by Roxie Ray
I could only hope that she was finding some small comfort in her dreams.
Even in the darkness, her curls were splayed across the pillow like a wild tangle of coiled silver thread. Like tangled moonlight. She was beautiful, even when she was facing away from me and deep in the throes of sleep.
Without meaning to, I found myself reaching for her. Like so many things with Alyse, my body moved on instinct.
And if I could not comfort her right now, then perhaps I could reassure myself. Just looking upon her often left me in disbelief that she could truly be real. But when I held her, I could feel the realness of her tiny body against mine. Every breath she drew was confirmation that I had not conjured her up out of my wildest fantasies. She often seemed too good to possibly exist, but in my arms, I could no longer doubt.
When I touched her, though, she flinched and drew away.
My heart fell.
Perhaps she was not so deeply asleep after all.
“I love you,” I whispered to her as I drew my arms away. I would not force her to accept my touch if she did not want it right now. It seemed as though I had not been the only one who needed time to process all of this. I turned my body to face the opposite wall.
I could not hold her now, no. Early tomorrow morning, I would go into battle—a battle I had been awaiting my entire life as a warrior—perhaps without her kiss on my lips or the chance to tell her how much she truly meant to me. But if I could dream to tonight, I had no doubt she would be in my arms again there.
Alyse, and our cubs, too.
Both of them.
21
Alyse
I should have turned to him that night. Even at the time, I knew pushing Nion away was wrong. So many times before, he’d held me as I cried. He’d wiped away my tears. In the past, Nion had always found a way to make me feel better. He always saved me—even when I wasn’t willing or able to save myself.
But I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to force him to comfort me again—not then. Not now.
It wasn’t just Nion’s baby in my belly. I carried the child of the Rutharian king too. I didn’t know how long the Lunarians had fought the Rutharians, but Nion had shown me the scars he’d earned doing battle against them. Every time I heard them brought up in conversation, there was pure, unadulterated hate attached—and I couldn’t blame the Lunarians for it, either.
I’d been hurt by the Rutharians, too.
Now that I was pregnant with a half-Rutharian baby, though, I didn’t expect my life with the Lunarians would be able to proceed like normal. Not anymore. They would come to hate me now. I was sure of it. And Nion…how could I expect him to still want me now that I had one of them growing inside me? He was being kind to me out of honor and his steadfast sense of duty. Nothing more.
Still, when I woke up the next morning alone in bed with no warm, muscular Lunarian body beside mine…
I missed him.
I wished that I could at least have cuddled up in his arms one last time.
I showered, changed and ate before I did anything else. If Nion had taught me anything, it was that taking care of myself would always make me feel a little better, even when my entire world had come crashing down on my head.
And now, I wasn’t just showering and eating for myself. There were two little lives inside me now, completely dependent on me to grow and thrive. Even when I struggled to take the first bite of food from the articulator, I pushed through it for them.
I had one baby inside me that I had wanted and one baby I’d wished with my entire heart and soul against—but neither of them had asked for any of this. They were both just trying to do what anyone else was: live and thrive. I couldn’t just hate one and love the other.
They were both mine.
I’d love and care for them both—even when that just meant taking care of myself.
When I finished eating, I padded out into the hall and looked around in search of Nion. I peeked around the corner, hoping that maybe I’d spot his green head of hair coming my way—but unfortunately, no such luck. In the medical bay, neither Coplan nor Healer Adskow could be found. The canteen was empty. No matter where I searched, I couldn’t find Nion—or any other warrior either, for that matter.
It was like the ship had been abandoned overnight. An awful thought struck me as I combed the corridors in search of Nion, or someone—anyone.
Maybe word about the Rutharian child I was carrying had gotten out or something. Could the Lunarians have really all abandoned me while I slept?
As soon as I heard myself think, I realized how stupid that sounded. The Avant Lupinia was a huge ship. It was completely impractical to empty it of hundreds of warriors and staff members just to avoid one pregnant woman. I wasn’t showing. I’d only learned of my condition yesterday. And I wasn’t even far enough along with yet—with either pregnancy, really—to know that it would even stick.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I poked my head through a door and found what must have been the ship’s bridge. Leonix was there at the captain’s chair, along with a few other Lunarians who manned the controls and monitored screens at their stations.
I rushed up to Leonix and threw my arms around her from behind.
“Oh, thank gosh.” I hugged her tight. “I was starting to worry you’d all abandoned ship.”
“Why would we do that?” Leonix’s brow was furrowed with confusion as she turned to face me.
“Um…” My mouth gaped open. Maybe because I’m pregnant with the heir to the throne of your greatest enemies? But that didn’t seem like a good idea to be mouthing off about right now. “Never mind. It’s stupid. I was just surprised that everyone seems to be somewhere else today.”
“They have gone to rescue another captive female. Did Nion not tell you this?”
Duh. Of course he had. It was embarrassing that I was already getting such bad baby brain.
I just wished that he’d bothered to wake me up to say goodbye.
“Um. Will they be back soon?” The ship was eerie without all of the warriors on it, and I wanted to make sure things were okay between Nion and me.
