by G. S. Carr
Call her a fool, but Deena didn’t want to be around when he no longer looked at her with admiration and trust. When his words turned bitter and mean. She wanted her memories of their time together to remain unstained by the damage of the hurt and betrayal she’d inflicted.
But that was selfish.
“You’re right, Mrs. Paty. I need to tell Asa the truth. I will tell Asa the truth.”
“I know you will. You are a good woman, Deena. You won’t be able to help doing the right thing in the end.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“I’m only speaking the truth. Now, come on.” Mrs. Paty strolled back to the counter with the forgotten lump of dough. “Let’s finish that pie. Maybe you can use it to get on his good side before you tell him.”
Deena could only hope. At this point, she’d use any trick she could to keep Asa from hating her. If only it truly were as easy as baking him a pie.
Wagon wheels rolled over the hard, compact dirt leading up to his home, capturing Asa’s attention. His cupped hands stopped halfway to his face. Water dripped between his fingers back into the washbasin.
Deena was here.
The heaviness that had been pressing on his chest all yesterday finally lifted. He’d only been without her for one day, and his body thrummed with the need to be near her again.
Asa made quick work of the rest of his morning routine. He dunked a cloth in the chilly water and scrubbed his face and neck with hurried strokes. His tooth powder was in his mouth, then rinsed out, faster than ever before. He pulled the straps of his suspenders over his shoulders as he walked out of his bedroom.
“Mornin’, ladies.” He greeted Mrs. Paty and Deena on the porch, his eyes never left the latter.
She’d braided her hair into two long plaits along her scalp that ran from the top of her head down the base of her head. The ends hung over her shoulders. He should tell her how much he liked it. SaraGrace would no doubt want her hair done in the same way once she saw it.
“Good morning, mijo.”
“Morning, Asa.”
Although she spoke to him, Deena kept her gaze averted. She stood a little behind Mrs. Paty as if using her as a protective shield. Some of the tightness returned to Asa’s chest. Was something wrong? Was she upset with him? Did something happen yesterday?
“I’m sure you already have but did you two eat already?” he asked, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice. “I was just about to whip up some eggs and bacon for SaraGrace and me.”
“Thank you, but yes, I've already eaten,” Mrs. Paty answered.
“I can put on some coffee if you like.”
“No, no. I need to get going. I’m going to visit Beatrice today. Her daughter Jane just had another baby, so she is excited to be able to babble about being a grandmother again.”
“Tell her I said congratulations.”
“Will do.”
“Oh, and SaraGrace and I will bring Deena back tonight.”
“Sounds good. You two have a good day.”
Mrs. Paty looked pointedly at Deena before climbing back into the seat of her buckboard and heading off. Deena’s chin dipped, understanding—and he assumed not liking—the unspoken message in that look. What was going on? She’d barely spoken a full sentence to him.
“Here.” Deena held out a pie, still not meeting his eyes. “I made this for you last night. Mrs. Paty helped.”
The sweet confection smelled wonderful. Sweet potato pie, he’d guess. If he weren’t so worried about something being the matter with her, his mouth would probably be watering, ready to take a bite. He took the offered pie but paid it no mind.
“Is everything all right? You seem upset.” He’d never been one to mince words, and he needed to know what was happening with her so he could fix it.
“Asa, I… You see…” Deena wrung her hands. She opened her mouth but didn’t speak. Finally, she said, “May I ask what happened between you and your first wife? Billie.”
Asa’s lips curled into a slow smile. He wiped a hand over his face, expelling a relieved breath. “That’s it? Is that what’s bothering you?” He laughed. “I’m more than happy to tell you about my marriage to Billie. Never be afraid to ask me anything. I will always be honest with you.”
“Yeah, that’s it. That’s what’s bothering me.”
If it were possible to combust from elation, Asa would have done so. The urge to do a jig swept over him, but he refrained. Deena had no reason to feel insecure about his relationship with Billie, and he’d make sure she fully understood that.
“Me and Billie were born and raised in Chagrin Falls, Ohio. We lived not too far from each other, and our mamas were friends. They made up their minds that we were going to get married before we were out of the cradle. I didn’t complain much about it. Billie was a beautiful girl and real sweet. We played together all the time, so we knew everything about each other. We got married when I was twenty and she was eighteen, right before I shipped out to go fight in the war. When I came back all broken and scarred, things weren’t the same between us. I could tell she no longer liked the way I looked.”
Deena touched his forearm, shaking her head. “No, Asa, don’t say that. That can’t be true.”
“It was. Towards the end, she told me as much.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I couldn’t change what’d been done, so I tried my best to make her happy in other ways. Taking good care of her. Making sure she had everything she needed. Then, I got the notion to follow Paul out here. At first, Billie was excited. She was nicer, and I saw more of the woman I’d known before the war. But once we got here and started working the land, she began getting cranky and bitter again, then downright mean.
