CHAPTER XIV. THE SAD CASE OF LOONEY BIDDLE
Archie was a simple soul, and, as is the case with most simple souls,gratitude came easily to him. He appreciated kind treatment. And when,on the following day, Lucille returned to the Hermitage, all smiles andaffection, and made no further reference to Beauty's Eyes and the fliesthat got into them, he was conscious of a keen desire to show some solidrecognition of this magnanimity. Few wives, he was aware, could havehad the nobility and what not to refrain from occasionally turning theconversation in the direction of the above-mentioned topics. It had notneeded this behaviour on her part to convince him that Lucille was atopper and a corker and one of the very best, for he had been cognisantof these facts since the first moment he had met her: but what he didfeel was that she deserved to be rewarded in no uncertain manner. Andit seemed a happy coincidence to him that her birthday should be comingalong in the next week or so. Surely, felt Archie, he could whack upsome sort of a not unjuicy gift for that occasion--something pretty ripethat would make a substantial hit with the dear girl. Surely somethingwould come along to relieve his chronic impecuniosity for justsufficient length of time to enable him to spread himself on this greatoccasion.
And, as if in direct answer to prayer, an almost forgotten aunt inEngland suddenly, out of an absolutely blue sky, shot no less a sum thanfive hundred dollars across the ocean. The present was so lavish andunexpected that Archie had the awed feeling of one who participates ina miracle. He felt, like Herbert Parker, that the righteous was notforsaken. It was the sort of thing that restored a fellow's faith inhuman nature. For nearly a week he went about in a happy trance: andwhen, by thrift and enterprise--that is to say, by betting Reggie vanTuyl that the New York Giants would win the opening game of the seriesagainst the Pittsburg baseball team--he contrived to double his capital,what it amounted to was simply that life had nothing more to offer. Hewas actually in a position to go to a thousand dollars for Lucille'sbirthday present. He gathered in Mr. van Tuyl, of whose taste in thesematters he had a high opinion, and dragged him off to a jeweller's onBroadway.
The jeweller, a stout, comfortable man, leaned on the counter andfingered lovingly the bracelet which he had lifted out of its nest ofblue plush. Archie, leaning on the other side of the counter, inspectedthe bracelet searchingly, wishing that he knew more about these things;for he had rather a sort of idea that the merchant was scheming to dohim in the eyeball. In a chair by his side, Reggie van Tuyl, half asleepas usual, yawned despondently. He had permitted Archie to lug him intothis shop; and he wanted to buy something and go. Any form of sustainedconcentration fatigued Reggie.
"Now this," said the jeweller, "I could do at eight hundred and fiftydollars."
"Grab it!" murmured Mr. van Tuyl.
The jeweller eyed him approvingly, a man after his own heart; but Archielooked doubtful. It was all very well for Reggie to tell him to grabit in that careless way. Reggie was a dashed millionaire, and no doubtbought bracelets by the pound or the gross or what not; but he himselfwas in an entirely different position.
"Eight hundred and fifty dollars!" he said, hesitating.
"Worth it," mumbled Reggie van Tuyl.
"More than worth it," amended the jeweller. "I can assure you that it isbetter value than you could get anywhere on Fifth Avenue."
"Yes?" said Archie. He took the bracelet and twiddled it thoughtfully."Well, my dear old jeweller, one can't say fairer than that, can one--ortwo, as the case may be!" He frowned. "Oh, well, all right! But it'srummy that women are so fearfully keen on these little thingummies,isn't it? I mean to say, can't see what they see in them. Stones, andall that. Still, there, it is, of course!"
"There," said the jeweller, "as you say, it is, sir."
"Yes, there it is!"
"Yes, there it is," said the jeweller, "fortunately for people in myline of business. Will you take it with you, sir?"
Archie reflected.
"No. No, not take it with me. The fact is, you know, my wife's comingback from the country to-night, and it's her birthday to-morrow, and thething's for her, and, if it was popping about the place to-night, shemight see it, and it would sort of spoil the surprise. I mean to say,she doesn't know I'm giving it her, and all that!"
"Besides," said Reggie, achieving a certain animation now that thetedious business interview was concluded, "going to the ball-game thisafternoon--might get pocket picked--yes, better have it sent."
