by Joey W. Hill
He saw the vampire's shoulders tremble from the girl's sobbing. But as Cai's arms constricted around her further and he buried his face in her hair, as if he was winding the two of them into a cocoon, Rand's eyes darkened. For he could tell when his Master's shoulders trembled not just from her tears, but from his own.
Why he should think of him that way right now, Rand wasn't sure. Maybe because Master meant something far more complicated to him right now, impossible to explain, but something he innately knew fit. Maybe because he was the only one who had the right to call Cai that, a unique link they shared, a two-way ownership hidden in the word.
It was difficult, but he stayed on the bank, just watching over them, until at last she was quiet in Cai's arms. When Cai brought her to shore, he was carrying her. She'd finally given out, though Rand didn't know how Cai himself had the strength to carry her, because he wasn't much better off. He stumbled on the bank, but Rand was there. He'd shifted to human and wrapped the girl back up in the blanket.
They sat down on the bank together and held her between them. Their arms were overlapping, Cai's shoulder pressed against Rand's side. Cai curled his fingers around Rand's wrist and brought it to his mouth. When he bit him with the one fang, almost gently, it wasn't to drink. Rand stretched out his fingers, rubbing the pads over the single tear track he saw marking Cai's face.
The vampire's gaze lifted to him, held. He took Rand's hand away, and pressed the open vein of his wrist to Dovia's lips. She drank automatically, trusting as a babe, already half asleep. Numb, her consciousness had fled to relief-inspired oblivion and exhaustion. She was safe. Battered, traumatized, but safe.
When Cai finally closed the wound, Dovia muttered "wolf." A smile touched Cai's lips but didn't reach his eyes. Not even close.
If I didn't enjoy plowing your ass so much, I'd never want you to change out of being a wolf, either. You have this nice stillness. No words. We all talk too much, us humanoid types.
The vampire reached over, stroked a casual knuckle down Rand's face. "Shift back. Your wolf body will keep her warm and she likes it."
That an order, vampire?
Rand wasn't sure what made him press that trigger, but the trace of heat that went through Cai's expression, no matter his exhaustion, made him feel he'd done the right thing. Maybe because he'd wanted to do it for his own reasons, too.
If you like.
Cai adjusted Dovia to give Rand room to shift into a wolf. When he drew close to the girl again, Rand felt oddly content as Dovia curled inside the curve of his body, her hands wrapped in his ruff. Even better, Cai leaned in, sandwiching her between them so he could idly stroke and run his fingers through Rand's fur. In silent stillness, they watched the water flow and the moonlight glitter.
It was enough.
In time, Rand's compulsion to tend the other being that needed his care grew too strong for him to deny himself. He didn't care if Cai mocked his nurturing side. The vampire seemed half asleep, most of his weight leaning against Rand behind Dovia, his head tipped downward. He barely lifted it when Rand made a couple of yipping noises.
Fane emerged almost immediately, with Stalker and Windrunner at his side. Daegan and Gideon came from the other side of the creek, verifying they'd coordinated full perimeter coverage. In wolf speak, Rand asked Fane if he would take Dovia to his house. He was relieved that Fane agreed without hesitation, no apparent discomfort about having Daegan and Gideon as escort without Rand's mitigating presence.
Rand suspected it wasn't so much the male had decided vampires were trustworthy, but he'd accepted he could trust this small group of them. That decision was also heavily influenced by Fane's guilt about the two human women. Rand didn't want to take advantage of that, but he was glad not to have to expend energy convincing Fane the vampires wouldn't be a risk to his family.
When Fane shifted to human and explained the plan to Daegan and Gideon, the two males nodded. Gideon stepped forward to take Dovia.
She barely stirred, which gave Rand further comfort, since he'd been concerned she wouldn't allow him or Cai out of her sight. But she needed female care now, and Fane's wife and daughters would handle that end. Suspecting she was experiencing the first real sleep she'd had since she'd been taken, he hoped she wouldn't rouse until the following twilight. Lynn, Sangra and Cilya could handle the more delicate care she might need, cleaning and tending her so she could wake feeling as normal as possible.
