“I distinctly remember you wouldn’t commit to a life of monogamy when we got engaged,” she reminded him now.
“I was not with another woman,” he answered her query directly. “I went to London. I needed to know the truth about those photos.”
“What do you mean?” She asked after a long silence.
“I went to see your friend Lord Cottee,” he said earnestly.
“Andrew?” She swayed a little. “Is it… what did he say?”
Zayn could read this woman like a book. “You suspect what happened that night, don’t you?”
She nodded slowly. “Yes. It’s the only answer. I hardly ever drink, and didn’t really that night. He’s had a terrible history with drugs, and he was pretty out of it at the awards. I always wondered if he’d drugged my drink, or spiked it or something. As you so shrewdly noticed, he does have a bit of a crush on me.”
“Actually, he’s madly in love with you,” Zayn said quietly.
Julia gulped. “The poor thing. So he posed the whole episode. To break us up?”
“Yes.” It was a grunt. “How can you feel sympathy for that man?”
She dug her hands into the pockets of her linen dress. “Oh, I’m angry with him, too,” she promised Zayn firmly. “But he was a mess back then. He almost got expelled because his behavior was so below what was expected. He wasn’t in his right mind.”
“I suppose that, at least, gives him an excuse.”
“It doesn’t change anything,” she said wistfully. “You saw those photos and immediately started planning how you could retaliate. Do you know what it felt like? To see you parading woman after woman through your life? I was so in love with you, Zayn.”
“And I with you,” he countered forcefully, resisting the strong urge to pull her into his arms. “I loved you, Julia. I should have questioned the email, but I was so devastated, I couldn’t think straight. I thought you’d cheated on me. I just wanted to prove to everyone – you, most of all – that I was over you.”
“You did it. My heart had an open wound and you just kept pouring acid on it.”
He ran a hand through his hair, knowing there was no way to even start apologizing for the way he’d burst back onto the bachelor scene, publicly hoping to wound his innocent and naïve ex.
“I have to tell you something,” he said, inspiration arriving when he needed it most. “Please.”
It was so unlike Zayn to ask, instead of simply demanding, that she pushed aside her reluctance and followed him into his study. She hadn’t been in there since the day she’d discovered the email, and she hesitated on the threshold now.
“Please,” he said again, pinning her with his dark eyes.
She nodded and moved across to his desk. He angled the laptop towards her and she stared at the document on screen. “This is the purchase contract for my father’s business,” she commented numbly, not reading more than the title. She looked up at him. “What is your point, Zayn? To remind me of just what length you were prepared to go to in order to ‘buy’ me?”
“No,” he shook his head. “Julia, look at it. Read the name.”
She lowered her gaze to the screen and this time, forced herself to read the black and white on screen. “You’ve put the business in my name.” She looked at him, confusion apparent. “Why?”
He came around the desk and took her hands in his. “Because, habibte, I knew you would never forgive me if I didn’t.”
She frowned, so that a little crease formed between her brows. “But you think this makes everything okay?”
“Not at all. I just wanted to show you that in marrying you I hoped we would one day remember how much we had once cared. That we had once loved each other.”
“None of this makes any sense,” she said, pulling her hands free and moving away from him. “I don’t understand why you wanted to marry me. I don’t understand, Zayn.”
“I love you, Julia. I always have, and I always will. It was not easy for me to accept, when I thought you’d humiliated me by being with another man. And yet, I knew I loved you despite what I thought of as your betrayal.”
She shook her head. “Why not just tell me? Why not come back and ask me to marry you properly?”
“If you had said no, I think a part of me would have died,” he said with more honesty than he’d ever shown another person before. “I couldn’t risk it.”
“So instead you forced me to marry you? Didn’t you think you were risking far worse? That I might hate you forever?”
“At the time, I thought there was little likelihood of that happening. You were the one who pointed out my arrogant personality, Julia. I believed I could seduce you into submission, if nothing else.”
She smiled despite herself. “But then you couldn’t.” She sobered. “You said you didn’t want to be with a woman who was willing to have sex for money. Or something like that.”
He at least had the decency to look shame-faced. “Would you have ever forgiven me if I’d held you to the terms of our so called marriage ‘agreement’?”
She flushed to the roots of her hair, recalling how disappointed she’d been that night, when he’d put an end to their spectacular love-making. “I think there might have been compensating factors,” she said with her usual candor, earning a slow grin from her husband. “Don’t,” she held up a warning finger. “You are so far from being out of the woods.”
But Zayn sensed her weakening, and he was not above pushing his advantage. Like a beast advancing on his prey, he drew her into his arms and kissed her hard on the lips, tasting her with the sheer relief and desperation of a man who had messed up badly, and knew it.
Julia knew she should pull away, but she wanted nothing more than to be with her husband. Zayn loved her. He always had. It had all been a ridiculous disaster. But still, what precedent was she setting for the rest of their marriage by allowing him to get away with such a simple apology?
Holding grudges had never been her forte, though, and Julia could already feel her resentment slipping further and further away. With every moment their lips and bodies were connected, her anger and hurt diminished.