Really, I wished that I could have done that before he’d left. What if he was hurt? What if he died?
The more I thought about things right now, the more I wanted to retreat back beneath my blankets in bed and never come back out again.
“You miss him already,” Leonix teased. She rose, then waved for me to follow her. “Come. Let us go to the communications room and see if we can get a message to him. They should be touching down on the outpost moon any moment now, but if we can catch them before they land, you can likely speak with him. Just for a little while.”
Leonix led me out of the bridge and down the hall. When she opened the door to the communications room, she seemed surprised to find someone already inside.
“Ero?” she asked, tilting her head to one side. “What are you doing in here? You are supposed to be on the shuttles to the Rutharian outpost with the other warriors—not fiddling with our private comm screens.”
“Er…” The scrawny, dark-haired Lunarian straightened and backed away from the communications controls. The swelling over his black eye had largely disappeared now, but there was something about his general demeanor that always made him look like he was seconds away from acquiring another one. “I was not cleared for battle. Because of my, ah…my injury.”
Injury? He’d been hit bad enough to bruise during the mission that had led to my rescue, I recalled, but…
“Coplan was of the opinion you were fine yesterday,” I reminded him. When Coplan had taken me to my room after my pregnancy scan, he had confessed to me that he suspected Ero was faking his injuries altogether. My eyes narrowed with suspicion. “As was I when I initially performed your check-up.”
“Well…” Ero lowered his eyes to the floor and hunched past us toward the door. “You were not my healer yesterday. If you have a problem with my presence on the ship, take it up with C
oplan.”
“And I will,” Leonix called after him. “But that does not explain what you were doing at the comms.”
Ero paused in the doorway. “I do not think that is of your concern.”
“Is it not, Ero? I am your superior. Answer the question.”
“You are a superior.” I was surprised to hear Ero snap at Leonix like that. He’d seemed quiet and shy when I’d first met him. Harmless. But he still hadn’t turned around to face us—and it felt like he was dodging every question we asked. “You are not captain of this ship, Leonix. We already have two generals to boss the warriors here around right now. I do not think we need a third.”
“Stop.” Leonix snarled the word at him as he moved to leave once again. “I outrank you, you snide little dung-sack. When our generals are no longer aboard the ship, I am in command. And I am ordering you to tell me what you were doing at the comms just now.”
“I do not need to answer a pitiful female who does not know her place, Leonix.” Ero’s voice was suddenly darker and more poisonous than I’d ever heard it. He turned his head to spit the insult, but his body still faced the hall. “Perhaps if you were able to do your duty to Lunaria as a breeder, you would not be so eager to order males like myself around so. It is not my fault that you cannot go into heat. If you could, I would at least be able to put you in your place.”
My jaw dropped. When I glanced over to Leonix, her fangs were bared as she strode over to the comms panel.
“That is a bold threat, coming from a cubling who could not even put himself into formation before being knocked out by a Rutharian the moment he stepped off the boarding shuttle.” Her voice was so cold, I nearly shivered. “Before I throw you in the brig for insubordination, I think I will blacken your other eye, Ero. You think so highly of yourself, you deserve a matching set. But first…” She tapped at the controls. “We will see who you were attempting to contact. I think when Kloran and Haelian return to the ship, they will be most interested in learning what calls you are making here when they are not around.”
Ero moved so fast, his hands were just a blur to me. Before I knew what he was even attempting, he had slammed the door shut and turned to face us.
His blaster was drawn, pointed directly at my belly.
His eyes were a deep, dark red.
“Kloran and Haelian will not be returning to the ship, you worthless rhabnyas.” I didn’t know what that word meant any more than I understood the zahvinya that Nion was always purring at me—but by Ero’s tone, I could tell this wasn’t a term of endearment. “And even if they do, it will only be to mourn your deaths. Do you think they will shed tears for you? Or do you think they will come to their senses and understand what a favor I have done our race by eliminating the two of you?”
At the comms, Leonix froze. She turned to face Ero slowly.
Her eyes were burning red too.
“You contacted the outpost.” Her fangs gleamed bone-white as she pulled her lips back. “You sold out your own warriors.”
“Their interests are no longer in line with those of Lunaria. I did not sell them out. I was merely taking out the trash.” Ero shrugged and shifted his blaster to point at Leonix instead. “And now, I will finish the job.”
“If you piss your own boots trying to work up the courage to pull the trigger,” Leonix snarled. “Fine. Shoot me then, you arrogant cretin. But first—tell me. Explain to me why.”
“I owe you nothing, Leonix Barren-womb.” Ero snorted like he had just told a particularly hilarious joke. Big surprise—no one else was laughing. “What does it matter to you? Knowing will not ease your death.”
“Consider it a last wish, then.” Leonix stared him down without fear. “What did the Rutharians promise you? Money? Status? You should know well by now that the Rutharians have nothing to give. They only take. So what was it?”
“I do not work for the Rutharians,” Ero spat. He turned his blaster on me again. “Not like this little slut. Tell me, Alyse—when you learned you were pregnant with your Rutharian lover’s cub, were the tears you were crying tears of joy—or were they out of fear once you realized what we Lunarians would do to you once we realized your shame?”