Gideon lifted her in his arms in a protective, gentle manner. But before he followed the shifters and his Master out of the clearing, he paused. His lips twisted in a half-smile as his gaze coursed over Rand's wolf form. It reminded Rand of Jacob's initial reaction to seeing him shift. However, as Gideon met Rand's bi-colored gaze, his own dark blue eyes grew more somber.
"Don't know how much of this you get when you're four-legged, but if it was me, I'd want some time to care for my Master one-on-one, too," he said. "You're new to it, but don't let it freak you out. There's no one who can understand him, be in his head, more than you. No one he'll ever be able to trust the same way. That's why they have us. And why we have something inside of us that needs that, just as much."
Daegan had reappeared at the forest edge, his gaze resting on his servant. Though his expression didn't change, there was an energy between him and Gideon that said the two of them would always be visible to one another, in ways that no darkness could ever hide.
Daegan and Gideon disappeared into the woods. Rand's sharp ears detected the formation, the wolves and the vampire falling into position to run point around Gideon and the girl. They'd be all right.
Rand needed the mental reassurance. Despite his reasons for remaining behind, protective instincts kicked back in as soon as Dovia was out of his immediate reach. That urge was tangled up with some quick flashes of his own children, of Sylvan's, and things he really didn't want in his head right now.
Fortunately, another more recent memory took him back in the right direction. Cai, staring up at the mote of light leaving his hand. A baby's soul he'd planted and then plucked, returning it to its Maker.
Cai had roused sometime during the shift of guard duty, but he hadn't said anything. Merely stayed where he was, leaning against Rand. His gaze followed the track of the waterfall, lifting briefly when the wind touched the trees over them. The movement showed Rand a glimpse of his eyes, flickering shadows and moonlight flashes against the irises framed by his thick-lashed eyes.
He liked the vampire's quietness. It seemed an acknowledgement of things they didn't even have to word-think to understand one another's feelings on it. Rand was also starting to understand the rise and retreat of the vampire's emotions when things became too much, enough that he wasn't surprised when Cai abruptly rose.
"You've given a lot of blood tonight," he said. "I'm going to go get you dinner."
You're too tired. Rabbit have to be old, slow. Tough meat.
"Better shot at it than you, crashing through the undergrowth on three legs." Cai tugged one of his ears. Rand nipped at him and the corner of the male's mouth lifted slightly.
If Rand had been in human form, he might have stroked a knuckle down Cai's face, his jaw. Spoken aloud and told him we're okay.
"Yeah. We are." The vampire sent him a weary, twisted smile. Turning on his heel, he moved toward the woods. He was steadier on his feet, but not moving with his usual lithe grace. It'd been a rough night on all of them.
Rand knew Cai was looking for space. He should give it to him, no matter how concerned he was about the vampire's state of mind, the weakened state of his body.
So he sat on the bank of the pool for another full minute. He remembered the single tear track he'd traced on Cai's cheek, along the straight line of his nose. How many times had it been broken when he was with the Trads, at the hands of someone like Goddard? Or out in the world, because he refused to bend toward any authority? Actively went out of his way to oppose it, whether sensible or not.
Before he realized h
e'd made the decision, Rand left the secluded glade and moved into the surrounding forest. He couldn't move fast, but having three legs did help. He and Cai were a dangerous pair right now--if there'd been an impending threat from an army of turtles.
Cai was deep in his head, because for once he didn't seem aware of Rand's approach until Rand was almost upon him. Rand drew his attention by shifting to human. Conveniently, he'd done it next to a tree, so he could brace himself for support if needed.
Cai turned and looked at him. A long, silent, weighted moment. "Come here, vampire," Rand invited.
Cai's firm lips twisted, though his dark eyes became darker. His emotions had all those layers right now, making him harder for Rand to read, but Rand picked up enough to know his presence wasn't unwelcome. Far from it.
"Is that an order?" he responded.
Rand lifted a brow, and repeated the vampire's earlier words. "If you like."
When Cai didn't immediately move, Rand moved a step toward him. One halting, limping step that told him he was going to be on all fours again fast, though it was likely to be palms and knees. Well, in the right mood, Cai might find that convenient.
Cai made a face at him as he closed the distance, putting a bracing hand on Rand's waist as Rand clamped a palm on the vampire's shoulder to steady himself. His bare shoulder.
