by Ellie Jean
Yeah, I can be a bitch for as long as it takes to remove this woman from hurting him anymore tonight.
“Why is she dead? Why is my innocent Melody gone?” With a tired face, he glances at me and takes his drunken wife away.
“Son, we will see you tomorrow at ten a.m.”
Not caring about anything they have to say, I rush to Ocean and I see it in his eyes when he realizes I’m here. A small flash of relief washes over his handsome features.
Getting down on my knees, my heart aches for this broken man. Four days he’s been alone. I should have reached out to him earlier.
“Ocean, my gorgeous man.” Cupping his head in my hands, I peer into his blurry eyes. “I’m here now.”
“Everything she says is true.” Defeated, his voice is quiet.
“Nothing she says is right. You would never hurt your sister. Everyone knows it.”
Shaking his head, his eyes stay on mine. “I should have stopped this. We all knew one day it would happen.”
“You cannot predict something like this, Ocean.” My voice is calm but inside a tornado has whipped up. “What happened was a tragic accident. I won’t have you blaming yourself.”
Closing his eyes, the smell of alcohol is strong. He needs a good night’s rest so he is able to function tomorrow. “Let’s get you to bed.”
“Are you going to take advantage of me?” A smile comes and goes.
“No.” Standing up, I brace myself against the wall and give him my arm to steady him.
“You’re repulsed by me, aren’t you?”
My stomach drops watching him pull himself apart.
“I’m a savage, Phoebe. You’ll end up dead being around me too. Good won’t come from me.” Puppy dog eyes keep a hold on mine.
Leaning into him, words can’t fix this. My lips latch on to his, my hand steadying his face. I kiss Ocean with care and tenderness. He needs this. Ocean has a right to know he is loved by me.
“I’ll take my chances.” Running my fingers through his hair, I hold his head while I look up to him. “You can’t get rid of me.”
Placing my arm around his waist, I tug on his strong body to move with me. “Time for bed.”
Wobbling next to me, Ocean’s body clashes with mine occasionally but we make it there in one piece and he slumps to the bed when I release him. Empty vodka bottles lay on the carpet, dirty clothes thrown across the floor.
“Will you stay with me?”
Unsure if it’s a good idea to wake up with him sober in the morning when he will remember who my brother is, I nod before I can say no.
Staying with Ocean is where I want to be.
“I’d love to.” Ocean is barely able to function, lying on his back, so I assist him taking his clothes off admiring his ink without him noticing.
“I’d love you to suck my cock.” Slurring, he closes his eyes.
Red stains my face and I roll my eyes. “That’s going to have to wait, stud, until you can direct me on how to do it.”
He whispers, “Thank you.”
Pulling his jeans off, he’s commando underneath. I mutter under my breath, “No, thank you.” Gazing at his length, I hope there will be a time soon it will be inside me. He doesn’t hear, thank God.
“No one’s spoken to my parents like that before.” His voice is trance-like.
“I won’t stand by and let someone berate you, Ocean. Nothing she said was true.”
Ocean has a small tear escape.
My heart breaks for him. “We’ll get through this. I’ll make certain of it.” Having no clue how to achieve that, I will find a way for him to be happy again.
One tear becomes two and then more. Trying to untangle myself from my clothes, I give up. Shoulders heaving, his tears turn to sobs.
Ocean’s broken.
Curling myself behind him, I hold him around his waist. Our bodies together, his silent cries shudder through me. Keeping a tight grasp, I feel his devastation for hours.
If I can do nothing more than hold him, then I will do that.
This is something that can’t be fixed.
But with each step forward, I will be by Ocean’s side.
Warmth surrounds me, and the sweet smell of citrus brings an awkward smile to my face.
It’s been days since I’ve felt the sensation of my lips pull up. Guilt instantly swamps me. My stomach recoils and my head pounds. An ache lodges deep in my chest.
How can I smile when today is the day I have to bury my sister?