"Where shall I send it, sir?"
"Eh? Oh, shoot it along to Mrs. Archibald Moffam, at the Cosmopolis. Notto-day, you know. Buzz it in first thing to-morrow."
Having completed the satisfactory deal, the jeweller threw off thebusiness manner and became chatty.
"So you are going to the ball-game? It should be an interestingcontest."
Reggie van Tuyl, now--by his own standards--completely awake, tookexception to this remark.
"Not a bit of it!" he said, decidedly. "No contest! Can't call it acontest! Walkover for the Pirates!"
Archie was stung to the quick. There is that about baseball whicharouses enthusiasm and the partisan spirit in the unlikeliest bosoms. Itis almost impossible for a man to live in America and not become grippedby the game; and Archie had long been one of its warmest adherents.He was a whole-hearted supporter of the Giants, and his only grievanceagainst Reggie, in other respects an estimable young man, was that thelatter, whose money had been inherited from steel-mills in that city,had an absurd regard for the Pirates of Pittsburg.
"What absolute bally rot!" he exclaimed. "Look what the Giants did tothem yesterday!"
"Yesterday isn't to-day," said Reggie.
"No, it'll be a jolly sight worse," said Archie. "Looney Biddle'll bepitching for the Giants to-day."
"That's just what I mean. The Pirates have got him rattled. Look whathappened last time."
Archie understood, and his generous nature chafed at the innuendo.Looney Biddle--so-called by an affectionately admiring public as theresult of certain marked eccentricities--was beyond dispute the greatestleft-handed pitcher New York had possessed in the last decade. But therewas one blot on Mr. Biddle's otherwise stainless scutcheon. Five weeksbefore, on the occasion of the Giants' invasion of Pittsburg, he hadgone mysteriously to pieces. Few native-born partisans, brought up tobaseball from the cradle, had been plunged into a profounder gloom onthat occasion than Archie; but his soul revolted at the thought thatthat sort of thing could ever happen again.
"I'm not saying," continued Reggie, "that Biddle isn't a very fairpitcher, but it's cruel to send him against the Pirates, and somebodyought to stop it. His best friends should interfere. Once a team getsa pitcher rattled, he's never any good against them again. He loses hisnerve."
The jeweller nodded approval of this sentiment.
"They never come back," he said, sententiously.
The fighting blood of the Moffams was now thoroughly stirred. Archieeyed his friend sternly. Reggie was a good chap--in many respects anextremely sound egg--but he must not be allowed to talk rot of thisdescription about the greatest left-handed pitcher of the age.
"It seems to me, old companion," he said, "that a small bet is indicatedat this juncture. How about it?"
"Don't want to take your money."
"You won't have to! In the cool twilight of the merry old summerevening I, friend of my youth and companion of my riper years, shall betrousering yours."
Reggie yawned. The day was very hot, and this argument was making himfeel sleepy again.
"Well, just as you like, of course. Double or quits on yesterday's bet,if that suits you."
For a moment Archie hesitated. Firm as his faith was in Mr. Biddle'sstout left arm, he had not intended to do the thing on quite thisscale. That thousand dollars of his was earmarked for Lucille's birthdaypresent, and he doubted whether he ought to risk it. Then the thoughtthat the honour of New York was in his hands decided him. Besides, therisk was negligible. Betting on Looney Biddle was like betting on theprobable rise of the sun in t
he east. The thing began to seem to Archiea rather unusually sound and conservative investment. He remembered thatthe jeweller, until he drew him firmly but kindly to earth and urgedhim to curb his exuberance and talk business on a reasonable plane, hadstarted brandishing bracelets that cost about two thousand. There wouldbe time to pop in at the shop this evening after the game and change theone he had selected for one of those. Nothing was too good for Lucilleon her birthday.
"Right-o!" he said. "Make it so, old friend!"
Archie walked back to the Cosmopolis. No misgivings came to mar hisperfect contentment. He felt no qualms about separating Reggie fromanother thousand dollars. Except for a little small change in thepossession of the Messrs. Rockefeller and Vincent Astor, Reggie had allthe money in the world and could afford to lose. He hummed a gay airas he entered the lobby and crossed to the cigar-stand to buy a fewcigarettes to see him through the afternoon.
