She lifted a shaky hand in the air to stop the brothers from moving into action. Almost croaking, she asked, “How long do pregnancies last?”
“Five months, little one,” Finn told her gently. “You’ll likely carry to full term—wolves don’t go into labor prematurely with multiple litters, although with it being your first, there’s always a slight possibility.”
“I’m not a fucking wolf, Finn,” she snapped. “I’m human. We’re supposed to carry for nine months. Nine, not five.” Twenty weeks, three of which had already flown by without her acknowledging the life—or lives—inside her. She heaved in a breath, let it shudder out. “It isn’t enough time.”
“Dubh, get her into bed,” Finn ordered again and this time, she allowed the Alpha to scoop her up without protest into his arms. “Keep her calm, make sure her breathing regulates. Don’t let her hyperventilate. You’re going to be fine, Raine, I promise you,” he said softly as he stroked a hand over her hair. “We won’t let you be anything but.”
Fine wasn’t her issue. Being a mother was the problem. Being strong and dependable and fierce for someone other than herself was a conundrum. She didn’t know how to love small, breakable things. And babies, shifters or not, were both small and breakable.
They needed love to flourish, guidance to raise them right, and Raine knew nothing of the customs of the wolf shifters other than what she’d learned from her mates. What she’d discovered, she did not like. But would she have any say in how her children were raised, or would her wolves take over their development as easily as they’d taken over her?
For years she had raised herself to be independent, reliant on no one, answerable to only herself. The last three weeks, she’d had to soften her own rules, force herself to relax and depend on the pack for certain things. Okay, certain things might be an understatement...everything would be more accurate.
Even now, at the pinnacle of an emotional crisis, she didn’t look inwards for the strength to pull herself through the shock and into clarity. There was no need to when she was surrounded by it from the outside in the shape of hard muscles, soft skin and the rich, natural scent of wolf in woodlands.
Like she was made of the thinnest, most expensive crystal in the world, Dubhlainn cradled her to his chest so his heartbeat thumped steadily beneath her ear, calming hers in the process. While he seemed extraordinarily at ease in both body and mind, she sensed his excitement as it hummed in his blood.
“This makes you happy?”
He settled into bed with her, tucking her between his firm thighs and along his body before drawing the covers over them both. He waited until Quinn sat beside them, legs kicked out and arms crossed behind his head, before he answered. “For so many reasons, precious. You’re not excited?”
Raine trembled and buried her face against his neck, breathing deep of his scent. Her anxiety began to rise again, was squashed beneath Quinn’s low growling. “It seems surreal. I feel like I’m trapped between two insurmountable decisions—living through another estrus, or turning into a fat, hormonal whale and popping hairballs from my vagina.”
The growling turned into a laughing cough from the dark-eyed wolf; Raine glared at him but he just shook his head and reached out to grip her hand with his. “No wonder they feel insurmountable,” he told her with a sympathetic smile, “when they’re the only two options you’ve allowed yourself.”
“They’re the only options I’ve got,” she retorted sharply.
“No, they aren’t. We fucked up your perception of estrus, skewed the way you look at the heat. We tainted something that’s natural, that you should look forward to. Estrus isn’t something to survive or endure, Raine. We narrowed it down to that because of what we did, but it’s an event to be celebrated. It’s our time to be together, to create new life, and for us to satisfy you while the lust runs rampant.”
She said nothing as he stroked his thumb over her knuckles.
“As for the fat and hormonal whale thing...we don’t care if you’re so overrun with damn hormones you need to kick our asses every morning for the next few months and then cry on our shoulders for an hour, sweetheart. We couldn’t give a fuck if you won’t be able to fit through doorways or stand up by yourself—you’re our mate, our heart, and we will do anything and anything you need us to so you don’t have to struggle. These babies,” he murmured, his eyes going soft and warming with pride as they dropped to her belly, “are ours as much as they are yours. Just like you are as much ours as we are yours. This is a partnership, Raine; we love you, we adore you, and that won’t change just because you go on the emotional warpath or blossom with our pups.”
