by Alice Archer
Kai shrugged. “He’s okay. I gave him a tour of the workshop and the courtyard and around the house. He’s talking to Jill’s dad now.”
I stopped trying to flatten my hair with my wet hands at the bathroom mirror and stared into my own surprised eyes. “Like… talking on the phone?”
“No. He’s here. He called Dad this morning and Dad told him he could meet us here.”
“Well, shit,” I said to myself.
I turned to Oliver, gestured at his coveralls and the wild tangle of hair around his head that he hadn’t tried to tame.
“You don’t have to do this,” I told him. I didn’t want Oliver to witness whatever Jill’s dad might say to me about tardiness and kids and credentials. “Hit the shower. We can talk later.” I looked down at myself and sniffed my armpit with a sour face to make Kai giggle. “After I’ve had a shower.”
“Are you kidding?” Oliver bugged out his eyes like a cartoon character. “Another Mitch and Grant drama? I wouldn’t miss it.” He turned to smile at Kai. “Let’s go get the show started with snacks for everyone.”
They left while I dawdled at the bathroom mirror, remembering how Oliver had stood beside me on the porch the day we met, when Mitch showed up to get Kai. When I decided not to leave with them. Since then, Kai had come out to his family and Mitch’s attitude toward me had lost some of its edge. I wasn’t eager to disappoint him all over again.
My hair was a lost cause, and the red scratch across the side of my face wasn’t doing my image any favors. In the medicine cabinet over the sink I found a squeeze bottle of Bactine that looked older than Oliver. A shake told me it wasn’t empty. I squirted some on a folded piece of toilet paper and sniffed it before I applied it to the cut on my face. “Ow! Goddamn it.” I hopped around until the punishment abated, then trudged to the front of the house to scare Jill’s dad with my bad first impression.
Mitch and a bear of a man leaned against the back of Mitch’s BMW. A quick scan assured me Jill’s dad wasn’t within reach of a shotgun.
Based on Mitch’s snort and his down-up once-over, I guessed I looked worse than the last time he’d seen me, the day he’d kicked me off his property. Without a word, I waved them up the front porch and ushered them inside. Jill’s dad, who Mitch introduced as Vince Donahue, seemed tense enough to need a drink.
Mitch and Vince recoiled from the onslaught of Oliver’s decor. With a nostalgic smile, I looked around at the stage, the art supplies and animal skulls, the potted trees, wall-to-wall framed art, and monstrous orange couch. I picked up my favorite pillow, an elaborately embroidered orange and red creation with Hell No! on one side and Why Not? on the other, and flipped it to Why Not?
When it seemed Mitch couldn’t take the overstimulation anymore, he frowned and shifted his focus to me and my state of disarray. “What happened to you?”
“We, uh… were clearing out a blackberry thicket.” I rubbed the spot where Oliver’s sharp nose had pressed into my neck as I’d untangled his hair. “Sorry. I lost track of time.”
That particular lift of one eyebrow conveyed Mitch’s skepticism. I hoped he didn’t suspect what had actually happened—that Oliver and I had distracted ourselves from our troubles by getting sexy in a thorn bush. Like dorks.
“You’re not making this easy,” Mitch said, a quiet reprimand.
“Yeah. I know. I know I’m not.”
Vince emerged from his visual shock at that point, tore his gaze from a swarm of larger-than-life papier mâché insects suspended from the rafters, and tromped to stand beside Mitch in the middle of the living room.
Two against one.
I refused to be the first person to sit down.
While I waited for Mitch or Vince to say something, I watched Oliver in the kitchen, which did nothing to help me shift my post-orgasmic looseness to confrontational readiness.
Oliver stirred something in a small pot on one burner while popcorn pinged the lid of an large pot on another burner. Kai tugged on Oliver’s shirt to pull him down to eye level and whisper into his ear. From Oliver’s reaction of a smile and a hug, I assumed Kai had taken the opportunity to come out to Oliver, as he’d told me he wanted to. The boy is unstoppable. Kai looked up to catch my eye and gave me a thumbs-up.
