up a hand towel, balled it, and threw it at Jeremy. “Jerk.”
“You know I’m kidding.”
“I know. And the thought of trying to get twenty guys out of their pants sounds a little exhausting. I’m not sure I have the talent.”
“I’m pretty sure you have the talent. Try those lace undies again. Or the jockstrap, for sure. But I’m glad you’re not the guy who really wants that. Somewhere between the self-conscious person you are and the guy with no inhibitions, there’s a happy medium that you should strive for.”
Ollie sat back, “Do you really think I’m self-conscious?”
“I don’t mean to say that to hurt you. I just don’t think you always see your potential. You’ve worked hard to get in shape, but I don’t think you see the results when you look in the mirror. And I think you’ve felt threatened by this trip to Seattle and that this guy might steal me away.”
Ollie took in what Jeremy was saying. It was hard to hear first thing in the morning, but it rang true. The other night when he had pointed out the parts of his body that he thought he had to work on, Jeremy touched them with tenderness and then made love to him. He saw Ollie in a different way. Did he see their relationship in a better way, too?
“I want you to have a good time in Seattle. But you’re calling me every day.”
The scene played over in his mind as he sat at his desk. He had to push it aside for now. Maybe tonight he could think about it with fresh clarity and fully decide what he was willing to deal with.
He opened his calendar and started to schedule a meeting, inviting his team leader. He needed to talk over the application with him and make sure he could be an advocate for him. He would need every ounce of support he could get to make this happen. It was time for him to take action.
Twenty-Six
Jessica and Ollie spent two solid hours after work working on interview questions. Whenever Ollie begged for a break, Jessica fired off another one and demanded that he answer. As he mentally grew more exhausted, he also found himself better able to launch into an answer. He was not overthinking what he should say, he just said it.
“Do you think I’m too self-conscious?”
“Is that a real question you’re asking me?” Jessica tried to stifle a laugh.
“Geez, am I that bad?”
“Well, most of the time you come off as maybe just disinterested or unmotivated. You hide it well, but I think the root cause is being self-conscious.”
“I want this job, Jess.”
She put her hands on her hips and cocked her head, her curls bouncing. “Then why do I have to drag you kicking and screaming to prepare and apply? All the work I’ve been doing, I should be the one getting this job.”
“You’ve been amazing. You really have. I owe you a lot.”
“I kind of think you owe me everything.”
She was right. Without her, he would have read the posting, thought better of taking action, and moved on with his miserable day.
&nb
sp; “So, you tell me you want this job, but you say it in a whisper, like you don’t want anyone to hear you—including yourself. Tell me again that you want this job.”
Ollie cleared his throat, “I want this job.”
“That’s still barely audible at a cocktail party. No one has turned around and knows you’re speaking. Get the people’s attention.” She looked around and pointed at the imaginary people at some fake cocktail party. Do I even know what a cocktail party is like? Gay bar, sure. Stumbled into a few college ragers. Cocktail parties seemed like they were for adults.
Jessica snapped her fingers, “Don’t disappear on me. Tell me again, and this time give it all you got.”
Ollie took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes, and screamed, “I want this job!” When he opened his eyes, Jess was nodding and smiling.
“Much better. Besides practicing questions, your homework is to do that every night five times. Mornings, too. I might even have you do it at lunch. There’s a bold man inside you. He just needs to know it is safe to come out.”
He felt very blessed to have Jessica as a friend and coworker. Apparently, there was a lot of potential in himself that he did not see or believe in. Nevertheless, his friend did. She was like Jeremy in that way. Ollie would never say it to either Jessica or Cameron, but they were a lot alike as well.
Jessica looked at her watch. “It’s getting late. I have to get home. Promise me you will work on this some more.”
“I will. After the gym and some dinner.”
“Molding the perfect body can wait until after your interview.”
“It will do some good to clear my head. Just some cardio.”
Jessica searched around for her purse before remembering she set it on the kitchen counter. She went to retrieve and checked the side pocket for her keys, “Is there anyone at the gym this time of night?”
“It’s quieter, but the die-hards are definitely there.”
She kissed him on the cheek, “Well, don’t spend too much time. You also need to get some rest.”
“I will make wise decisions. At least Jeremy is out of town and I don’t have him as a distraction.” At least not in the way he had been since their first date. He had turned into a different type of distraction now that Ollie worried about Seattle and what may or may not happen there this weekend. They were supposed to talk tonight when Jeremy was done with meetings and Ollie settled down for the day. He had already texted Jeremy that he was hanging with Jess and wanting to hit the gym. With Jess on her way, Ollie bolted into action to get changed and out the door himself.
He got to the gym in minutes, using his car instead of his bike. He scanned in and headed to the elliptical machines where he had his choice of open spots. He stepped on, pushed some buttons, started his playlist, and was off.
How I’ve missed this. The quick rhythm of the machine beneath him brought a calm over him. What used to feel like drudgery now felt like home. He had to throw Patrick into the list of people who had taken him from total resistance to confidence. When he stepped into the gym and slapped down money on training lessons, he never thought he would make it more than a week. Now, he was voluntarily hitting the gym when he had every reason to stay home and do other things.
By the time he hit the cool down, he was sweating but feeling amazing. He wiped down the machine and started heading for the door.
