by Reese Ryan
But no matter how hard and fast he’d ridden, it didn’t drive away his desire for Tess. Nor did it ease the fury that rose in his chest at the thought of another man touching her the way he had. The way he wanted to again.
He recognized the validity of Tessa’s concerns that he wasn’t serious and that he’d be chasing after some other skirt in a few months. He couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. After all, as Helene was fond of saying, the proof was in the pudding.
He wouldn’t apologize for his past. Because he’d never lied to or misled any of the women he’d dated. So he certainly wouldn’t give his best friend any sense of false hope that he’d suddenly convert to the romantic suitor he’d been over the course of the weekend, for the sake of the Texas Cattleman’s Club.
Ryan wasn’t that guy any more than Tessa was the kind of woman who preferred a pair of expensive, red-bottomed heels to a hot new pair of sneakers.
So why couldn’t he let go of the idea of the two of them being together?
He’d asked himself that question over and over the past few days, and the same answer kept rising above all the bullshit excuses he’d manufactured.
He craved the intimacy that they shared.
It was the thing that made his heart swell every time he thought of their weekend together. The thing that made it about so much more than just the sex.
He’d even enjoyed planning their weekend. And he’d derived a warm sense of satisfaction from seeing her reaction to each of his little surprises.
Ryan had always believed that people who made a big show of their relationships were desperate to make other people believe they were happy. But despite his romantic gestures being part of a ruse to keep the club from being mired in scandal, they had brought him and Tess closer. Shown her just how much he valued her.
Maybe he didn’t believe that love was rainbows and sugarplums. Or that another person was the key to his happiness. But he knew unquestionably that he would be miserable if Tess got involved with someone else.
He couldn’t promise her that he’d suddenly sweep her off her feet like some counterfeit Prince Charming. But he sure as hell wanted to try, before she walked into the arms of someone else.
Ryan and Phantom returned to the stables, and he handed him off to Andy. Then he hurried into the house to take a shower. He needed to see Tess right away.
Seventeen
Tessa checked her phone. The only messages were from Tripp, letting her know that his plane had landed safely, and from Clem asking if she’d received his flowers ahead of their casual dinner date later that night.
She tossed the phone on the counter. No messages from Ryan. They’d maintained radio silence since he’d set her luggage in the entry hall, said goodbye, and driven off.
Tessa realized that the blame wasn’t all his. After all, the phone worked both ways. On a typical day, she would’ve called her best friend a couple of times by now. She was clearly avoiding him, as much as he was avoiding her.
She was still angry that Ryan and Tripp had made a pact about her. As if she were incapable of making her own decisions. Mostly, she was hurt that Ryan hadn’t countered her accusation that he’d eventually tire of her and move on to someone else.
She wanted him to deny it. To fight for her. But Ryan hadn’t raised the slightest objection. Which meant what he really wanted was a no-strings fuck buddy until something better came along.
For her, that would never be enough with Ryan. She was already in way too deep. But the truth was, she would probably never be enough for him. She was nothing like the lithe, glamorous women who usually caught Ryan’s eye. Women like Sabrina Calhoun who was probably born wearing a pair of Louboutins and carrying an Hermès bag. Or women like Lana, the overly friendly barmaid. Women who exuded sex and femininity rather than looking like they shopped at Ranchers R Us.
Headlights shone in the kitchen window. Someone was in the driveway. As soon as the vehicle pulled up far enough, Tess could see it clearly.
It was Ryan’s truck.
Her belly fluttered, and her muscles tensed. She waited for him to come to the kitchen door, but he didn’t. Instead, he made a beeline for the stables.
Ryan had likely come to check on the stables at Tripp’s request. He was obviously still avoiding her, and she was over it.
Nervousness coiled through her and knotted in her belly. They both needed to be mature about this whole thing. Starting right now.
She wouldn’t allow the fissure between them to crack open any wider. If that meant she had to be the one to break the ice, she would.
Tessa’s hair, piled on top of her head in a curly bun, was still damp from the shower. She’d thrown on an old graphic T-shirt and a pair of jeans, so she could run out and double-check the stables.
Not her best look.
Tess slipped on a jacket and her boots and trudged out to the stables.
“Hey.” She approached him quietly, her arms folded across her body.
“Hey.” Ryan leaned against the wall. “Sorry, I haven’t called. Been playing catch-up since we returned.”
“I’ve been busy, too.” She pulled the jacket tighter around her.
“I heard. Word is you’ve got a date tonight.” The resentment in his voice was unmistakable. “You spent the weekend in my bed. A few days later and suddenly you and Bo are a thing and Clem is sending you a houseful of flowers?”
“Bo and I aren’t a thing. We’ve just gone out a couple times. As friends.” Her cheeks were hot. “And despite what happened this weekend, you and I aren’t a thing. So you don’t get a say in who I do or don’t spend time with.” The pitch of her voice was high, and the words were spilling out of her mouth. Tessa sucked in a deep breath, then continued. “Besides, are you going to tell me you’ve never done the same?”
Crimson spread across his cheeks. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “That was different.”