Oliver dumped melted butter and salt onto two bowls of popcorn and handed one to Kai. They set the bowls and a stack of cloth napkins on the coffee table behind Mitch’s legs and settled onto the couch with expectant expressions.
Perfect. Public humiliation, take one.
I started to ask Vince how Jill was doing, but he spoke first, to Mitch. “So far, I’m not impressed.”
“Tell Grant what happened,” Mitch replied. “He should know.”
Vince turned to me. “Where do I start? I’m not in the mood to pull punches, Eastbrook. I gather from what Jill told me that you’ve been spending time with a bunch of kids like you think you’re one of them.” His disapproval came across loud and clear. “Even so, I think you’re old enough to recognize a problem that requires parental intervention.”
I sank onto the couch beside Kai. I’d been slacking about getting a job, but I hadn’t thought what I’d been doing with the kids was bad.
“I’ll be frank,” Vince said. “You’re too unsettled in your life to babysit without it looking like something else.”
A grunt of disbelief escaped me at that point. “For the most part, the kids have been babysitting me.” I winced and tried to stifle any more counterproductive comments.
Mitch pointed at me. “Stop talking for a minute.” He turned to Vince. “I get that you’re angry, but I didn’t bring you here to castigate him. What he’s done with Kai has been nothing short of phenomenal. Give the guy a chance. Tell him about Jill.”
Vince’s jaw clenched.
“Jill told me she felt uncomfortable with her brother’s friends,” I said. “I suggested she talk with—”
“Give you a chance?” Vince raised his voice at me. “You had your chance and you blew it. Living in a tent in the woods. No job. Lost your last job over a confrontation with a customer. Nothing about any of that is near acceptable if you want to be a role model for my daughter.”
Christ. Vince was right. I couldn’t breathe. I remembered my anxiety attack in the motel in Seattle and my throat tightened. My next inhale wheezed and failed.
Kai wiped his fingers on a napkin and climbed onto my lap to sit with his back to my chest, a move that put him between the angry dad and me.
Jill’s dad stared at Kai in surprise.
“Mr. Donahue, that’s not very nice.” Kai folded his arms and puffed up his skinny chest, a mirror of Vince’s power stance. “Just because Uncle Grant’s going through a rough patch doesn’t mean he’s not a good person. He’s a very good person. He’s my role model.”
Then we all stared at Kai. I had never known him to take a stand before—on anything. Certainly not against an angry adult man. I felt like I’d won the lottery. I put my arms around Kai and squeezed tight. He kept his chin up and his arms folded, basically using me as his throne.
Oliver chuckled.
Mitch blinked and closed his mouth.
Vince let out slow breath and unfolded his arms to run his fingers through his hair.
“You do need to work on cleaning up your act,” Mitch said to me.
“I am working on it,” I said.
“I don’t believe you.” Vince waved a hand at me. “What do you think will happen in a few weeks? Your parents will show up with hugs to take you out to the mall to buy school supplies for your first day of junior high? Wake up, man. Maybe you have a special way with kids, but that’s not enough if you can’t also be responsible in the real world.”
Mitch moved to stand between Vince and me. “Hey. Stand down or I’m going to think it was a mistake to bring you here. Yes, Grant could have handled the situat
ion with Jill better, but he encouraged her to talk to you, and she did.”
Vince’s angry expression shifted to what might have been guilt, before sorrow settled over his features. “Did Jill tell you one of those boys in the garage touched her inappropriately?” he asked me.
My body went ice cold. Flash freeze.
Vince nodded. “You listened to Jill, and I’m grateful for that, but I’m also angry you didn’t follow through when she told you she had concerns. Between the day she talked to you and when she finally got up her nerve to talk with her mother and me…”
A wash of shame rolled over me and I squeezed Kai tighter. “Please, please don’t tell me they—”
“One boy cornered her in the garage one time. He leaned against her and touched the small of her back. That was the extent of it. His intent upset Jill a lot more than what he did physically. We’ve addressed the issue with the boy and his parents, and with Jill and her brother. Jill assures us she’s okay. But I wish like hell you’d called us, or come to see us, or come with Jill to talk to us. I wish you’d done anything except nothing. Do you understand?”
