Chloe had spent hours making sure every page was perfect. She’d used Joey’s favorite colors and embellishments that represented all the things Levi had told her his daughter enjoyed. She’d even put pink hearts and written First Crush above one of the pictures of Justin holding Joey, and she’d had Justin write a personal note to Joey on that page, something she could treasure forever.
“Yeah. It’s really beautiful. I can’t believe how much trouble she went to.”
“She enjoyed making it.”
“That’s actually why we’re calling. Joey wants to thank her, and I thought I should let you know before calling your better half.”
Respect went a long way in the brotherhood.
“Thanks. She’s right inside,” he said as he climbed the porch steps. “Let me get her for you.” He followed the sound of music to the dining room, where Chloe was leaning over the table as she worked, wiggling her butt to the music. “Hey, sweets—”
She gasped and spun around. Her arms flew out to the sides. “Stay there!”
“What?” He laughed, stepping into the room.
“No, no, no!” She ran forward and pushed him out of the room. “I’m making you something. You can’t go in there.”
She was so damn cute he could barely stand it. “Okay, I’ll stay out. Levi is on the phone. Joey wants to thank you for her album.”
“Oh! She got it?” She took the phone and held it up to her ear. “Hi, Levi.”
Justin peeked into the dining room.
Chloe stepped in front of him, pushing him backward as she spoke into the phone. “It was no trouble at all. I had fun making it.” She scowled and pointed into the living room without breaking her conversation. “Sure. I’d love to talk to her. Just give me one sec, okay?” She lowered the phone and said, “If you go in there, you’re watching the fireworks by yourself tonight.”
She was sexy when she was adamant. He couldn’t help but egg her on. “Come on, babe. Just a peek?”
“I’ll give you a peek,” she said snarkily. She gave him a gentle shove toward the living room, then put the phone to her ear and said, “Okay, sorry, Levi. I’m back. Yeah, he’s a pest, and he’s going to ruin his surprise if he’s not careful.”
Justin held up his hands in surrender and blew her a kiss. He took off his shirt and waggled his brows. “Shower?”
She grinned and mouthed, I’ll be right in.
More often than not, Chloe joined him in the shower after he got out of the studio.
He took his time washing up, eagerly awaiting her arrival. But a few minutes alone became far too many. He dried off, pulled on a clean pair of jeans, and put on his shirt as he went in search of her.
“Chloe?” He took a quick peek into the dining room, purposefully not looking at the table. Despite how much he loved teasing her, he’d never ruin her surprise. She wasn’t there, so he headed for the kitchen and saw her through the glass doors, pacing the deck with the phone pressed to her ear. As he stepped outside, Chloe looked over with damp, angry eyes, and his gut seized. “Baby, what’s going on?”
She turned away, speaking angrily into the phone. “No. I’m done meeting the men in your life. Serena and I are not accessories for you to flaunt around like you had anything at all to do with our upbringing!”
Her goddamn mother.
He reached for her, but she twisted away.
“How can you even say that to me?” she fumed, stalking across the deck. “I had to grow up when I was eight years old because you refused to. You were never there, and even when you were there, it wasn’t for us.” She fell silent, listening for a few seconds, before saying, “That’s bullshit. Where were you when Serena fell off her bike and needed stitches? Thank God Mr. Savage was home to take us to the doctor. Who do you think got Serena on the bus every morning? Who made her breakfasts, lunches, and dinners? Who freaking watched over her when the men you brought home wandered out of your bedroom in the middle of the night?” Chloe swiped at her eyes with a shaky hand.
Justin wanted to take the phone and give her damn mother a piece of his mind, but he knew Chloe had to do this once and for all, even if it killed him to stand back and let her.
