by Hannah Gray
“Friends don’t hook up, Trent. And I can talk to whoever I damn well please.” I’m a little annoyed.
I just have to ask myself, Does he actually like me, or is he just looking for an easy hook-up? I’m sure it’s the latter. That’s why I’m not sure why I’m even entertaining it.
He turns to face me. The fire lights up his face and shows his defined jawline and slightly plump lips. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip. Those eyes, which are so beautiful and yet look like they are holding so many secrets, watch me. I can’t pull my gaze away.
“Do you want to leave and go see Carter, Sunshine?” he says wryly. Smirking at me slightly with way too much confidence for one human body.
My nostrils flare as I try to breathe in and out through my erratic heartbeat of being this close to Trent Kade. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip again, and I can’t look away.
He cocks his head to the side. “Like what you see, Cam?”
“Pfft … sure, yeah, you’re all right, I guess,” I say and roll my eyes as I turn back to the fire.
I feel his hand on my cheek, and he gently forces me to look at him.
He leans closer until our lips almost touch. “Well, you’re more than all right, and I have a hard job keeping my hands to myself when you’re close by.” His eyes darken as they roam over me. “So fucking beautiful, Sunshine.”
I feel that magnetic force pulling us together, and soon, our lips are an inch away from each other. I begin to lean in when my brain brings me back to reality. Suddenly, I am reminded that it’s these choices that got me to where I am. I need to learn from my past mistakes. I need to focus on myself for once.
I pull back. “S-s-sorry. I have to … I have to go. This is a mistake. I can’t … we can’t.” I push to my feet and walk as fast as I can toward the door. I need to get out of here.
I see Anna sitting on Mason’s lap on the couch, and I make a beeline for them. “Hey, I have a headache. I’m going to get an Uber to the dorms. Please stay. It’ll make me feel better if I don’t ruin both of our nights.”
She starts to get up from Mason’s lap. “No, of course not! I’ll go with you. We brought my car, so I’ll bring you home.”
“I’ll take her home.”
I turn around to see Trent leaning against the couch. He doesn’t make eye contact with me, instead looking at his phone in his hand, appearing bored.
Anna looks at Trent and then back to me. “I can take you, Cam. Really, that’s what friends do.”
But I can tell that she really wants to stay. Whether she is ready to admit it or not, she enjoys Mason’s company.
“No, it’s okay. Trent can take me, and if he can’t, I’ll get an Uber.”
“I just said I would bring you, didn’t I?” he says coldly. Still looking down at his phone.
I roll my eyes. “Okay.” I hug Anna good-bye and follow him to his truck.
Hinder’s “What Ya Gonna Do” starts playing when he turns the key, and the truck’s loud exhaust comes to life.
“I love this song. This whole album really.”
He looks at me, surprised, and then turns his attention back to the road. He drives without saying a word. A few minutes later, we pull into my dorm parking lot.
I turn toward him. “I’m sorry. Trust me, I wish I could be one of those girls who just gives herself to you for the night. My body would be a lot happier, I’m sure. But I can’t. I’m no good for you. Your life is great; I can see that. You have money, you probably have parents and friends who love you, and you have talent that will take you places. Some of us don’t have lives like that. Some of us have no family or friends. Please, just stop trying to be friends with me. You and I both know we can’t be normal friends.” I turn to open the door, but I sit frozen in place by the sound of his voice.
“Perfect life? Cam, what the fuck do you know about my life? Nothing. I’ve told you nothing. Does my dad have money? Yes. Does that mean we’re a big, fucking happy family? No, Sunshine, it doesn’t. You. Know. Nothing. Sorry I read the signal wrong. I thought you were into it tonight. I wasn’t trying to force myself on you or make you uncomfortable. I just …” He stalls. “Fuck!”