I won’t go too deep into it because I’m not trying to bad mouth her, but things got tough between us. I thought having a baby would soften her up, but she didn’t like being around SaraGrace. One day I came home and found a note saying that she’d been writing letters to some rich fella in Boston, and he’d paid for her to passage there. Said she was divorcing me and once it was done to never contact her again about anything. Including SaraGrace.”
“Asa, I…”
“Nothing to be said.” He shifted the pie from one hand to the other, then scratched the back of his neck. He didn’t want her to feel bad for him. “Billie hurt me bad, can’t lie about that. But I will never hold you accountable for her mistakes. What me and you have is based upon how we treat each other. I’ll never lie to you, and I hope you’ll never lie to me.”
Deena’s hand fell away from his arm. She bunched her skirt in her hands and stared at the ground. “What if I did? Lie. Would that change the way you see me?”
He thought about that for a moment. Everyone made mistakes, and he’d show her grace for hers. At the same time, his heart couldn’t take much more of a bruising from a woman he cared about.
“I guess that depends on what you lied about. Did you lie about something?”
“No,” she blurted.
“Good.” Hard conversation over, Asa led Deena into the house. “So now that we got that out of the way, I was thinking about taking you and SaraGrace into town to the ice cream soda fountain at Shumaker & Brown’s Drug Store. We could go after we get finished working today.”
“Are you sure? Harvest time is coming up soon. Shouldn’t you be focusing on that?” She took the pie from him and placed it on the dining table.
“SaraGrace’ll love the treat. And don’t worry, Johnny is managing most of that.” Asa patted his leg. “This isn’t making it easy for me to work as much. We’re working on hiring a few more men to help out for the season. Plus, I believe that after God, my family is the most important thing in my life. Taking care of you means spending time with you, as much as it does feeding you.”
Deena smiled, that genuine breath-stealing smile he loved. “How can I refuse when you say it like that?”
“You can’t. I won’t let you.” He winked at her. “SaraGr
ace is in her room. I’ll be out in the fields if you need me. I’ll try to be done around noon.”
“See you… Oh, wait. When I told Alice about us postponing the wedding, she suggested having a barn dance next week instead. Said it would give people a chance to have some fun.”
“We could use a good time around here. I warn you, though, I can’t dance. I can never catch the rhythm of the music.”
Deena laughed. He could almost see the picture she was conjuring in her mind of him fumbling around the dance floor. “Don’t worry, I’m an excellent dancer. I’ll help you.”
“Some people can’t be helped.”
“Nonsense. We’ll have a great time.”
Asa shook his head. “I tried to warn you.”
“I’m not afraid of a challenge. Now go on, get out of here. I suddenly have a hankering for ice cream soda water, and you’re keeping me from it.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Asa grabbed his hat from the hook by the door, then headed out, an upbeat whistle on his lips and a lightness in his step.
***
Deena swept the dust from the front porch, doing her best to tidy up the house and keep herself busy until Asa came back to get them. She was looking forward to going to the soda fountain with him and SaraGrace. She’d never been to one before, even though there were plenty to chose from in New York. Living in the bowels of poverty didn’t afford her such luxuries.
“Ready to go?” Asa asked, coming around the side of the house.
She’d been ready since he announced the plan to go this morning. Deena faced him, fixing her lips to tell him exactly that when she fully took him in. The strain around his eyes and mouth was too prominent to ignore. He nearly dragged his bad leg behind him. Deena’s excitement quickly gave way to concern.
“You’re in pain,” she stated.
“Nothing too bad,” Asa replied.
He was lying. A blind man could see the blaring signs of his discomfort. Deena propped the broom against the side of the house, then walked up beside Asa.
“Put your arm over my shoulder,” she commanded, in a voice that brokered no arguments.
“I’m fine. I don’t…”
“Put your arm over my shoulder,” she repeated.
Asa did as she said. He leaned a little on Deena, although he held back from putting his full weight on her. She wrapped an arm around his waist, to better anchor him to her and offer support. They trudged up the porch with slow, even steps.
Deena deposited him in his rocking chair, then ran inside the house. She came back out a short time later with an empty bucket, a bowl of water, and a small rag. She flipped the bucket upside down and scooted it next to his foot.
“Lift your leg.”
She helped Asa as he struggled to comply with her instructions. Together they got his leg elevated on top of the bucket. Deen hiked his pant leg up then dipped the rag in the cool water and placed it on his red and swollen knee. Asa sighed in relief.
“Thank you. I should be ready to go shortly.”
Deena gently pressed the damp cloth, massaging his leg as best she could. “No. We aren’t going anywhere today.”
“But…”
“But nothing. The soda fountain isn’t going anywhere. You need to rest. You’ve done such a great job taking care of me, now it’s my turn to take care of you.”
Asa relaxed into his chair. Deena could feel his eyes on her, although she kept her focus on the task in front of her.
“This is strange for me,” he confessed.
“What?”
“Having someone else take care of me.”
“Yeah well, get used to it,” Deena said with a harrumph.
You can’t make those kinds of promises. Maybe not for the long term, but for the rest of the time she was here, Deena would no longer let Asa ignore his own needs to put on a brave face for others. She’d make sure he started taking better care of himself. It was the least she could do to repay his kindness.
