~o~
On getting back to Glasgow, Tony had bought a ticket on line using his sister's card. The destination had finally been selected by little more than the expedient of stabbing a finger at a world map with closed eyes. He found that his destiny lay in Buenos Aires. He was not even sure what language they spoke in Argentina, Spanish he thought. It hardly mattered the only language he spoke was English but he felt he would get by. It was a place he could become lost in, a place far enough away to deter anyone who might bear a grudge. He gathered together his few possessions and his papers. His whole life fitted in a single overnight bag. This was of little concern to him, he did not want weighing down by baggage from his past. What he was about to embark on was a new start and the less he had of his old life to clutter him the better. He looked around the room in which he had spent the last turbulent months of his life. There was nothing here for him; he felt no connection with the place and was glad to be cutting himself free from its shabby sadness. What the future held for him was uncertain and now that the time for him to leave approached, he felt the veil of sadness fall over him for what might have been. If only he could turn back the clock ten years... five years even. He had just seen his mother and sister through a new prism and if he had regrets at all about the path he was forced to take, it was bound up with them, with regrets for deserting them.
Tony realized that he had struggled to find his way when he had the support of his family, now that he was to be alone in a strange country, what hope did he have. The memory of the day in the park; standing on the bridge looking into the dark water came flooding back to him. The call to sink under the black water still echoed in his mind, but at heart he knew he could never summon the courage for that ultimate act of self annihilation. He shook off his dark mood and without looking back closed the door on his room for the last time. He needed to be at the airport by eleven thirty and would take the nine fifteen from Buchanan Bus Station. Modern Glasgow was not without its attractions but he was committed to his journey and would cast the dust of the city from his heels with little regret.
He made international departures with plenty of time to spare and went in search of coffee. He bought a doughnut to go with his cappuccino and wandered over to a table by a window that overlooked the runway and watched the air traffic as it came and went. He was surrounded by thousands of anonymous passengers, each one with a different story to tell. Sipping his coffee he was coming to terms with the prospect of leaving the old Tony behind and was starting to feel the nervous anticipation of a new future spread though his body. Tony checked his watch; it was time to make a move. As he walked towards the check-in he heard footsteps behind him, hardly daring to turn his eyes back, he quickened his pace but the footsteps behind him did the same.
His emotions were mixed: anger, panic, relief... Maybe relief was the stronger.
"Hello John."He said without turning his head. "I guess I've been expecting you."
"Hello Tony."
The voice was familiar, quiet, restrained and all the more menacing for that. Without looking back, without slacking his pace, Tony spoke: "I'm booked on a flight. I'll be out of your hair for ever in an hour."
"I made promises Tony...We both know that I'm not going to let you get on that plane."
"Who would ever know?"
"I'd know Tony."
Tony stopped walking, his shoulders slumped as he turned to face the most dangerous man in the world.
"And what good would it do, another death on your conscience?"
"I have no conscience Tony, I can't afford that luxury. All I have is loyalty. My ethics are simple Tony: give your word and you have to stand by it... there's nothing else."
"Nothing else? What about love?"
"I have no love, no hatred, just duty."
Tony turned his head to the check-in gate, then back towards the entrance... so close. He pushed John with the flat of his hand against his chest and twisted back. Just twenty metres to the check-in... He bent against the inevitable and ran, one, two, three paces but John was already on him swinging him back by his arm. Tony felt like a new born antelope lost in the African savannah, run down and about to be mauled by the jaws of a lion.
"Don't make this hard for yourself Tony." But the fight had left Tony long ago there was nowhere left to run.
"Tony, let's take a walk shall we?"
John Mason's voice was calm; there was no anger just a determination to complete what he had vowed to a dying man. Tony lifted his eyes, he saw the man who might have been a friend if things had been different. A calmness fell over him as he heard again the call of the black crow. Louder this time, prescient and insistent. Maybe, in a way, John was a friend here to see him off. There was no longer any fear in Tony's voice just resignation; he had done his best to get away from his past but the success had eluded him at the last minute. It was the story of his life, why should he be surprised today? His whole life had been leading up to this moment, he saw now the inevitability, the pointlessness of it all.
"You should have stuck to the plan Tony."
Tony shrugged. He found, when face to face with it, that he hardly cared anymore. The call of the crow had never left him, was always hovering close. Oblivion offered the hope of peace that his life never had. He had enjoyed one last moment in the warmth of love. It was enough to sustain him, the final acceptance that his mother's and sister's love for him was real and eternal, beyond even John Mason's reach.
"I've been balanced at the edge for a long time now John, Maybe I'm ready for a rest." Mason nodded; he thought he understood what Tony meant. "There's just one favour you can do for me, make sure my family never finds out what happened to me. I'd like them to think of me playing in the sunshine somewhere far away... I'd like them to know that I might call them at any time. Or appear at their door one day with a story of success."
Mason nodded. "I'll do what I can."
Tony knew he could trust John Mason's word. He discovered that the happiness that had found its way back into his life in the last few hours had not altogether left him and as he walked away with his grim reaper companion all he could see was the image of his sister and mother smiling at him.
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