He punches the steering wheel, and I flinch.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I would never hurt you. I just don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I sleep with girls and then tell them to leave. They know that’s what they get with me. But with you? Shit, as much as I want to have sex with you, I also just like being around you. And I don’t need that. I don’t need a distraction. This is the most important year in my college football career. But fuck, Sunshine, I can’t get you off my mind. I don’t even want to.”
I try to digest his words, but I’m still rattled from the noise of him punching the steering wheel. My therapist taught me some tools for situations like these, so I try my breathing to calm myself down.
“Cameran, look at me.”
I do what he said.
“I am sorry I got heated. I just didn’t like that you’d made assumptions about my life.”
He’s breathing so hard. Without thinking, I place my hand on his chest.
“Trent,” I breathe out. “I am not normal. I am damaged. You don’t want to get involved with me.”
“Sunshine, you might be damaged, but you’re the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.”
For whatever reason, Trent makes me feel calm. I can’t take the buildup anymore. I climb over the console and onto his lap. Bringing my lips to his. He’s surprised for a second, but it’s short-lived, and soon, his lips are moving with mine. He teases me with his tongue, and every now and then, I gently bite his lower lip.
I’m nearly about to tell him, Let’s go into my dorm room. At this point, I am so turned on that it’s driving me mad.
Then, with either the best or the worst timing in the world, my phone starts to vibrate, pulling us both from the moment. I pull it out. It’s probably just Anna making sure I made it to the dorms. When I see Private Caller flashing across the screen, my stomach drops, and my blood runs cold.
I pull myself off of him and climb over to the passenger seat before smoothing out my shirt. “Thank you for the ride. I’d better get going.”
“Cameran, do you have a boyfriend back home or something? Be straight with me.” His voice is sharp. He stares straight ahead.
Although I’m caught off guard, I can’t blame him for thinking that. “No. Why?” I ask quietly.
“Well, let’s see. You claim to have no friends or family, yet last night, your phone rang at almost midnight, and here it is, almost one in the morning, and your phone was ringing. So, who was calling you while you were on my lap, grinding on my cock?”
His words feel like a slap in the face. I’ve dealt with jealousy in the past. To the point of almost being killed. I won’t deal with it with someone I have hung out with for five seconds. That is a red flag.
“No, I don’t, but that’s none of your damn business. Don’t you dare sit there and chastise me on things you know nothing about. Now, excuse me. I am getting out of the truck, and I don’t want you to follow me.” I push the door open and run inside.
He waits for me to go into the building, and then I see his truck backing out of its spot and speeding away loudly. I look down at my phone and wish I could smash it. It just reminds me that I can run, but I can’t hide.
Once inside my room, I take a Unisom to fall asleep because let’s face it; sleep will be hard to find tonight. I go to bed and pray the nightmares don’t find me. But I know I won’t be so fortunate.
nine
Trent
The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully. Sunday, the football team did a “family lunch” at the pizza place. Now, it’s Monday. Back to practice at six thirty a.m. and then classes.
I hate how I left things with Cameran. But I’ll be honest; I can’t give her what she deserves anyway, even if she did want me. I just hope those mysterious phone calls she likes to ignor
e don’t mean she’s in some sort of trouble. My gut tells me Sunshine is running from something—or someone.
I plan on going out to whatever parties there are this weekend and taking home the first girl who grabs my attention. I just need to get her off of my mind. A quick fuck, no strings attached. I’m Trent Kade. I’m not interested in a relationship anyway.
I need to have a record year, get drafted to a good team, and make money, so I can get out from underneath my father. Do I take his emotional abuse? Yes, I do. Because, in another year, I can hold up my middle fingers and say, “Fuck you,” and leave him in the dust.
He is a bitter, spiteful man. All because his dreams were taken too soon. He should be proud of the two Super Bowl rings he brought home, but no. Instead, he focuses on the fact that his career got cut short. He lets the anger from that fester deep in his soul. It made him take football—my outlet—and turn it into a job. A stressful job at that. Once I was old enough, I was on every football team and football camp he could find. Ripping me away from time with my grandparents, who were the only real support I had when my mother died. Losing my papa at age twelve and Grammy at sixteen was almost as painful as losing my mother. Part of me wants to say fuck it and walk away from the game to spite him. I’d love nothing more than to make him hurt; plus, he’d consider it an embarrassing reflection on him.
