by Tessa Gray
He thought back to all the times he’d turned down Rachel’s request to take some time off and travel. As insistent as she’d been, he’d never obliged her. He wasn’t sure why, really.
It wasn’t as though he was broke. But the fear of failing in the business world had always been in the forefront. Intent on saving money, he’d worked around the clock at the bar. That made good business sense to him: working the place yourself, avoiding having to pay others to do what you were perfectly capable of doing, plunking the money you made into savings, rather than jet-setting around the country.
But, for the first time since he’d met Rachel, he had a bad feeling about their future together. Instinct told him things were about to change. And it probably wouldn’t be for the better.
Chapter 2
The following evening, Rachel navigated her way through the intense darkness, trying to keep up with her parents as they walked about the grounds of the McDonald Observatory, gazing at the constellations. This was probably the thing she loved most about the West Texas countryside—you could see for miles—the heavens looking like an open canopy of glittering gold specks that went on forever.
As the tour guide walked them through the Star Gazing Party, she wished Jake had stayed home. Daddy would probably be asking the guide a lot of questions, and Jake would be bored.
They continued meandering their way through the darkness when her father interrupted the guide. “So, in the constellation, Lyra, the area referred to as the Ring Nebula was formed by a red star when it began spitting out gas, right?”
In the darkness, she could feel Jake standing beside her. He was probably smirking at her father since Daddy was known to be a bit pretentious at times. Her dad was the type who studied something thoroughly before embarking on a field trip to view it. And then he’d pummel whoever led the excursion with a plethora of questions—as though testing them. While she didn’t suspect that many on the tour were all that impressed with her father, she suspected Daddy was proud of himself for having done his homework.
Jake exhaled loudly and began walking well ahead of them. She made no attempt to follow, convinced he was probably annoyed with both her parents for dragging him along on the excursion.
The tour guide moved closer and began addressing her father. “That’s absolutely true. You’ve definitely studied up on this. What is your name, sir?”
“I’m Tim Donahue from Dallas. My wife, Barbara, and I are enjoying the tour very much. I never realized such a place as this even existed.”
“Yup. It’s a well-kept secret. This facility is actually operated by the University of Texas in Austin.”
As Mama and Daddy continuing talking with the guide, Rachel wished it would end. The crisp night air chilled her, and she shivered.
Grabbing her mother’s hand, she made a suggestion. “How about we look through the telescopes to get a better picture of the stars? The lines are pretty short.”
She and Mama strode over to join the line of star gazers waiting to view the constellations, her father directly behind them. The crunch of dry ground beneath them echoed loudly as the tourists quickened their pace to get to the telescopes—offering them a better vantage point.
Rachel leaned forward and gazed into the lens of the telescope, taking in the brilliant canopy of stars under the velvet sky. She suddenly felt insignificant—insignificant and overwhelmed at the splendor of the sky most take for granted.
A soft breeze rustled through the trees and she gasped at the beauty of it all. The whispers of hushed voices rippled throughout the area as the visitors exchanged information about the constellations.
If only she and Jake could be like this—sharing the history of science, marveling at the vastness of the earth—hungry to learn more about the world they lived in.
The scent of Jake’s woody cologne wafted through the air, and she realized he’d returned to where they stood. She reached for his hand. “Jake, would you like to—”
“I’m going to the truck for a smoke. I’ll just wait there for you all until you’re finished.”
Keeping her gaze fixated on the lens of the telescope, she made no attempt to stop him.
She heard him walk away, the thud of his cowboy boots pounding the dirt. Disappointed at how distant he’d become, she turned her attention back to the tour guide.
~ ~ ~
Jake stood outside his truck, smoking the stogie. He rarely indulged because he wasn’t a big fan of smoker’s breath, but judging by how standoffish Rachel had become, they wouldn’t be locking lips any time soon.
Striking a match, he relit the cigar, thinking back to all the times he and his friend, Nathan had sat out under the stars smoking.
But then he’d met Rachel, and everything changed. Things got hot and heavy early in the relationship, and he couldn’t recall a woman he’d fallen for so quickly. As he stood out under the night sky, he missed the old days—the days when he and Rachel had spent every spare minute between the sheets.
Taking several puffs, he considered how different they were. At first it hadn’t mattered. He’d talked her into sleeping with him on their second date. And while the two didn’t see eye to eye on most issues, they always managed to settle their arguments in bed.
He stared up at the clear, West Texas June sky, frustrated at being dragged along to the observatory. Rachel and her parents seemed bat shit crazy about all the constellations. In his mind, the best way to take advantage of an evening this beautiful would have been to sit in the bed of his pickup curled up in a blanket with Rachel. He closed his eyes, remembering.
But the image was short-lived when he thought of how the two were drifting apart, like two pieces of wood floating down a river, parting ways when the water crested.
