by Hannah Gray
She pumps her fist into the air. “Now, that is what I am talking about.”
twelve
Cameran
By ten p.m., we have our hair done, makeup fixed, and have changed outfits ten times between the pair of us. Now, we are in an Uber, headed to Carter’s. We get there in about five minutes, which makes me think it’ll be okay for us to walk home now that we know where it is. Since it is on campus, we should be fine. He’s part of a different fraternity than the first party we went to, leaving me feeling hopeful that tonight will have a better turn of events.
The house is pretty nice and huge. People are all over the place. Green Day’s song “Oh Yeah!” blares through the speakers.
I indulged in a few beers at the dorm to get loosened up. Anna had no more of her fruity drinks, so she had no choice but to drink my beer.
I laughed so hard when she scrunched her nose up after taking a swig and said, “Okay, girl, I am rethinking our friendship. This shit is nasty.” She plugged her nose and chugged it down, making a god-awful face the entire time.
Carter is really cute; he’s got confidence without seeming cocky. Unlike someone I know. I gave him my number earlier, and he sent a few texts, saying he hoped to see me tonight, followed by one that said, See you soon, beautiful.
I think Carter is the type of guy I could hook up with and have no strings attached. I’m not going to get attached to him like I would with Trent. Would I be as turned on if we hooked up? Probably not. But at least I could get some sexual tension out. I find Carter to be hot. Certainly not as hot as Trent, but hot nonetheless. Do I have that emotional soul connection with him? Well, no. But that doesn’t mean the sex would be bad. I’m sure he could get the job done.
My hair is stick straight tonight, which makes it reach almost to the bottom of my back. I have a camo jean skirt and a long-sleeved, fitted black shirt that shows the very bottom of my abdomen. It has three buttons in the front, creating a slight V-neck, enough to make me feel sexy without exposing myself too much. My tan has faded some, but luckily, my legs are still bronzed. Anna looks drop-dead gorgeous. She’s got her red hair in two short French braids, and she has on dark jeggings and a red crop top.
“Let’s go get a drink and then go find the dance floor!” Anna excitedly claps.
It always takes me a little convincing to go on the dance floor. And the first party we went to really didn’t go that well when I decided to let loose and dance. But I feel like tonight should be a night of starting over.
“All right. Lead the way, bestie,” I say with a cheesy wink.
It’s becoming our new nickname for each other. Who would have thought that after less than a month, you could call someone your best friend? I mean, other than kindergarteners, that is.
They have a few selections of beer and fruity drinks, so we are both pretty buzzed by the time we hit the dance floor in their living room. The next song pounding through the speakers is Jason Derulo’s “Talk Dirty to Me.” Anna makes some adorable and weird faces as she moves to the beat, making me laugh. I have to admit, I am having a blast. I’m aware guys are probably checking us out, but I really couldn’t give two shits about that.
Well, if Trent were here, then I would want someone’s eyes to watch me. I have no idea why either. He’s a player. But damn it if he doesn’t make me feel like I am the only girl in the room. His eyes devour me when he watches me. I honestly have never felt sexier than when I am in his presence. I also feel stripped naked though, completely wide open, as if he could see inside of me.
But Carter? He’s the safe choice. I know I won’t fall in love. Don’t get me wrong. I could learn to adore him; that’s for sure. But not love. He’s hot enough that I have no doubt he’s had his fair share of sex, so he must know what he’s doing. That’s why I will choose to sleep with him. Will it be magical? Probably not, but it will be fine. Not fine. It’ll be good.
I feel someone behind me, and I turn around to see it’s Carter. It must be the beer, but I throw my arms around his shoulders and move with him to the music.
“Hey there. Glad you came!” He slides his hands down to my waist, and it actually does feel good to be dancing this close with a guy.
He smells nice too. Sort of like citrus, and woodsy. I’ll be honest, my panties don’t melt into a puddle or anything, but I can still appreciate how he smells good.
I look up at him and bat my eyes. “You asked me to, didn’t you? So, of course I came. I’m excited to train with you on Sunday.” I practically have to yell over the music.
“Me too. It’s a fun place to work, and plus, you get to see me,” he says and winks.
I look up, and his eyes move to my lips. He leans down, and I tilt my head upward, making it easier for him. His lips almost graze mine when he suddenly goes flying backward. I turn around to see Trent standing there, wild-eyed and breathing like a predator closing in on its prey.
