For too long, she had tried to corral her feelings. Dismiss her physical needs. No more. She needed this closeness. Needed Jack. For who knew what the next days and weeks would bring?
He slid his hands down her arms, his palms tracing an erotic path, his lips pressing delicious kisses to her throat. “I want to take you to bed,” he growled.
Trembling all the more, she flashed a crooked grin. “Don’t let me stop you, Doc.”
He chuckled softly. The next thing she knew, he’d tucked an arm beneath her knees and was carrying her through the kitchen, down the hall, to her bedroom. Her heart raced as he set her down and began to undress her. Admiring everything he revealed. And then his lips were on her flesh, sending her into a frenzy of want and need.
“Oh, Jack,” she whispered, as a wave of pleasure detonated inside her.
“I know, darlin’,” he murmured. “I’m feeling it, too.” He held her until the aftershocks had passed, then lowered her onto the bed.
She watched him undress, taking his time about it, while she looked her fill.
“Seems like I’m not the only one aroused here,” she murmured, as he stretched out beside her on the bed.
He grinned, all warm, satin skin and taut, hard muscle. “You like what you see, hmm?”
She kissed his shoulder, the center of his chest. “Very much.”
The depth of his desire for her gave her the confidence to go after what she wanted, and before long, she had him on his back. She pleasured him as he had pleasured her, with hands and lips and tongue, not stopping until his body was throbbing as much as hers.
Then they changed places once again. He parted her thighs and took possession of her in the most intimate of ways. Her heart filling with sheer and utter bliss, she wrapped her arms and legs around him, arching against him, as he surged into her wet, slick heat. She moaned as he entered and withdrew in slow, shallow strokes. Then her pleasure intensified as he slid his hands beneath her hips, lifting her, driving deep.
Together, they soared toward a completion more stunning and fulfilling than anything she had ever dreamed. More incredible for her than the feel of him inside her was the knowledge that none of this—not their lovemaking or their time together—had to end. If they could find a way forward that would honor everything they had found, yet not ask either of them for what they could not quite give...
Afterward, he held her close and stroked her hair. “A pretty incredible evening, wasn’t it?”
She lifted her head to gaze into his eyes. “Yes,” she said softly. And not just for everyone else, this time. She drew a breath, admitting, “I’m so happy for Bridgett and Cullen.”
“Me, too,” he rasped. They snuggled some more, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Then he kissed the top of her head. Stroking a hand down her back, he said, “It’s not just your twin, though. You really want to have a baby, too, don’t you?”
The million-dollar question. Carefully, she admitted, “Yes, I do, but I also know it may not ever be in the cards for me.” For the first time in her life, she was prepared to accept that if it meant she could have everything else she wanted. Like family and enduring love.
“What if,” Jack ventured, rolling onto his side, so they had no choice but to look each other right in the eye, “I could give that to you?”
* * *
Bess’s stunned reaction was not exactly what Jack had hoped to see. She struggled to sit up, covering her breasts with the sheet. “What are you talking about?”
Jack figured that was obvious. Still, he spelled it out for her wryly. “Specifically? Me, impregnating you.”
Color flooded her high, sculpted cheeks. She narrowed her eyes at him. “Ah, need I remind you, Doc? You had a vasectomy.”
“True. But I can also have surgery to have it reversed,” he explained matter-of-factly. She shifted even farther away from him, and he sat up against the headboard, too. “Granted, my fertility will be reduced. There will only be somewhere between a 40 to 90 percent probability I can get you pregnant the old-fashioned way. But there are other options, too, if our initial attempts don’t succeed.”
She rose and slipped on a robe. “Why are you offering this?” she inquired, her face pinched with tension. “Just a month ago you said you were certain you didn’t want to have any more children.”
There were so many reasons Jack hardly knew where to start. He stood and pulled on his boxer briefs, pants, then his sweater. “You’ve done so much to help me and the girls the last three years. I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted. To be as happy as you’ve made us.”
Her eyes wide with disbelief, she walked into the kitchen and pulled two bottles of water out of the fridge. “But a baby, Jack...” she murmured in shock.
Okay, so maybe he had broached this badly. Their fingers brushed as she gave him a drink. He unscrewed the top of his bottle and drank deep.
“We have enough love to raise one,” he pointed out, eyeing her over the rim of the bottle. He grinned as the possibilities took root. “Or even two, if you want.”
She inhaled deeply, the action lifting the soft swell of her breasts. “We have to think about your girls, how they would react to something like this.”
He tore his eyes from the shadowy V of her robe, wondering what it would take to get her to trust him on this. “They’ve already said they want to have a baby brother or sister, and they want you to have a baby, too. Plus, just as important, they need and want a mom. You’ve said you love Lindsay, Chloe and Nicole. And they all love and care about you as much as I do, Bess.”
She studied him, her expression as closed as it was inscrutable. “Like family.”
“Exactly,” Jack confirmed, relieved she was beginning to get it. Still, she seemed offended, rather than as excited and happy as he felt deep inside.
