‘This is preposterous,’ Humphrey shot back. ‘I am not here to suffer your intolerably bad cross-examination.’
‘That’s fine, Humphrey. Then I will refer the issue to the Law Society and to the police and let them deal with it.’ I knew that I had all the ammunition I needed. There was no hurry. Playtime!
‘Of course, if any of this is true, it is potentially a really serious criminal offence, isn’t it? Attempting to pervert the course of justice? Bad, bad news that. What’s more, you both knew that I was acting in the divorce. You explain to me, please, why I was not told about what was going on?’
‘What are you trying to suggest, Jonathan? Think very carefully about what you are saying.’ Attack was Clarissa’s form of defence. However, I had foreseen exactly what she would do and was prepared for it. Also, why was she defending Humphrey? I knew precisely why but enjoyed playing my cards very close to my chest.
‘I’ll tell you what I am going to do, Clarissa. I’m going to leave the room now so that the two of you can have a little chat. In ten minutes’ time I’m going to return, however, and you will tell me what you want to do about this. If I don’t feel you have told me the truth then I will pick up the phone and speak to the police and then I will email the Law Society. So, you had better make it good.’
‘How dare you threaten us in that way?’
‘No, Clarissa. It isn’t a threat. It’s a promise. Think about it. And also,’ I picked up the closed file that I had placed on the table in front of me, ‘you might want to bear in mind that you don’t know what information I have. And, until you have made your decisions, I’m not going to tell you, save to say that it may well put both of you where you belong. In the shit.’
‘You foul-mouthed bastard.’ Humphrey was never very good with words.
‘Humphrey, dear boy, I think that is the pot calling the kettle black.’
‘You’re bluffing. You have absolutely nothing on us. If you had you’d show us the file now.’
‘Risky line that, Clarissa. Shall I just make the call, then?’
I came back in exactly ten minutes by which time the mixture of strong perfume and overpowering aftershave had turned the air to near poison.
‘Jon, I am really sorry that this is happening and think that we all need to see how we are going to contain this problem. In the interests of us all.’ I knew that she would try that one.
‘No, Clarissa. You and Humphrey must tell me the truth. Over to you.’
‘Well,’ Humphrey said, ‘I accept that Mr Hamley-Smith did consult me about the possible sale of the business, but I told him that I couldn’t get involved until after the divorce was concluded. That’s all it is, Jon. I think that you must have got the wrong end of the stick, somehow. You know how office gossip and Chinese whispers work.’
‘Clarissa?’ I turned to her to see what she wanted to say.
‘Don’t ask me, Jon. I just know what Humphrey has told me.’
‘OK. And can you help me, please? When did Mr Hamley-Smith first consult you?’
‘Oh Jon, I can’t remember…We had one meeting. Probably about a month before the divorce hearing. I haven’t heard anything since.’
‘Is there anything else that I need to know?’
‘No, I don’t think so. Can we all go home now?’
‘Well, that’s up to you. But, before you do, you might want to look at this.’
‘What is it?’
‘It is a copy of an attendance note. I have the originals locked in a safe somewhere.’ The safe was at Seb’s house and I had copies in the safe at home as well.
‘How the hell have you got copies of his attendance notes? Have you been searching through his files? If you have, that is it. You’re out of this firm.’
‘Clarissa…you may just want to look at the document first. Because if that document is true, then you are not just both out of your jobs, but you are also going to be struck off, I would suggest.’
‘Give it to me please.’ Clarissa snatched it from my hands.
‘Of course. Now…Another ten minutes? No more please.’
The document that I had shown them had been typed three months before the divorce hearing. It was a note of a meeting between Humphrey, Clarissa and Peregrine. It recorded that Peregrine and the other two shareholders had received an offer from a large corporation to buy the whole of the business for £10m on the basis that Peregrine would remain employed as a consultant for five years afterwards at a salary of £175,000 p.a. The document also recorded that ‘P H-S insists that this offer must not be known to his wife since it could affect the divorce settlement. We agreed that no further action should be taken until after the divorce and that we would create an information wall with the family department. The need for confidentiality was stressed.’
