When she’s finished, she gives Candace a smug look before she turns toward Laz for praise. He, however, doesn’t give her the expression she hoped for. His face is emotionless, so I can’t tell if he’s impressed or not.
He flips his gaze toward Candace. “Your turn.”
She straightens her shoulders and sings with so much poise it appears she’s not nervous.
Along with all the other girls trying out for the group, I watch her perform.
Like every other time Candace has ever sung in front of me, I find myself mesmerized by her. There’s no way Laz won’t give this part to her. There’s not even a contest really between her and Annamea.
Candace finishes the last note, and when our eyes connect, I smile and wink, letting her know that she nailed it.
Both ladies watch Laz, expectantly waiting for his decision.
Laz takes in a deep breath and then leans his elbows on the top of the piano. “Mickey, I’m going to need you to play it one more time. I think I need to switch it up, go a different direction. Annamea—”
“Yes?” she answers with a huge smile on her face.
“Hand your copy of the lyrics to Drea. I want to see what she does with it.”
Annamea turns to me with a scowl etched into her face. “Here you go.”
I lick my lips as I study the words on the paper. “You want me to sing this?”
Laz nods. “Your voice has a unique tone, and I think this particular song calls for something special.” He turns toward the vocal coach who has been working with the girls. “One more time, Mick.”
After hearing the song twice, I’m convinced I have the melody of the tune commited to memory, but I’m scared to look up from the paper because I can feel the weight of Annamea’s stare pushing down on me.
The piano plays, and I open my mouth to permit the notes to fly out. It’s still not easy for me to sing in front of others, but now that I’ve had some reassurance in my vocal abilities from Laz, I don’t feel as inferior to the rest of the women in this room.
To my surprise, I don’t fumble over any of the words. The rhythm overtakes me, and I become one with the song. When I’m finished, I glance up to find every eye in the room trained on me, but their expressions are impossible to interpret.
Mickey glances up at Laz with his eyebrows raised. “I know you haven’t asked for my opinion, but she’s your lead vocalist.”
Annamea’s nostrils flare, and she doesn’t attempt to hide her disgust that I’ve been chosen over her. I search for a friendly face, looking for confirmation that I deserve this spot. My eyes land on Candace, but her face doesn’t display the affection that I expected to see. Her eyes seem almost as cold as Annamea’s, but the moment she notices that I’ve caught her expression, she gives me a halfhearted smile.
It then occurs to me that, when Mickey proclaimed me as the lead vocalist, it wasn’t just over Annamea, but over Candace as well.
Candace has always been the number one pick, so I’ve never been chosen over her, and it doesn’t seem to be sitting too well with her.
Laz pushes himself to an upright position, and I tear my attention away from my sister.
“Until further notice, Drea is taking the lead on our first single. The rest of you need to step up your game. We’ll continue going through this song until lunch. We need to get it perfect.”
We spend the rest of the morning singing the same song over and over. Laz and Cam sit in during the entire session and give suggestions and notes as they assign parts of the song. Each girl gets a solo section in the song to give her a chance to shine, but Laz has assigned me more parts of the song than anyone else, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
Even though I love to sing, I don’t like being the center of attention. I’ve never been one to crave the spotlight, but I’m smart enough to realize that having the lead in this song means I’ll be out front a lot when the time arrives and have to put a dance routine with it. That’s when Laz will come to his senses and realize he’s made a mistake.
“All right, I think we can wrap for lunch,” Laz announces to the group. “We’ll pick up where we left off after that.”
The girls in the room take that opportunity to bounce out as quickly as they can. I’m surprised to find that even my sister is taking off without me.
“Candace? Were you going to wait up?” I call after her as she heads through the door.
Her shoulders rise and then fall as if she were taking a deep breath before turning to face me. “I wasn’t leaving you on purpose. I thought you were right behind me.” The tone of her voice leads me to believe she’s not being truthful.
“You mad at me?”
Her eyebrows furrow. “No. Of course, not. Why would you think that?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. The expression you had on your face when I was assigned the lead …” I pause as she folds her slender arms over her chest. Something tells me that she isn’t feeling very receptive to a heart-to-heart right now.
I pull my lips into a tight line. Fighting with her is the last thing I want to do right now, so at times like this, I find it’s best to leave things unsaid rather than upsetting someone.
“You know what? Forget I mentioned it.”
At this point in the conversation, I expect her to approach me like she always does—throwing her arm around me and telling me to lighten up, that I’m making a big deal out of nothing—but she doesn’t do that. Instead, she turns on her heel and leaves the room without another word.
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose.
The spotlight has always belonged to Candace. All these years, I’ve been content to stand in her shadow and support her. I’ve done that because I love her, and I thought, if I ever had a moment in the sun, she would be there for me the same way I’d always been in her corner.
Today, I didn’t feel any love coming from her. Instead, I felt anger. I never expected that, and frankly, I’m confused as hell.
