by Joey W. Hill
Rand couldn't help thinking how easy it had been tonight, the emotions and affection displayed around Fane's table, compared to how mercurial and sometimes combative Cai could be. He completely understood why Cai was like that, he did, but...he wished Cai would come with him. Could run with them.
"But I can't." A muscle twitched in Cai's jaw. He backed up a few steps. "Go, wolf. I mean it."
"I'll find you at dusk."
"Do what you got to do." Cai pivoted and strode away, disappearing in the shadows of the forest.
Damn it. He hadn't handled that well. Rand sat up, rubbing a hand over his face. He wanted to fix it, but he wasn't exactly sure how. More of that aforementioned mercurial shit.
More howls split the air. They were calling him. Cai might not accept anything else from him tonight, but they would. And maybe Rand could find some answers to the confusion of feelings he had about the vampire, the loss of his family, and the way things were changing inside him.
Actions would speak louder than words. At twilight, Rand would find the vampire, no matter that Cai thought Rand was abandoning his ass. But in the meantime, Rand would give himself this, the perfect ending note to an evening with great meal and mind-blowing sex.
Rand shifted. When he came to a raised berm over a ravine, he lifted his head, scenting the air. On a whim, he put his nose to the sky and howled, long and deep.
He was answered by an enthusiastic chorus that hit him like a shot of pure adrenaline. He ran through the forest, letting the wolf have him once more, though he had to moderate his pace since the climax had drained some of his stamina. The vampire knew how to work a man over, that was for sure.
Rand followed the howls, the inviting yips, and caught up with them. They were running through the forest purely for the joy of it. Cilya nipped his shoulder flirtatiously as he joined the pack. He rolled her in playful answer and they were all up and moving together, running, stopping briefly to sniff and take a different direction. Flushing out a mole, Todd gulped it down in one swallow, an after-dinner snack.
If they'd been hungry, if they'd been with him when he ran down the stag, they would have hunted as a pack. They would feed in order of hierarchy, unless there were new pups just starting to eat raw meat who needed to feed first, to ensure their strength. Then the alphas, Fane and Lynn, then the beta, Stalker. Then the others.
Rand, if he was part of their pack, might be recognized as a beta ranked over Stalker, because Fane would acknowledge his contribution to protecting and caring for the family, and offer his respect to Rand for not challenging Fane's domination of the group.
Though they identified strongly with wolves, there were key differences between wolf shifters and actual wolves. Like most wolf packs only had the one female, the alpha female. And she'd be the only one to get pregnant. In contrast, Rand suspected Lynn was hoping rather strenuously for grand-pups from Sangra and Idris. Todd and Zelda might or might not ever have children, but Rand didn't see Fane or Lynn discouraging the couple from being together. Sometimes you just had to let things happen. And hope for the best.
It'd been awhile since he'd let himself have that kind of optimism about families. Attributing it to the pleasure of running with a pack, he left it at that.
When they ran themselves to near exhaustion, he flopped down next to Cilya. She rubbed against him affectionately, the two of them mouthing one another's muzzles in play, though it stopped there. Rand saw the speculation in Lynn's dark eyes, but he knew Fane would tell her. It was different when he was a wolf; he could flirt and play, and enjoy that, but actual consummation outside wolf form...not so much.
He and Sheba had consummated as wolves because it was easier for him that way. Perhaps for her too, with her memories of Sylvan as a human male, holding her in their bed, touching and kissing her. Her heart had still belonged to her dead mate, all the way to the moment she joined him in that afterlife.
He envied her that, far too much. He thought of Dylef, every intimacy shared, even daily irritations, the grind of work, farm life, dealing with the pups, and those blissful moments at the end of the day when they could lie in bed together and wake the same way. It had been a life, a good life. And it was gone.
He thought of Cai, warning him about thinking of another male while they were together. The idea of being wanted, needed...claimed, wasn't bad. But that could be fleeting, if the other part wasn't there, if there was no potential for it. Intimacy, companionship, sharing the daily stuff.