Yeah, they were both beat to hell, but they were alive.
"Fucking alive," Cai added, that appealing hint of a smile on his mouth, though it was marked by other things that could tear Rand's heart into pieces. They both understood loss far too well, didn't they?
Rand didn't answer with words or thoughts. Just feeling. He shared relief that they'd survived the nightmare, that Dovia had a chance of healing from her emotional scars, the way she would the physical. It didn't matter about his leg or how the rest of him felt; Rand wanted to give Cai blood, wanted to nourish him, give him back his strength. Body, mind and soul. Maybe not fuel his sharp tongue, but he supposed that was part of the whole package.
Cai gave a half laugh, but it had a note of despair to it. Rand moved his hand to the side of Cai's throat, feeling the pulse. "You were still, by the water," he murmured. "Quiet, inside and out. Keep being that way with me."
No acid sarcasm, no attempt to push him or anyone else away with his inappropriate humor, his endless running monologue of jokes and one-liners. Rand wanted him to lay down those weapons, lay down all weapons, and simply...be still. With him. "You can do that."
Cai's gaze had shuttered, but he hadn't looked away. A muscle was flexing in his jaw and his body was...tense, but not stone-wall tense. More like electric-wire tense, ready to conduct electricity with the right contact.
Taking it as the invitation it was, Rand did as he wished. He dropped his touch to Cai's side, caressing the hard curve of biceps, the shallow valley between every rib. He wasn't emaciated, but there wasn't a spare ounce of soft flesh on him. Touching the bone structure reminded Rand that they were all breakable. Maybe the boon of mortality was that he only had to go through the pain of being broken a certain number of times before the body and soul called it quits. Cai didn't have that luxury.
"Sit down before you fall down," Cai said gruffly, easing them both to the forest floor, using the tree as their backrest. "You're having my fucking blood. No argument. Shut up and drink it."
He'd lifted his wrist, but Rand clasped it, holding it between them. His gaze shifted upward. "Someone told me it's better from the throat."
"Did they? Sounds like a way to try and take advantage of you."
"It worked. Have you ever watched the way wolves approach the alpha in a pack, vampire?"
"No. They're a jumpy bunch. They tend to scatter when they sense me."
"Hmm. Well, you can always tell the alphas in a pack. Tail high, direct gaze, ears up. They just project it."
"Because it's hard to mask it, to pretend to be something they're not?" Cai supplied, recalling their earlier conversations. Rand tightened his grip on his wrist.
"Yeah. But if he doesn't want to fight, an alpha approaching another alpha goes through some of the same rituals as the non-alphas in the pack. I'll show you sometime. When we're both a little less beat all to hell."
"Okay."
Rand smiled a little at the simple response. When he brushed his thumb over Cai's lips, the vampire let his fang score the knuckle. "Let me feed you, wolf. The leg thing is messing with my head."
"You shouldn't let it. Your blood will help. I know it." Rand shrugged. "And if it doesn't heal all the way, it's a small price to pay for getting Dovia back."
"Not a small price. Not if I never get to see you run again, like you did the night you chased that deer."
Rand pressed his lips together, and Cai's hand slid to his nape, drawing him forward. "Take it from wherever you want it," the vampire said.
He wanted the throat, but thinking it over, Rand settled for the wrist. He couldn't say exactly why, except when he bowed his head over the offering and felt Cai stroking his hair, saw his eyes closing in an expression of relief, Rand knew it had been the right choice. Their souls were out and exposed, too raw. Keeping it quiet, gentle, that was what was needed.
He had to bite with human canines, but experience breaking through skin with wolf fangs made it quick. Cai didn't seem bothered by any pain from it.
The blood was nourishing, as potent as ever. And a surprising comfort food. Lord Brian probably had an explanation for that, related to the bond between vampire and fully marked servant. But Rand didn't need to understand the whys right now.
He didn't take as much as Cai wanted him to, but he took enough that, when he eased back, Rand felt steadier, the pain of the leg less bothersome. Still there, but less distracting. He was certain a good day's sleep would help their respective wounds heal, so he squeezed Cai's arm, a silent reassurance when the vampire watched Rand adjust to sit hip to hip with him, still favoring the leg.
"Let's just lie here for a while," Rand suggested.
