“I… Illumination Night… He…” With every stuttering word Nova’s thick, dark eyebrows inch higher and higher. I haven’t told a soul what happened but I suddenly need to desperately. So I put down the screw driver, walk over to the kitchen door and peek through the porthole type window in it. The kitchen staff is busy. Finn and Declan are nowhere in sight. “Jake kissed me.”
The second the words leave my lips I can actually feel the shock like a sonic boom emanating off Nova. “I’m sorry… what?”
“He kissed me,” I whisper it even lower than the first time and nervously tuck my hair behind my ears. “I mean, technically I kissed him first—accidentally—when he told me he was going to be my donor. But I didn’t mean it. Then he wanted this do-over for the time in high school he refused to kiss me and … he kissed me. And then we kissed each other again, later in the fire station parking lot.”
Nova’s eyes are enormous. “So was this like a peck on the cheek? Peck on the lips? Was there tongue? Every time?”
“No. No, and holy shit yes,” I whisper back and Nova gasps so loud I turn red and panic. My eyes dart to the kitchen door but no one rushes through it wondering what is going on. When I turn back around, Nova is standing there with both hands clamped over her gaping mouth. I shush her even though she’s not speaking.
“I’m still so confused, Sis,” Nova says after she finally unclamps the hands over her mouth. “What the heck is he trying to make up for? And how, exactly, does a person accidentally kiss someone?”
I explain what happened in the parking lot when he told me he was a match and then give her the details of that party oh so long ago. Nova has this frown on her face when I finish talking.
“Oh honey, You’re still the smartest Hawkins just not when it comes to your own heart,” Nova cups my face in her hands and grins. “Everyone thinks you two are like cats and dogs, oil and water, fire and ice, whatever silly analogy you can think of for opposites,” Nova says as she grabs the keys to the front door from under the cash register and walks over to lock it. “But I’ve always believed the other saying, where there is fighting there is fire. Opposites attract. Jake likes you. And you like Jake.”
“The expression is where there is smoke there is fire. Not where there is fighting,” I correct her. Nova always gets metaphors slightly wrong. It’s kind of her thing. The family calls them Nova-isms. She once told Declan, before he did the Boston marathon, to go at it balls to the wind instead of balls to the wall. Dad almost died laughing.
“Nah. I meant it the way I said it this time,” she says confidently, walking around the counter to flip the sign to closed on the restaurant door. “Look, if Jake didn’t find you attractive, he wouldn’t have kissed you. He would have just apologized. And you made out with him, not because he told you he was your match kidney-wise but because you know in your heart he’s always been your match on every other level too.”
My heart is racing and my skin feels hot because she’s right. Nova is one hundred percent right. “I do think that, but I always thought I had no chance.”
“You have a chance,” Nova replies with simple, solid confidence in her tone.
“I think I do now.”
She smiles but her eyes leave my face and dart to the plate glass window at the front of the store. “Speak of the devil!”
Jake steps through the front door. His eyes land on mine immediately. “I was just about to lock it. Kitchen is closed but luckily for you, I kept you some food,” Nova says and disappears into the kitchen to get it.
“Thanks,” he calls out as he saunters toward the counter. He looks extra fine today in my totally skewed opinion. It’s hard not to be biased when I can still recall the way it felt to have his tongue in my mouth. His eyes never leave mine. “How are you Terra?”
“Good. How are you?”
“Better now,” he says with a slow smile starting to pull at the corners of his perfect mouth.
“I said I need a break!” Finn’s voice bellows from the kitchen. “Fifteen minute breaks are mandated by the state of Maine. Don’t make me call the goddamn government on you.”
The door swings open forcefully and Finn marches into the restaurant. He smiles at the sight of his best friend. “Hey! You just get off work?”
Jake nods. “Craving a little Hawkins… lobster roll.”
He said that with a pregnant pause on purpose but Finn has no idea what double entendre he just pulled. I do though, and my cheeks pink as I bite back a smile. “Well I’m craving a DNA test to prove that we’re actually related to that robot man in the suit back there. Because if we aren’t then I don’t have to deal with his anal retentive ass trying to teach me the scheduling system.”