But in my eyes, that would be letting him win. Because, deep down, I fucking love this game. I love the feeling of syncing with my guys on the field. Throwing that perfect spiral that falls into my teammate’s hands. Looking in the crowd and seeing people wearing my jersey number, chanting my name. There is no rush like leading my team out on the field, breaking through that banner, feeling the energy of the fans, good or bad. I thrive on it. The opposing team wants to boo me? I’ll take their team down in front of them. Cocky? Maybe. But it’s part of the game. In order to be one of the greats, I need to believe it myself. I need to play the part.
Except for around Cameran fucking Steele. I didn’t want to act like that around her. I wanted to act like a better man. And that in itself is a mindfuck. It makes me angry; I don’t need to be getting attached. I need to look out for number one. I need to be a better fucking football player than my father ever was. And this season? This will be the time to prove it. I’ll bury his name, and I will rise to the top. Watch me, doubters.
“Trent,” Coach growls, snapping me back to reality. “What the hell are you doing out there? Did you party too hard this weekend? Get your head out of your ass.”
“No, Coach, no partying.”
“Bull-fucking-shit. I hear things. I just heard you dumbasses had a party after the game this weekend. Now is not the time to lose focus, Kade.”
Shit, he’s mad. His face is red.
“Yes, Coach. I couldn’t agree more. No more parties or distractions.”
He eyes me closely, and then he turns and stalks by me. “Run blue twenty-two again.” And with that, he blows his whistle and walks away.
My team needs me to be focused. My future needs me to get my head on straight. This is it. This is what I’ve worked three years for in college.
No blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel is going to fuck it up for me. From now on, no more Cameran Steele. I need to be indifferent if I see her. Which I am sure is bound to happen at some point. NEU is a decent-sized college, but it isn’t huge. She will get the same Trent Kade that everyone else does. In class, I need to pick another seat, simple as that.
Cameran has her golden hair down in a beautiful, wavy mess as she walks into my room. She doesn’t talk. She climbs up onto the bed on top of me and opens her silk robe.
Holy fuck, her soft skin is delectable.
I reach up and put my hands on her hips. Suddenly, I feel that she isn’t even wearing any underwear.
“Fuck, Sunshine, you trying to kill me?”
She laughs softly but doesn’t speak. She leans down and presses her mouth to mine. Her teeth pull at my bottom lip, and then she moves down and starts kissing my abdomen. I look down, and she’s looking up at me with those big gray-blue eyes.
Just as she’s about to take me into her mouth, a loud crash wakes me up from the dream I shouldn’t be having.
Fucking roommates.
Luckily, I have my own bathroom in my room. We all do. I check the clock. It’s nearly two in the morning. But I need to take a shower, so I can finish this dream in my head—or hand, I should say.
Fuckin’ Lane must have company over, judging by the banging sound that woke me up. I can hear the headboard smashing the wall, and a girl is making all kinds of noises.
Good for Lane.
I walk into my bathroom and turn the shower on. Stepping into it, I stare down at my still-very-hard self and sigh. How I wish Sunshine were here to take care of this for me.
ten
Cameran
I see Anna on her phone, but she never says who she’s talking to. Something tells me it’s Mason, and maybe she’s embarrassed. I told her I wasn’t interested in anything else with Trent. He is hot as sin, but I am in no position for a relationship or a quick hook-up. I know a guy like Trent could only ever give me probably the best orgasm I would ever have in my life. But that is all he could give me. And I am not that kind of girl. Although, if I’m being entirely honest, sitting on his lap in his truck with his rock-hard erection pressing to my inner thigh as he kissed me like I was his last breath … yeah, I could have easily tossed aside my thoughts of being responsible and given in. Shit, inhaling his scent is enough to make me want to dry-hump him.