Chloe tipped her face up toward the sky, groaning with frustration, and said, “Leaving money on the counter is not parenting.” She paced again and said, “Don’t pull that crap with me. The only time you call us is when you want to show us off to some new man.” Her voice went ice cold and deathly calm. “I’m done being your doormat. I don’t want to have anything more to do with you, and don’t you dare try to get Serena to meet your newest jerk. She’s finally happy, and if you think Drake or I will let you bring her down ever again, you’re dead wrong.”
She ended the call and faced Justin with tears streaming down her cheeks. He gathered her trembling body in his arms, struggling to suppress the anger eating away at him as her body jerked with sobs.
“It’s okay, babe. I’ve got you,” he said, trying to soothe her. “You did the right thing.”
She pushed out of his arms. Frustrated groans spilled from her lips as she shook her fists at the sky. “Can you believe she wants me to meet another one of her boyfriends? It’s like she doesn’t even see what she does to us,” she fumed, stalking across the deck again, swiping at her tears. “I never cry. She is the only person who can get to me like this, and she’s the one person I wish wouldn’t.”
“That’s because she’s your mother, and you can’t help but care about her. That’s normal, sweetheart. What’s not normal is what she does to you and Serena. What can I do to make this easier?”
She shoved her phone into her back pocket and shook her head. She turned toward the woods and grabbed the railing. Her head fell between her shoulders. Seeing her that hurt and defeated killed him.
He put his arms around her from behind and kissed her shoulder. “Whatever you need, whatever you want, I’ll make it happen.”
She turned in his arms and said, “I need to call Serena, but then will you take me for a ride on the bike? I always feel good when we’re riding.”
“Absolutely. But you know it’s the Fourth of July. Traffic will be awful. We won’t be able to ride fast, but we can still ride.”
“I don’t care,” she said, holding him as tight as he was holding her. She tilted her tear-streaked face up and said, “I just want to be wrapped around you and on the road, away from everything.”
He kissed her softly and said, “Put on sunscreen and your hiking boots, babe. I know the perfect place to go.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
THE FREEDOM OF the bike and holding Justin brought the relief Chloe so desperately needed. She soaked in his strength as the motorcycle crawled through the charming town of Wellfleet, which was decked out for the holiday. Flower boxes overflowed with colorful blooms beneath storefront windows, and American flags waved from above the entrances. People meandered in and out of shops, children carried ice cream cones and cotton candy, and couples sat on blankets in front of the town hall. Chloe remembered wishing her mother would want to bring her and Serena to see the fireworks and parades when they were young, but their mother had always done her own thing on holidays other than Christmas, leaving Chloe and Serena to join the Savages instead.
As she’d done millions of times before, Chloe tried to shove years of hurt down deep, well aware that she couldn’t change the past.
If only she could forget it.
Justin turned onto a residential street, and a block later he turned onto another. They picked up speed, and the air cooled as they drove beneath an umbrella of trees. Water appeared briefly between houses and trees, like snapshots in the wind. Chloe rested against Justin’s back, welcoming the serenity of the view and soaking in the safety of him.
They came to a roundabout and drove toward Great Island, a hiker’s heaven with miles of trails and water views. The hiking boots suddenly made sense.
Justin parked and helped Chloe off the bike. As he locked the helmets
in place, he said, “Have you hiked the Island before?”
“No. I’ve actually never been hiking.”
There was no hiding the shock on his face. “But you have hiking boots.”
She wrinkled her nose and said, “Fashion statement.”
Justin laughed. “Don’t tell Zeke that. He can’t imagine a life without trails and hiking in it. He’d give you a lecture about the benefits of losing yourself in nature.” He draped his arm over her shoulder and kissed her temple. “Get ready to have your mind blown, baby. If you think the open road is awesome, just wait until you experience this.”
They headed down a trail holding hands, surrounded by pitch pine trees and leafy bushes and serenaded by the sounds of birds singing and leaves brushing in the warm breeze. The trail led them out of the woods, down an incline, and along a hard-packed sand surface at the base of the dunes, where it ran along a river. Chloe appreciated that Justin wasn’t peppering her with questions about the phone call with her mother or pushing her to talk about her feelings. She just wanted to forget them and explore the new door he’d opened for her.