Bess bit her lower lip. “A friendship-based arrangement like this would be no problem in places like Dallas or Houston, where the unconventional is more the norm. But in Laramie?” She drew a deep breath and seemed to choose her words with care. “As much as I’d like to do what would please me, I have to be realistic, too. And if we did something like this, without first getting married, people would talk, Jack. And that would hurt the girls. Plus any child or children we might have.”
Glad she was warming to the idea so quickly, even if she was mostly considering the potential pitfalls of the situation, he countered, “Which is why we would need to get married as soon as possible if we want to go down this path. And I do, Bess.”
“So people wouldn’t talk?”
Jack nodded, excited by the prospect of finally moving past the friends-and-lovers-only phase of their relationship. “And,” he said huskily, putting their water bottles aside before taking her hands in his, “because having us all together under one roof is the right thing to do.”
She gazed up at him, her face growing pale. She turned and, clearly mindful of waking the puppies, quietly went back into the bedroom.
He followed and lounged in the doorway, his shoulder braced against the frame, giving her the space she seemed to require. “Look, I know this isn’t the traditional route.” They were talking babies before even getting engaged.
She backed into the comfy chair in the reading nook and sat down, as if her legs would no longer support her. “No kidding.”
“But it would get you everything you want in life, in the fastest way possible. And to that end—” he removed the small jewelry box he’d put in his pants pocket before going to the hospital “—I got you this gift—”
She held her palm out, as if to keep him at bay. “No.”
He stood there like the worst kind of fool, wondering how he could have misread the situation so badly. This should have been a joyous night. A harbinger of the Christmas to come. “No?” he repeated in surprise.
Lips compressed, she thrust her hands
in the pockets of her robe. Meeting his gaze head-on, she said, “You’re not thinking straight, Jack.”
The hell he wasn’t, he thought, staring back at her in escalating frustration. Maybe if she’d allow him to give her the gift he’d gotten her, she would see this was no spur-of-the-moment proposal.
But since she wouldn’t, he would have to simply tell her what was in his heart. He would worry later about giving her the jewelry that he’d hoped would cement their relationship.
He moved several steps closer, hands spread imploringly. “I know it seems sudden. It’s not. I want us to build a life and a family together, Bess.”
She nodded her understanding but did not budge. Swallowing hard, she continued, “And that would be fine, if we loved each other, Jack. If we had the kind of close, familial relationship where it would be okay with you if the girls and I dressed alike, the way they used to with Gayle.”
“Hey, now,” he interrupted, not about to let that misconception stand, “my refusing to let them do that with you had more to do with the fact that we were rushing things, without laying the proper groundwork—like getting married and making it all official—than me objecting to you stepping in as their new mother. And I would have explained that to you at the time, if the girls hadn’t been listening.”
She stared at him as if finding his reasoning a little too convenient to be believed. She paused. “You’re right,” she said quietly, not bothering to mask her growing hurt. “We don’t have that kind of relationship now. And we never will. Because we’re just friends with temporary benefits.”
She was acting like he had just permanently relegated her to the kind of second-best status she’d enjoyed with her previous boyfriends, instead of giving her the best gift that he could.
Heart clenching, he studied her stony expression. “And because you and I are just friends with temporary benefits, nothing else is ever going to be possible,” he surmised grimly, beginning to see where this was going.
With a sad shake of her head, she confirmed, “Nothing like the lifelong love all our siblings have with their spouses. And that’s what we both want and deserve, Jack. Not some half measure that will only lead to the kind of unhappiness I had at the beginning of the holiday season.” Tears glittered in her eyes. “And I admit, in the sheer excitement of the holidays, I’ve been guilty of completely over-romanticizing everything, too.”
“What are you talking about?”
She shook her head in bitter self-recrimination. “While our intentions might be good...in the end, a marriage born out of ease and convenience is never going to work over the long haul. Not for us, and certainly not for your girls or any other children we might have.”
The heaviness of rejection sank in.
“So you won’t even consider this?” he asked, wondering how his hopes and dreams could be any more destroyed. He paced closer, feeling more resentful with every second that passed. “You’re still holding out for something better than what we have?” What he could give?
Her eyes darkened. “For all of our sakes, I have to, Jack.”
Sorrow hit him harder than ever. “Well, in that case...” Slipping the jewelry box back in his pocket, he regarded her in bitter disappointment. “I think it’s best that our relationship end.”
Achingly aware the lifelong happiness he’d hoped to have with her was never going to materialize after all, he turned on his heel and walked out.
Chapter Sixteen
Jack ran into his mother in the hospital maternity ward the following day. She was standing on the other side of the glass, gazing raptly at her two new grandsons.
Wistfulness welling up inside him, he walked over to join her. Funny, just hours before, he had been hoping he and Bess would have their own baby born here. Now, the one time they had crossed paths while at the hospital, he to work, she to see her sister, she’d ducked her head, pretending she hadn’t seen him, and had headed off the other way.
