by F. C. Clark
‘I’m going to bed – alone.’ I announce, needing some time alone – maybe we both do.
‘As you wish,’ he says, not turning his head as he enters his office.
‘As you wish,’ I childishly mimic.
‘Kate, are you mumbling? Please share any delightful thoughts you may have,’ he calls from his office.
Delightful thoughts? How about ‘shove it up your arse, you controlling lunatic’? I copy Kiki and flip him my middle finger too.
I step in the hot shower and smell Luke’s scent. For the first time ever, I can’t use it.
After a long shower I feel a bit better, and put on comfy grey leggings and T-shirt. My eyes fall to my tracking device. It feels much later than ten o’clock. I unclasp the watch and leave it on the centre unit in the dressing room – something else to piss off Luke!
My head feels heavy – stress, I think. In need of a drink and some painkillers, I head downstairs. I hear Luke in his office. There’s no way I’m speaking to him tonight.
Returning to our room, I sit on the bed, wide awake, my mind going over today’s events. Feeling agitated, I head to the second floor – and the spare room.
Making myself comfortable on the bed, I unpack a couple of Ivor’s sealed boxes. My phone bleeps. It’s Kiki – thank God.
Hi,
I’m home, so you can tell that control freak I can look after myself.
Love you, babe.
XOXO
Clearly, I won’t relay the exact message to Luke.
I have laid the box’s contents out on the bed. It’s mainly photos. This box seems to be more about Ivor and Katenka than me. I have evidence of a happy couple: they look so young, even younger than Luke and me. I touch the photo, skimming my fingers over Katenka’s face, knowing I will never touch her skin, or smell her. I flop to the bed as I crumple into an emotional heap, crying for someone I can’t have – and another person who wishes to remain absent from my life. The man I do want is downstairs trying to keep me safe. I know he is the love of my life and always will be.
My head turns slightly. I feel myself being lowered onto a pillow, and the security of an arm wrapped around my body. I return to a place of peacefulness as I hear, ‘Love you, baby.’
18
I open my eyes and move my tousled hair off my face. Shit! My hand hurts like hell. The events of yesterday come flooding back. I just hope Matthew Williams face is suffering the same pain. My other hand touches my bare wrist. What a night!
I venture downstairs. I jump down the two remaining steps and hear a familiar voice coming from the kitchen. I pick up speed.
‘You’re a sight for sore eyes.’ I run to Max’s open arms.
‘Kate.’
‘I’m glad you’re back.’ He releases his hold. I recognise the look in his eyes – guilt.
‘Kate, I’m—’
‘Shh. I get it… Jesus, Max. You can talk to me any time; I’m here for you.’ My hands brush against the roughness of his face. ‘Maybe warn me next time you want to kick the crap out of someone, though?’
His face softens. ‘There won’t be a next time, and thanks for the offer.’ He returns to the stool. ‘Luke tells me that you had your own battle last night.’
I hold my hand out. It does look a little swollen. ‘Yes, well, the idiot deserved it – besides, Luke suggested that I learn self-defence.’ I walk towards the kettle.
‘Not to use without reason.’ Luke stands and refills his coffee cup.
I give him a sideways glance. ‘OK, so Matthew asking if he could test me out wasn’t a good enough motive? Oh yes, I forgot Luke Sutton has his own rules that I’m not privy to.’
‘Kate, don’t start, I’m not in the mood for it.’
‘That makes two of us.’
Max sits awkwardly, caught in the centre of another Harper–Sutton stand-off.
‘Luke, I’m going to the larder to get some bread. Feel free to call the security team if I don’t resurface within the next five minutes.’
‘You’re walking on thin ice, Kate.’
I skirt past him. ‘Actually, I’m running… keep up.’
Beyond Luke, Rosie appears in the far corner of the kitchen, waving to get my attention. Something’s amiss: it’s Saturday, and I never see her or Jerry over the weekend.