The girl behind the cigar counter welcomed him with a bright smile.Archie was popular with all the employes of the Cosmopolis.
"'S a great day, Mr. Moffam!"
"One of the brightest and best," Agreed Archie. "Could you dig me outtwo, or possibly three, cigarettes of the usual description? I shallwant something to smoke at the ball-game."
"You going to the ball-game?"
"Rather! Wouldn't miss it for a fortune."
"No?"
"Absolutely no! Not with jolly old Biddle pitching."
The cigar-stand girl laughed amusedly.
"Is he pitching this afternoon? Say, that feller's a nut? D'you knowhim?"
"Know him? Well, I've seen him pitch and so forth."
"I've got a girl friend who's engaged to him!"
Archie looked at her with positive respect. It would have been moredramatic, of course, if she had been engaged to the great man herself,but still the mere fact that she had a girl friend in that astoundingposition gave her a sort of halo.
"No, really!" he said. "I say, by Jove, really! Fancy that!"
"Yes, she's engaged to him all right. Been engaged close on a couplamonths now."
"I say! That's frightfully interesting! Fearfully interesting, really!"
"It's funny about that guy," said the cigar-stand girl. "He's a nut!The fellow who said there's plenty of room at the top must have beenthinking of Gus Biddle's head! He's crazy about m' girl friend, y' know,and, whenever they have a fuss, it seems like he sort of flies right offthe handle."
"Goes in off the deep end, eh?"
"Yes, SIR! Loses what little sense he's got. Why, the last time him andm' girl friend got to scrapping was when he was going on to Pittsburgto play, about a month ago. He'd been out with her the day he left forthere, and he had a grouch or something, and he started making low,sneaky cracks about her Uncle Sigsbee. Well, m' girl friend's got a nicedisposition, but she c'n get mad, and she just left him flat and toldhim all was over. And he went off to Pittsburg, and, when he started into pitch the opening game, he just couldn't keep his mind on hisjob, and look what them assassins done to him! Five runs in the firstinnings! Yessir, he's a nut all right!"
Archie was deeply concerned. So this was the explanation of thatmysterious disaster, that weird tragedy which had puzzled the sportingpress from coast to coast.
"Good God! Is he often taken like that?"
"Oh, he's all right when he hasn't had a fuss with m' girl friend," saidthe cigar-stand girl, indifferently. Her interest in baseball was tepid.Women are too often like this--mere butterflies, with no concern for thedeeper side of life.
"Yes, but I say! What I mean to say, you know! Are they pretty pallynow? The good old Dove of Peace flapping its little wings fairly brisklyand all that?"
"Oh, I guess everything's nice and smooth just now. I seen m' girlfriend yesterday, and Gus was taking her to the movies last night, so Iguess everything's nice and smooth."
Archie breathed a sigh of relief.
"Took her to the movies, did he? Stout fellow!"
"I was at the funniest picture last week," said the cigar-stand girl."Honest, it was a scream! It was like this--"
Archie listened politely; then went in to get a bite of lunch. Hisequanimity, shaken by the discovery of the rift in the peerless one'sarmour, was restored. Good old Biddle had taken the girl to the movieslast night. Probably he had squeezed her hand a goodish bit in the dark.With what result? Why, the fellow would be feeling like one of thosechappies who used to joust for the smiles of females in the Middle Ages.What he meant to say, presumably the girl would be at the game thisafternoon, whooping him on, and good old Biddle would be so full ofbeans and buck that there would be no holding him.
Encouraged by these thoughts, Archie lunched with an untroubled mind.Luncheon concluded, he proceeded to the lobby to buy back his hat andstick from the boy brigand with whom he had left them. It was while hewas conducting this financial operation that he observed that at thecigar-stand, which adjoined the coat-and-hat alcove, his friend behindthe counter had become engaged in conversation with another girl.