‘You told me barefaced lies, didn’t you?’
‘No, I didn’t. I just couldn’t remember the detail.’
I’d had enough. I showed them the next copy document.
‘You see this document, Humphrey?’ I pushed it across the table to him, ‘Read it.’
It read:
‘Reading divorce bundle: Ten units – 19.00 hrs to 21.00.
Speaking to SP: Two units – 21.06 to 21.18
Speaking to P H-S: Four units – 21.30 to 21.54.
‘It’s a time recording, Humphrey, isn’t it? Written by you – those are your initials at the bottom. You knew that the only way you were going to get paid is if you filled out a time sheet – you could not even resist getting paid for something like that, could you?’ I enjoyed that bit. ‘Let me tell you what it means.’
‘You don’t have to.’ Humphrey now looked as white as a sheet.
‘No, I’m going to tell you. For the purposes of the record.’ I took my phone out of my pocket and laid it on the table. I had recorded everything.
‘How dare you record a meeting without asking for our permission?’ It was Clarissa’s last attempt at a stance.
‘Shut up, Clarissa…This document says that you spent 120 minutes reading the bundle that I had prepared for the divorce hearing. It says that you then spoke to someone referred to as SP for twelve minutes. And that you then spoke to Mr Hamley-Smith for 24 minutes. Now, help me, Humphrey. Who might SP be?’ I knew full well.
Neither of them said a word.
‘Well. I’ll help you with that. SP means ‘Senior Partner’. And Clarissa, that’s you. Shall I tell you how I know that?’
Silence.
‘Because of this.’ I pushed document number three across the table. Sophie had done a very good job and I knew its contents by heart. ‘Let me tell you what it says: ‘Speaking to HR: Two units – 21.06 to 21.18. It’s signed by you, isn’t it? CJ is Clarissa Jones. HR is you, Humphrey, isn’t it? Humphrey Reid.’
More silence. I could feel the adrenalin really running now. I was loving every single minute of this.
‘And there is lots more to come. Let’s start with this. Would you like to read to me the dates at the bottom of both of those time recordings?’ I waited but they didn’t reply. ‘Well, I’ll tell you. They both bear the same date, you see. And guess what that date is?’ I didn’t even wait this time. ‘It’s the day before the divorce hearing.’
‘What point are you trying to make, Jonathan?’
‘Oh, I think you know the answer to that very well. But I’ll explain. This means that you, Humphrey, went into my room on the night before the divorce hearing. You read the bits of the file that were relevant to you – the bits about the company. You knew what Peregrine was saying about the business. You knew he was saying that it wasn’t going to be sold. You then spoke to Clarissa here.’ I looked across at her. ‘You can only have been discussing the business – otherwise the time recording would not be in the business file, would it? So, you knew what Peregrine was saying also, didn’t you, Clarissa? You knew he was going to lie. And then, Humphrey, after speaking to Clarissa, you spoke to Peregrine for 24 minutes and gave him advice for which you then charged
him. Tell me, Humphrey, what did you advise him?’
‘I really can’t remember.’
‘Oh, I think you can, Humphrey. I think that you need to do better than that.’
‘I reminded him of what we had discussed three months before.’
‘You told him to keep his mouth shut, didn’t you and, of course, if that is right, that is conspiracy to pervert the course of justice? And what happens to people who do that, Humphrey? And you, Clarissa?’ Seb had helped me research cases where people had been sentenced for that offence.
‘I don’t know.’ He looked sick by then.
‘Oh, of course not. Because you two closed down the criminal department last year, didn’t you? Well, I’ll help you.’ Seb had photocopied a few pages from a sentencing textbook for me. ‘They go to prison. Especially if they are professional people who are advising others to lie. I suppose it’s what is called a deterrent sentence. What a mess you’re in, aren’t you?’
‘No, you’re wrong.’