Ah, fuck him. He shouldn’t be allowed to reduce her to a lip-quivering, tight-throated, watery-eyed lump with a few words, but damn him, she was close to breaking. Sniffling, she crawled over Dubh, who relinquished her with a grunt, and into the arms Quinn held wide for her. She burrowed into him, letting the first slow tears leak as he rocked her. The warmth of Dubh’s hand on her back unleashed the rest of the waterworks.
“Gonna be the best momma there is,” Quinn assured her, his lips against her hair. Back and forth he swayed gently, chest humming with undercurrents of the growl she was coming to rely on in stressful situations. “Gonna be fierce and proud, sweetheart. Can’t wait to watch our pups latch onto these pretty breasts for the first time.”
Raine jerked as her pussy clenched tight. That should not be an arousing thought, but it brought wicked recollections of two dark heads filling her vision while hot, eager mouths nipped and sucked her tender flesh—Finn and Dubh both had a fondness for her breasts.
Quinn enjoyed feasting elsewhere.
Dubhlainn’s dark chuckle swallowed her whole. “You’re arousing our mate, Quinn. We’re supposed to be keeping her calm and quiet, brother.” He breathed deep, groaned under his breath. “Think fucking her into an orgasm coma qualifies as calm and quiet?”
She couldn’t help it; she laughed.
Dubh’s hand stilled at the sound. “There’s what I’ve been waiting for. I love your laugh.” His fingers teased her sides, finding the ticklish spots he’d exposed in days gone past, and sent her into peals of squealing laughter. “This is what you bring to us, Raine. What we were missing until we found you. Love, laughter, new reasons to keep living this life.”
“Christ, sit her on my cock and do that,” Quinn said on a moan as she wriggled and danced under the Alpha’s mischievous antics.
Between the two of them, they chased away the doubts and insecurities crowding her overloaded mind, gave her room to breathe. Suddenly the thought of being pregnant, the possibility of twins or more, wasn’t frightening.
It was just part of the journey she found herself on.
“Please...stop!” Another squeal, a laughing gasp, and she almost wet herself with desperation. “Dubh, please! I’m gonna...gonna pee!”
His hands lifted off her, but only briefly. A moment later his fingers slipped between her folds, seeking her entrance and sliding inside to the bridge of his knuckles. Her euphoria turned to arousal a heartbeat later, her ass lifting to give him better access.
“So tempting,” he muttered and ran a calloused palm over one smooth cheek, rewarding her eagerness with a quick, stinging smack. “Maybe later, precious. As much as I loathe leaving you like this, especially knowing my brothers will be the ones indulging your appetite, I have an even more important matter to attend to.”
Pouting, she scowled at him over her marked shoulder. “More important?”
Dubh smiled, his wolf showing through, and bopped her on the nose with his finger. “Protecting the family my cherished mate has given me is more important than fucking her into a stupor, precious. My entire world rests under this roof now—although I still feel we should have relocated, but that’s an argument for another time now, isn’t it? I want to check the perimeter lines, make sure the Galway pack is steering clear of us.”
Quinn made a weird noise, half grunt and half snor
t. “They know we have a mate, Alpha. Malachi will want payment for the way he was tossed out, and God knows where or what Cabhan’s up to. They won’t steer clear for much longer. Enough time has passed for them to come up with resources, warm bodies and a plan.”
Dubh bristled with fury. “This is not appropriate for our mate to hear, Quinn.”
“I beg to differ, Alpha. If they come for us, we will have to fight to keep her.” Quinn’s hand stroked down her hair, over her back as she stiffened. “Blood and death is the price on her head, and we know we’ll pay as much is demanded. But I think she should know the consequences of us losing against the Galway pack.”
“Oh do you now?” The Alpha murmured dangerously.
“Would you have her face them unawares if we fall?” Quinn responded.
Raine blinked, her arousal fading and leaving her chilled. Her guardians spoke of blood and death in such easy tones aside from Dubhlainn’s obvious irritation toward his brother. Quinn’s body was relaxed, not a hint of tension, as he lay beneath her. “So we’re all going to die?”