I walk past Luke and Max, and I can feel Luke’s eyes burn into my back.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Jerry found the emails.’
‘Crap!’
‘I was reading them yesterday and… Oh, Kate, he’s so mad at me. I knew this would happen.’
I pull her into my arms. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll sort it.’ I release her shoulders. ‘Trust me.’
She nods.
‘Where is he?’
‘He stormed off into the garden, probably the shed. He always goes there when he’s stressed.’
‘OK. I’ll take some cake for back-up.’
‘I don’t think either of us can win him over – he knows you helped me because of the email address. Sorry, darling, but I’ve landed you right in the middle.’
I plant a quick kiss on her cheek. ‘Don’t be silly. Besides, I would do it again. Maybe something good will come of it, at least he knows now.’
I head to the larder dressed in my garden coat and Hunters. Fruitcake is my weapon to sweeten his pain, and I have a super-strong tea for Jerry in his mug.
‘Going somewhere?’ Luke asks.
‘You could call your security team; they’ll be able to tell you.’
‘Christ, you two, is this what I’ve come back to?’ Max says.
‘For your information, Jerry is pissed off – seems to be a generic feeling in this house today. He found the emails Rosie and I have been sending to Adam.’
Max whistles and raises his brows. Crap – now I’m worried. Perhaps I’ll need more than fruitcake.
‘Feel free to say “I told you so”.’ My eyes lock on Luke’s, free from fear; bring it on, Sutton.
He raises his hands in the air. Of course he knows he’s right; his body language blatantly displays it.
Rosie’s prediction was spot-on. I open the door of the shed; Jerry sits slumped in a chair. I place all items on the potting table, while Jerry looks down at his Sudoku book.
‘I thought you might be hungry.’
‘No,’ he answers.
I scrape the spare metal-framed chair across the wooden floor.
Jerry looks up from his book and removes his reading glasses. ‘I’m not in the mood, Kate.’
I make myself as comfortable as I can on a chair that looks as though it will collapse with any sudden movement.
‘I know you’re pissed off, but…’
‘You’ve upset me, flower.’ His rich Northern Irish accent cuts me to the core, and tears prick at my eyes. He’s heartbroken and I know I’m partly to blame.
‘I would never hurt you; you mean the world to me.’
I reach across and take hold of his cold weathered hand.
‘You lied to me, flower; you both did.’
‘It wasn’t really a lie; we just withheld information.’ Jesus H Christ, I sound like a Sutton. I wonder if Jerry will buy in to my Suttonism.
He raises his brows; clearly I need some practice.
‘Honestly, Jerry, this was hard for Rosie and me…’
‘Lying comes easy to the both of you. Now, if you don’t mind, I would rather be alone.’ His eyes remain low, as does his mood.
I swallow my bitter saliva. ‘Please, Jerry, don’t be like this.’
‘Kate, leave me alone.’
Standing from the rickety chair, I move towards the door. I stop and take a deep breath. This was a just cause – pure and simple. I turn.
‘Honestly, I’m cross with you.’
His jaw almost hits the floor. ‘Kate, I’m warning you.’
‘No, you don’t get to be the victim here. The day we sent the first email was on Adam’s birthday – yes, your son. The word “son” should mean something to you, Jerry. Rosie was devastated that she couldn’t speak to Adam on his birthday because of you, her husband, the father of her child. Who gave you the right to dictate to her that she must end all ties with her baby? Not the Jerry I know and love, because he would never be so nasty.’
‘You don’t understand.’
I move closer to him. ‘That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve seen what happens when you abandon a child because he’s gay.’ Jerry glares at me. ‘Yes, I said the word gay and you haven’t blown up. Your son is gay.’
‘Enough.’ He stands up directly in front of me.
‘Jerry, your son is also caring, handsome and incredibly intelligent. Working in a developing country performing surgery on children – it’s a noble thing to do. Being gay is just another word; there’s so much more to your baby.’