Moving cautiously, unsure if alcohol poisoning has set in, because it should have, the amount of alcohol I’ve tossed back in the last few days, I turn toward the one speck of sparkle I have in my life.
Blue eyes study me, her eyebrows are drawn. “How is your head feeling?”
“Better than it should.”
“You need to give yourself a break.” Her hand strokes my face. Calm washes over me.
“Thank you for being here.” Exhaustion consumes my body still, my limbs heavy and stiff.
A worried look crosses her smooth skin. “You don’t mind?”
“If I could wake up with you by my side every morning, I’d be the luckiest man alive.”
Her saddened eyes brighten a little. “Ohhh. Are you positive. I have been making myself sick with worry that you wouldn’t want to be near me again because of my brothers involvement.” Phoebe moves away from me slightly, dipping her head.
“That prick doesn’t get to rule your life any more Phoebe. I won’t let him. And, so you are one hundred percent certain, I hold nothing against you. You didn’t do this, he did.”
“But, he’s my…”
Moving forward, my mouth finds her lips and we connect. Both of us gentle and slow, pouring our deep emotions into each other.
“No more thinking about him or talking about him.” If I had more energy I would tell her that she doesn’t have to worry about him anymore but that requires more brain function than I have at the moment.
“I know it’s not much, but thank you for seeing me for me and not his blood sister.”
“All I see is my Phoebe and the woman who told my parents off.” A small smirk lifts my lips.
“I’ll do it again if necessary too. You know I’m here for you today and every day.”
“I know.” Rolling onto my back, I look at the ceiling and get myself together a small bit. “Thank you for last night. You can’t know what how much it means to me that you spoke to my parents like that but also that you stayed.” I cringe, thinking about how I cried myself to sleep. I can’t remember the last time that happened.
“Is she always like that?”
“Drunk?”
“Yeah and hostile toward you?”
“I only tolerate her because of Melody. It was her life ambition to keep us close but after today I want nothing to do with her.” My hands go behind my head, elbows out to the side. Phoebe moves closer, placing her head on my chest.
“I don’t blame you. You have to do what’s right for yourself now.” Her finger traces the artwork on my skin.
“I got that one because of Melody.”
“It’s beautiful.” Her cool touch shoots tingles through my upper chest. “I get the anchor is you being there for her, but what does the swirly musical notes mean?”
“Melody loved music, dancing, singing, and playing various instruments. It was a huge part of her life, we designed it together and had Tyrone ink it.”
“It looks perfect. Did Melody get one at the same time?” The contact from her body is soothing me, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to talk.
“Yeah, it said, ‘I’ll be your wings, big brother.’” Choking up, I take some slow breaths in and out. Phoebe continues tracing her finger, giving me an antidote for my hurt. “Except she used the wings before me.” Thinking of the small feather and tiny butterflies she insisted be a part of the design, I smile remembering the argument we had. I thought the feather would be enough for her first tattoo but always pig-headed,
she refused and told Tyrone to ink the butterflies as well. Nearly passing out twice, she wouldn’t back down.
“Melody will be watching you and guiding you more than ever from above. I have no doubt about it.”
“Hmmm. Yeah. But being her older brother, it’s expected I’d go first. She didn’t have a chance for a family of her own. God knows she tried hard to find someone that would love her as she deserved but Melody didn’t experience true love.”
“Her life was cut too short for sure. But from what the girls have told me, she lived each second to the fullest, she was the life of parties and I can’t say she would have regretted anything.”
No truer words have been spoken. Melody was loud, excitable and everyone loved her. She had the natural flair to talk to people like she’d known them for years, always ensuring everyone around her was having a good time.
A small smile stretches, thinking of the memories.
I will miss my little sister.
Fuck, now all I’ll have is memories.
The insides of my stomach quiver, my heart thuds. “I should get going.”
“I’ll make you a coffee.”