He moved his lips to her forehead and pressed a kiss against the soft flesh beneath her hairline. “Julia, I need to know how bad this is for us,” he said honestly.
Julia relaxed her body against his. To herself, she acknowledged there was nowhere else she wanted to be in the world. But she wasn’t sure she could completely trust her heart to his man yet. “What do you mean?” She asked, fixing him with a quizzical stare.
He let out a gruff noise of complaint. “You are really going to ask me to demean myself, aren’t you?”
Her lips formed an impish grin. “I think you owe me a little groveling, don’t you?”
“Fine,” he said with a smile of surrender. “I love you, Julia. With all my heart. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on the matter.”
She pretended to consider it. “Well, I’m flattered, naturally. I mean, you are, after all, the great Sheikh of Naman. A natural born womanizer…”
“Not anymore,” he contradicted gruffly.
“Mmm, well in that case,” she said, finger posed on her lips as she pretended to think things through.
“Julia?” Adina’s voice broke into their private conversation, drifting in from the hallway beyond, and Zayn swore softly.
“Saved by the bell. For now.” His eyes shone with promise.
Julia gave him a small wink and then moved away from him, out of the study. Zayn watched her go, a small frown tugging at the corner of his mouth. He was almost positive that she loved him back. That she would, in time, forgive him for his foolish behavior. But she still didn’t have the full story, and Adina and Amal were the two people on the planet who could spoil it for him.
With another oath, he realized he needed to speak to her properly, before Amal let it slip that Zayn had formally agreed to take over the rule of Naman. Julia had made it clear that she didn’t want that life f
or herself. If she thought he’d gone ahead and blithely arranged it anyway, then she would be furious. And he couldn’t keep expecting her to forgive and forget. Even the most generous of natures could be tested by too many incursions against it.
He moved swiftly, but Julia had already joined Adina and Amal in the lounge area of his home. And a third guest sat prettily between them.
“Hello, Maysan,” he greeted the child in English, for Julia’s benefit.
Adina’s smile spread from ear to ear. “We were just telling Julia,” Adina said with so much happiness it was almost contagious, “that we’ve expedited our adoption of Maysan. How can we ever thank you for finding our beautiful daughter, Julia?”
Somehow, Julia managed to look genuinely delighted as she congratulated Amal and Adina. Only the glance she quickly flicked in Zayn’s direction betrayed that she understood the deeper ramifications of their decision to adopt. For Adina had been explicit. They couldn’t adopt while Amal was ruling. “I had hoped it would work out like this,” Julia said truthfully, squeezing the little girl’s hand.
“Adina says you are to be my aunt,” Maysan spoke in her own language and was translated by Adina.
Julia smiled in agreement. “I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect niece,” she responded, reaching down and kissing the top of Maysan’s head.
Moments later and Maysan went to play with a box of toys Amal had seen brought to Zayn’s home. “How she’s changed in such a short time,” Julia said with true contentment, as she watched the child happily investigating the brightly colored array of amusements in the box.
Maysan was rounder and fleshier, and the pallor of poverty was gone completely. Her skin glowed with pleasure and health; her hair was soft, silky, washed and brushed, and her clothes were without stain. But most importantly of all, she seemed to carry herself with an air of confidence that could only have been inspired by the total adoration of her adoptive parents.
“I’m very happy for you both,” Julia repeated, turning to face her sister in law.
“I am sorry that we have rushed you,” Adina spoke, impervious to the thunderous look on Zayn’s face. “But we had to adopt her swiftly, to ensure she didn’t go into foster care. Even we aren’t above those adoption laws, it would seem.”
Julia nodded, as the explanation served to confirm her suspicions. “You’re abdicating the throne,” she said to Amal.
Behind her, Zayn was completely still.
“Yes. I am.” He lifted his eyes to Zayn. “It should always have been Zayn.”
“I think you do yourself a disservice,” Julia said quietly. Inside, she was a whirlpool of emotion. The earlier conversation was still raw, and now this knowledge that Zayn had acted without her opinion or consent was like a match being struck and held to a tin of kerosene. She had hoped he had changed. That his high-handed tactics were slowly giving way to cooperation and trust, but he had so much to learn.
It was a long night, but finally, it drew to a close. Once the newly formed family had departed, and Zayn and Julia were alone again, he spoke immediately. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he said honestly.
Julia lifted her eyes thoughtfully. “You know how I feel about being in the spotlight. About being in Adina’s role … And yet you went ahead with it anyway.”
He stiffened as he registered that she really was enraged, in a dangerous, silent kind of way. Despite the performance of the century, convincing Adina and Amal that her emotions were completely positive, she was angry with him, and had been nursing her temper all night.
Zayn spoke slowly, trying to make her understand. “Even before we married, it was almost agreed between Amal and me. His loathing of the title is profound, and so was his unhappiness.”
Her eyes flared. “And so you decided to throw me under the bus instead of him?”
He had been educated abroad and understood her colloquialism perfectly. Besides, it was a perfect use of it. He had put Julia’s wishes last on his list, and simply hoped she would fall in with his plans. Or at least accept them, once she saw it was a fait accompli.