He rubs his jaw and looks away. ‘You don’t know how I feel.’
‘Of course I don’t, but I tell you what I do understand and that’s abandonment. My dad has left me, so I know how Adam feels, and I can tell you it hurts like hell.’
‘It’s not the same, flower.’
My emotions reach my eyes, conveying my most inner thoughts to Jerry.
‘Maybe not, but I can only imagine that Adam must be hurting. Being gay is not a choice! Barney has always said that being straight would be far easier than dealing with prejudice.’ I turn and move towards the door, having spoken from my heart.
‘Kate, wait!’
I turn to look at him, my eyes filled with emotion.
‘I can’t eat all this cake on my own.’ He tries to smile; I sense it’s forced for my benefit.
I take his hand. ‘Small steps, Jerry, that’s all. There’s not an ounce of hate in your soul.’ His thumb rubs against my knuckles.
The garden was bloody cold; luckily, the heat from the kitchen instantly thaws me. Luke is nowhere to be seen. As soon as I walk past the office door, I hear him working. He may drive me mad, but I love him.
The sound of the black door unlocking interrupts my thoughts.
‘Hi.’ Harry looks at my confused face. ‘It’s eleven o’clock… and you’re not dressed.’
‘Crap!’
‘You forgot.’ Harry moves towards me.
‘Sort of… I’ve had a manic morning.’
Harry smirks.
‘Definitely no action… Jerry found out about the emails.’
‘Oh, shit.’
‘Oh shit, indeed.’
Luke steps out from the office. ‘Morning, Harry.’
‘Hi Luke, how are you?’ She moves towards him and plants a kiss on his cheek, which will be the only Harper affection he’ll be receiving.
‘How’s your head?’
‘A mild hangover… Raymond nursed me most of the night.’
‘We’re going shopping.’ I announce, linking my arm through Harry’s. ‘Come upstairs while I get ready.’
My eyes move away from Luke, not giving him a sideways glance or the time to question me.
I push the bedroom door shut.
‘Jesus, Kate! You can cut the tension with a bloody knife. What went down last night?’
‘Nothing. That’s the problem. Of course I’ve been dropping hints that his irrational behaviour is out of control, but he’s said nothing.’
‘He struggles with you. Babe, he has loads of people who hang off his every word, and you don’t.’
We move to the bed.
‘Harry, you can’t defend him, he’s lost the plot.’
‘That’s not what I mean. Look, he’s been single for a while and from what you’ve said, other than one-night stands he wasn’t interested. Then comes along the girl next door with shitloads of baggage.’
‘That’s not my fault.’
‘No. But you’ve shacked up with a guy whose hobby, for want of a better word, was to hunt people and protect people. You’ve become his hobby! Do you get me?’
I fall back on the bed. ‘Not really.’
‘He didn’t know what he was taking on, but luckily his military background can protect you. Whether you want to accept it or not, his past has saved your future.’
‘Ready?’ I look at Harry, lying on my bed reading this month’s Vogue.
‘Yeah.’ She laughs and assesses my appearance. ‘You’re as bad as Luke.’
‘Never.’
‘OK. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’
I grab my mobile. ‘Let me call Max – I hope he’s with me, not the mole.’
‘Thomas works for Luke – what did you expect?’ Harry chuckles.
‘Loyalty to me.’
Max answers instantly. ‘Kate.’
‘Hi, Harry and I are going shopping – are you working with me now?’
‘Yeah. Luke didn’t say you were going out.’
‘That’s because he’s only just found out.’
‘I’ll meet you both out the front.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Ready, Mrs Leclair?’
We check our reflections in the large French mirror. Harry is smart casual in dark jeans and blazer. I, on the other hand, look fairly smart, in a short black-and-grey shift dress and a black leather biker jacket. Dress to impress, Harper!
Harry and I head to the front door. There’s no sign of Luke. I should hunt him down to say goodbye, but I don’t want to. I’m still too angry with him.