“No one is going to die unless they dare set a hand on what is mine.” Dubh spoke through teeth so tightly clenched together, the words were almost unintelligible. The blue of his eyes darkened subtly, heralding the awakening of his wolf. “Only a fool would risk taking on an Alpha to get to his pregnant mate. We are savage at the best of times in battle,” he said on a growl, as though he envisioned himself in the midst of one, “but we are beyond ferocious when our soulmate is threatened.”
“Soulmate?” Raine asked, dumbfounded.
The Alpha turned his gaze onto her, black swirling in the gorgeous midnight blue, and nodded soberly. Love blazed like a raging forest fire over his features, consuming every angle and contour of his face, lightening shadows and the ever-present darkness he seemed to carry. “I would fight for anyone who needed help,” he told her, voice resonating with dominance. “I would come to the aid of the helpless, the weak or the incapable. But only for my soulmate—for the one who carries the twin of my heart in her chest, who nurtures the twin of my soul against hers—would I offer myself in sacrifice to the entities who rule this universe to keep you alive and well.”
Tears swam in her eyes. That was how he felt about her? She swallowed hard, feeling her throat constrict, and knew he wasn’t lying. Dubhlainn wasn’t a man who needed to lie about such things. Her feelings toward her wolves were strong, binding, but part of her was scared to explore them any deeper than just below the surface for fear she might find herself...completely and irrevocably intertwined with them.
Body, heart and soul.
If she opened herself to him fully, would she discover that same selflessness? A love so powerful it overrode every survival instinct and made the recipient the only priority? Something inside her screamed yes, and that shook her down to the foundations of her soul. Loving one man, one wolf, to that degree seemed impossible, a connection forged for eternity.
How was she supposed to love three with the same passion? Fairly and without bias toward Quinn or Dubhlainn or Finn? Would the effort tear her apart, pluck every last iota of humanity from her body? Or was she making her imagination work overtime, using scare tactics on herself to keep from seeing what she already knew?
Dubhlainn’s lips twitched, his wolf calming enough to retreat back into its inner cave. He already understood what she didn’t—soulmates didn’t have a choice in choosing their intended, only fate could determine which soul was strong enough, brave enough, big enough to be the perfect match for another of the same caliber.
Raine turned her attention back to Quinn. “And you? Is that how you feel?”
He reached up and cupped her cheek, dark eyes soft and as readable as his brother’s face. Oh yes, they were all sunk in this together, linked by blood to heart to soul to blood. A continuing circle that ran between them all, a radiant beacon of hope and trust. “I can’t beat Dubh’s eloquence for this, Raine. I don’t think I want to. There’s dying in battle for a cause, and then there’s dying to save someone you love more than your own life. You are worth more to us than all three of our lives as one.”
Fuck, that was the kicker. The waterworks started, a noisy and incoherent flood of tears and emotions she couldn’t hold onto anymore. Didn’t want to hold onto anymore. She pressed her face into Quinn’s chest and bawled like a newborn, giving closure to the remnants of everything negative she’d clutched to her breast since her first encounter with the pack.
“Goddamn it, I said calm and quiet!” Finn snapped, his words barely registering over her sobs. “What the fuck did you two do?”
Raine wailed. “They said they love me!”
He huffed, calming as he realized her breakdown was a happy one, and sighed as he moved closer to join Quinn in rubbing her heaving back with soothing strokes. “Is that all, little one? Did it not dawn on you over these last weeks how much we love you?”
“She has been starved for love,” Dubh muttered. “Now she has all she could ever want. This is a momentous occasion for our mate, Finn, let her wallow in it.”
“She can wallow all she likes once she calms down and replenishes her body,” Finn said heatedly. “Between the shock of the pregnancy and this, she needs to rest, and she needs some time to herself if she wants it. We spoke about overcrowding her, Alpha. This would be one of those times where food and sleep are vital.”
Starved for love, she thought with a sniffle. Her hand lifted, wiped away the tears on her cheeks, and wondered how her monsters could be so in tune with her, sometimes more than when they were her guardians. Primal instinct, she supposed, and a little thing called soulmates.