What had gone wrong? Maybe the long hours he put in at the bar were partly to blame for Rachel’s sudden restlessness. They rarely went out, but when you owned a business, you had to pour your life’s blood into it. And truthfully, the business was the only thing he had going for him.
Blowing several smoke rings into the crisp night air, he wondered how the star gazing tour was coming along. Rachel’s folks were nice enough, but he wasn’t used to being around people who seemed so focused on learning new things. But then, maybe that’s what old people did. Sat around and learned stuff from the Internet. That might be fine if you’re done living your life. He’d always lived on the edge, scoffing at higher education; poking fun at those unwilling to live in the moment.
The wind shifted again, and he wondered if Rachel was warm enough. Snuffing out the cigar, he grabbed a blanket from his truck and headed back to the McDonald Observatory to check on her.
~ ~ ~
An hour after the foursome returned home, Barbara Donohue poured her daughter a second glass of wine. The men were in Jake’s man cave, watching the last few innings of a Texas Rangers game.
Barbara studied the worry lines on Rachel’s face. The girl had barely spoken on the drive home from the observatory, and that worried her.
Jake had been so thoughtful bringing Rachel a blanket as the tour was winding down, but instinct told her things weren’t going well for the two of them. Which was a shame, really.
She couldn’t think of a single thing she didn’t like about Jake. He was friendly, generous, hardworking, and he treated Rachel like a queen. Of course, Tim felt a little differently. He didn’t consider Jake ambitious enough, and it infuriated him that when Rachel traveled back to Dallas, Jake never accompanied her.
Taking another sip of wine, Barbara leaned across the kitchen table and spoke. “So, will you be teaching third grade again in the fall?”
Rachel’s mouth twisted into a scowl. “No, I didn’t sign a new contract. I’m keeping my options open.” She rose and walked over to the window.
“Does Jake know this?”
“No, Mama. He doesn’t.”
A full minute passed between them. “You know, honey, in the past when Daddy and I visited you, you and Jake seemed extraordinarily happy. Has something changed?”
“I think you probably know the answer to that.” There was an edge to her voice, and when she walked back to the table, Barbara patted her hand.
“Want to talk about it?”
Flopping back down on a chair, Rachel reached across the table and squeezed her hand.
“Jake makes me laugh—we always have a good time together. But I don’t think I love him. And to be honest, I doubt I ever will.”
The comment stunned her. To invest three years in a relationship and end up not being in love with the person you had such a history with made little sense. While she was pleased her daughter was confiding in her, this probably wasn’t how Jake viewed the relationship.
“Give it more time. Sometimes people are together for a long time, and things seem to be going nowhere. But eventually their lives begin to mesh—to blend in with the other person. People don’t always fall in love, sometimes they just grow into it.”
“I can’t see that happening with Jake and me.”
Barbara bit her tongue, troubled by her daughter’s remarks. Jake probably never stood a chance. Michael had broken Rachel’s heart, and by all accounts, she wasn’t about to let another man hurt her the way he had.
“Did Daddy and I visiting you cause problems between the two of you?”
Fidgeting with a checkered, red napkin, Rachel shook her head. “Absolutely not. I’ve felt this way for a while. Maybe I’m going through a midlife crisis or something.”
A midlife crisis? Seriously? Rachel had always been the reliable daughter—the pleaser—the one child they never had to worry about. The girl had never given them a moment’s worry. Up until now.
Eager to get a handle on things, she doled out advice. “Rachel, I’m trying to understand this sudden change in you. But, to not renew your teaching contract seems a bit over the top. And so is ending a three-year relationship without thinking it through. Sometimes making too many changes at once isn’t a good idea.”
Rachel stared down at the floor. “It’s not for you to say what I should or shouldn’t do. This is my life, Mama. Not yours. And, frankly, I find your comment about me not thinking this through insulting.”
Reaching over, Barbara splayed her palm across her daughter’s cheek. “You probably just need the summer off. I’m sure once fall rolls around, you’ll feel like teaching again.”
Rachel shrugged and took a sip of her wine. Settling back in the chair, she gazed over at the chocolate colored dreamcatcher hanging on a wall. “If I spend my entire life teaching, what will I really have to show for it?”
“What you’ll have is a village of adults who will probably thank you for your dedication. You’re making the world a better place by educating the citizens of tomorrow.”
“That’s good and well, Mama. But I want something to call my own. I want to try something different.”
“Like what, Rachel? What else are you qualified to do?”
“I’m considering taking some cooking classes and opening up my own café. It wouldn’t be a large one—just a tiny, local one. But it would be a place I could build from the ground up. Something I could call my own.”
“That seems like a real long shot, honey. Alpine is a small town. People here struggle. I think maybe you’re jumping the gun trying to launch any type of business, don’t you? And as far as Jake goes, you’d be hard-pressed to find a man who adores you like he does.”
“Sounds like you’re taking his side.”
Weary of arguing with her daughter, she didn’t dignify the comment.