“Late night, huh?” Patrick waved at him.
“Hey! Yeah, long day, but I needed to make it in tonight.”
“I’m proud of you,” he followed up with the ever-present fist bump.
“Time to go clean up and chill for the night. Are you out of here soon?”
“Just wrapped up my paperwork and about ready to clock out.” He paused as if he was going to say more, but just looked to the side.
“Well, gotta run. See you tomorrow.” Ollie waved and headed out the door. He never knew quite how to interact with Patrick when they were not talking about workouts. It seems like he wanted to be friends but also struggled to ease into any kind of normal conversation. I guess I just don’t know who to “bro”.
At home, he showered and reheated some of the chicken and vegetables he previously made. As he chewed, he thought back to the tasty dinner at Old Town Café and breakfast the next day. Jeremy had encouraged him to forget his diet and just enjoy himself. Combined with the drinks, Ollie wondered what damage he had done to his plan. He dashed to the bathroom quick to step on the scale. He closed his eyes and finally looked down at the number with one eye open. “Oh, not that bad.”
His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and smiled. “Hey, sexy. How’s Seattle.”
“Cloudy and a little chilly. I had some meetings this afternoon and then a work dinner. I’m finally back to the hotel.”
Ollie looked at the time, “Been home about twenty minutes from the gym. Just finished dinner.”
“The gym? I’m proud of you. I thought if you were hanging out with a friend that it was a happy hour and you’d be out late doing shenanigans.”
“It was more of a serious meetup. There’s a job opening up at work that I want to apply for. Jess has been helping me prepare. After a couple of hours of talking about why I am the perfect candidate, I needed to clear my head a bit and do some cardio. It helped.”
“I always pack clothes thinking I will use the hotel gym for that same reason. I usually end up with a glass of wine and play on my phone.”
“I think I read that a glass of wine is like an hour at the gym.”
Jeremy laughed, “I read that. Unfortunately, when I say a glass, I really mean a bottle. I think the positive effects start to decline.” Jeremy sounded like he was moving around the room, probably unpacking and getting settled. “Before you distract me too much with the wine, tell me about this job you’re applying for.”
Ollie smiled. Jeremy did a good job of turning conversations back to important things and to what Ollie had to talk about. “It’s for the trainer role at work. I would be in charge of training all of the new hires. The guy is retiring. Jess and I have thought about how we would change things up for years.”
“It sounds like a good move. When you’ve talked about work, you’ve never sounded too excited.”
“You’re right. I don’t like it very much. I’ve wanted change for so long, but never really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. And I never thought this guy would retire. As soon as Jess caught wind that he would be leaving, she started having me prepare.” In some ways, it seemed like ages ago when Jess approached him in the break room. It was hard to believe it was only last week. “The application needs to be done by Friday. I expect there will be interviews next week.”
“Well, let me know if there is anything that I can do.”
“Send me sexy pics.”
“Oh, that’s a definite.” Jeremy paused and there were muffled sounds as if he were taking off his closed, “Free for some sexy chat now?”
“Getting naked now!” Ollie dropped the phone and began to get naked at a furious pace. He crawled into bed, repositioned the phone, and said, “Ready when you are.”
Twenty-Seven
The next day at work was uneventful. The normal humdrum tasks and emails that filled Ollie’s normal day continued without fail.
The one exception was his meeting with his boss about his interest in the posting. He smiled, nodded, made some notes, and asked, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
Ollie gave him the list of things that he was already doing and asked for additional guidance. He got none.
Jessica used their lunch break to grill him on questions and answers. Then, she booked a meeting with him to review the actual application. There were a series of questions that Ollie would need to answer when he officially clicked the button. “I wrote up some things from my last posting. We will just need to flesh out some of the details as they apply to you.”
“I forgot that part.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve go
t you.” By the end of the session they had notes of things to include and Jess said she would work on the draft.
“You don’t have to do everything for this interview.”
“I can only do so much. You need to start working on what you could present if they want a demonstration of your teaching style.”
Ollie picked up the posting details. “It doesn’t say anything about that.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t. However, I know people who have applied for training gigs before, and they usually have some sort of mini-lesson that they have to train to a small group of people. I’d rather you be prepared with something in case it gets thrown your way.”
He had worked hard to not be bothered by the thought of interviewing. All day, his stomach had been fine, now it tightened into a knot again. He had been so focused on the actual interview, that he did not think there might be more to it. A demonstration of his skills made sense.
The smartest bet would be to focus on something relevant to the job that new hires would face. Ollie went through the list of the most common things they faced and the questions he frequently got. He tried to remember what Marvin Schneider had taught him and what the gaps had been.
“I’ll put together a plan.” He did not know how or when he would get that together, but he was suddenly grateful that Jess had made the suggestion. That could be the thing that set him apart from anyone else that was planning to post for the position.
That raised a question in Ollie’s mind. Who else was interested in this position? Who was his competition? Was it someone else that he worked with? Or would the company look to fill the position from the outside? He had never considered the thought that the role could go to someone outside the company. He had many peers that might try for it, but they did not have the same track record that he did. What if there was someone external who had the talent and skills that were needed and it was more than Ollie could do?
There was suddenly a bigger list of things to do.
