by Carla Kovach
Gina swallowed the knot that was forming in her throat. Her fists clenched under the table with everything that Stephanie was saying. Her stomach began to turn. In her line of work, she knew that teenagers were a particularly vulnerable group and this man had targeted them. She pictured Stephanie the teenager, awkwardly trying to act like a grown-up as she tried to fend off his advances. But she wasn’t a grown-up, she was a teen. She pictured Susan who had recently lost her father. Had he offered her the love and sympathy she so craved, that she wasn’t getting at home from her overworked mother and older sister?
‘Dale came forward with his story first. I thought it was just me before that. Our abuser had told me never to say anything; that others wouldn’t understand. He said they’d think I was a little slut and names stuck, that I was sixteen and we were in a relationship. I’d already been bullied at school and he knew that. I’d confided in him many times before the abuse started. He had every tool he needed to manipulate me; he knew my weaknesses. I can see it now. Dale was bullied too, because of his weight. Kids were evil to him. They’d push him around, kick him. He’d felt safe at the club.’ She paused and closed her eyes for a moment. ‘After the reunion, Dale told me he was raped by him on numerous occasions, that he pretended they were in a relationship and Dale couldn’t get his head around it. He messed with our heads, you have to understand that.’ Stephanie looked up through her fringe, seeking reassurance. A tear slid down her cheek. ‘Then there was Susan. She was slightly younger. We told her never to go there alone, to wait for us. I didn’t know at the time why Dale said that and he didn’t know why I had. She didn’t listen. She’d been going the longest, we also found that out in the lead up to the reunion.’
‘Can you tell me a little about the reunion?’
Jacob glanced at her. She knew he wanted her to ask for the name of their abuser but she needed Stephanie to offer that information. She’d ask in a moment.
‘We met up and had a drink and then something happened, Susan opened up and when we all realised, we cried together for what seemed like ages. We were discussing the next steps to take. We’d collated our stories and we were all going to report him, but we were going to do it together. We knew we had no evidence, only our testimonies, making it important that all three of us reported him together. Dale was reluctant at first, he didn’t want to disrupt his life. I could see the shame burning inside him. He’d met a man who he was in love with, he didn’t want him to know what had happened. In a way, he still blamed himself, thinking he allowed it to happen, feeling like he was party to his own abuse. I spoke to him many times on the phone and kept trying to tell him that he was a child. He couldn’t get his head around it. Anyway, on the night of the reunion, our abuser unexpectedly turned up. We think he may have had a fake profile on Facebook to join the youth club group, but on the other hand it’s a public group, anyone can see it. He knew where we’d be that night and he enjoyed making us feel uncomfortable. He was there to keep our silence. We went outside in a panic and Susan’s husband turned up and went ballistic, thinking that Susan was having an affair with Dale. She wasn’t ready to tell him and he’d probably been wondering where she was or why she was always on the phone. I didn’t like him and I told her that. I was glad when she said she was divorcing him. I suppose it’s easy to walk into a relationship with a vile, controlling person when you’ve been through what we’ve been through.’
Gina glanced at Jacob’s pad. He’d written ‘who is he/them?’ at the bottom of the page. He was right. If she didn’t ask, Stephanie might not volunteer this information at all and while Phoebe and Susan were still out there, the clock was ticking.
‘Can you tell us who abused you? Susan and Phoebe are still missing and we have to consider that he may have abducted them and they could be in danger. You know how dangerous this person is. Please, Stephanie, just think of what they might be going through.’
Stephanie sat still for a few seconds and a single tear ran down her cheek. ‘But, he has photos of me. He said he’d send them to everyone if I ever told.’ Another tear drizzled down her cheek. ‘Ronnie Halshaw. He was a volunteer at the centre. Everyone loved him, giving up his time to help all those kids. Pillar of the community Ronnie. I hate him.’ She slammed her fist onto the table and her lips quivered as she wept. ‘Susan was the bravest, she told us that she’d told his wife that he’d touched her. Next thing we heard, she’d left him and taken their daughter to live up north with relatives. He was so angry after that. He told me then, if I ever breathed a word, he’d kill me and I believed him. For years, I’d see him hanging around my street, watching me. He did the same to the others too, I know that now. Eventually he moved away and I suppose we buried it, all three of us. Buried our shame and self-blame. We moved on with our lives, tried to forget.’
Gina knew these things never truly got buried. They got carried around like excess baggage, getting heavier every time the bad memories flashed up. She could see the weight that Stephanie was carrying. The woman was still young, yet she looked exhausted and nervous. Her hair split at the ends, her nails picked to the skin, drawing blood around the sides.
‘He started following me again, these past few weeks. I saw him around. He came to my house and pushed that revolting liquorice through my letterbox. That’s why I hid in my shed and kept the knife by my side. With Dale being murdered and Susan going missing, I didn’t know what to do. We’d vowed to do this together, go to the police and tell our stories. I still had hope that Susan would turn up, which is why I waited. Then that bastard turned up at my house and, as before, he was in control. The intimidation worked. I feel like that scared teenager all over again. There is something else.’ She began to sob as she rocked back and forth.