Carter scurries to get back up. “Dude! What in the actual fuck? I’ll call the fucking cops on you; this is my fucking house!”
Trent starts toward him again, and I push against his chest with my hand.
“Stop. Look at me. Stop.”
His fists are balled up at his sides, and his light eyes have turned dark. “Sorry, man. Thought you were someone else. My bad.”
“Bull-fucking-shit. That’s the second time you’ve tried to get me away from her. What the fuck are you, a stalker or something?”
Pushing past me, Trent charges him again, but I can’t look. I can’t be in these violent situations anymore. I turn and run out the door and onto the front lawn.
I begin to take my phone out to text Anna that I am going to walk home when I hear, “Sunshine?”
There’s only one person who calls me that, so I choose not to turn around. I start walking toward the dorms.
“Damn it, Cam, talk to me! Please, I know I’m a fucking idiot, and you probably think I am a psychopath, but please, just talk to me. Let me explain.”
I whip around, not knowing how close he is and almost hit him in the face with my hair. “Explain then. Explain why you would hit a guy in the face for dancing with me? It is none of your fucking business who I dance with!”
I turn back around, but he catches my hand and spins me toward him. The strong smell of mint fills my nose as he leans in closer.
“I have no explanation that will make sense. Hell, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Ever since I fucking saw you, you’re all I think about. You consume my every thought. I take two showers a day and jerk off to filthy thoughts of you. How pathetic am I? Even when I sleep, I get no peace because there you are. Haunting my dreams.” He rakes a hand through his short dirty-blond hair. “Fuck, Sunshine, I don’t know. You’ve seeped into my soul, and I don’t know how to pull you back out. But that’s not even true because I think you were already there. I think you always have been.” He looks down and lightly kicks at the sidewalk. “I saw you grinding against him, his hands roaming all over your perfect fucking body, and when I saw he was leaning down to kiss you, I just couldn’t bear the thought of him having his mouth on those perfect fucking lips. My perfect fucking lips.”
My eyes fall to the ground while my teeth rake over the skin of my lips. His confession is … well, it’s a lot. I know what he means about that feeling, like we already knew each other. I get it; it sounds lame and corny, but it’s exactly how I feel.
“If you keep biting them, I can’t promise that I’ll hold back.”
I stop biting my lip. “Why do you call me Sunshine?”
“Partly because of your hair.”
“Partly?” I answer.
He nods.
“Then, what is the other part?”
“One day, I’ll explain it to you,” he says, looking down at the ground before stuffing his hands in his pockets.
I take him in. Jeans and a T-shirt that isn’t too tight but fits enough to show how ripped he is while also showing his arms, which are decorated in ink. My mouth salivates, and betw
een my legs throbs.
“I know what you’re talking about. But I have had a rough couple of years. I’m finally doing better. I have a kickass friend; she is amazing. I just got a job, and I love all of my classes. Things are going great.” Which is true. They are going good. The nightmares still find me sometimes along with the days when the darkness creeps in, wanting me to give in and join it, but I’m doing better each and every day. “I can’t risk messing this up.”
“Fuck, Sunshine, I have a no-dating rule. I always have, and look at me, out here, chasing you.”
I take a deep breath. “I feel drawn to you. I did from the first night that you drove me home.”
I break eye contact and look at the ground again, wringing my hands together. He grazes his fingers to my chin and tips my chin up so that I am looking at him.
“Keep talking. I’m learning that talking is good.”
Minty-fresh breath hits my nose. Everything about this man always smells so good.
I take a deep breath and try to continue to look at him. “Someone like you? You’re extremely good-looking, charismatic, talented, intoxicating, and smart, or you wouldn’t be at this school. This place loves you, Trent. And if I allow myself to get to know you, I’ll probably fall too. And when you leave to go chase your dreams, just like I’m going to chase mine, it will be over, and I’ll be back to where I started. I’m finally standing on my own two feet again. Piece by piece, I’m living my life. You will derail me. So, please, leave me alone, Trent.”
He narrows his eyes. “And how do you know you won’t do the same to me? Look at me. I’m a complete fucking mess, and we’ve only made out once. You’ve turned me into a fucking marshmallow.” He waves his hand around himself.
I laugh softly. “Trent, I’m not worth anyone’s hurt.”