Before my shame could render me useless, I lifted Kai off my lap and stood to go to Vince. “Yes, I understand, and I am genuinely, deeply sorry. You’re right that I didn’t think it through, and that I don’t have my life together. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” I held out my hand.
Vince’s face finally relaxed. He nodded and shook my hand.
Before things could get awkward again, Mitch said to Vince, “Grant’s looking into training programs in Seattle.” Kai must have told Mitch about that, because I hadn’t. I’d chatted with the kids about my plans over snacks at the picnic table.
“Good,” Vince said. “I’m glad to hear it, and I accept your apology. However, that doesn’t mean things will go back to how they were. You’re not to have any contact with Jill unless you’ve taken serious steps to put your life in order. Do that, let me know, and then we’ll see.”
I could barely function, but I managed to nod and say, “I’m going to apply to a volunteer program. I want to work in nature with kids.” My voice seemed distant, the sound out of sync with the movement of my mouth. I felt the way I had in high school after a fight, after the adrenaline drained away and left me exhausted, spacey, and ashamed.
Mitch and Vince spoke around me.
I felt for the coffee table and sat. Jill in a garage with an older boy who wanted something from her he had no business trying to get. And I could have protected her.
Kai—a boy half the size I’d been when I was his age; a shy, gay boy brave enough to start middle school in a few weeks—stood behind me and placed his hand flat on my head, as I’d done for him many times.
That was the moment I took full responsibility for my own life.
Chapter 63
Oliver
After I walked Mitch, Kai, and Mr. Donahue out to the driveway, I went back inside to check on Grant. He assured me he was fine. I didn’t believe him. His vacant look and stiff legs when he tried to walk made me wish I’d waited to invite Freddie over.
I’d texted Freddie while the oil heated for the popcorn, to ask him to come over. I needed an easy distraction from the crush of memory, though I couldn’t decide which memory I most needed a distraction from—being in my mother’s car or wrestling with Grant in the blackberries.
Grant stumped on uncoordinated legs across the porch and down the stairs. I followed, worried he might fall, hoping he’d be gone by the time Freddie arrived.
I couldn’t suppress a sigh when I heard a car coming down the driveway.
Freddie parked the minivan and approached us with suspicion. “What happened to you two?” he asked. “Catfight?”
Grant came to life enough to say, “You wish.” I couldn’t see Grant’s face, but I heard the braggy sneer in his voice.
“I don’t want to have a problem with you,” Freddie told Grant. “Don’t you have anywhere else to be other than mooching off my boyfriend?”
Maybe because of the recent beating he’d taken from Jill’s father, Grant took the bait. “Don’t fret, studly. Except for the times he can’t control himself, Oliver and I maintain a strictly business arrangement.”
Freddie’s eyes flew to mine. “Oliver?”
“Yes, Freddie? Problem?”
Freddie didn’t raise his voice, but I could tell he was mad. “You guys are in this state of disarray because you had sex? Where? On a roll of barbed wire?”
“What’s with the attitude?” I jumped down the last two steps. “We have an open relationship. Remember?”
“Bye,” Grant said. “Good luck with your domestic dispute.” He staggered off toward the courtyard shower.
I put my hands on Freddie’s shoulders and gave him a shake. “Stop fuming. You’re being unattractively hypocritical.”
“So this is why I’ve only gotten chaste kisses from you so far.”
I shrugged.
“Well, hell.” Freddie closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “Okay. I get it. I have been a hypocrite. My bad.” The hug he drew me into was less graspy and more caring than I’d expected. We stayed pressed together until he pulled back to look at me. “I want to be exclusive, as of now.” His hands tightened on my waist.
“Noted,” I said. “I’ll consider it.”
“But… you’re the one who wanted to be exclusive in the first place.”
