“Nothing you do could ever make me hate you.”
My heart skipped a beat, then another as I remembered why I’d been running from him. I yanked my hand back and batted his away. Stunned, he let me slip by him. But before I could jump up, his arms shot around my waist. “Please,” I pleaded, fighting his hold only for him to draw me closer. “Please, Bren. I’m dangerous. Evil. I—I killed someone. You need to go!”
He banded an arm across my shoulders, pressing my back to his chest. “No, little bird. I know what you did and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not afraid of you.”
I trembled from head to toe, wishing I could tear free of my wicked mind and reactive body. But Bren held me together, forced me to stay. A steady rock at my back. “You should be. I lost control. I’m a monster.” Once I admitted it out loud, I couldn’t stop. I repeated the words over and over, the note of hysteria in my voice climbing.
“You’re not a monster,” he said, his breath hot against my neck. “You’re not a monster, Lune! Just listen. Listen and let me tell you something.”
He sighed, falling silent for a moment. I stilled, curious at his shift in mood.
“I was twelve years old when I shot someone for the first time,” Bren said. The open admission quieted my racing mind. “I’d just learned how to use a gun and Rollie trusted me enough to let me bring it on a mission. But I messed up. There was this kid I was supposed to lure away, same as always, but . . . but his dad caught me. I panicked. Pulled a gun on him. But he pulled one out too. And all I could think was that if he shot me, who would protect Bells? So I . . .”
He cleared his throat, then sighed again. “I shot him. It was a fatal gut wound. He . . . he bled out, but not before witnessing me drag his son into the woods, unable to do a thing.”
A shocked silence settled over us. He continued to hold me, but his muscles were as rigid as mine now. I got the feeling that he didn’t allow himself to remember that dark moment very often. I could understand why. It was horrific. Some part of me wanted to recoil from him, at the innocent blood that stained his hands. Who knew what else he’d done in the name of survival.
But maybe that’s what he wanted. For me to view him as a monster so I wouldn’t view myself as one. Always the hero, ever willing to sacrifice himself.
A noble effort. Although the admission didn’t make me feel better about myself, I was relieved that he knew exactly how I felt.
And so I accepted his embrace and comfort, allowing my body to relax against him. “Maybe there’s a monster inside all of us,” I whispered. “And we must decide whether or not to free it.”
Eventually, he said, “Maybe we do.”
“It should be me.”
I narrowed my eyes at my best friend. “You can’t do it, Ash. You’re too well known. You’ll end up as the city’s next missing person. Or worse.”
“Yeah, but isn’t that a risk we’re willing to take? Besides, I’ve got one of those faces.”
I frowned. “Huh?”
He gestured at himself. “You know, the doesn’t-stand-out-in-a-crowd type.”
“That’s totally not—”
“He kind of does,” Bren said with a shrug.
I sent a glare his way. “You’re not helping.”
He cleared his throat, unsuccessfully hiding a smirk. “Look, we only need him to disguise himself as a handler until he’s inside the bunker. Then he can open the main doors and let the rest of us in. If he gets caught, we’ll simply rescue him with the other prisoners when we try again.”
My mouth opened, then quickly snapped shut. I wanted to argue against this plan until they were too worn out to fight back, but infiltrating the bunker was the only option we had. If I had to pick someone to sneak inside, it would be Asher. Renold wasn’t currently looking for him and I trusted that he could get the job done. But the protective side of me hated this plan with a vengeance.
I ducked my head to hide the conflicted emotions, jabbing a finger at our makeshift, paperless map. “Let’s go over the bunker’s floor plan again.” I adjusted a rock and a few sticks on the worn table, suddenly doubting the snippets of layout I’d memorized during my mental connections with Iris. I needed to check on her again. My tether hadn’t been able to reach her in over a week, but I wouldn’t stop trying. I refused to believe that she was dead.
A warm hand rested over mine, stilling my agitated movements. “It’s going to work,” Bren said softly.