Cai nodded, but his gaze remained on the leg until Rand eased them down and turned them both on their sides, Rand behind him.
Cai suddenly felt tense again, things bending, but in a stiff, rigid, old-man kind of way. Rand had wrapped an arm around his chest, his mouth against his nape. Touch was so easy for wolves. And not easy as in meaningless. Cai realized every touch Rand offered was sincere, the full weight of his personality behind it so whoever he was touching felt central...and centered. Dovia had gravitated toward it like a toddler toward a teddy bear. Cai had different feelings about it, but no less strong and real.
Rand's knees pressed into the backs of Cai's, his chest against his shoulder blades. Cai swallowed, his eyes closing. A part of him just wanted to go, to pull loose. Perhaps Rand registered his conflict, because his breath was a caress on his neck that matched the light stroke over Cai's chest, both soothing.
"What?" the wolf asked.
"Nothing." But it wasn't nothing. It was a nothing thing to most people that was so far from nothing for Cai, he couldn't bear to face it. He didn't think of these things, hadn't had to think of them. It was easier to ignore what you'd never had when it was never offered to you. But when it was offered, it could open this whole damn empty chest of nothing that could jump out, pin you to the ground and strangle you. Christ, how could he be strangling?
"Hey. Hey, easy." Rand started to move, but Cai grabbed his hand on his chest, kept him there, pushed back into him so he had to stay where he was, as long as he could. Without looking at Cai's face. He couldn't bear looking at anyone right now.
"Okay," the wolf murmured. "It's all right. I'm right here."
"Fucking spooning. I've never...hell." Cai tried to laugh, and it came out in that weird, strangled, hysterical note.
Rand simply kept stroking him. He was rocking him, too, a very subtle motion, but it helped as Cai tried to level out. His heart had a jumpy pace that hurt. Would have hurt more if Rand hadn't fanned out his hand and pressed it there,
absorbing it, somehow bringing it back down to normal.
"Rest a few minutes," the shifter urged. "We'll head back in a bit, but it's a nice night. Nice to be out here, just the two of us, like this."
"Yeah." Cai swallowed again, adjusted his head down and back and found Rand's bent arm there waiting, the massive biceps the perfect pillow. Cai closed his eyes and tried to relax his death grip on the guy's other hand. If Rand hadn't been a shifter and a third mark, Cai could have broken the fingers. "We got her. She's safe."
"Yeah. She is. Queen Lyssa might even pin a medal on you. She'll stab you with it first, but you'd have that coming. You did call her a bitch."
Cai snorted, the ground under his mental feet becoming less tentative. "A reward from Council vampires probably isn't a big step up from Trads. 'Hey, adequate job. We won't kill you this time.'"
"Well, what more precious gift could you give someone than their life?"
Cai turned his head enough that he was rubbing himself against the male's face. One of those wolf gestures. Rand made a pleased sound, crowding closer to him. If he'd been in wolf form, Cai thought he'd hear a tail thumping. Big puppy. But the momentary humor faded as he thought of Rand's words, the wolf's memories behind them.
"I'm really sorry, Rand. About your family." His grip on Rand's half-closed hand adjusted to his wrist, his thumb sliding over the scar from that time of dark despair in Rand's life. And Cai didn't question the fierce satisfaction of feeling his third mark overlaying it. "I can't imagine how hard it was to go on after that."
Rand said nothing at first, but he was still holding Cai, so he was okay. Just thinking. "Yeah, you can," he said at last. "Because the same thing happened to you. Just in a different way. Did you ever see them again, your family?"
He'd never spoken of it to anyone, not even Lodell. Hell, what he'd told Lyssa had been rote, the carefully structured bare facts that he could get through without opening deeper things that he always told himself he didn't feel anymore. But Rand saw the locked rooms, knew the lock on it was rusty and could be busted loose with one good kick of memory.
"No. It took me a hundred years to get away, and my parents were dead by then. My brothers and sisters may have had kids, and their kids had kids, et cetera, but I didn't look. Goddard told me if I ever tried to escape, he'd have the males killed and take the females in as potential breeders, regardless of their age. Even after I won my freedom, I couldn't...the idea of putting them at any risk... It didn't make sense, anyway. Not after so many years, you know."
