It had been years. When I’d first found out that I was pregnant with Lilah, Beth and her sister had offered me a place to crash with them. But I’d wanted to get my own place – I didn’t want to feel like an act of charity, and there was no way Beth’s sister’s apartment would be big enough for three adult woman and an infant, no matter how hard we tried.
Beth and I had never gotten to fulfill the dream we’d had of living together, all those years ago. I knew that deep down, she had been really hurt by that. But she was too good of a person to say something, and we’d always stayed friends even as things had turned occasionally distant between us. Now, she was married – to a guy named Harry, of all things – and being around her made me feel a little awkward. Not from the guilt of years before, but because in some ways, I felt that Beth’s life had far surpassed mine. She’d gone to grad school and gotten her master’s, and now she was married. She and her husband owned a house, two cars, a seventy-five-pound dog. Even though I had Lilah, I felt like my own life had regressed. Here I was, living back at home, even though the circumstances weren’t entirely financial ones.
“Are you okay?” Beth’s question brought my mind sailing back into the present, and I took a long sip of wine before turning to her and shaking my head.
“No,” I said. “I ... well, I’m seeing Elliot, you know? And I haven’t told him about Lilah, not yet. I mean, he knows that she exists. But he doesn’t know that ...”
“She’s his?” Beth asked. She pressed her lips together.
When she didn’t reply for another second, I felt a pang of anxiety.
“What?” I asked her. “Don’t you think that I should say something? I mean, he deserves to know. And ... I’ve been so cowardly about it, too.”
“It’s not that he doesn’t deserve to know,” Beth said, sounding more guarded than I’d heard her in years. “But what if, I don’t know, what if he tries something?”
“Something like what, exactly?” I asked, taking another long swallow of my wine. Red wine always affected me in a way that white never managed to – almost instantly, as if I had been drinking for hours. It made my head feel cloudy and my skin feel hot and clammy at once, and I swallowed hard.
“Well, I don’t know, exactly,” Beth said, mimicking my tone. She set her glass down and put her hands in her lap. “But he’s older. And wealthy. What if he doesn’t think you’re fit to be a good mom? What if he like, tries to take Lilah from you?”
“Why on earth would he do that?” I asked quietly.
“People get very weird when they find out they have children,” Beth said. She bit her lip and blushed. “Well, to be honest, it’s not like I’ve seen this happen outside of like, a soap opera. But think about the way divorced parents act about their kids, you know? Like using the kids to control each other?”
“But Elliot and I are seeing each other,” I said slowly. “And he said that he wanted to take his time and do things right with me. We’re not divorced.”
Beth didn’t reply for a moment. When she did, her tone was measured.
“I trust you, kid,” she said. “But you need to be careful. You’re looking out for more than just yourself right now, you know? You’ve got Lilah to think about.”
I nodded. “He’d never do anything to mess that up,” I said. “He’s not a bad man, Beth. I wouldn’t be dating him again if he was. If anything, I feel like the asshole. I’m the one who ghosted him, technically. I’m surprised he wanted anything else to do with me. And we work together!
Beth’s eyes got wide and I immediately knew I shouldn’t have mentioned that, but to her credit she didn’t say anything. She merely sipped her wine and started talking about her job and her marriage and soon, the time passed for me to keep bringing up my own problems without feeling self-conscious, or like I was just using her as a sounding board.
An hour passed, then two. I had forgotten how easy it was to spend time with my best friend, and I inwardly vowed to make her more of a priority in my life. Between Lilah and caring for my mother and now, Elliot, I had been feeling like I was spread a little thin. But being with Beth again made me realize that I needed time for myself, too. Time with my best friend to reconnect and remember what had brought us so close in the first place.
Just as I was refilling Beth’s glass for the third time, I heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, followed by a loud shriek from Lilah.
“In here,” I called loudly.
When my mom and Lilah appeared in the door, I stifled a laugh. Lilah was covered, from head to toe, in an array of rainbow paint. My mother even had a streak of it on her forehead, and she looked like she was ready to collapse from exhaustion.