He heaved a sigh and closed his eyes as Cilya propped herself against his side and started fencing muzzles with Chad over him. It was as Cai had said. They'd both likely be dead soon, so rather than wish for what once had been, Rand would enjoy what he had right now. That would have to be enough.
Chapter Thirteen
After a time, Fane's family returned home for the night. Rand stayed out through sunrise. He prowled the woods, doing some advance scouting around the area Fane had showed him. He didn't go too close to the Trad camp, however. He was well-aware both his human and wolf form might not be able to restrain himself if he saw the girl in distress, and then their plan would be blown before it even started. This was a fight one wolf could not win.
Restless and dissatisfied, he went to find Cai. The vampire had gone to ground before the sun rose, but now that he knew what he was looking for, Rand tracked him to a mound of earth artfully concealed by debris and a stand of saplings. Their shadows provided some additional cover but didn't have a deep root system to inhibit digging a man-sized hole. Rand curled up on top of the mound of earth, deciding to spend the first part of the day sleeping. It was going to be a long night.
When twilight came, Rand felt the vampire stir. He padded a few feet away from his resting spot to lie down again. Cai rose and stretched, eyeing him without comment, and moved to the nearby spring to wash up. Rand realized he must have petitioned Giles for replacement "pajamas," similar to what Cai had had, since he was wearing a worn T-shirt and jeans so faded they were almost white. Rand cocked his head, curious, as Cai changed into his daywear.
Bugs don't get you?
"Nope." Cai grunted as he pulled on his heavier weight cotton T-shirt. "They crawl around me but seem to avoid contact. And yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking, but it's not my repulsive personality. Most vampires are bug repellants."
Rand sneezed, and Cai gave him a narrow look. Thankfully any lingering tension or unspoken words from when they'd parted hours before seemed to be gone, for both of them. Now there was only one task ahead, one focus.
Done dressing, Cai finger-combed his damp hair, a partly rakish, partly boyish gesture that appealed to Rand more than expected. The vampire didn't seem to notice the reaction, thankfully.
"Why don't you take the lead?" Cai asked. "We both know where we're going, but your nose has a better memory of the best way to get there than my brain. We'll split up the way we planned when we get closer."
In answer, Rand rose and took off. After shouldering their backpack of belongings, Cai followed with an easy jog. Rand wondered if he was concerned about Goddard taking the backpack from him, causing them to lose the chance to use Brian's tools. However, the only thing the vampire unloaded as they drew closer to their destination was the gum that would eliminate a blood tracer on a vampire, and the sedatives for Dovia.
Cai took a couple of the pea-sized gumballs from the tin, but put the rest of it in a sealed plastic bag, which he buried and marked with a trio of flat rocks.
"Will you be able to find it again, even in the bag?"
Rand gave him a mental nod and Cai rose. Rand understood Cai's intent. If they both had access to the substance, whichever one of them managed to get her out of there could give her the gum, and then the sedatives, when she was safe. She was the priority.
They resumed their journey in silence. Maybe because they saved their energy that way, or because they had an extra dose of nerves for the coming challenge, neither was winded after they covered the last couple mil
es. Rand slowed and dropped into a silent stalk. The vampire adjusted off to his right, a shadow slipping through the woods.
When they were close enough to the camp, in mutual accord, Cai circled around to scout one side, Rand the other.
As Rand peered through the trees, screened to invisibility by their cover, he examined the Trad camp. A sturdy cabin, a couple nearby outbuildings. A well. Surprisingly tidy and clean, but he remembered what Cai had said about Goddard's military illusions. He ran his camp organized, the way a commander would. With one notable exception.
Rand quelled the rumble in his throat. There were two humans here, the shift of the wind bringing their unwashed, sickly odor to his nose and fueling his anger.
Two women. They were chained by their throats and wrists to the well, one on either side so they couldn't reach one another or easily communicate. They were naked, huddled against the sides of the rock to gain what meager warmth they could from the shelter as the mountain evening cooled.