Outside, the fresh air hits me – and so does the sight of Luke, in jeans and a white T-shirt, leaning casually against my Bentley. God, I hate that he’s so bloody good-looking; my heart aches and my clit screams. This is such an unfair battle.
Max holds the car door open. ‘Harry,’ he says, ensuring she gets in. Max then slides into the driver’s seat. Luke and I face each other.
‘I believe you have forgotten something.’
‘Is that so?’ I fold my arms.
He holds up his fingers, allowing my watch to swing from side to side. ‘I would hate for you to get lost.’
He takes my wrist. At first I resist, but then crumble with the gentleness of his fingers brushing against my knuckles – he wins.
With my watch returned to its rightful place, his hand moves to my neck, pulling me closer until our lips are within kissing distance. His breath mixes with mine, and we are at one, if for only a few seconds.
‘Don’t push me, baby. You’re my world, do you understand?’
Silently, I nod.
His mouth locks on mine. I pull away. ‘I’m so mad at you,’ I confess.
‘I know.’
His hand moves to my arse, pulling me close as his soft lips claim me again.
‘You look far too hot to be leaving this house. Have fun shopping and be safe – what time will you be home?’
‘I don’t know. We’re going to see Mum and Dad. After yesterday, I think we need to show Dad we love him.’
Luke frowns.
‘Of course – you don’t know what happened. Harry confronted Dad. Apparently he never slept with Katenka; in fact, he was horrified we thought he did.’
‘That’s why Harry was drunk last night.’
I place my hands on his chest. ‘If you’d have let me explain why I was out with the girls, I would have told you, but no, instead you played search and rescue.’ He smiles. ‘OK, I’ll see you later. Wish me luck with Harry – we have fifty pounds each to spend, just like the good old days.’ I chuckle; how life has changed.
‘The good old days – do you mean before you met me?’ Luke opens the car door for me.
‘No, the days when we had no money.’ I hold my
wrist up. ‘And of course no tracking devices.’
Our day, which we spent shopping for bargains, proved to be quite fruitful. It was refreshing to be queuing in Primark with several accessories, which cost twenty pounds, but I paid for them using Luke’s black credit card with unlimited credit! After Harry’s emotional breakdown yesterday I assumed she would be fragile, but she surprised me with her positive outlook. I suppose she can’t change her past, so moving forward is her only option.
Later, we arrive at Mum and Dad’s. Our timing is perfect as Mum is out shopping. So the three of us sit around the kitchen table. You could cut the tension with a knife. I reach across for Dad’s hand, but he sighs and looks away. Clearly, he’s hurting from our assumptions.
‘Let’s make a fresh start.’ I break the ice.
Harry looks across at me. ‘Good idea.’
‘Dad?’
He says nothing.
‘We have to start somewhere. Blame me – I told Harry that I thought you slept with Katenka.’
He holds his hands up. ‘Kate, I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘You’re hurt, I get it, and I said sorry,’ Harry says.
‘Girls.’ His voice is stern.
‘You’re mad at us, but what were we to think? The timing added up and Ivor—’ Dad’s gaze meets mine, shocked at hearing Ivor’s name.
‘It’s not our fault you kept us in the dark about our adoption.’
‘Bloody hell, Kate!’ Harry says.
‘It’s true! Christ, Mum dances round the situation like it’s never happened, and Dad is… Dad, you look at us like you – hate us.’ I have no filter today.
‘Jesus, Kate!’ Harry moans again.
‘I’m fed up with it, Harry. Dad, you lied to us, not the other way round! We’re willing to forgive and forget, but you’re acting like someone died.’
‘That’s unfair, Kate! You girls are our world, you know that. I don’t like the fact that he contacted you.’
‘Ivor!’ Say his name, Dad. Christ, you brought up his child. ‘Yes, he did, and now he’s gone. Look, the way I see it, we either move on or this will break up our family. ‘