The sun beat down on them, but Chloe didn’t mind the heat. Sweating actually felt like purification, getting rid of all the bad feelings her conversation with her mother had left behind. The sand became deeper, and the trail forked.
“Preacher and Con used to take us here,” Justin said as they followed the trail away toward the woods. “I remember thinking hiking was stupid. The other kids had been coming here since they were little. They knew all the trails. Ashley and Madigan would skip ahead of the group. Zander and Dwayne usually ran off, and of course Zeke was always watching over Zander, so he’d take off after them. Preacher or Con would send Tank and Blaine to ‘take care of the troops.’” He laughed softly. “I remember wondering why they listened to them. I’d never been exposed to anything having to do with the great outdoors, much less a family in which kids watched after each other as much as the parents did.” He looked thoughtfully at Chloe and said, “But it wasn’t like your mom, babe. They weren’t avoiding parenting. They were teaching us how to be watchful and responsible. Dwayne and Zander never ran too far ahead, and I didn’t get that, either. I mean, for me, running had always meant running away. But I quickly learned that Preacher and Con had also taught them boundaries.”
“They care so much about all of you. I can’t imagine growing up in a family like that,” Chloe said as they followed another fork in the trail up a dune to another woodsy area. The shade cooled her off. “I know you said it took you a long time to trust them, but what did it feel like as things changed and you became part of their family?”
Justin hugged her against his side and said, “I think about that a lot, actually. It felt so good and made me so happy that it scared me. I had never felt that way before, and I didn’t trust it, so every time I made progress, I’d inch back out of fear by doing something bad.”
“You were testing them,” she said.
“I know that now. It was not a smooth transition, babe. Sometimes I felt like a bystander watching someone else’s life. It didn’t seem possible that the life I’d led had brought me there. What seemed even more unbelievable was that they wanted me there. But eventually it all came together.”
As they made their way up a hill, she thought about what it must have felt like to be that wanted. Justin took her hand, and she realized he made her feel that way, and he had done so even when she’d been denying her feelings for him.
They came to a dead end in the trail, and he led her into a thickly wooded area.
“There’s no path here,” she said.
“I know, but you haven’t taken any pictures yet, and I know you’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“You think you know me, huh?” she teased, loving that even with everything going on, he still gave importance to the things that she held close to her heart.
“Oh, I know you, sweet thing.”
He helped her over rocks, brush, and a fallen tree as they made their way up an incline to a clearing. Stunning views of Wellfleet Harbor spilled out before them. The tide was going out, and she gazed down at the shoreline snaking along the beach to a mass of green grasses popping up like islands in shallow marshes. Just beyond the marshes, the beach appeared again, only to disappear around a long stretch of tree-covered dunes.
“This is beautiful.” Chloe pulled out her phone and began taking pictures.
“Yeah, it is. That’s why this is where you’re going to let go of your past.”
She lowered her phone, meeting his serious gaze. “What do you mean?”
“The first time Preacher took me on this hike alone, he brought me to this spot. He told me to get all those shitty feelings out of me or they’d gnaw at my gut like cancer. I stood right where you are and let it all out. I yelled at my father for being a shit and at my mother for leaving me. I cursed the foster care system, and I said some pretty horrible things about myself, too, that I didn’t even know I had inside me.” He took her hand and said, “It’s not a cure-all, Chloe, but it helps.”
“You want me to stand here and shout about my dirty laundry?” She shook her head. “I can’t do that. Someone might hear me.”