“You are pregnant, Alyse?” Leonix sounded dumbfounded. “Why did you not tell me? I could have—”
“It was you.” I blinked at Ero as I put it together. Now that I understood, I felt like an idiot for not figuring it out before. “You were listening at the door during my pregnancy scan. You slammed it behind you then pretended like you were sick to cover up what you’d done.”
“What do you think I was doing in the medical bay to begin with?” He jabbed his blaster in my direction like it was a knife. “I was supposed to kill you long ago, you filthy slag. You were never meant to make it off the Rutharian king’s ship. If I had been braver then, I would have made it to you before Nion ever could. I would have ended you, the king, and your disgusting half-breed spawn. Alas, I was not as courageous then. All these weeks, I have been returning to the medical ward in the hopes of finding the right moment to end your life.” The way his lips curled into a smile turned my stomach. “But now that I have seen the way you have seduced and enthralled my fellow warriors, I think I may enjoy doing so. You may have enchanted Nion and Coplan with your sexual magics in the same way you did the Rutharian king, but I will not fall prey to such witchcraft. You humans make me sick.”
“Sexual magics?” I knew that with a gun pointed at me, I should have been afraid, but what he was proposing was almost too ridiculous to be believed. I couldn’t help it—a tiny laugh escaped my lips. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you?”
“Do not laugh at me, female!” The veins on Ero’s neck bulged out as he strained every muscle in his body to shout at me. At this rate, he was going to give himself a hernia trying to look tougher and scarier than his tiny frame allowed. “I am not like the others—Haelian and Kloran and the rest. I will not be captured by your human wiles. I may have hesitated to end your life before, but now I know that you will stop at nothing to ensnare good Lunarian men. I will not become your plaything. Now, the courage I require to finish my task is not so hard to find.”
“Courage?” Leonix let out a sharp laugh. “You are pathetic, Ero. Tell me, did a Rutharian truly give you your shiner, or did you give it to yourself while fleeing from them in fear?”
“I…I hit my head while exiting the shuttle, yes.” Leonix’s words seemed to throw him off momentarily, but as she roared with laughter at him, he trained his blaster on her again. “Silence! I will not be laughed at. Not by either of you—or by any other useless female either. Not ever again.”
“They would not laugh at you if you did not have to pop a blood vessel just to get your cock up, you know.” Leonix crossed her arms over her ribs and spoke so casually, it was almost like she’d forgotten he was pointing his gun at her. “Is this about what happened on Newthelia? You should not be so hard on yourself, Ero. Of course, if you had been able to get hard for the Newthelian females, they would not have laughed at you then either…”
“Leonix,” I hissed at her. I could appreciate the way she was maintaining her sense of humor, but goading the angry virgin with a blaster leveled at her didn’t seem like a good idea in the moment.
But as her gaze flicked over to me, I saw a seriousness in them that I hadn’t expected.
She wasn’t just making fun of Ero for her own amusement, I realized.
She was drawing his temper toward her, and his blaster as well. Distracting him.
If he shot, she was making sure he would shoot her first—that way, I’d be able to escape.
“What is taking you so long, Ero?” she teased as she shifted her gaze back to Ero once more. “With such a big, heavy blaster like that in your small, child-like hands, do you not finally feel like a big, strong man?”
“Silence! Or I will—”
“You will what? Shoot me?” Leonix shrugged. “I am surprised you have not alrea
dy. You always struck me as the type to shoot your shot rather quickly—when you can get it up at all, at any rate.”
“Oh, I will shoot you, Leonix. And your whorish human pet, too. But first…” He gestured to the screens behind her with the tip of his gun. “You will call Lady Idria. She will be all too pleased to learn that I will be wiping two more useless females from existence today—and even more pleased to watch you die.”
22
Nion
By the time we approached the dark side of the moon where the Rutharian outpost was situated, it was already apparent that something was wrong.
The Rutharians weren’t just ready for us.
It was almost as if they had been waiting.
“So our double agent problem persists.” Haelian gripped his weapon so hard, his knuckles were white. “Let us hope they only warned the Rutharians of our approach—and not our plan.”
“Who would sell us out under these conditions, though?” I asked. “Every warrior we have is currently flying with us or monitoring the battle with Leonix from the Avant Lupinia. Unless one of Leonix’s people—”
“I do not think so.” Haelian shook his head, looking grim. “You may not have ever seen Leonix truly angry, Nion, but her crew on the bridge certainly has. If they do not respect her enough to prevent them from betraying us, rest assured—they most certainly fear her sufficiently to dissuade them.”
“Then one of our men obviously has a death wish.”
“It does not matter now.” Haelian’s eyes were slowly but surely shifting from purple to red. “We made this plan with the expectation that it might be leaked to the Rutharians. Kloran’s forces look like the war party—but only those of us here on this shuttle know they are naught by a distraction.”
I fought back a wince as I heard an explosion rumble through the atmosphere. It was the sound of a shuttle being blown to pieces by a Rutharian missile—a sound that, unfortunately, I knew all too well.