But I made a promise to myself that I would avoid him at all costs. And if I do happen to see him, I’ll say hi and act normal. It’s not as if we dated. I know I’ll see him in the one class we have together, but other than that, it shouldn’t be that hard to avoid him. Don’t party. Don’t go to football games. Easy-peasy.
“Earth to Anna. What are you doing on that phone? Sexting?”
She looks up at my words with wide eyes. “No, nothing like that,” she answers quickly and sets the phone down.
“Is it a certain football player?” I ask, pretending to fan myself.
“Maybe. Look, I really don’t know what’s going on. Everyone knows Mason King is a player. But for some reason, he texts me and sometimes asks me to come over. I don’t know why he does. But I know when he texts me, I get major butterflies, and that never happens to me; I am usually the one to chew guys up and spit them out. I don’t catch feelings other than having some fun making out or getting to second or third base. But we haven’t even kissed yet.”
“I would say, he likes you, my friend,” I say with a grin.
“I’m sure I’m just some sort of conquest he’s trying to cross off his long list. I know if I give it up to him, I will never hear from him again. But I don’t know. Something about him chasing me, it’s …” Her voice trails off for a moment before a slow smile spreads across her face. “I don’t know. It’s actually really nice to feel wanted.”
“Then, don’t give it up to him. Make him work for it.”
“I won’t, but he’s just so damn sexy that it’s hard. My God, my vagina is tingling, just thinking about what it would be like.” She looks over at me with my red cheeks. “Oh my gosh! Trent totally gives you the same reaction! You want to sleep with Trent Kade, don’t you? You little hussy!”
I blush. Damn it, I have been busted. “Pfft … I do not.”
She looks at me and raises an eyebrow.
“Okay, fine,” I concede. “I mean, look at him. He’s hot. Actually, kind of unbelievably hot. And he obviously knows what he is doing. But, no, I don’t need to be getting attached to anyone. I have too much going on this year. Besides, a guy like him would only stick around so long before something new came along. And he’d break my heart in his wake. I’ve had enough hurt for one lifetime; I’m not setting myself up for more.”
She huffs, “You and me both, girl. Let’s go to the food court. Might as well use our meal plan
s.”
I laugh and throw my flip-flops on. Knowing I’ll be putting them away soon and wearing the winter boots I purchased a few days ago when Anna and I went shopping.
“Lead the way.”
Anna’s red hair bounces as she skips out the door, always keeping things fun.
eleven
Cameran
The second week of school came and went. I attended classes, hit the gym a few times with Anna, and studied. A lot. It’s Friday now, and I have decided I need to try to find a part-time job.
I check the university’s newspaper for job listings and find there are seven listed. Three of them require a degree, two of them are working in the nursing home nearby—yeah, hard pass—and the other two are both positions at the pub just off campus in the heart of Rockport, where NEU is located. A waitress and a bartender. I write down the name of the pub and stuff it in my back pocket. I look at my phone. It’s getting close to four in the afternoon, so the pub shouldn’t be busy yet. I throw on my Converse. Just as I’m getting ready to open the door, it opens, and in walks Anna.
“Hey! Wow, the class I just had was horrible. I hate the professor; he’s an old asshole.” Her eyes travel to the sunglasses I’m holding in my hand. “Where are you headed?”
“So, remember how I said I was thinking of getting a part-time job? Well, I looked at the local newspaper and saw The Atlantic has a couple of jobs available. I need a job. Figured I would go apply. Wanna come with?”
“Hmm … that depends. What are the positions? You know I am not about to be a dishwasher and ruin these bomb-ass nails.” She holds up her baby-blue gel-manicured nails.
I look down at mine and then tuck them in my palms. I haven’t had the time or extra cash to get manicures in a while.
“They have a waitress position and a bartender position.”
“Yaaas! Girl, you know I need a job too. Maybe we could both get hired! How great would that be? Which would you rather do, bartend or waitress?”