“You still don’t have to,” I remind him. “I can do it from home with remote access to the system.”
“You have to rest after this op,” Finn argues.
Nova sails back in with a plate with two lobster rolls and a generous serving of fries. She places it in front of Jake. “I’m messing around with new roll ideas. The one on your left is my Asian fusion one. It’s got wasabi mayo and kimchi instead of lettuce. The other one is your standard lobster roll.”
“I’ll let you know my thoughts,” Jake says as Nova grabs a tray and heads toward the tables to collect the salt and pepper shakers as the last customers walk out the door. Fall hours mean we close by eight every night, which will be a blessing when they’re short-staffed because I’m off recovering.
“I was not a fan,” Finn shudders. Jake chuckles.
Declan bursts through the kitchen door. He looks panicked. “I can’t fix it. Finn fucked up next week’s schedule. He deleted Mary’s shifts and when I went to restore them, it wiped out everyone’s shifts for the entire month. The month!”
“Deep breaths. I’ll take a look,” I say calmly because I know the system like the back of my hand and I’m confident I can un-do whatever they did.
“Guess I’m not the only one who isn’t great with scheduling,” Finn remarks.
“I was fixing your mistake!” Declan barks but I take him by the arm and drag him through the kitchen and into my office. It takes me four whole minutes to get the schedule back and show Deck what happened to make sure he doesn’t do it again.
I head back into the restaurant, eager to see Jake’s face again. Nova is mopping now while Finn wipes down the counter. He’s still talking to Jake and his conversation stops me dead.
“How the hell do you forget to ask about sex? It would be the first question out of my mouth,” Finn is saying to Jake, his voice thick with shock. “Hell, I would have Googled that shit on the way to the test.”
“What difference does it make?” Jake says, his eyes drifting toward me for a second before focusing back on my brother. “If they say I can’t have sex for a week or a year, I’m still going through with the operation.”
Nova stops mopping and cocks her head. “Why are you talking about sex?”
Finn pulls his phone from his back pocket and dips his head as he types something. “Because we’re dudes, Nova, and sex is important. And this saint of a man is prepared to give it up. For a freaking year.”
Say what now?
My eyes dart to Jake, who doesn’t look the least bit concerned. He finishes chewing the last of Nova’s new creation. “Finn is being dramatic. In other news, that roll was pretty damn good, Nova.”
“I’m so confused,” I mutter. “Why are you giving up sex for a year?”
“I’m sure that I’m not,” Jake says and his eyes linger on me, making my skin heat.
“Four to six weeks,” Finn announces, sighing in relief. “That’s still a long time, but at least it’s not a year. I would fucking implode if it was a year.”
“I’m sure you would,” Jake replies popping some fries into his mouth. He chews, swallows and then shrugs. “I can handle it. I haven’t had sex since early June anyway.”
My jaw drops before I can stop it. I’m not shocked he’s been celibate for
four months. But that also means he had someone in his life in King’s Rock. I’m mildly and completely inappropriately jealous. Who cares? He’s not with her now… right? Plus, I had Tom.
“You had a girlfriend in King’s Rock?” Nova asks, what I’m thinking. “How come no one mentioned this?”
“There was no girlfriend in King’s Rock,” Jake replied and shifts on his stool. He is not comfortable with the questions and that makes me uncomfortable.
“Well then how did you have sex with someone?”
Jake and Finn hit Nova with flat, blank-faced stares and you can tell by the blush that hits her cheeks that she regrets the question immediately. Nova has never confirmed it, but I’m almost a hundred percent positive she has only ever been with Declan. The concept of one night stands or bed buddies is foreign to her. She knows they exist but they’re an abstract concept, one she forgot to think about before she spoke a second ago.
Finn smacks a hand down on the countertop and leans forward and says, with the seriousness of a mortician. “You’ve been dry for months and now you’re not going to have sex for another four weeks, at least. That’s pure torture.”