“That’s going to keep happening, you know.” The sound of Laz’s deep voice cuts through the room.
I turn to find him sitting at the piano, intently watching me.
“What will?” I ask.
“That.” He gestures toward the door. “People who you thought would always have your back suddenly won’t.”
“Oh, this is nothing. We’re fine.” I dismissively wave him off. “We always fight like this.”
He quirks one eyebrow. “For some reason, I doubt that. I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I’m guessing that Candace typically gets her way. She’s not used to you shining, so I’m sure this is tough since it’s new territory for her.”
Laz’s insightful words hang in the otherwise silent room. Sadly, I feel he might have nailed this situation. The thought of Candace upset with me hurts, and it’s obviously something we need to discuss.
My eyes flit back over to Laz who is still sitting behind the keys of the baby grand piano. “Sounds like you’ve had some experience in this department.”
He nods, and the muscles in his jaw flex as he swallows. “Unfortunately, I have. It comes along with the job when you get involved with the music business. True colors come out when the beast of jealousy rears its ugly head. I learned the hard way that there are very few people in this business I can truly trust. You’ll find your way in that, too. Your sister can be a great ally to you if the two of you can get over this hurdle and just be happy for whoever is in the spotlight at the time.”
His fingers press down on the keys, and a simple tune begins to play. He jerks his head to the side. “Come sit down. Sing with me. Give her some space to rationalize things in her head.”
I hesitate. Being close to Laz isn’t such a great idea for me, considering how attractive I find him and how I almost crossed the line with him in the dance studio. But if we’re going to work together, I’m going to have to learn to keep this lust I have for this absurdly gorgeous man in check.
I walk over and take a seat next t
o him on the bench. The warmth of his body as it presses against me causes my heart to race.
“You’re a tough girl, Drea. You’ll do well in this business.”
Our eyes meet, and the intensity of his stare makes me almost feel like he’s seeing into my soul.
“How can you possibly know that about me?” It puzzles me. I’m not so sure I’m going to make it through all this, so I wonder how he can be so confident.
“After I had made my final selections the other night, I had a private investigator do a background profile on each of the ladies, so I could make sure no crazy stalker-fans would be moving into this house.” He pauses for a beat. “Your file impressed me the most.”
“My file?” I swallow hard, curious what it says about me. I’ve fought so hard to overcome my past, but it seems, no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape it.
“You worked nearly sixty hours a week at a minimum-wage job you hated just to keep the bills paid so you could live on your own. You don’t have much to do with your father, and your mother died when you were just a baby.”
I stare at him wide-eyed, and he shrugs.
“Please try to understand why I had to check you out. It’s hard to trust anyone in this business. I have to constantly look out for myself and do my homework on those around me, so believe me when I say keep your sister close. You’ll need a confidant, or you’ll go out of your mind.”
He doesn’t mention my darkest secret, and inside, I relax. The plus side of things happening when you were a juvenile is that many records are sealed, keeping some details secret from anyone prying into your past.
His eyes search my face, and I can tell he wants to know what’s going through my mind, but my past isn’t something I like to discuss. It hurts too damn much.
I need to change the subject and get the focus back on him.
“Is that what happened to you? Some things I’ve heard … is that because you didn’t have anyone to talk to, so you went wild?” The moment the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back.
“I guess you could say that. I’ve had some not-so-proud moments in my career.” He sighs, and his fingers caress the piano keys, making a slow melody come to life. “There were times I felt like everyone hated me, that nobody cared or understood where I was coming from, so I found comfort in substances that made me not care.”
The thought of him being lost in a drug-induced haze, affecting his physical abilities and talents, makes me sad. It seems like that time in his life was a disservice to the world because he stopped producing beautiful music for all to hear.
“Drugs are something I’ve never touched. I’ve seen too much bad come from messing around with them,” I admit.
He continues to play. “My past isn’t something I’m proud of, Drea. It’s a shame I didn’t have the good sense to avoid them in the first place, but I’m working hard every day to make sure I don’t repeat my mistakes. This group is the first step in regaining control of my career. Mentally, I’m better than I’ve been in a long time.”
I watch his fingers slide over the ivory keys, and a need to comfort him comes over me. “Everyone has a past. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, too.”
He gives me a sad smile. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels that way.”
“You’re definitely not,” I agree. “God knows, I’m no angel.”
The music stops, and he turns to study me. “Your face is too innocent for me to believe that. You’re the closest thing to heaven I’ve seen in a long, long time.”
He’s only saying those things because he doesn’t know the truth about me and all the bad things I’ve done.
“I’m not innocent,” I whisper.
“Maybe not.” Laz bites his bottom lip and then tucks a strand of my dark hair behind my ear, allowing the tips of his fingers to trace my cheek. “But I know a good person when I see one. You’re someone who’s far too good for the likes of me.”