“I’ll take her from here,” I said to Mom. Motioning to Lilah, I patted my lap.
“Come sit by Mommy, hon,” I said. “You tuckered your grandmother out!”
Lilah giggled and scampered forward, peering shyly at Beth from behind her hands. As she settled her comforting weight on my lap and wriggled into a comfortable spot, I put my hands on her waist.
“Aunt Beth and I were just talking about you,” I said as I smoothed my daughter’s mussed hair. “And hoping that you were having fun.”
“We went to Crayola,” Lilah said proudly. She craned her neck and grinned up at me. “I painted!”
“I see that,” I said, smothering laughter as I leaned down to kiss her hair.
The rest of the evening was uneventful and quiet. Beth stayed for dinner, and I managed to keep my mind off Elliot for just a few hours. It felt good to spend time with my mom and my best friend and my daughter – just four women, laughing and talking together, even if Lilah made a complete mess of her spaghetti and wound up with more of it on her face than in her stomach. By the time I washed her up and helped her to bed, though, my mind was starting to spin again. There was a strange, tingly feeling between my legs and as soon as I was alone, I knew what it was.
I was craving Elliot. Needing him. Needing to talk to him and tell him the truth about us and Lilah.
And I knew that if I didn’t find a way to talk to him, right now, I wouldn’t be able to rest until I did.
25
Elliot
I was upstairs, getting ready for bed, with Annie on my mind. Everything about her, but mostly the way I’d managed to spectacularly fuck up yet another night with the woman who I was trying to do everything right with.
It didn’t seem fair, but life rarely did.
Just as I was turning down the sheets, there was a knock at the door. I paused, thinking that I must have obviously misheard, when it sounded again. It was short and urgent and immediately, I darted out of my bedroom and flew down the stairs.
When I opened the door, Annie was standing there. Despite the warm summer air, she was shivering slightly and she had both of her arms crossed over her ripe chest.
“Hi,” Annie said nervously. She swallowed and gulped. “I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”
My heart sank. She looked as lovely as ever – cheeks flushed pink, hair frizzing in curls around her head, and clad in a pair of leggings and a loose shirt. But her big eyes weren’t meeting mine – they were staring down at her feet, and immediately, I knew.
She’d come over to break things off with me for good, and I had to be a man and take it. I deserved it, after all. Despite trying my hardest, I hadn’t managed to succeed in any measure and now I was going to pay for it, or spend the rest of my life regretting everything.
“Of course,” I said. I stepped back and Annie followed me inside, shutting the door behind her. Her eyes were still downcast.
“I’m sorry to barge in like this, I know it’s late and—”
“Don’t even worry about it,” I said, as smoothly as I could muster. For all I knew, this would be the last time I spent in any kind of intimacy with Annie, and even though I knew it would be painful, I wanted the feeling to last.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” I asked.
Ann
ie nodded. “Sure,” she said after a beat. “It doesn’t matter what,” she added, finally lifting her head and looking at me. When I saw the look in her eyes, I nearly froze. It was stricken and stressed and sad, and it nearly haunted me as I walked into my office and poured two tumblers of bourbon. When I carried them back into the living room, Annie was sitting on the couch with her knees pushed together. She took the glass from my hand without looking up and took a long sip.
When I sat down next to her, Annie shivered.
“Again, Elliot, I’m really sorry to come over like this,” she said, biting her lower lip. “But I had to tell you something. Have to tell you something.” She reached for her drink and took another sip, then set the glass down on my coffee table and took a deep breath.
When she looked into my eyes, all rational thoughts left my head. The look in her big blue orbs was as arresting as ever, and she was breathing hard. Her lips were damp with saliva and bourbon and suddenly, I knew she wasn’t here to break up with me.
She was here because she needed me, because she couldn’t resist me.
Not even despite the fact that she clearly wanted to.