“Why? Because you’re a guy?”
“Because it was casual, and neither of us had expectations for anything more.”
“How is that different from what happened between us?”
Ryan was playing mind games with her, and she didn’t appreciate it.
“Because I do expect more. That is, I want more. With you.” He crept closer.
Tessa hadn’t expected that. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her heart beating faster. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want more of what we had this past weekend. That I want it to be me and you. No one else. And I’m willing to do whatever you need in order to make it happen.”
“Whatever I need?” The joy that had been building in her chest suddenly slammed into a brick wall. “As in, you’d be doing it strictly for my benefit, not because it’s what you want?”
“You make it sound as if I’m wrong for wanting you to be happy.” His brows furrowed, and his mouth twisted in confusion. “How does that make me the bad guy?”
“It doesn’t make you a bad person, Ryan. But I’m not looking for a fuck buddy. Not even one who happens to be my best friend.” She pressed a hand to her forehead and sighed.
“I wouldn’t refer to it that way, but if it makes us happy, why not?” Ryan’s voice was low, his gaze sincere. He took her hand in his. “Who cares what anyone else thinks as long as it’s what we want?”
“But it isn’t what I want.” Tears stung Tessa’s eyes, and her voice wavered.
Ryan lifted her chin, his green eyes pinning her in place. “What do you want, Tess?”
“I want the entire package, Ryan. Marriage. Kids, eventually.” She pulled away, her back turned to him for a moment before turning to face him again. “And I’ll never get any of that if I settle for being friends with benefits.”
“How can you be so sure it wouldn’t work between us?” he demanded.
“
Because you can’t even be honest about what you want in bed with me.” She huffed, her hands shaking.
There, she’d said it.
“What the hell are you talking about, Tess?”
Her face and chest were suddenly hot, and the vast barn seemed too small a space for the two of them. She slipped off her jacket and hung it on a hook.
Though the remaining ranch staff had left for the day and Tripp was gone, she still lowered her voice. As if the horses would spread gossip to the folks in town.
“I know you like it...rough. You weren’t like that with me.”
“Really? You’re complaining about my performance?” He folded his arms, his jaw clenched.
“No, of course not. It was amazing. You were amazing. But I overheard Sabrina talking to a friend of hers on the phone when you two were still together. She was saying that she liked rough sex, and there was no one better at it than you.”
Tessa’s heart thumped. Her pulse, thundering in her ears, seemed to echo throughout the space.
“You overheard her say that on the phone?”
Tessa nodded.
“You know that wasn’t an accident, right? She got a kick out of rattling your cage.”
Tess suspected as much. Sabrina had never much liked her.
“You didn’t answer my question.” She looked in his direction, but her eyes didn’t quite meet his. “No judgment. I just want to know if it’s true.”
“Sometimes.” He shrugged. “Depends on my mood, who I’m with. And we’re not talking whips and chains, if that’s what you’re imagining.” He was clearly uncomfortable having this discussion with her. Not that she was finding it to be a walk in the park either. “Why does it matter?”
“Because if that’s what you like, but with me you were...”
“Not rough,” he offered tersely. “And you’re angry about that?”
“Not angry. Just realistic. If you can’t be yourself with me in bed, you’re not going to be happy. You’ll get bored and you’ll want out.”
Ryan stared down at her, stepping closer. “I responded to you. Gave you what I thought you wanted.”
“And you did.” She took a step backward, her back hitting the wall. She swallowed hard. “But did it ever occur to you that I would’ve liked the chance to do the same for you?”
Sighing heavily, Ryan placed one hand on the wall behind her and cradled her cheek with the other. “It’s not like that’s the only way I like it, Tess. I don’t regret anything about my weekend with you.”
“But the point was you felt you couldn’t. Because of our friendship or maybe because of your promise to Tripp. I don’t know. All I know for sure is that pretending that everything will be okay is a fool’s game.” She forced herself to stand taller. Chin tipped, she met his gaze.
“So that’s it? Just like that, you decide that’s reason enough for us to not be together?” His face was red, and anger vibrated beneath his words, though his expression remained placid.
“Isn’t that reason enough for you?”
“Sex isn’t everything, Tess.”
“For you, it always has been. Sex is just sex, right? It’s not about love or a deeper connection.” The knot in Tessa’s stomach tightened when Ryan dropped his gaze and didn’t respond. She sighed. “Tigers can’t change their stripes, Ryan. No matter how hard they might try.”
She turned to dip under his arm, but he lowered it, blocking her escape from the heated look in his eyes. His closeness. His scent. Leather. Cedar. Patchouli.
Damn that patchouli.
“Ryan, what else is there for us to say?”
“Nothing.” He lowered his hands to her waist and stepped closer, his body pinning hers to the wall.
Time seemed to move in slow motion as Ryan dipped his head, his lips hovering just above hers. His gaze bored into hers. She didn’t dare move an inch. Didn’t dare blink.
When she didn’t object, his lips crushed hers in a bruising, hungry kiss that made her heart race. He tasted of Helene’s famous Irish stew—one of Ryan’s favorite meals—and an Irish ale.