Nodding, distance returns, thinking about my sister and her being lowered into the cold dirt soon, and having to see Mom and Dad is at the forefront of my mind.
Dressing in black is easy, about everything I own is black. Choosing an orange tie to match my orange socks, Melody’s favorite color, I drift into the kitchen and see Phoebe stirring the sugar in my coffee. My heart warms looking at her.
“Smells good.”
Walking toward me, she stops and holds my jacket lapels. Her blue eyes look up to me. “You look good. I knew Melody for only a moment, but she was proud of you, Ocean. She believed in you and your friends. She looked up to you and worshipped the ground her big brother walked on.”
“Everyone loves… fuck. Loved her.” Taking my cup, I have a few mouthfuls and compose myself.
A knock at the door jolts us both.
“You ready?” Slate comes in. “Emerald and I are taking you.”
“I’m good, I can get myself there.” Trying to feign I’m okay, I stand tall.
“I’m not arguing, we’re driving you and Phoebe. Us brothers stick together.”
Nodding my head and grateful he had thought of it, I look to Phoebe.
“I’ll meet you both there. I have my car outside and I need to dress anyway. I won’t be far behind you.”
Slate gives her a chin lift and turns. “I’ll meet you in the car.”
Finishing my coffee, I have to hold it together. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll walk out with you.”
Silence fills the air walking Phoebe to her car. I have no energy. Putting one foot in front of the other is a big deal, my gut churning faster and faster. I should tell her all the things I learned about her maybe brother, that he’s dead and she’s out of danger, for now, but I don’t. I’m too wrapped up in my own grief. Speaking could end up with me bursting into tears. It’s best I keep it inside.
Squeezing my hand, she smiles. “I’ll be there soon.”
A tender kiss on her lips jump starts my head momentarily. “I’m already missing you.”
“Me too.”
People gather but they’re nameless faces. I’m focused on the photo of Melody on the casket, her wide smile beaming back at us all.
Voices come and go, a woman gets up, then another, then the celebrant again. My lungs burn and my throat constricts. Sitting next to Slate, Tanner, and Caden, the girls are next to us. Phoebe’s here but I’m overwhelmed in sadness, I didn’t move.
The funeral directors set up the outside area perfectly. Orange lilies adorn the casket and Mom and Dad sit on the opposite side from me. Other flowers are scattered around the lawn and a basket holding more lilies sit at the end. A line of people encroach as they pick up a lily, placing it on the final resting place of Melody’s. A slow stream of feet walk past me.
My legs refuse to move, my heart thumping in my head drowning out the soft cries. Clenching my hands, I hold in the howling pain, instead I assault my skin with my nails, and force my body to stay solid.
“You did this to her,” my mother shrieks, her fists flying into me as she strides up to me. My head pulls back, and the pain etched on my mother’s rivals mine I’m trying to keep contained inside. “You and your delinquent friends. You all killed her.” Assaulting my shoulders, a few slaps hitting me in the face, she moves her rage to my real family.
My father steps in and eases her hands back from me. “Odette. Stop.” Red-rimmed eyes look at me, my dad’s aged ten or more years since I saw him a month ago. “Ocean would never hurt his sister.”
“It’s always been about you. No regard for us or your sister. Consumed by your illegal shenanigans, it has finally caught up with you.”
Spearing my vision into her eyes, an explosion kabooms. Rehashing the same conversation she has been spewing at me for days blows my mind apart. Manic and frustrated, I stand and what I’ve been holding inside for decades spills out in front of everyone.
“You stupid woman. You can’t see past your alcohol fused eyes. Melody came to me for help with everything. She turned to me when you drank yourself into a coma, when she sat beside you for weeks in the hospital when your liver shut down. She always babbled that we needed to save you from yourselves. She never gave up on you, but you gave up on us. I was there when she had her heart broken by the French guy, when she thought she was getting married to the jock when she was eighteen, when she was pregnant, uncertain what to do because of the deadbeat dad only to end up losing the baby anyway. I was the one there for her. Not Dad and not you.”