But that was beside the point. He had new family to welcome. “How are they doing?” he asked.
His mother flashed a joyous smile. “Beautifully.”
The boys certainly looked as healthy as could be. Jack turned away from the glass. “Any idea when they’ll be released from the hospital?” he asked casually.
“Hopefully, Christmas Eve. Bridgett wants to be home when she and Cullen and Robby and Riot wake up on Christmas morning.”
Made sense, Jack thought.
His mom touched his arm. “Speaking of holiday plans,” she said. “Do you have a moment to talk privately?”
“Sure.” Together, they went up to his office. Jack shut the door and gestured for Rachel to take a seat. He moved behind his desk. “So what’s up?”
“That’s what I wanted to ask you.”
He lifted a brow.
“Bridgett just told me that Bess is no longer coming to the McCabe Christmas party with you and the girls on Christmas Eve.” Rachel leaned forward. “Why is that?”
Jack scrubbed a hand over his face. “It’s complicated, Mom.”
“I understand complicated.”
Jack was sure she did. “At the end of the day, I’m not going to be able to give Bess what she wants,” he admitted wearily.
His mom’s eyes darkened. “Which is?”
“The kind of all-out romantic love she has always wanted.”
“You’re saying you don’t love her?” she asked in surprise.
Jack grimaced. “I do. You know that.”
Rachel peered at him, considering. “But as a friend.”
As so much more. Not that it seemed to matter. He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I don’t think she’d want the two of us discussing this, Mom. Any more than I want to be discussing it with you.”
“I see. You think Bess would rather you keep everything you’re thinking and feeling all bottled up inside?”
Jack swallowed around the knot in his throat. “She’d rather I were the kind of man she could fall head over heels in love with.” Obviously, he wasn’t.
“Ah.” His mom nodded. “So, it’s Bess who doesn’t love you, the way you need.”
His mother was making him sound selfish, when just the opposite was true. “Like I said, Mom...” Jack gave a disgruntled sigh. “...it’s complicated.”
Most of all, he wanted Bess to be happy. To have everything she had ever dreamed of.
Rachel stood, too. “So tell Bess what’s in your heart. And uncomplicate it.” She paused to let her words sink in, then went on, “We don’t get very many chances to have all our dreams come true in this life. You and Bess both need to consider that before the two of you make an even bigger mistake.”
* * *
Just before closing time that evening, Bess stopped by Monroe’s Western Wear to pick up the special engraved collars and matching leashes for Princess Abigayle and Lady Grace. Nick had set them aside for her, as requested, when the package had arrived. She followed him into his private office.
Looking as incredibly happy as he had since his friendship with Sage Lockhart had segued into everlasting love, Nick said, “You know I would have dropped these off for you.” He passed right by Bess’s house when he drove home from work every evening.
“I know. I thought I would save you the trouble.”
“Uh-huh.” He studied her as if he was the older sibling instead of the baby of the family. “What’s really going on?” He lifted the package off the shelf. “I stopped by the hospital this afternoon to see Bridgett and Cullen and the twins, and Bridgett said she thought you and Jack had some sort of falling-out.”
“Not exactly.”
“Really?” Edging closer, Nick regarded her with brotherly concern. “’Cause you look like you’re feeling pretty blue. And with Christmas only a few days away? Definitely not a good sign.”
As if she didn�
�t know that. One minute she’d had it all. Or thought she did. Now...? “So I’m Grinchy.” Doing her best to retain her composure, she ran her hand idly over the shipping label. “Like that’s a big surprise.”
“Actually—” Nick perched on the edge of his desk “—given the way you’ve been walking on air the past few weeks, it is. So what gives?”
Bess knew she had to talk to someone. If anyone in her family would understand, it would probably be the once way too driven but now happily married Nick. He had once risked everything and crashed and burned, too. “Jack knows I really want a baby and he offered to try to help me achieve that.”
“As friends?”
She sat down in the chair in front of his desk and balanced the package on her knees. “We both agreed we’d have to get married if we went down that path. At least here in Laramie.”
Nick braced his hands on either side of him. “But you don’t want to get hitched strictly as a matter of convenience.”
She lifted her shoulders in a listless shrug. “I would...if...there was even the possibility that he could ever love me the way a husband should love his wife. But...” Her voice cracked.
He handed her a tissue. “Did he say it wasn’t a possibility?”
She wiped her eyes. “No. But he didn’t offer any hope that we could ever be anything but lovers and friends, either. And...”
He sat back. “There’s more?”
She blew her nose and did her best to pull herself together. “I think Jack might feel the tiniest bit sorry for me, or maybe just guilty because, as he said, for several years our relationship has been all about me giving and him taking.”
Nick squinted. “You didn’t get anything out of it?”
She leaped to her feet and began to pace. “Of course I did! I got to spend time with him and his three beautiful girls. When I was with them, it was as if I were part of their family,” she said as the store intercom continued to play Christmas music.
“And then you became lovers.”
A Tale of Two Christmas Letters Page 17