I swallowed around the painful lump in my throat. “Innocent people were electrocuted to death yesterday. They sacrificed themselves so we could get away. I still can’t reach Iris, and we don’t know whose side Ryker is on. I thought we stood a chance, but our numbers are dwindling already. Without enough inside help, how are we supposed to complete phase one of the plan, let alone—” I paused as the lump grew, cutting off my air.
Crap. The restraining chip.
Sensing my distress, Bren swept a thumb across my knuckles until the pain eased. “The villagers took a stand yesterday because you did. Their sacrifice means they believe in you. Have faith. We’ve come too far to give up now.”
“I won’t give up. It’s just . . . harder than I thought.”
“Anything worth fighting for always is,” he murmured, picking up my hand to kiss my fingers.
For once, I didn’t blush, despite Asher openly gawking at us. I was too busy memorizing the way Bren’s lips felt against my skin, the way his face softened when he showered me with affection. These moments were precious, and I had a gut feeling that we didn’t have many left. Every look, every touch, every whispered word could be the last I ever received.
“I’m going to, uh, head out now before anyone misses me,” Asher said, walking backward toward the ladder with a dimpled grin. “I’ll bring you more news tonight when I can sneak away.”
Bren stopped kissing my hand long enough to say, “And maybe find me a shirt?”
Asher gave him a wink and salute. “I’ll see if I can find somebody your size willing to part with one.”
“What’s it like out there?” I asked before he could open the cellar door.
He paused, glancing at me with a thoughtful frown. “Restless.”
I nodded, mentally dissecting the layers of that one word. A few minutes later, he was back, clambering down the ladder so quickly that Bren went into protective mode. One second, I was leaning against the table, and the next, sandwiched between him and the wall.
I squirmed away, careful not to disturb his fresh bandages. When I caught sight of Asher’s pale face and round eyes, my stomach dropped. “What is it? What happened?”
“It’s the Supreme Elite. He . . . he . . .” Asher grimaced, scrubbing both hands down his face. “I’m so sorry, Lune. He just announced on the viewing screen that if you don’t turn yourself in by sunrise tomorrow, the next person to be publicly disciplined will be Iris. I-I could attempt to infiltrate the bunker tonight when the handlers go home for the day. I could—”
“No way, Ash,” I hissed, striding toward him. “No. Way. Everyone will be on high alert after that announcement.”
He gave me a helpless look that crushed my lungs. “Then what are we going to do? It’s your sister. We can’t just let her—”
“We won’t,” I said firmly. Too firmly.
He didn’t make a sound in his approach. It was the stirring of my hair that alerted me to Bren’s close proximity. “Don’t. You. Dare.”
I locked my knees, refusing to bend under the commanding tone.
Asher’s eyes widened in understanding. “You can’t, Lune. Who knows what your father—I mean, the Supreme Elite—will do once he has you. Now that he knows what you can do, that kind of power in his hands could be . . .”
He groaned, yanking at the ends of his hair.
“I know,” I said when the silence became suffocating. I couldn’t even look at Bren. “But she’s my sister, and I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her.”
I knew my choice of words wo
uld sting. Knew they sunk deep into Bren’s heart, striking the most vulnerable part of him.
At least, I hoped so.
I knew that his need to protect me might exceed his empathy. And if that was the case, then there was only one thing left to do.
Take the choice away from him.
It was late. Maybe midnight.
The unspoken words between us had grown, but neither of us dared to break the silence. We both knew words were pointless right now. They would only add to the boiling tension between us.
All day, Bren had been a thick shadow at my back. He touched me often, reassuring himself that I hadn’t slipped away. Even now, as we lay on the thin pallet provided for us, he used his body to keep me close. He’d imprisoned me from behind, one arm around my chest and the other my waist. For added security, he’d snuck a leg in between mine.
I shifted into a more comfortable position. He immediately jerked, then burrowed his face into my hair with a sigh. His panic and relief broke my heart.