Shock registers on their faces.
“Melody loved life, lived it to its fullest, and was wild with it. Why do you think there are so many people here to wish her goodbye today?” Bowing my head, I thank them in my own way for coming. “Men came and went, poor money choices and bad situations arose, and I fixed them. That’s what I did, what we both did. We looked out for one another. That’s what happens when you have parents who aren’t around. You didn’t know Melody, Mother. You haven’t known the true Melody since we were children.”
Fuck. I’d blurted out private memories that only we shared.
Heaving in air, water slips down my face. If Mom was anyone else, I would have flattened them into a bloody pulp.
Knocking over the chair, I walk away.
Fuck, I want to punch something, but Melody doesn’t deserve this at her resting place.
Standing alone on the hill, heat scalds my skin. I tear at my jacket, ripping it off. Shaking all over, I sit before I fall. Music wafts and I watch as the casket is lowered into the soil. A delicate hand takes mine and holds it tight.
Ugly sobs torrent through me. “Why take her and not me?” I deserve it, she didn’t.
Arms wrap around my waist and my head falls onto Phoebe’s shoulder where my eyes blur.
“I love you, Melody.”
God knows how many tears I’ve shed.
My mother is all but dead to me and I still cry on occasions wishing she was here. There’s a dull ache that is lodged forever in my heart.
I frequently say I miss her, but in reality, it has been so long, they are just words. I can’t remember the warmth of her hugs, her smell, or what her skin felt against mine. Her voice is no longer echoing through my ears and her smile has long vanished from my memory bank. The fact that she isn’t here to see me traveling through the years is possibly what I miss.
Shaking my head, clearing it, I know Ocean will wholeheartedly miss Melody.
“The orange flowers were lovely. They’re out of season too so they would have been hard to find.”
“Yeah.”
Crushed and fractured, we’ve been sitting graveside for over two hours. When everyone had paid their last respects, Ocean reluctantly walked down with me holding my hand tight. He hasn’t said much, only the odd word. Every now
and then he’d pop a Skittle into his mouth, offering me some when he did. His tears stopped flowing twenty minutes ago.
“Where do you think Melody is now?” Tired eyes study the mound of soil and another assortment of flowers covering it.
“In a place that is idyllic and serene, where nothing bad happens.” Thinking about death many times, I needed to believe that if my family did end me, I would be going somewhere better. “I think when we pass, because we endure some evil on earth, we are then blessed to remain in a pure, unspoiled existence. Where our soul can look however we choose, and we find the true person we are destined to be with if we weren’t lucky to find our soul mate on earth.”
“I hope so. Melody deserves happiness and someone who genuinely loves her.”
Watching this large, unstoppable, dominant man break is excruciating. My insides are splintering, piece by piece observing how his body is collapsing into a shell of what it was days ago.
“Your sister I’m guessing was stubborn like you, so I’m sure she will make it happen.”
A flicker of a smile flashes. My heart melts into a mess.
“I’m not stubborn.”
“Oh yeah, well, I’m not a great florist.”
“You know you are. The best around. I wish you could have done Melody’s flowers, she would have liked that.”
“It’s for the best I didn’t. Your mom and dad found a lovely funeral home and every tiny detail was thought about. You can’t ask for more than that.”
“For the most part, it was a worthy send-off to my sister. If only my mother didn’t start her crap again.” Raising his voice, strain mars his handsome face.
“It’s been an emotional few days. People say things they don’t mean when they are hurting.”
“Not Odette. She’s been saying the same lines for years about my brothers. Hoping I’d stay far away from Melody so I wouldn’t negatively influence her.”
Ocean pulls his hand out of mine and stands up fast. “Fuck. I have to get to Melody’s place fast. If I know my parents, they will already be cleaning out her apartment, taking all of her belongings.”