Something flickers in Jake’s eyes, a moment of sheer panic followed by a few seconds of despair, maybe? But he seems to suppress it quickly and he shrugs again. “I won’t die.”
“I fucking would,” Finn retorts as he lifts a hand to his blue work shirt like he’s checking to make sure his heart is still beating at just the thought of celibacy. My brother glances at me like he just remembered I was in the room. “That goes for you too Ter, maybe warn Tom.”
“First of all you need a hobby other than boning,” I tell him, and his face scrunches in disgust that his baby sister is talking sex with him even though he brought it up. “And second, Tom and I broke up.”
“What?” he looks distraught. It’s amusing.
“Oh please, like you care,” I say and push the swinging gate open and head into the main part of the restaurant to start lifting the chairs on the part of the dining area Nova hasn’t mopped yet.
“He was an okay guy,” Finn says, and I can’t help but laugh. Nova joins me.
“Is that what you want for your sister, Finn?” Nova questions him. “An okay guy? Don’t you think Terra deserves more than okay?”
“Well yeah, she deserves fabulous and charming and traffic-stopping handsome,” Finn says in a serious tone but then he grins and lift his arms in the air. “But she can’t date her brother so … you know Tom was an acceptable alternative. Seriously, he was nice and chill. He vibed with the family well, which we all know isn’t always easy.”
“I vibe with you all just fine,” Nova retorts and leans on her mop, her curvy hip cocked as she places a hand on it. “And Jake vibes perfectly too.”
I’m lifting a chair directly behind Nova and as I place it on the table, I give her a subtle little mule kick to the back of her shin. She doesn’t act like she notices, but I know she does. Finn laughs. “Well, yeah you both are honorary Hawkins so technically she can’t date either of you either.”
I turn around and look at Jake but he’s looking down at his now empty plate. I know he clearly heard what Finn said but he isn’t reacting. I’m getting angry. It’s irrational and I hate being irrational, but yet here I am.
“Well obviously I’m not going to date Nova,” I say and roll my eyes as I place the last chair on the table and walk back toward the counter. “She’s married to Deck and last time I checked, neither of us were into girls. But I could date Jake if I wanted to. Unless he is still involved with Miss June.”
Now Jake turns and looks at me. His angular features are hard, like he’s really annoyed. “Of course I’m not.”
Finn is oblivious to the sub-texts floating all around him. “Aspen? Hell no. That was just a Britney Spears moment, right Jake?”
Did he just say…
“What’s a Britney Spears moment?” Nova asks.
“When you hook up with an ex out of boredom or desperation,” Finn explains as I stare at Jake and he refuses to stare back. His eyes are back to being glued to his empty plate, his head tipped down. “You know, “Oops I Did It Again” sex. Like her song title.”
Nova rolls her eyes. “I’ll have to remember that. So Jake was with Aspen in June?”
“Yeah but whatever, ex sex is harmless. Doesn’t count as real sex,” Finn answers for him.
He hooked up with Aspen. Just a few months ago. Logically I know I have no right to care, but emotionally … it’s Aspen. She’s still an open wound and Jake is the perpetual salt.
“I’m not feeling well,” I announce and it’s like sucking the lighthearted energy out of the room with a vacuum. Every set of eyes turns to me with a serious glint. “Nothing major. Just tired from treatment today. I’m just going to head home, if you guys don’t mind finishing close duties by yourselves.”
“Of course not, go,” Nova says and Finn nods his agreement.
Jake gets off the stool. “Can I drive you home?”
I shake my head. “Nope. I’d prefer if you just help them. I’m better off alone.”
Nova’s bright expression darkens and Jake looks like I just kneed him in the nuts. I leave without another word, heading into the kitchen to grab my stuff out of my office. Javi is back there, just taking off his hairnet and apron after cleaning the kitchen. “You good Ter?”
“Yep. Just tired. Heading home. See you tomorrow, Javi,” I say casually as I grab my coat and purse. I decide to head out the back door, the one that leads to the alley off the break room instead of walking back through the restaurant where I’ll have to see Jake again.