Gina tilted her head and gave Stephanie a warm smile. All she could do was continue to put her at ease.
‘One time he brought another man along. This only happened to me and I didn’t tell the others. I couldn’t remember what happened until last night. I went back to the youth club and finally faced it all. It’s still fuzzy but I remember something now. Going back last night – it worked. I remember.’ She sobbed into her hands.
Gina passed her a box of tissues. ‘You’re doing really well, Stephanie.’
‘The other man, Ronnie told him he could sleep with me, that I liked it. They locked the back office. I can’t remember much of it. I just get these flashbacks of his sweat landing on my face and I hate him, I hate myself. I was drugged. Stupid, stupid, disgusting, dirty.’ She slapped herself across the face and began scratching at her arms under her coat.
‘Stephanie, listen to me. You are not stupid, you’re not disgusting and you’re not dirty, do you hear me? You were abused and none of it was your fault. He groomed you and abused you and then saw fit to blackmail and threaten you into silence.’
She nodded as she blew her nose. ‘Ronnie just kept telling him to do it and eventually he did. He’d instantly regretted it, I could tell that. He was shaking and looked like he might burst into tears or throw up. Ronnie and he argued. I was in a daze and can’t remember what was said, it’s more like a film playing out in my head. I felt hollow as if my body wasn’t mine, like I was having an out-of-body experience and I was somewhere else. I can’t remember many of the details. I’ve tried to visualise the whole thing from start to end but my mind blanks the painful bit out. I don’t want to remember everything.’
‘Do you know the other man?’
She nodded and continued scratching her skin.
‘You’re doing great, Stephanie. I know this isn’t easy.’
‘I can still feel their dirt on me. I hate them. I hate them! I’ve been carrying this darkness around for so long, my heart feels as though it will burst. Do you know what I mean?’
Gina nodded. She knew all too well how that darkness felt. She’d carried her own secrets around for so long. She understood that, at times, they come close to bursting out, often without warning. She felt the darkness within, the
darkness that enshrouded every bit of light that life had to offer. This depressive realist state of mind that never left was with her too. She understood totally. Soon, that becomes who you are. She only hoped the cloud would eventually lift for Stephanie.
Stephanie paused. ‘I wasn’t sure who he was but when I was back in touch with Susan I noticed something on her Facebook profile, a friend of hers, and I was sure it was him. I went to the house a few nights ago, hoping to get a closer look. You were there.’
‘Me?’ Gina asked.
‘You came out of their house and I ran. I’m so sorry. I know I may have scared you but I couldn’t stay there and explain to you why I’d been watching the house. I saw him through the window and there was no mistaking that it was him. He was the other man. Ronnie used to call him Lanky back then. He wasn’t overly tall but he was skinny. I was angry, confused and I couldn’t understand why Susan didn’t know or mention anything. Then I thought, she didn’t know. I knew it would break her heart when I told her which is why I wanted to be the first to tell her, but I couldn’t get her on the phone.’
As Stephanie spilled out the name of her rapist, Gina felt her stomach churn. All this time, he had been right there, laughing at them. Not any more. She was going to make an arrest and then she was going for Ronald Halshaw.
Sixty-Five
I pace. Lanky should have come and now he will pay the price, especially after letting Stephanie get away. He had one job and he’d be free of me, not now. Everything was going to pot, Stephanie was the loose end in all this and she was gone, gone!
I check my watch, still no word. Being late and turning his phone off, wasn’t on. I slam my hand on the doorframe and it crumbles away, just like my life is about to if I don’t clean up this mess quickly. He compromised everything and when he gets here, he’ll pay. I open the door and peer in at Susan’s emaciated frame, her head jerking slightly as she drifts in and out of consciousness. ‘I told you I’d make it painful.’ She was all but gone.
‘I couldn’t get away,’ Lanky said as he scurried past what used to be the old pool table, dodging the pieces of wall that had fallen in over the years. Lanky, that had been his nickname all those years ago. Taller than most of us and skinny with it, not so much now. He’d evened out. I could snap him in two now, just like I did with the pool cue all those years ago. ‘Give me the photo.’
Grabbing him by the collar, I hold a knife to his throat. ‘You think it would be that easy? Feel it, cold and sharp. I’d love to slice you up and after what you did you’d deserve it, wouldn’t you?’
Lanky began to tremble, flinching with every movement. He’d stuffed up and he knew it. I don’t allow stuff ups when my liberty is at risk.
I stare at the glint on the knife. I never used knives to get what I wanted before all this, I preferred good old manipulation and blackmail but Lanky deserves this. Why did he suffer no consequences of past mistakes? His cousin had lived a good life, in his hometown. A respected, hard-working family man. I had to hide just in case my world came tumbling down around me.
‘I deserve everything that happens. Do it!’ Too right, he does. Lanky pulls the knife closer to his throat and a trickle of blood drizzles down his chin. ‘I can’t live like this any more. The truth will come out, you know. You made me do it.’
‘I made you do it. I made you do your sick little thing, did I? From where I was standing all those years ago, I didn’t make you do jack. You’re just like me and you know it.’
‘You’re right, I am like you and I can’t go on. It’s killing me, keeping up the pretence.’