His hands were on her hips, pinning her in place against the wall behind her. Not with enough force to hurt her, but he’d asserted himself in such a way that it was crystal clear that he wanted her there, and that she shouldn’t move.
She had no plans to.
As much as she’d enjoyed seeing a gentler side of Ryan during their weekend together, the commanding look in his eye and the assertiveness of his tone revved her up in a way she would never have imagined.
He trailed his hands up her sides so damned slowly she was sure she could count the milliseconds that passed. The backs of his hands grazed her hips, her waist, the undersides of her breasts.
The apex of her thighs pulsed and throbbed with such power she felt like he might bring her over the edge just from his kiss and his demanding touch.
Her knees quivered, and her breaths were quick and shallow. His kisses grew harder, hungrier as he placed his large hands around her throat. Not squeezing or applying pressure of any real measure. But conveying a heightened sense of control.
Ryan pulled back, his body still pinning hers, but his kiss gone. After a few seconds, her eyes shot open. He was staring at her with an intensity that she might have found scary in any other situation. But she knew Ryan. Knew that he’d never do anything to hurt her.
“You still with me, Tess?”
She couldn’t pry her lips open to speak, so she did the only thing she could. Her impression of a bobblehead doll.
His eyes glinted, and he smirked. Ryan leaned in and sucked her bottom lip. Gently sank his teeth into it. Then he pushed his tongue between her lips and swept it inside the cavern of her mouth. Tipped her head back so that he could deepen the kiss. Claimed her mouth as if he owned every single inch of her body and could do with it as he pleased.
Her pebbled nipples throbbed in response, and she made a small gasp as his hard chest grazed the painfully hard peaks.
His scorching, spine-tingling kiss coaxed her body into doing his bidding, and his strong hands felt as if they were everywhere at once.
Tessa sucked in a deep breath when Ryan squeezed her bottom hard, ramping up the steady throb between her thighs.
When she’d gasped, he sucked her tongue into his mouth. He lifted her higher on the wall, pinning her there with his body as he settled between her thighs.
She whimpered as his rock-hard shaft pressed against the junction of her thighs. He seemed to enjoy eliciting her soft moans as she strained her hips forward, desperate for more of the delicious friction that made her belly flutter and sent a shudder up her spine.
“Shirt and bra off,” he muttered against her lips, giving her barely enough room to comply with his urgent request. But she managed eagerly enough and dropped the garments to the floor.
He lifted her higher against the wall until her breasts were level with his lips. She locked her legs around his waist, anchoring herself to the wall.
Ryan took one heavy mound in his large hand. Squeezed it, then savagely sucked at her beaded tip, upping the pain/pleasure quotient. He gently grazed the pebbled tip with his teeth, then swirled his tongue around the flesh, soothing it.
Then he moved to the other breast and did the same. This time his green eyes were locked with hers. Gauging her reaction. A wicked grin curved the edge of his mouth as he tugged her down, so her lips crashed against his again.
Could he feel the pooling between her thighs through her soaked underwear and jeans? Her cheeks heated, momentarily, at the possibility. But her embarrassment was quickly forgotten as he nuzzled her ear and whispered his next command.
“When I set you down again I want you out of every single stitch of clothing you’re wearing.”
“Out here? In the stable? Where anyone could see us?” she stuttered, her
heart thudding wildly in her chest.
“There’s no one but us here,” he said matter-of-factly. “But if you want me to stop...”
“No, don’t.” Tess was shocked by how quickly she’d objected to ending this little game. The equivalent of begging for more of him. For more of this.
At least he hadn’t made her undress alone. Ryan tugged the beige plaid shirt over his head and on to the floor, giving her a prize view of his hard abdomen. She wanted to run the tip of her tongue along the chiseled lines that outlined the rippled muscles he’d earned by working as hard on the ranch as any of his hands. To kiss and suck her way along the deep V at his hips that disappeared below his waist. Trace the ridge on the underside of his shaft with her tongue.
Ryan toed off his work boots, unzipped his jeans and shoved them and his boxers down his muscular thighs, stepping out of them.
Tess bit into her lower lip, unable to tear her gaze from the gentle bob of his shaft as he stalked toward her and lifted her on to the edge of the adjustable, standing desk where she sometimes worked.
He raised the desk, which was in a seated position, until it was at just the right height.
“I knew this table would come in handy one day.” She laughed nervously, her hands trembling slightly.
He didn’t laugh, didn’t smile. “Is this why you came out here, Tess? Why you couldn’t be patient and wait until I came to your door?”
Before she could respond, he slid into her and they both groaned at the delicious sensation of him filling her. His back stiffened and he trembled slightly, his eyes squeezed shut.
Then he cursed under his breath and pulled out, retrieving a folded strip of foil packets from the back pocket of his jeans.
They’d both lost control momentarily. Given into the heat raging between them. But he’d come prepared. Maybe he hadn’t expected to take her here in the stable or that he’d do so with such ferocity. But he had expected that at some point he’d be inside of her.