“You all right?” he murmured against my skin. A lump formed in my throat. I couldn’t speak even if I wanted to. He relinquished his hold, rolling me onto my back. The candle still burned, casting half his face into flickering light and the other mysterious shadow. It was still how I saw him, even if I knew many of his secrets now.
Propping himself on an elbow, he touched my cheek, offering me comfort. The gentle strokes of his thumb sealed my windpipe. I closed my eyes against the burn, turning my face into his palm. I placed a kiss there, like he so often did with me. His scent was almost too overwhelming, a reminder of all I had to lose.
When he reached for me again, I stilled him by pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his inner wrist. I took my time, kissing and tasting a path up his arm until I was blocked. Stupid new shirt. I opened my eyes to find his gaze aglow with desire and need. I purposefully licked my lips, drawing his attention to them as I tugged on the shirt’s hem.
He reached for me once more, as if he couldn’t help himself. I stopped him yet again by sneaking a hand beneath his shirt and running my palm over his abs. He quietly hissed in a breath when my nails scraped down his stomach. The sound sent warm tingles up my spine.
He leaned back, giving me room to carefully maneuver the shirt over his bandages. I tossed the material aside, hoping it got lost somehow. Through hooded eyes, Bren watched as I not so subtly checked him out. It was impossible not to, the golden swells and dips of his upper body a beautiful display of male perfection. Okay, I was slightly obsessed and didn’t care if he knew.
Up until now, he’d been the one to explore, to send my pulse through the roof with sure sweeps of his hands. But I wanted this moment to be about him. He must have known what I was doing, but he didn’t stop me. Didn’t resist my efforts to comfort and show him how much he meant to me through touch instead of words. I knew it was something he understood.
I started at his full bottom lip, teasing until he sucked my index finger into his mouth. The warmth of his tongue momentarily distracted me. I quickly retreated, gliding the wet finger down to the pulse point of his neck where I planted an equally wet kiss. He loosed a throaty rumble, causing me to lose focus again. I knew he was on the verge of taking control, and that knowledge spurred me onward.
“Submit to me,” I breathed, persuading him to comply by smoothing both hands down his chest and stomach. He growled, knowing that I meant more than just my touch. But when I skimmed the flesh below his navel, the sound cut off. Victory.
Shyness stole over me as I ventured further south, tracing the V that disappeared into his waistband. My fingers brushed the metal button of his pants, and his breathing grew uneven. I nibbled my lip, fighting off a blush.
In a swift move of rebellion, he undid the button for me, boldly guiding my hand even lower. If my entire body wasn’t bursting into flames at the feel of him, I would have snorted at his unwavering stubbornness.
The display of dominance triggered mine, and I took control again. When his eyes fluttered shut and he finally let go, I was wholly entranced by the open emotion. The raw vulnerability. He hid nothing from me during moments like these, letting me see every facet of himself.
This level of intimacy was new and frightening, but I couldn’t get enough. I wanted every moment to be like this—consuming from the inside out. A love that both destroyed and rebuilt, causing deepest pain and pleasure. A feeling like this shouldn’t exist, a feeling so powerful, it weakened me.
Stars, when had Brendan Bearon become my addiction?
“I love you,” I whispered, pressing a kiss over his heart. His answering groan sent a smile to my lips and more heat shooting through my core.
I’d rendered him incapable of speech, a willing slave to my touch. Words weren’t necessary anyway. I knew how much he loved me, but I also knew how devastated he would be come morning to find me gone. He’d never willingly submit to me leaving, so this was my way of apologizing. Of pouring every last drop of my devotion into saying goodbye.
This was my moment to protect, honor, and love him.
Because my very last breath might come sooner than either of us was ready for.
Dawn was a couple hours off when I emerged from the wine cellar undetected. As expected, the villagers were tucked inside their homes, still under curfew.
A part of me had hoped that it wouldn’t work. That I had experienced a one-time fluke in controlling someone’s mind.