A whimper came from behind the door.
‘I think it’s about time Susie saw you for exactly who you are. Shall we tell her everything, Cuz?’
His lanky cousin hyperventilates as he drags him through the glass and the debris through the first door, then the second. ‘No, please don’t do this. Not Susan, leave her out of this. She doesn’t need to know.’
‘Oh, but she does. You thought it was all in the past, didn’t you? That what you did had been forgotten, that it was all over as you indulged in your cosy little life. I know who you are, not like them.’
‘I’m not that person. I made a mistake.’
‘There’s a difference between making a mistake and owning it rather than regretting something only when you think you might get caught. I thought I could count on you, now it seems I can’t. You’ve passed your use-by date. I no longer need you and you failed in your mission.’
I want to grin but I can’t. I trusted him and he stuffed up and as promised, his secret will come out. As I unlock the last door I push him in. Phoebe still sleeps, my little sleeping beauty. A fitting replacement for my loss. ‘Tell little Susie what you did. Don’t spare the details.’
‘Please don’t hurt the child.’
‘Look at Susie, that’s what you need to do, right now.’ I grab his hair, wrenching his head up and he blubbers out his secrets, begging her for forgiveness, I push the knife to his throat with a smile on my face.
‘Goodbye, cousin.’
Susan’s eyes fill up, too exhausted to struggle. She knows everything now and that makes me happy.
I grin at her, all dirty and damp, her filth and sweat filling my nostrils. I check my watch again. Stephanie will blab, I know she will. There’s no way back from all this, I know that now.
A manic smile spreads across my face as I stare at Susie. ‘Now you know the truth, you can die with it. I have my girl and I’ll take good care of her, I promise.’ With a last jolt of energy, Susan wrenches her binds. I kick the rat away and pinch her cheek. I pull out a piece of red liquorice and lay it next to Phoebe. Kids love it. She will too. I feel Susan’s pulse and its faint. ‘Not long now, don’t fight it.’ I pick the rope up and flex it, maybe I will finish her off. Letting nature take its course is so overrated.
Sixty-Six
‘Detective? Detective? Can you tell us anything about Susan Wheeler? Have you found her? What about Phoebe Wheeler? That has to be more than a coincidence. A missing child, dogs searching the same area that Dale Blair’s body was found. Should the public be scared?’ Lyndsey Saunders stood in front of Mary’s drive, holding a recorder up to Gina’s face. Two squad cars pulled up and PC Kapoor got out of one car.
‘Have you caught Dale Blair’s killer yet? What about the missing child?’ another journalist called out. Kapoor pushed him out of the way, knocking his microphone. ‘Hey, don’t touch my equipment.’
‘Get out of the way then,’ Gina called back.
The journalist began banging his microphone on his hand as a sound technician fiddled with his recorder. Gina strode to the door and knocked, Jacob following closely behind.
‘Is it true you have someone in custody?’ Lyndsey called out.
Gina hated the woman. Stephanie was a witness and the last thing she needed was rumours going around that she was anything other than that. She’d seen a reporter hanging around when they’d left the station. No doubt he was in there now fishing for information and loitering so that he could harass Stephanie Baxter when she came out.
‘Well, is it true?’
‘Please step off the drive, you are hindering our enquiry.’ Jacob almost stepped on Lyndsey’s foot, forcing her back.
‘I’ll be waiting,’ she replied. A smug smile on her face.
Gina knocked again and then looked through the letterbox. ‘Mary, it’s DI Harte and DS Driscoll. Let me in.’
She watched as Mary scurried from behind the kitchen door. Harrison began to yell and kick out as his mother tried to drag him back. ‘They won’t go away.’
‘I’m sorry about that. We need to talk.’
As she opened the front door, Gina and Jacob squeezed into the hallway and followed Mary. Clare passed them in the hallway as she stared at a message on her phone, holding Harrison in her other arm as he squirmed. ‘I’m just going upstairs to calm him down.’ Mary snubbed her daughter as she continued up the stairs.
&n
bsp; They hurried to the kitchen and Mary shut the door behind them. Kitchen blinds down, curtains drawn, the house was in darkness. ‘You’ve found her body, haven’t you? It’s not my granddaughter. Please, it can’t be Phoebe.’ Mary stared. ‘That’s why they’re all here. They already know. I called the station but no one said anything except that you were on your way. You come in person to deliver bad news. I don’t know what I’ll do if something has happened to Phoebe.’
Gina placed a friendly hand on Mary’s arm, taking in the warmth permeating through her jumper. For a moment, it was like she was touching her own mother. She watched as Mary wrinkled her nose when she sniffed back her tears, and the way her hair gently fell over her ear. She wanted nothing more than to feel close to her mother one more time, to tell her how much she loved her and how sorry she was, but Mary wasn’t her mother and she never would be.
‘Guv, you okay?’ Jacob waited for her answer.
She let go of Mary’s shoulder. ‘We haven’t found Susan or Phoebe yet but we’re doing everything we can to find them, I promise. Every person, every department we have is out there looking for them, right now. We’re following a new lead as we speak but in the meantime, I need to ask you where your husband is.’