“I’m calm,” she said slowly. It was the truth. At peace with herself, her future, and the three men who loved her beyond sense and thought. “I’m okay, Finn, just tired. I hate crying for that reason alone.”
Lips touched her face, her neck. Tiny kisses of reassurance. On a sigh, she moved restlessly on top of Quinn until she was comfortable. Hands eased her head up, and a dry cloth wiped beneath her cheek where her tears had gathered before they lowered her again. Eyes fluttering closed, she forced them open when she felt Dubhlainn’s presence grow nearer.
With fingertips only, he pulled several strands of hair away from her face so he could look at her. She gave him a smile, one he returned. “If you’re tired, precious, go to sleep. I won’t be long before I return, and my brothers will take care of you. When you wake, it will be with the knowledge that the ones who surround you love you more than you’ll ever know.” He kissed her softly, sweetly, and nuzzled her before he drifted away like a ghost.
She heard him murmur something to Quinn, to Finn, but it sounded distant and muffled. Her thoughts were of big black wolves with hearts chained around their necks, and pups as dark as their sires scampering between massive paws as she fell headlong into sleep.
Chapter Seventeen
Dubhlainn
Frost was coming. As the moon rose high in the late October sky, he could smell the chill in the air more than he could feel it. Already the tips of his fur were glistening with ice and his breath plumed free in streams like a dragon shifter’s as he loped along the paths he’d designated as marking his territory.
Life was pretty fucking perfect.
The wolf was elated, giddy as a pup and yet strangely subdued, as though the weight of fatherly responsibilities were already hitting home. It struggled a bit with the demands of being Alpha to only his brothers—an Alpha should have at least a dozen wolves beneath his command to take full advantage of his abilities. The bigger the pack, the more fulfilled the Alpha became.
It would come one day; part of his dream had come true so far, and Dubh had no doubts the rest would follow at some point. For now, all he needed to be content was his mate, his cubs and his brothers.
Raine thought she loved them, and perhaps she did in her own way, but she wasn’t allowing herself to believe the soulmate ideal was real. Until she did, until she
trusted herself enough to open everything to not only him and his pack, but to herself...they couldn’t be a true pack.
Dubhlainn knew there was more than this, had heard tales from established couples from different packs of how the mating bond became almost tangible, a radiant beacon between the pair. No matter how far they were apart, that beacon never faded.
Not until death.
Once that bond broke completely, neither mate could survive.
It had been a risky move bringing his brothers into the fray. He couldn’t be sure they wouldn’t all die if and when the bond broke, or whether two brothers would remain alive, maintaining the beacon and keeping the mating bond thriving. An accidental move, but still risky considering what they all stood to lose.
His paws drummed on the hard ground along familiar paths he’d worn over the last couple weeks as he mulled over his life, his future. Setting down his boundary lines had been easy enough, marking the paths as he went and making sure his scent stayed strong around the outside. He liked to check them several times a day, ensuring his wolf was fit and ready for anything that came, and so he knew when something was off.
Like now.
Dubhlainn slowed to a walk, became the hunter. Sniffing the air for another whiff of that recognized scent, for any signs of others who should be nowhere near his den or his mate. The fur on the back of his neck shot straight up and continued down the length of his spine until even his tail was rigid.
“Dubhlainn.”
The Alpha stopped, waited a moment as memories of his brother tagging along on his heels as a pup swarmed him. A cocky, inquisitive young wolf hellbent on following in his eldest brother’s every pawprint, every question he asked starting with Dubhlainn once he found his human form and voice.
Dubhlainn, where are we going?
Dubhlainn, why do we change forms?
Dubhlainn, why do we live here?
Heart heavy, Dubh turned and faced his brother with hard eyes and exposed canines. He wasn’t surprised to see Cabhan looking tired and gaunt, his usually muscled frame quite severely depleted. A hungry wolf was a dangerous wolf, and his brother was starving.
Monsters & Guardians Page 24