This was a determined looking young woman in a blue dress and a largehat of a bold and flowery species, Archie happening to attract herattention, she gave him a glance out of a pair of fine brown eyes, then,as if she did not think much of him, turned to her companion and resumedtheir conversation--which, being of an essentially private and intimatenature, she conducted, after the manner of her kind, in a ringingsoprano which penetrated into every corner of the lobby. Archie,waiting while the brigand reluctantly made change for a dollar bill, wasprivileged to hear every word.
"Right from the start I seen he was in a ugly mood. YOU know how hegets, dearie! Chewing his upper lip and looking at you as if you wereso much dirt beneath his feet! How was _I_ to know he'd lost fifteendollars fifty-five playing poker, and anyway, I don't see where he getsa licence to work off his grouches on me. And I told him so. I said tohim, 'Gus,' I said, 'if you can't be bright and smiling and cheerfulwhen you take me out, why do you come round at all? Was I wrong orright, dearie?"
The girl behind the counter heartily endorsed her conduct. "Once you leta man think he could use you as a door-mat, where were you?"
"What happened then, honey?"
"Well, after that we went to the movies."
Archie started convulsively. The change from his dollar-bill leaped inhis hand. Some of it sprang overboard and tinkled across the floor, withthe brigand in pursuit. A monstrous suspicion had begun, to take root inhis mind.
"Well, we got good seats, but--well, you know how it is, once thingsstart going wrong. You know that hat of mine, the one with the daisiesand cherries and the feather--I'd taken it off and given it him to holdwhen we went in, and what do you think that fell'r'd done? Put it on thefloor and crammed it under the seat, just to save himself the trouble ofholding it on his lap! And, when I showed him I was upset, all he saidwas that he was a pitcher and not a hatstand!"
Archie was paralysed. He paid no attention to the hat-check boy, whowas trying to induce him to accept treasure-trove to the amount offorty-five cents. His whole being was concentrated on this frightfultragedy which had burst upon him like a tidal wave. No possible room fordoubt remained. "Gus" was the only Gus in New York that mattered, andthis resolute and injured female before him was the Girl Friend, inwhose slim hands rested the happiness of New York's baseball followers,the destiny of the unconscious Giants, and the fate of his thousanddollars. A strangled croak proceeded from his parched lips.
"Well, I didn't say anything at the moment. It just shows how themmovies can work on a girl's feelings. It was a Bryant Washburn film, andsomehow, whenever I see him on the screen, nothing else seems to matter.I just get that goo-ey feeling, and couldn't start a fight if you askedme to. So we go off to have a soda, and I said to him, 'That sure was alovely film, Gus!' and would you believe me, he says straight out thathe didn't think it was such a much, and he thought Bryant Washburn was apill! A pill!" The Girl Friend's penetrating voice shook with emotion.
"He never!" e
xclaimed the shocked cigar-stand girl.
"He did, if I die the next moment! I wasn't more than half-way throughmy vanilla and maple, but I got up without a word and left him. And Iain't seen a sight of him since. So there you are, dearie! Was I rightor wrong?"
The cigar-stand girl gave unqualified approval. What men like Gus Biddleneeded for the salvation of their souls was an occasional good joltright where it would do most good.
"I'm glad you think I acted right, dearie," said the Girl Friend. "Iguess I've been too weak with Gus, and he's took advantage of it. Is'pose I'll have to forgive him one of these old days, but, believe me,it won't be for a week."
The cigar-stand girl was in favour of a fortnight.
"No," said the Girl Friend, regretfully. "I don't believe I could holdout that long. But, if I speak to him inside a week, well--! Well, Igotta be going. Goodbye, honey."
The cigar-stand girl turned to attend to an impatient customer, and theGirl Friend, walking with the firm and decisive steps which indicatecharacter, made for the swing-door leading to the street. And as shewent, the paralysis which had pipped Archie released its hold. Stillignoring the forty-five cents which the boy continued to proffer, heleaped in her wake like a panther and came upon her just as she wasstepping into a car. The car was full, but not too full for Archie. Hedropped his five cents into the box and reached for a vacant strap.He looked down upon the flowered hat. There she was. And there he was.Archie rested his left ear against the forearm of a long, strongly-builtyoung man in a grey suit who had followed him into the car and wassharing his strap, and pondered.
Indiscretions of Archie Page 14