An old proverb popped into her head. A mother can only be as happy as her saddest child.
And that child’s name was Rachel.
~ ~ ~
After everyone had retired for the night, Rachel remained at the kitchen table for an hour, thinking about everything Mama said. When the clock struck midnight, she climbed to her feet and sauntered into the bedroom.
Jake sat at the computer, hunched over, looking at something.
“Wow, you’re still up. Anything good out there in Internet land?”
He winked at her, a mischievous grin on his face. “Um, not much, maybe a little porn.”
“Jake!”
“I’m kidding, Rachel. Seriously, it was a joke.” His dark eyes pierced her, and he continued staring at her. “You know me better than that. At least, you should.”
She considered maybe she’d hurt him by insinuating he’d be demented enough to be trolling porn sights.
“I do know you better than that.” She moved closer, hoping her body language would show him she regretted misjudging him. As beads of water glistened about his face, she realized he’d just showered.
The scent of musk filled her, and when he tilted his head, and his mouth twisted into a lazy smile, she put aside her frustration with him for not being more excited about the star gazing tour.
“That looks like a picture of the Marfa Lights.”
“It is. Wanna take a closer look?” When she nodded, he pulled her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms about her waist, burying his head against her back. They were frozen in place, now, as though neither certain of what to say.
He cleared his throat and continued. “I wanted to study a little about the lights, so when we take your parents to see them, I won’t look like a complete fool.”
His desire to learn the history of the Marfa lights surprised her. They’d gone numerous times, and the only thing he’d ever talked about was how great an opportunity viewing the lights was to get to second base with women. Although he’d joked with her, assuring her there had been very few women before her—Rachel knew that wasn’t the case. His reputation proceeded him.
He caressed the small of her back as he spoke. “So, it looks like some people see the lights in red, or even blue. I’ve only ever seen them in white.”
She leaned closer to the computer screen. “This is interesting, and my dad probably already knows this, but it looks as though some believe the Marfa Lights to be nothing more than the reflection of car headlights or campfires from Mitchell Flats.”
“So much for the magic of the elusive Marfa Lights of Texas.” He hesitated for a few seconds and leaned his head against her back once again. His breath felt warm as he began nuzzling her, the faintest scent of cigar lingering.
He kissed her, and she turned around to face him. When he cradled her face in his hands, she leaned closer and kissed him back.
“I wish I hadn’t smoked that damn stogie. I’ve brushed my teeth twice, but I’m betting you can still smell it.”
“A little.”
And then his hands did their magic, making their way inside her tank top. Sliding his hands against her flesh, he began unfastening her bra. When it dropped to the floor, he kneaded both breasts with his hands, drawing them to his mouth. He kissed them hungrily—greedily—as he groaned aloud.
When she felt his arousal beneath her, she shuddered and let out a deep sigh.
It felt as though someone had lit a flame beneath her, and she breathed a sigh of relief that the passion between them had rekindled.
Rising from his lap, she unzipped her jeans and let them drop to the floor. Climbing from the chair, he reached out and began helping her undress. His gaze held her as he began taking off his pajama bottoms. “Looks like I won’t be needing these.” He arched his eyebrows and smirked.
Memories of when they’d first met flooded her, and she thought of that second date at his place when they’d ended up making love in the shower after an exhausting day of horseback riding. She wanted to relive that night. Maybe for the last time.
“I-I need to clean up.” After she said it, he frowned. But then she quickly added, “I think I’ll probably need some assistance.”
“Go run the water, Dallas. I’ll be right there.”
He was calling her Dallas again. That was a good sign.
She headed to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Within a minute, he swaggered in—naked, gorgeous, and totally erect.
Slowly, the realization finally began sinking it. She was addicted to the sex, but not in love with the man. She closed her eyes and exhaled as her head exploded with conflict. She’d promised herself not to do this—promised not to continue having sex with him until they got things squared between them.
But as he gazed at her, his eyes blazing with intensity, her belly heated, and more than anything, she wanted to feel him inside her once again. Just this one last time.
He scooped her up in his arms, backing her against the tiles of the shower wall. As he kissed her, the old, familiar longing for him returned, leaving her quivering with want.
She scolded herself for deceiving him—for not sharing her misgivings about their future.
Wrapping his arms about her, he backed her against the wall of the shower. “Dallas, you feel amazing. God, I love when things are good between us.”
He dropped to his knees, letting his tongue work its magic and her body quivered with anticipation. The ebb and flow of their lovemaking intensified, and for one brief moment, she wondered why this couldn’t be enough. Thousands of couples engaged in casual sex, terming it ‘friends with benefits.’ Why couldn’t she be satisfied with that?
His arms gripped her tightly as he continued pressing her body against the wall, driving himself deeply inside her. The pleasure was so intense she could scarcely breathe.
When it was over, they both sank to the floor on their knees, staring at one another like total strangers.