But when I’d commanded Bren to sleep, he obeyed without argument. Seeing him so helpless against my ability’s power had nearly destroyed my resolve. I knew what had to be done, knew that this mission was solely meant for me. But putting myself in danger and leaving him behind again would hurt him deeply.
I would carry that hurt every second we were apart, knowing I had no one to blame but myself.
Stealing his free will was monstrous and unforgivable, but I had to follow my gut. Ever since discovering where Iris was, I had a feeling that I’d end up there too. At least this way, I’d be infiltrating the bunker and not Asher.
What happened after that, I didn’t know.
I easily snuck past the village guards, wondering if Renold ordered them to stand down in light of his announcement. Watching me crawl back to him of my own volition was something he’d take pleasure in.
What I didn’t expect was Ryker. Halfway between the village and my destination, I spotted him on Napoleon. Despite my tense body, I walked up and waited for him to escort me the rest of the way.
He didn’t dismount and cuff me like a loyal Keeper should. Instead, he stared off into the predawn horizon for several silent moments. Then, “Go back, Lune. I’ll turn a blind eye just this once.”
“No.” I firmly shook my head. When he opened his mouth to argue, I said, “Either you take me to Renold or I create a big scene. One way or another, I’m going to be arrested.”
He scowled. “I could knock you out.”
“You could try,” I taunted, widening my stance.
After a moment of mutual glaring, he simply said, “Why?”
“Why did you challenge Rollie on that rooftop?” I threw back.
His expression immediately cleared. A muscle jumped in his jaw, but he reached a hand down without a word. I accepted the help, swinging onto the back of his charger. We rode to Tatum House in silence, but I drew comfort from his presence. Whether he was on my side or not, we had an understanding.
Running from our demons wasn’t the solution. Only by facing what tormented us could we truly find peace. But we both knew there was always a price to pay.
For once, I welcomed his firm grip on my arm as he led me past a wide-eyed Dobson and into the house’s foyer. His hand kept me from running back to Bren, my safety. His steady footfalls encouraged me to move forward. And his even breaths reminded me to breathe.
When we were face-to-face with Renold, Ryker tightened his hold as if deciding against this plan after all. Too late. I stepped forward, giving him no choice but to let me go
. I stood before my adoptive father, oddly calm. The fear I always felt in his presence was missing, and by the pinched look on his face, he could sense the change.
“Search her,” he said.
I didn’t flinch as Ryker’s hands traveled up and down my body. He wouldn’t find anything. There were no weapons.
Only me.
Did Renold know I could destroy his mind in a matter of seconds?
He must have come to the same conclusion because he murmured, “Try anything and Iris will pay the price.”
I ground my teeth together, smothering the urge to melt his brain.
With a snap of his fingers, he called a guard forward. “Cuff her, if you please, Mr. Cooper.”
When a puckered scar on the man’s cheek caught my attention, I gaped stupidly. There was something familiar about the scar’s X shape.
“Hello, Mute.”
A streak of cold slithered down my spine as I met Lars’s dark gaze. His eyes unapologetically raked over my body while he restrained my wrists. When the metal dug into my skin, I bit back a cry, refusing to give him the reaction he sought. I hadn’t forgotten what Bren said about him. How he might be a Berserker and wanted to claim me.
More than ever, I had to stay strong.
“Thank you for returning my daughter to me, Mr. Jones,” Renold said to Ryker. “As always, your loyalty will be rewarded. Mr. Cooper will take things from here.”
“I most certainly will, Your Grace,” Lars replied with a slight bow.
Eww. Suck up.
I didn’t fight his hold when he tugged at me to follow. But before we could leave, Ryker slid into our path. I blinked, surprised to find him glaring at Lars.
The grip on my arm grew painful. I refused to show how much it hurt, but Ryker glanced at me anyway. Lars tsked, chortling lightly. “Careful, Keeper. She’s under my protection now.” With a yank, he dragged me after him, boots slapping the marble at a sharp clip.
As soon as we rounded a bend, he jerked me close. “I’ve missed you, Mute.”
Immersive Page 22