“How about this? I’ll be exclusive as of when we leave for Whidbey Island.”
Freddie’s face lit up. “Really? You’ll come with me? I can count on it?”
“I wouldn’t,” Grant said. He stepped into view from around the corner of the house. “Oliver, don’t you think you should talk to Freddie? I mean, if he’s going to be your exclusive boyfriend who assumes you can go with him past the boundary of your prop—”
“That is not yours to tell,” I snapped at Grant. The air between us wavered and grayed.
Shadows in the back of the car.
“I cannot believe you’re serious about this.”
They think I’m asleep.
I keep my eyes closed and try not to move. Dad pets my hair just the way I like it. It almost makes me really go to sleep.
“I fell in love with my career,” my mother says. “As you did. That’s not an atrocity.”
“I wish you’d done it sooner, before we got married.”
“But then we wouldn’t have our Coyote.”
I suddenly knew what the memory must be about. It was from when I was five.
“Babe, hey. Oliver.” Freddie must have felt me sway. He directed me with his hands to sit on the porch steps.
I dimly recalled the day Dad sat me down and told me my mother was gone. That conversation had been enough trauma. I didn’t want to also download the specific memory of my parents talking about it. Why would my psyche be so cruel?
To keep the memory at bay, I stared into Freddie’s concerned gray eyes, let them pull me all the way back into the present.
“Grant’s lying, isn’t he?” Freddie asked me. “Or kidding or something? You go to Tacoma to the building supply store, and to Seattle to get art stuff. I mean, you’ve texted me from the grocery store in town to ask what I want for dinner.”
“He lies,” Grant said. “Tell him, Oliver. Don’t set yourself up for a fall. You should tell someone besides me.”
“You’re mistaken.” I stood to face Grant. “I never told you. You’re making things up. I tore up our contract. Your time here is over now, and I’m glad. I didn’t want you here in the first place. You don’t follow the rules and you don’t take no for an answer. I don’t care what you do or where you go, but pack up and get off my property within the hour, or I’ll have Freddie call the cops. He’ll do it.”
“What do you mean he didn’t take no for an answer?” Fredd
ie’s voice rose as he tried to keep up.
“Not what you’re thinking,” Grant said to Freddie. “Oliver seduced me with his…”
“Stop.” I used my voice to put up a wall.
Freddie looked like he didn’t know who to believe. “Oliver,” he said in a tight voice, “The liar here better be Grant. If you’ve been lying to me about something as big as not being able to leave your property—”
“I’m not lying. I promise.”
Grant huffed but didn’t say anything.
“High school in Seattle, Freddie,” I reminded him. “Hikes on the peninsula. Summer jobs together in Tacoma. Of course I can leave my property.”
“Then I expect you to back up that claim by coming with me to Whidbey. Saturday, August eighth, two weeks from yesterday. Write it down when you get inside. If you’re not with me when I get on that ferry, we’re over. I’ll go fuck Hiroki’s brains out for three days, return to Vashon, pack up all my stuff from Mom’s, and ship it to Tokyo. Then who knows when I’ll be back.”
Freddie’s ultimatum should have given me the shakes, but I only felt calm. With Grant gone, I’d have two weeks of peace before Whidbey. They stretched in front of me, plenty of time to set myself to rights and pack a bag for a weekend away.
I looked Freddie right in the eye. “No problem. I’ll be there.” I meant it.
“I choose to believe you,” he said, “but you’d better come through. After all these years, we’re close to going somewhere—not just on a trip but in our relationship. Don’t you dare get me this far and then leave me hanging.”
I nodded and gave Freddie a big smile I only had to force a little bit. “Deal.”
“Fine. Mom’s doing a lunch she wants me to attend that Saturday, which means we’ll leave Vashon on the four p.m. sailing. I’ll pick you up a little after three.”
Grant studied us with his steady glare.
“Fine.” I leaned in and gave Freddie a peck on the lips.
“Ugh. You need a shower, babe. I’m not feeling it with someone else’s sex on you. I’m going to go home and take a run. Call me later?”