My heart thunders in my chest as he cradles my face in his hands. The warmth of his breath on my lips causes my toes to curl. If I push forward a couple of inches, I’ll finally get to taste those lips of his, but I hesitate. This man is my boss, and I promised Candace I wouldn’t get involved with him. On top of that, he has me thinking about my past.
Things have occurred in my life that I’m not proud of, but the past can never be undone. It worries me that, if he finds out the truth about me, he’ll be disgusted. He won’t look at me in the same way he is right now—with so much want that I can practically feel it.
He leans his forehead in and touches it to mine, and I squirm in my seat a bit. It’s been so long since I was touched, but I’ve never felt so desired. It’s a rush, and I find it impossible to describe. Lust fills every inch of me, and if I don’t move away from him soon, I’m going to lose my ever-lovin’ mind.
“This is wrong—on so many levels.” His words come out barely above a whisper, and I can’t tell if they were meant for me or if he was thinking out loud.
“I know.” Even I can hear the breathiness in my voice.
The rapid rise and fall of his chest doesn’t go unnoticed as he moves in another inch. We stay like that for what feels like an eternity, neither of us wanting to be the first to pull away and fight this undeniable tension flowing between us.
“If you don’t want this …”
He’s testing the waters before making a leap, and dear God, I want him to jump right in so damn bad.
I stare into his blue eyes. “I do.”
Laz takes in a shaky breath, and I can see the war raging inside him. I know he’s got a lot at stake, and crossing the line with me is a no-no, but damn if I don’t want him to take me anyway.
“Fuck it,” Laz growls before he crushes his lips to mine.
I melt into him, and thoughts of how wrong this is rush out of my mind. Every inch of my brain is now consumed with how much I want this, want him, and nothing else in the world matters.
14
Hold Up
Lazarus
The smoothness of Drea’s skin against the palms of my hands as I hold her in place causes my heart to race while I taste her lips. The sweetness from her ChapStick lingers as I pull back to stare at her face.
Her chest heaves as she sits still, not even attempting to move away.
God, how I’ve wanted this from the first moment I laid eyes on her in the bar. I shouldn’t want her this much. She’s forbidden.
My tongue darts out of my mouth, and I carefully lick my lips as I consider my next words. “In five seconds, I’m going to lock the door leading into this room. If you don’t want to fuck me, here’s your chance to say so. I need to know you want this, too.”
She gazes deep into my eyes, and when she pauses for a beat, my heart bangs hard against my ribs, as I’m worried that I’ve been misreading her signals.
She chews the corner of her bottom lip. “I want this, I want you, but I’m scared.”
“Of what? Of me?” I ask, desperately needing to know if she means she’s frightened.
She shakes her head. “I’m afraid for you. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but I overhead you and Cam talking about the group during the pool party. I know you’re not supposed to have a relationship with any of the girls in the group.”
Her words are like a bucket of ice water being thrown in my face, waking me up from a lust-filled fog. If I sleep with Drea and Peter finds out, I might as well kiss my royalty check good-bye along with any future I might have with Rawlings Records. As much as I want her right now, I have to resist.
I drop my head and squeeze my eyes shut as I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Shit.”
I almost threw everything away for a girl I barely know. I can’t do that. I have to stop thinking with my dick. Fuck knows, doing that has gotten me into so much trouble before.
I slide away from her on the bench, needing distance. Having her so close, smelling her flowery perfume, makes it difficult not to give in and t
ake her anyway, to say fuck the consequences and go for it.
I sigh and then look up, noting the sadness in her brown eyes. “I’m sorry, Drea. You’re right. We can’t do this. I just can’t. I want you—there’s no way I can deny it—but I have to put that aside for the good of the group and for me. If we cross the line, the deal I made with Peter… well, let’s just say, I’d lose everything that I haven’t already. If he caught us, I’d be fucked.”
“You don’t have to apologize. You’ve got a lot riding on this group. I understand.”
This beautiful woman before me is the one thing in my life that I want more than anything, but I can’t have her. The thought of another man getting to do all the things to her I want to makes my stomach clench.
“Is it still okay if I stay in the group?” she asks, jerking me out of my thoughts.
“Of course, it is. The group needs you—I need you here. If you’re okay with staying, I’d like that very much. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I want to stay. Can we just be friends?”
The word friends bonuces around my brain. While that’s not exactly what I want with Drea, I’ll take what I can get. After all, I still have to work with this girl. I need to figure out a way to stay professional
Being near Drea day in and day out is really going to test my resolve. Looks like there’s going to be a lot of cold showers in my future if I want to make it through this.
15
Back on Track
Drea
Three weeks have passed since I almost had sex with Laz. He’s been nothing but the picture of professionalism since then. We’ve been working alone together every day in the dance studio, and I’ve learned a lot about keeping rhythm, perfecting crisp dance steps, and engaging the audience. Laz absolutely knows what he’s doing, and I’m truly blessed he believes in my talent enough to devote the time to make sure I’m good enough for this group.
Love Sex Music Page 8