“Annie,” I said gently, reaching out and cupping her face with my hand. Immediately, she closed her eyes as her cheek melted against my palm. Feeling her face against my fingers was the softest, warmest thing that I had touched in ages, and I could feel my cock twitch with wanton lust as Annie’s breath warmed my palm.
“Elliot,” Annie said softly. She nuzzled my wrist and just like that, fell into my arms, her soft tits pressing against my body. Her chest was heaving with every breath and as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, I felt her shudder with obvious desire. When our lips met, Annie moaned softly into my mouth. My tongue flicked against hers and she whimpered and purred as I put both of my hands to her face and held her cheeks. Her mouth eagerly sought mine, kissing and kissing, and she gasped with pleasure as I slid my hands down her neck, lightly dragging my fingernails over the surface of her tender, pale skin.
“I missed you,” Annie moaned, breaking the kiss and arching her back to expose her neck to me. She smelled sweet and floral and powdery all at once and as I bent my face to her neck and kissed and sucked, running my teeth over her skin until she moaned loudly. Annie took my hands and moved them lower, to her tits, where through the thin material of her shirt I could feel that her nipples were rock hard. She gasped and whimpered as I rubbed her breasts with both hands, cupping them and feeling their heavy weight in my hands. When I moved my thumbs to her nipples and began to rub in slow, delicate circles, Annie went wild. She pressed her mouth to mine in another torrid, passionate kiss and gasped hotly as I pulled her shirt over her head and threw it to the ground.
“I want to take you upstairs,” I whispered. “Not here.”
Annie kissed me again – a tender, wet kiss that tasted of bourbon – and nodded without replying. I took her by the hand and brought her to her feet, then led her up the stairs. A heavy, erotic silence was building between us and by the time that I had her in my bedroom, I was so tense and filled with lust that I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait much longer.
Annie got on the bed and spread her legs, staring at me. Her leggings were thin and sheer in the thighs and I nearly groaned at the sight of her visible panty line and plump pussy lips, taunting me through just a few sheer layers of fabric.
“You’re so gorgeous,” I murmured as I dropped to my knees and crawled closer to her until I was right between her thighs. The scent of her arousal was strong, even through the material of her leggings and panties, and the musky scent of her was nearly enough to make me finish in my pants.
I had to have her – I knew that no matter what, I wouldn’t be able to wait any longer. I leaned forward and hooked my thumbs in the waistband of Annie’s leggings, then tugged the stretchy fabric down her round hips and thighs along with her panties. I didn’t feel like wasting any time teasing her though her underwear, and the sight of her pussy, glistening with wet arousal, made me groan with dark lust.
Annie flushed. She threw her head back and whimpered, biting and sucking on her lower lip as I moved closer. I teased her, blowing softly on the inside of her thigh, then wrapped my arms around her thighs and pulled her hips toward me, until she was nearly sliding off the bed and moaning with anticipation. With one hand, I spread the lips of her pussy and buried my face inside of her. My lips wrapped around her clit and began to suck and she bucked her hips up and down, raising them to meet my mouth and undulating against my face as I slid a finger inside of her. She was already so tight, so wet, so hungry for me that I pulled away and stood up, fumbling with my belt and pushing my pants and boxers down my hips in a single smooth gesture. Annie was propped up on her elbows now, watching her, with her gaze locked on mine as my cock popped free. She gasped at the sight of it and reached forward, wrapping her hand around the base of my shaft and pumping her little fist up and down, sending intense waves of pleasure through my body.
“Annie,” I groaned, closing my eyes and throwing my head back. Just the pleasurable touch of her soft hand was nearly enough to bring me to climax and I crossed my arms over my chest and pulled my shirt over my head. I wanted us to be naked together, naked in a place of bliss and surrender and passion and lust. Annie kept pleasuring me. She moved her free hand to my balls and cupped and massaged them, then hooked her legs around mine and pulled me closer, until I could feel the heat from her wet cunt against my body. She struggled to sit up and when she did, I pressed my mouth to hers in an intense kiss. The second our lips touched, I reached down between our bodies and put my hands on her hips, thrusting hard and deep inside of her in a single swift movement that made her cry out into my mouth.