And more importantly, to show him without words how much he meant to her. Asa was a remarkable man and she’d miss him when she left.
He placed his hand over hers. “Thank you.”
Deena nodded. Emotion clogged her throat. Helping him felt good. It felt right. So much so she wished it would never end. But eventually it would. She sat next his chair wishing the days would move slower. If only.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Asa hadn’t been lying when he said he couldn’t dance. Deena bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing at his gangly, uncoordinated movements. He tapped his heel when he should have tapped his toes. When everyone else spun to the left, he spun to the right. She tried, again and again, to teach him—even going so far as to move his feet for him—but she might as well have been talking gibberish. They’d moved to the edge of the dancing area, so his lack of skill wouldn’t disrupt everyone else.
“No, no, no. Three steps forward, then bow,” she instructed him.
He looked down at his feet. “Isn’t that what I’m doing?”
“You’re taking four steps.”
“Watch me do it, Papa,” SaraGrace said.
She executed the steps perfectly, then stepped back, hands on her hips, waiting for her father to repeat what she’d done. Asa tried again, and again, and again, getting worse with each attempt.
“How about we move on to something else?” he said. “Let’s try what they’re doing.”
Deena followed the direction he pointed to the nearest couple moving in sync with the quick tempo set by the fiddler. The partners grabbed each other’s left hands, pulled away, walked halfway around, let go, then stepped forward.
She nearly doubled over laughing. “If you can’t get three steps and a bow, you won’t get that.”
“Yeah, Papa, that’s hard even for me,” SaraGrace said, her expression doubtful. “I don’t think you can do that.”
“I’m feeling up for an adventure.” He moved his feet in a wild, made-up jig, ending it with a heel tap.
Deena stepped back. “My toes are not.”
“You wound me, madam.” He spread his fingers against his chest; his elbow lifted high in an exaggerated show of outrage. “I will go find someone who doesn’t mind my peculiar style of movement.”
“I believe you will find Rob over there.”
Deena laughed with Asa so hard her stomach and cheeks began to ache. She hadn’t laughed so much since her youth. These would be the happy memories that sustained her in the hard times throughout the rest of her life.
“It’s for the best,” Asa said, bending over. “My leg isn’t feeling that great right now. Please continue without me.”
SaraGrace grabbed Deena’s hand and dragged her back into the cluster of the other dancers. “Come on, Mama. Now we can really dance.”
They joined everyone else, stepping forward and then back, putting their hands in the middle and spinning in a circle, then turning around and spinning in the opposite direction. Deena couldn’t keep her gaze from occasionally wandering over to Asa.
She watched him standing next to the table laden with pies, cookies, and other baked goods and sweet treats, talking to Rob and some of the other men. He was handsome under normal circumstances, but right now, laughing and being carefree, he was alluring in a new way. He made her want to be near him, soaking in the effervescent joy rolling off of him.
“Howdy, Deena,” Alice said, catching her off guard. She waved from a little way away on the edge of the dance floor.
Deena jumped, quickly averting her unblinking stare from Asa. She walked over to her friend, leaving SaraGrace to continue twirling with a group of other children. “Hey, Alice.”
“Don’t stop looking at him on my account,” she teased.
Deena's face flamed. "What can I say? I like the way he looks when he looks the way he does now. Well, I like the way he looks at the time, but especially when he looks so happy."
She and Alice giggled, sharing a knowing glance.
"I'm glad he has
you. Listen," Alice sobered. "She didn't tell me exactly what you lied about, but Mrs. Paty said you have been keeping something from Asa. She wanted me to try to convince you to tell him."
"I want to. I do, but…"
"You're scared of losing him."
Deena nodded her head. "I've been trying to tell him all week. Every time I do, he does something wonderful, and I don't want to ruin things between us."
"Come with me."
Deena followed Alice out of the barn into the warm night. Stars glittered above them, igniting the darkness.
When they were far enough away from the barn not to be heard, Alice took Deena's hands in hers. "We haven't known each other for that long, but I can tell you're exactly what Asa needs, and he's exactly what you need. You owe it to Asa and yourself to clear things up between you two."
"What do I do if he doesn't want me anymore once I tell him?"
"That won't…"
"If it does. What do I do?"
"You move on, knowing that the Lord has something else in store for you."
Deena didn't want something else. She wanted this life. She wanted Asa to be her husband and SaraGrace to be her daughter. She wanted to expand their family and stay by his side until the day they both died. But she couldn't take that choice from Asa. If he chose her thinking that she was someone else, he wasn't really choosing her.
"Will you come with me? Be nearby in case I need support?"
"Yes. I'll be right…"
A loud war cry split the air, interrupting their conversation. Deena whipped around, searching pitch blackness for the source of the disturbance. The darkness was so thick, she couldn't see anything.
The call came again this time, accompanied by several other equally loud, screeching voices. Pounding drums joined the noise, adding to the confusion. Men and women poked their heads out of the barn, to figure out what was happening.