“We’re alone, babe. But even if we weren’t, you can’t keep that shit inside you. Preacher was right—it will eat you alive. You need to get it out, and who cares if someone hears you? Everyone has baggage. But if we don’t get ours out, it’ll come out in other ways, maybe not now, but years from now. You think Reba and Preacher are perfect?” He shook his head and said, “They’re not. They have their own troubles, but they don’t let them fester.” He squeezed her hand and said, “They deal with shit when it happens, and they do it together. That’s how they remain strong in a world that has so many reasons to be weak. You’ve spent a lifetime playing by the rules, Chloe, being who you think you have to be for everyone else. I understand that you have to play that game at work, but you don’t ever have to do that with me.”
Her stomach knotted. He was trying so hard to help her, and she wanted his help, but she’d hidden her painful past for so long, it had become a ravenous beast. It had already taken parts of her that she could never get back. And even if she wanted to, she didn’t know how to yell about those things. “I’m not a yeller, Justin. I can’t do it.”
“Have you ever tried?”
She shook her head. “I got pretty mad at my mother today, but you heard me. Even then I didn’t shout.”
“Maybe you should have. Just try it once for me, babe. We both felt better after I told you about finding my mother and you told me about what happened in the parking lot of the Hog. This will feel ten times better than that. It will free you, like when we ride the motorcycle.”
“That’s different. I don’t have to scream my feelings to the world.”
“The vehicle is different, but the outcome will be similar. You’ll see. It’ll ease your pain and bring clarity. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I’ll go first. Then you can decide.” He faced the water and shouted, “I fucking hate working on the job for Alan Rogers and seeing him near my girl!”
“Justin! What if someone hears you? He’s my boss! You could get me fired.”
“Do you see anyone around us? Did we pass one person on the trails?”
Her gut knotted tighter. “No, but still.”
“Okay, I get it. Don’t mess with your work. No problem. Let’s try this again.” He drew in a deep breath and hollered, “I hate that your mother makes you sad! I hate that my father was an asshole! I fucking despise that suicide is ever an option!” He tapped his fist to his chest and said, “It feels good, baby.”
His gaze shifted over her shoulder. She spun around, worried he’d seen someone, but no one was there. “What are you looking at?”
He put his finger over his lips, shushing her, and pointed to a branch as two dragonflies took flight.
“There’s your sign, dragonfly girl.”
Goo
se bumps chased up her arms. “I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it, sweetheart. This is your moment. It’s your decision, but I think the universe is giving you a nudge in the right direction. Do you want to give it a try? Let all those bad feelings fly?”
“Sort of. But I’m nervous,” she said anxiously.
He held out his hand, and when she took it, he held tight and said, “I’m right here, and nothing bad is going to come from getting out your true feelings. You can do this, Chloe, and I promise you’ll feel better afterward.”
“Or I’ll just be embarrassed.”
“You’ll never know unless you try. Those bad thoughts are like the stuff in your stomach when you’re sick and you can’t throw up. They fester and burn, and then when you finally get them out, you’re like, cool, now I can sleep.”
“That’s disgusting. True, but disgusting.”
“Get that emotional barf out of you, baby.”
“Okay, I’ll try.” She closed her eyes, mustering her courage. Her heart slammed against her ribs as she opened her eyes and said, a little louder than normal, “I hate that my mother tried to make me feel guilty.”
“What was that?” he teased. “I could barely hear you.”
She rolled her eyes and said a little louder, “I hate that—”
“Louder, Chloe.” He squeezed her hand and said, “Let that shit go.”
She filled her lungs with the salty sea air and shouted, “I hate that my mother made me feel guilty! I hate that she hurt me and Serena! I hate that she didn’t want to be our mother! I hate that I never knew my father!” Looking through the blur of tears and panting for air, she couldn’t stop the hate from spewing out. “I hate the men who hurt me, and I hate the people who hurt you! And the pigs that hurt Shadow and all those other dogs!”
“That’s it, sweetheart, let it all out.”
She was out of breath and felt a little better, but at the same time, more words vied for release, the secrets she hated most. It took all her confidence and all her trust to set them free.
A Little Bit Wicked (The Wickeds Page 32