‘I’m not, you know. But I’m going to help you even further. Look at this.’ It was another time recording. It read:
‘Discussing outcome of divorce hearing. Capital OK – but open-ended maintenance. Needs to appeal. Must close down JB then wait at least nine months. Buyer OK with that but keen to start due diligence discussions.’
‘Perhaps you could explain, Humphrey, exactly whom JB might be? Or shall I tell you?’ I paused for a little bit of dramatic effect. ‘It’s me, isn’t it? Jonathan Browne. You discussed with Mr Hamley-Smith the need for him to appeal and to get me off the case. And look at the date of that … the very date that Peregrine told me that he was thinking of suing me…no, suing us as a firm…for negligence and of complaining against me to the Law Society. That must have been part of your plan as well. You were manipulating me, your own professional partner. That is not very nice, is it?’
‘No, you’re wrong.’
‘I think that you are repeating yourself, Humphrey.’
Was I wrong? Of course not. They both knew the score. And to help them, I told them the prepared story of how I got the information off Sophie’s computer.
‘So, don’t blame Sophie. And if you try to blame Jane, you might want to think how all this would sound in an employment tribunal.’
But I had saved the best until last. Mark might have an odd choice in men and have enjoyed a bonk with the boss, but actually he has a heart of gold. He has now also become a family friend and a good pal to Seb and Freja – Seb has straightened him out a bit – no, I don’t mean that…Seb has encouraged him to find a slightly less tumultuous way of life and he now has a decent partner, a great guy called James.
Mark is also quite good with a camera and after Peregrine finished dipping his wick with Mark he had then gone off elsewhere. But not very far. Indeed, only as far as was necessary to have a grope with Clarissa outside her hedged-off house before disappearing inside for night-time activity that would disgust even the most polluted of minds. Mark, somewhat unhappy with the way he had been treated by his former flabby playmate, had taken pictures of them from the top of the wall outside Clarissa’s house – and they were excellent-quality pictures, too. The pictures showed Peregrine’s podgy hand disappearing up her skirt and his slobbering mouth round her exposed left breast.
‘You must have been very cold, Clarissa. It was December, after all.’
‘You little prick,’ Clarissa said.
‘Is that what you said to him that night? How unfair – I’m sure it can’t be true. It sounds so very disappointing. I am sorry.’
‘What do you want?’
Chapter Sixteen
So, I told them. I handed to them my next document. I had typed it the previous night and had then asked Susan and Seb to check it. The document read:
My terms are these:
1. In this document ‘Senior Partner’ will mean Clarissa Jones and ‘Commercial Partner’ will mean Humphrey Reid.
2. The firm will pay for me to have legal advice about the full terms of this agreement and its drafting up to a cost of £2,000. The terms recorded in this document are subject only to that advice.
3. I will retire as a partner with immediate effect upon the signing of the final agreement between me and the firm.
4. The firm will pay me as a consultant for six months at the same rate as I am currently paid. For the avoidance of doubt, that is £14,000 a month. During the consultancy period the firm will also continue to make pension contributions on my behalf as at present.
5. During the period of the consultancy, I will be entitled to take six weeks’ leave and my full pay and all other contractual rights will continue during that period.
6. The firm will give me a full indemnity against any liability to the firm or for any activity past, present or future of it.
7. Once I have set up my own solicitor’s firm, but in any event within six months of the signing of this agreement, the firm will take all steps as it is able to assign to me (or such business or person as I shall nominate in writing), the legal aid contract for family work currently held by this firm.
8. The firm will release me from any covenants restricting my ability to practise as a solicitor.
9. The firm will release my secretary from her employment when requested by me on any date within six months of the signing of this agreement and, until then, will not take any steps to terminate her employment save in the event of future gross misconduct committed after the signing of this agreement.
10. The Senior Partner of the firm will sign positive references in relation to me and my secretary when we leave, in terms that we will have drafted and submitted for signature.
11. The Senior Partner will write a letter thanking the secretary of the Commercial Partner for the excellence of her services to the firm and ensuring her of the firm’s commitment to her future employment with it.