He lifted his head and met Cai's eyes on the other side of the clearing. Goddard likes to keep a human female or two for menial labor, the vampire supplied, and on the off chance they can impregnate one. They usually give up on that after a week or so. They don't believe in fucking humans for pleasure, and they refuse to mark them; against their extreme purist principles. Don't look for any kind of help from them. Their minds are likely broken.
Rand squelched his anger with effort. If Fane had scented them, I'm sure he would have tried to free them.
And he or others in his family would have died. Doesn't matter, Cai thought, cutting him off. There's a lot of bad shit in this world you can't do a damn thing about. Shit is what it is.
Cai could tell the wolf was dissatisfied with that answer, but there was no good answer for that kind of thing. Plus, Cai had to have a different focus now. An unwavering one. There was only one ball that could matter in this game.
Showtime. He cracked his neck and his fingers, drew a couple deep breaths, and let it all go quiet. No fear, no feeling, no nothing. He heard Lodell's voice in his head, as if the skinny bastard had popped up at his elbow.
To get free, you become nothing. Nothing to notice, nothing to fear...until the day you are. To do that, you have to learn to be nothing 99% of the time. That left-over 1% stays buried down so deep inside, the whetting stone for the blade, waiting until the right moment for the killing stroke. All while that 99% plays the dumb slave, the helpless idiot.
Let the fear show. That helps you. Bury the rest. Let it rot in the ground, and every night you emerge from the earth, don't bring it up with you. That fear's not going to help you. 'Nothing' is what helps you.
"Nothing helps you." Lodell had repeated it as a play on words, with a chuckle.
At that point, Cai hadn't even remembered what laughter was. He'd quelled the urge to touch the man's mouth, explore the gesture. He'd wanted to understand what laughter was again, but he'd been afraid understanding would bring more pain.
Cai opened his eyes, and let it settle over him. Nothingness. He vaguely remembered the wolf and sent him a message. Going in. Watch my back, but everything is mind-to-mind. Stay clear, no matter what, because you're the best chance to pull her out. They don't know about you.
Just like that. It took Rand by surprise, not just the suddenness of it, but Cai's abrupt mental distance. Their gazes locked over the expanse of the clearing, but Rand could have been looking at a brick wall. Cai had gone somewhere else in his head to deal with this. Rand wasn't sure if that was good or bad.
Cai going ahead, no further discussion, made an unsettling kind of sense. They were as prepared as they were going to be, so there was no real reason to wait. The plan was fairly straightforward, while any contingencies would be unpredictable, resolved on the fly.
Cai, do you think...
It's best not to, when dealing with Trads. Just go by instinct. You're good at that. If things go bad and the numbers are too great, leave me. I mean it. There's nothing you can do for me or her at that point. Just go back to your woods and to Fane's family. You'll do well with them. You felt happy...when you were with them.
What the hell? But Cai was done with talk. He rose, and that adrenaline pumped through Rand as the vampire made himself as visible as a neon sign against a dark sky. Cai moved down the short bank, jumping lithely over the wide creek and landing easy as a panther on the other side.
Downwind, Rand could inhale every nuance of the vampire's scent. Beneath all of it, there was densely packed strata of emotion that might have contained fear, loathing, hatred. As well as the desire to be as far away from this as possible, but not even a trace of it was visible in the upper layers. On the outside, Cai looked as relaxed as if he were walking into a McDonald's to order a burger.
It occurred to Rand then that, despite the tragedy in his life, the loss, he'd always been where he could express it. He could grieve, rage, pine. There were those like Fane and his family to whom he could have reached out. Cai, on the other hand, had not had those options with the Trads. He'd tailored his emotions to what would allow him to survive, thrive, overcome and ultimately free himself from them. Which meant the way he expressed his emotions might be totally fucked...but it made them no less genuine.
Rand didn't regret what had happened last night, but he did wish he'd figured out a way to keep Cai close. The vampire had pushed him away pretty decisively, yes, and maybe he'd needed his alone time to prep himself for this, but still...