Being buried inside of Annie felt so good, so heavenly, that I froze in place for a second. I loved being locked together with her like this, in a passionate embrace that was like nothing I’d ever experienced before in my life.
“Oh my god, Elliot,” Annie cried. Her face turned a delicious shade of pink as I began to buck and thrust, pumping my cock in and out of her perfect pussy. We hit a wonderful, erotic rhythm and soon she was bouncing and jostling on my cock, spreading her legs because she wanted more. I grunted as I reached for her ankles and lifted them high in the air, placing them on my shoulders. Annie lay down on her back and I leaned over her, pressing and driving into her with every thrust. As my cock filled her, her own pleasure began to grow. Her pale tits flushed as passionate warmth spread through her body and she whimpered and threw her head back, moaning and gasping as I slammed into her body again and again. Annie reached for my hands and took them from her ankles, moving them to her tits. She opened her eyes and looked up at me with a coy, saucy smile, then put my thumbs over her nipples. I couldn’t not touch her – every time I was in the room with her, all I wanted was my hands on her body. But now that we were naked, flushed and in the throes of passion, I had to give into every base urge, every demand that I felt. Even though every time I was with Annie, I felt like I was the dominant partner, she had an undeniable control over me. I had to touch her, had to spend every possible moment kissing and touching her, had to do whatever she wanted to give her pleasure.
Annie cried out, louder than ever before, and I leaned over her and kissed her hotly as pleasure exploded within my body. Every thrust felt better than the last one and I groaned into Annie’s mouth as she began to bite and suck on my lower lip. Keeping one hand on her tits, I moved the other between our bodies and found her clit, began to rub her sensitive little button in slow circles that increased as my thrusts grew deeper. When her orgasm hit, I felt her pussy clench and tighten around my cock. She screamed, soft and slow at first, then louder and louder, filling my ears with the shrieking cries of her own pleasure. Seeing her writhe and howl with sheer ecstasy combined with the wet-velvet feeling of her pussy wrapped around my cock set me off and I began to come, loud and hard, until I was driving deep inside of her and filling her with my seed as my
balls pulsed and clenched.
“Oh, fuck,” I groaned, burying my face in Annie’s neck and kissing and sucking her. She moaned and whimpered beneath me, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me close as she bucked her hips up and down, echoing the movement of my thrusts. When I finally pulled out of her, I was so exhausted that I could have fallen asleep right there. I lay down on the bed and wrapped a sweaty arm around Annie, pulling her close and burying my face in her neck.
“Holy hell,” Annie breathed. She sat up, her chest heaving with every breath, and wiped her red, sweaty face in the crook of her arm.
“Are you okay?” I asked. Her blonde curls were clinging to her damp forehead and neck and I brushed them away with a feather-light touch that made Annie shiver fiercely.
Annie nodded. She swallowed hard and I felt it again – that curtain dropping between us, lowering down and making the moment less intimate.
“I’m fine,” she said, gulping and nodding again.
“Good,” I told her. “I’m more than fine. You’re here. I needed you here with me, Annie. I ...” I trailed off. Those words were in my head, those three little words, that I wanted nothing more than to say to her.
“What is it?” Annie asked. She pulled away and pulled the sheet over her body, covering her nakedness. In the dim lighting of my bedroom, there was a halo of light around her blonde curls that made her look in an angel, but her face was serious enough to remind me that she was, in fact, very human.
“Nothing,” I said. I frowned. “But when you came over, you said that you had something to tell me. What is it?”
26
Annie
My heart began to pound – just like it had been doing moments before, when Elliot and I had been tangled up inside of each other, but it was in an entirely different way.
Forbidden First Times: A Contemporary Romance Collection Page 97