“You will adapt,” he urged confidently, pulling her into his arms and pressing a kiss against the sensitive skin at the base of her neck.
“I won’t,” she contradicted. Feeling like a noose was tightening around her neck, making breathing almost impossible, she forced herself to say what she’d realized earlier that night, when Adina had announced their adoption. She lifted her hands and pressed them against his chest, fingers splayed against his muscled torso. “I might have, if you’d given me the choice, Zayn.”
“You still will,” he said firmly, but Julia shook her head.
“No, you don’t understand. It’s the last straw. You have a terrible habit of steamrolling me, and making my decisions for me. Of putting me in a position where I simply have to go along with your wishes. I want you to think about this long and hard, Zayn. When was the last time you remember actually asking me what I wanted, rather than telling me?”
He rubbed a hand over his stubbled chin, refusing to admit defeat. “I asked you to marry me.”
Her laugh was genuine, but also maniacal, because she realized that hoping Zayn could understand her point of view was like him expecting her to wake up speaking Arabic. It wasn’t something that could happen overnight.
“You didn’t ask me to marry you, Zayn. If you had done so, I may well have said yes. But you bullied me. You railed me into it. And you lay down all the terms of our union.” She lifted her chin. “I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry.”
His face froze with total shock, and she felt a stab of sorrow for him. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry. I am. I love you, Zayn, with all my heart, but you’re bad for me, and if I stay here like this, I think you’ll continue to make unilateral decisions with my life.” She stood on tiptoes and kissed him on the lips, and her heart throbbed painfully with the anguished realization it might be the last time she ever felt his lips on hers. With legs that were shaking beneath her, she moved towards the door of the room.
“You can’t leave.” His voice was thick with disbelief.
Julia turned slowly and looked at him with sadness. “Because of our deal?”
“To hell with the deal,” he swore. “Didn’t you hear me before? I love you. I’ve never said that before. I’ve never felt half of what I feel for you. Damn it, Julia, you said you love me. How can you throw that away?”
“I’m not throwing anything away. I’m just… I’m just saving myself.”
“Stop,” he said imperiously, falling into step behind her. “I’ll tell Amal that I can’t do it.”
“No,” her voice was little more than a whisper now. “Adina’s right. You were born to rule. You love Naman and you love the crown. You just don’t love me enough to fit in with all that.”
“You don’t have to be in the spotlight,” he negotiated reasonably, trying desperately to find a way to make it work.
“You are missing the point. You made this decision without speaking to me. You deliberately lied to me when we got engaged. You see only the goal and the path to achieving it. I’m not just another object to be won. If this marriage was ever going to work, it would have needed compromise, respect and trust. We have none of those things.”
“Julia…”
“NO!” She screamed, pushing at his chest, and finally giving in to the tears that had been welling in her throat. “Don’t you get it? You’re breaking my heart all over again. Please, if you really love me, you’ll just let me go.”
Zayn reached a hand up and brushed it gently through her hair, feeling a strange lurching sense of panic grip him as he nodded in agreement. “I do love you, Julia. If you ever change your mind…”
She sobbed quietly as his words hit home. He was going to do it. He was going to let her go. She should have felt pleased, but her insides were twisting painfully.
With one last, passionate kiss, filled with all their heartbreak and de
spair, their marriage was at end.
Chapter Thirteen
What the hell had he been thinking?
Zayn stared out of the palace windows onto the Quince grove beneath, but all he saw was an imprint of Julia, as she had been that afternoon. So happy and sublime, so elegant yet vibrant, weaving her way through the trees, asking questions about his childhood. He let out a small groan of frustration. It had been four long, tedious, difficult weeks, and despite the frenetic schedule he made himself keep, he could think of little else but his wife. Her absence was like a physical pain inside of him, one that he was struggling to ignore.
He had never allowed something of such value slip through his fingers. Even before, when he’d been sure she’d cheated on him, he’d worked out a plan to get her back. His grim smile was humorless, as he reflected on the spectacular stupidity of that particular plan. He was a smart man, who should have known better. Nothing that you had to steal was truly worth possessing. Only her love, freely given, would answer this gaping hole in him. And she’d made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t able to forgive him this time.
The climate in London turned on a dime, and the day which had started with such gloom, hinting cruelly of the Autumn that was to come, had transformed, as if by magic, into a perfect late Summer’s afternoon. As Julia meandered down the back streets of Knightsbridge, towards her small inner-city flat, she couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of pleasure. Nothing compared to her usual love of the warmth and the city, and the vibrant locals who inhabited it, but a small part of her was still alive.
For the most part, though, her body was an empty shell, going through the motions of life while her mind and heart were like tiny little shell-shocked beings, reverberating with distress at the sudden desperation that greeted her each day. Life without Zayn had been almost impossible to contemplate four years ago, but now… now that she’d lived with him, and been with him in the most intimate of ways, she didn’t know if she would ever adjust to this new state of existence.
Sheikhs: Rich, powerful desert kings and the women who bring them to their knees... Page 85