13
Jake
I should have gone to her last night after she stormed out of the Shack. I should have driven straight to her house and talked to her like a fucking adult, but I didn’t. Because when I do talk, I want to be able to tell Terra exactly what happened with Aspen, and I don’t know that yet. If there’s going to be lasting repercussions from that night, she needs to know. I don’t want to hide it, but I don’t know the answer myself.
So I sent her a bunch of texts instead, telling her I was thinking of her and if she needed anything to call, even if it was the middle of the night. And then one last text a little after one in the morning that said; Aspen was a one-time thing, Terra. I swear. Never again.
I stopped short of calling it a mistake because if that child is mine, I don’t ever want that word used in anything pertaining to his or her existence. Ever. Not even now. Terra didn’t answer any of my texts, but she saw them and she didn’t tell me to fuck off, so … it was not the worst thing, I guess.
Now I’m bobbing up and down in the ocean, watching Finn ride a wave I was too tired to catch myself because I barely slept last night. I give up and paddle in. I have to go meet Aspen soon anyway.
“You forget how to surf while you were in the mountains, buddy?” Finn says ten minutes later as he walks up the beach to join me by our cars. I could surf on the beach in front of my new apartment. That was part of the draw when I picked it, but it’s windy today and the best waves on a blustery fall day are at Goosefare Rocks clear at the other end of the seven-mile beach that lines Ocean Pines.
There’s a little, concrete public bathroom there too for changing in and out of wetsuits, although it’s mostly used by women, not men. We tend to just change at our cars. Finn runs a hand over his soaked hair, sending ocean droplets everywhere then he pops the trunk on his SUV and grabs a towel and rubs it over his face and scrubs his beard with it. There’s another car parked beside us but I don’t see anyone in the water.
“Hey listen,” I say as I shove my board into the back of my Jeep and grab my own towel. “I really wish you hadn’t told Terra and Nova about the Aspen thing.”
Finn stops unzipping his wetsuit and looks over at me. I yank the cord on the zipper of my own wet suit, pulling it down to my waist. “It’s just maybe Aspen doesn’t want everyone to know. I really don’t. I’m n
ot ashamed of her or what happened, but it’s not something I need advertised.”
“I’m sorry man, I didn’t know it was this huge secret. I mean, not from Terra and Nova, they’re family,” Finn says. He peels out of the top of his wetsuit, exposing his naked torso, which is the only way anyone would know for sure it’s Finn and not Logan. He’s got zero tattoos whereas Logan’s got three. “And you know, if you wanted to get back together with Aspen, no one would judge you.”
I shake my head. “Why do you think I would want that?”
“Well, because you slept with her,” Finn reminds me and smiles. “And because despite your words, you seem to be spending a lot of time with her. She stayed at your house, you’re hanging out with her today, your last day before you go in for surgery. Your very last day for sexual contact.”
“That’s a lot of my business you just commented on,” I quip. “What are you, Mrs. Green?”
“Did I just hear my name?”
Finn has a towel loosely wrapped around his waist and is in the process of tugging down the rest of his wetsuit underneath that towel when, like a sea monster in a really bad horror movie, Nellie Green’s head pops up from the other side of the enormous rocks that line the left side of the parking lot. We both jump. Finn thankfully makes sure to hold onto his towel, or Mrs. Green would really have something to gossip about.
“Oh hi there, Mrs. Green,” I say trying to sound casual. “Do you always hide in the rocks out here?”
She lets out a loud giggle that is far too loud and, well, giggly. She looks down beside her. “Cassidy, honey, help me won’t you?”
The head of her daughter now pops into sight too. She’s not in her Dunkin’ uniform today. Instead, she’s wearing a pair of very short jean cutoffs and a tiny, cherry red, triangular bikini top. Finn’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. Cassidy takes her mom’s arm and helps her up the rocks. “Hey boys! Long time no see, Jake. Are you trying to cut down on caffeine?”
The Fall We Fell: A Small Town Friends-to-Lovers Romance (Ocean Pines Series Book 1) Page 14