Ah hell. It was something to think about and revisit when they made it out of here. If they did. Cai seemed pretty sure that was wishful thinking, but the emotion that surged in Rand, watching the vampire walk willingly into a world he abhorred, made him determined to succeed against those impossible odds. That trip to Syria was sounding more and more appealing. Hell, compared to this, it was going to be the Disneyland.
The two captive humans didn't stir, but the women's eyes were open. If they'd been second marked, they'd just warned the vampires they had company. But Cai had seemed sure they weren't. Beyond that, he wasn't trying for stealth.
"Goddard, you there?" Cai called out. "Half the night's already been pissed away. You still in your coffin?"
Noises inside the main cabin and the two outbuildings, movement. Rand's sharp ears calculated perhaps three or four occupants. When the door to the main cabin opened, he saw Cai's description had been spot on. Goddard was a tall rangy vampire who reminded Rand of a bent oak tree stripped of bark and leaves. He wore camouflage pants and a tight dark green T-shirt over a compact, powerful frame. He was fastening his pants and tucking in his shirt. Rand's senses went on full alert when he heard a small sound escape from the inside before he shut the door.
A stifled sob. A female one. A second later her scent hit him. Dovia.
The doors to the outbuildings opened, producing two other male vampires. They wore camouflage outfits like Goddard's, and matching unfriendly demeanors. Rand's nose received an information dump. Guns, explosives, old blood. Rancid body odor. They didn't bathe or, if they did, they didn't do it often.
Female fear, a sharp wave of it. It was coming from the two women chained to the well area. Cold anger shot through him.
You can't do anything for them. Try to rescue them now, and you'll die here. One of them's too far gone already.
Not too far gone to feel fear. Rand was surprised Cai had spared time to send him the thought, for his attention appeared absolute on the vampires circling him. They projected a menace comparable to an army of wolves a breath away from attack. Even as Rand tensed, prepared to jump into the fray if needed, his human side heeded Cai's warning and stayed on top of the wolf instincts, so he wouldn't act precipitously and lose their advantage.
The wind shifted, and Rand's attention snapped away from the clearing. Too late. Something hard struck his head, eliciting a painful whimper, and then there was darkness.
He woke, bound up in rope. He was still in wolf form. From the throbbing, he suspected
his head had a serious dent in it. He was inside a building, the main cabin. Outside, the Trads' odor had been offensive. Inside, it was overwhelming.
"It's awake." A toe prodded him and he snapped, a thwarted reflex, since he was muzzled with more rope. "You never were very clever, Cai."
It was Goddard talking, standing near Rand's head. "Voltaire wants to be overlord of Greenwald's pathetic little kingdom," the Trad said. "What better way to make sure Greenwald completely loses his mind to Ennui than to help Trads kidnap his daughter and ensure their one rescue attempt fails? Easy enough when Voltaire gave us the heads up about the idiot being sent to snatch her back. And his pet wolf."
Rand couldn't move his head enough to see him, but he could smell Cai's blood. Seemed to be Cai's week for getting the shit kicked out of him. He was awake, though, and Rand detected so many compressed volatile emotions from the vampire, there was no separating them. His wolf wanted to tear flesh, to protect what was his, form a barrier of teeth and fur between Cai and this situation, but he kept a lid on it.
"Now, who's the idiot?" Cai scoffed. He might be in pain, but his refusal to appear cowed by anything was in working order, reassuring Rand. "They snatched me, beat the fuck out of me, threatened my life and said 'hey, we'll let you go if you rescue this vampire bitch for us.' Of course I said I'd do it. Why do you think I came here? To tell you that, so you could move camp before they send anyone else after you. Could have saved myself the goddamn trip if I'd known Voltaire was behind it all. Why in the fuck would I help Council vampires?"
Goddard prowled the cabin. With the limited range his bonds provided him, Rand noted his males were a trio of sinister figures lurking in the shadows, sitting on rough-hewn benches and tables.
"Why bother coming to warn us at all?" Goddard said. "Why not simply bolt when they cut you loose, put a few thousand miles between you?"
"Because I survive by not burning bridges. By coming to you, I can at least convince them I made the attempt. By coming to you, I have your protection from them, rather than making a run for it and getting caught."