‘I’ll see you in the morning and I expect the document to be signed by 4 p.m. tomorrow afternoon. Think about it overnight. Now, home time. I am going to see my lovely family and have a nice meal with them. I hope you will do something similar.’
I am not Christian, but Seb is, and my very final parting shot was in the words that he had spoken when I first told him what they had done. ‘For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Timothy. Chapter six. Verse ten.’ I was on such a high.
Rounding this bit off, Clarissa and Humphrey did think about it overnight, but it was not as simple as them saying “yes” or “no”; they had to get the other partners to agree. So next day they arranged an emergency meeting of the partners, having told me what they intended to say.
The meeting happened a few days later.
‘Thank you, everyone for coming. We wanted to call this meeting because we thought that you would like to hear some very good news – with Jon’s great help we have found a solution to the legal aid problem that we were facing and I am sure that, like me, you will be delighted.’ Jaws hit the floor and some people looked at me, quizzically.
‘Yes, well, Jon has decided that he wants to set up on his own and has been good enough to say that he will take over our legal aid contract. So the public will continue to benefit from his inestimable services and we won’t have to make any difficult decisions, ourselves, about whether or not to continue legal aid. Of course, only if you agree.’ She did that frosty, determined smile which meant: ‘And if you don’t agree, I will remove your balls with my own teeth and then stick them in a grinder.’ There were no other female partners; Clarissa would have stung them to death.
‘How much will Jon pay us for taking over the contract?’ Probate George did not even look at me when he spoke.
‘Oh, there is no question of payment, George. Jon is helping us by doing this. Anyway, Humphrey, I think that I am right to say that the legal aid contract has no commercial value.’
Humphrey looked sincere and assumed the appearance of someone who was expressing his considered opinion of the contract’s c
ommercial worth.
‘No, that’s right, Clarissa. It really hasn’t got any value and, you know, it’s all part of a deal with Jon that we have thought about very carefully. So, we do recommend this to you.’
‘What about the goodwill that attaches to the contract?’ George is such a pillock.
‘George, there isn’t any. Remember the accounts?’
George was far too stupid to pick up the vibes, all of which were screaming, ‘Shut your mouth, George!’
‘So.’ He turned to me. ‘When are you going?’
‘Six months’ time, George. I will be so sorry not to work with you anymore.’ I even managed to smile at the bastard. He didn’t ask about holidays.
‘I’ll draw all this up. Does everyone agree that this is the best way forward?’
There were mutterings and some more stupid remarks from George but it didn’t take long. So, bingo! Game over. Welcome, new world.
Chapter Seventeen
‘Look at the stars, Jon.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Look up at the stars and tell me where it all ends.’
‘What, you mean space…It doesn’t, does it?’
‘Well, if that is right, how many other civilisations are there out there?’
Harry and I were lying on our backs in the park where he slept, next to the cement pipe where we were stretched out toe to toe, looking up at the night sky. It was one of those crystal-clear February nights, and there were no lights nearby to dim what we could see. I was also fucking freezing in a way that I had never known before. I was wearing every bit of clothing I had brought with me, was wrapped in my sleeping bag, had two hats on my head, two scarves round my neck, thermal skiing gloves on my hands, and was lying on an insulated camping mat. But I was still very cold. It was minus six degrees centigrade and, as I had said to Harry, if I were a brass monkey, they would have fallen off.
‘Do you look at them a lot, Harry?’
‘What?’ He laughed.
I realised what I had said. ‘Oh, bloody hell. The stars, I mean.’
‘I look at them all the time. You see, I may be a beggar here and seen as only a small blob on the pavement by everyone. But, if you look up there, aren’t we all just tiny specks of dust?’ I had never heard Harry talking like this before. When we had spoken previously, he was the beggar and I was the rich guy, the ‘I’m always late’ guy who dished out charity to cure his conscience – a very uneven playing field where we played in conversation for a bit before I went on to my rich, comfortable world and he stayed on the streets. This was Harry speaking: the man, not the beggar.
Harry Page 7