I turn to walk away, but this time, he whips me around and presses his lips to mine. I fight against him for a second, but inevitably, his mouth wins. His lips start moving against mine, and it truly feels like they were made for each other. I moan into his mouth.
“Fuck, Sunshine, I’m so turned on right now, I can hardly think straight.”
He presses me up against one of the buildings close by. I wrap my legs around his waist, and my hands find his hair. Our kisses aren’t gentle; they are anything but that. Both of us act like we are each other’s final breath of air. He starts to kiss down my neck. I feel like I’m going to lose it at any second and burst into thin air. I grind against him without even meaning to. He walks us between the buildings to ensure we won’t be seen.
“Trent, we can’t. I can’t have sex with you.”
“Shh … we don’t have to have sex, just let me take care of you.” He looks at me, and his eyes glaze over, like an animal ready to attack its prey. Setting me back down on my feet, he spins me around so that I’m facing the wall and reaches up my skirt. He gently slaps my ass and squeezes. “This ass is perfect.”
Hiking my skirt up, he kneels down and drops a kiss to it. My skin breaks into goose bumps. I shiver at his touch.
Is it possible to be this turned on?
He kisses up my back and reaches my neck. He digs his hands into my hips, flipping me back around so I’m facing him, and he drops his lips to mine again.
His fingers find my center. He gently inserts them and begins pumping them in and out. He uses the pad of his thumb to rub circular motions on my most sensitive spot. “You’re so fucking tight.”
My hips rock into him over and over again. Faster and faster, chasing what I know only he can give me.
“Trennnnnttt …” I barely breathe. “I’m gonna … I’m going to … oh God!”
“Come for me, baby. Come all over my fingers.”
That does it for me, and I rock back and forth at a fast pace until I finally start to slow down. I feel like I could black out. I’m panting. I should be embarrassed, yet I feel so relaxed. Clearly, I needed that.
“Wow,” is all I can muster up to say. Because … wow. It was out of this world.
I have never come so hard in my entire life. And it was from being fingered, for Pete’s sake. I can’t believe I let him do that to me in between two buildings, next to a party. Someone could have seen us. But for some reason, I don’t feel bad about it. I feel … alive. Which is absolutely insane.
“I know; I’m good,” he jokes.
I lightly swat him. “Yes, you are. That was …”
I notice the bulge in his jeans and reach to unzip his fly. He lifts my hands up with his and places them around him.
I frown. Does he not want me to return the favor?
“This is about you. I wanted to make you feel good tonight. I don’t need anything in return.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and smiles. That damn dimple pops out. As sexy as it is, I still feel rejected.
“What guy doesn’t want a blow job?” I say and cover my face with my hands.
Then, it hits me. He left with that girl at The Atlantic. She probably went down on him, and that’s why they were gone for fifteen to twenty minutes.
“Let me guess … you already had one today. Or tonight, should I say?” I pull at my skirt and readjust my top. Damn it, I should have brought a sweatshirt; the temp drops fast at night in September.
His expression is pained. “I saw you laughing with Carter, and then you gave him your number. I just wanted to get you off my mind.”
“That’s gross. Did you do the same thing to her that you just did to me?”
“No. I swear she did the favor for me, and I didn’t return it. I imagined it was you the entire time, I promise.”
I cover my mouth. The thought of that girl doing that to him hours before what we just did makes me want to throw up.
“So, let me get this straight. I can’t dance with a guy, but you can get blow jobs from girls who look like strippers? That makes perfect sense. Jesus, Trent, how big of a pompous ass are you?”
I start to storm away, but he chases after me. Not that it’s a hard job with him being twice my size.
“So, you didn’t come here for Carter?” he barks out, accusation in his tone.
That stops me. I did. I was even going to sleep with him if it came to it. In hopes it would help me to stop thinking about this man in front of me.
“Well, yeah, I did, but you didn’t see me punching that girl when she was hitting on you. This isn’t normal behavior, Trent. You have anger problems.”
He narrows his eyes and takes a step toward me. I shiver. But not because I’m afraid. No, this is an entirely different feeling brewing inside.
“You came here for Carter? Were you going to fuck him?” His expression changes from angry to hurt.
But he’s the one who just got his dick sucked by another woman and then had his fingers inside of me hours later, for fuck’s sake.
“Yeah, maybe I was, Trent. We aren’t together! It’s not your business!” I scream. “You are so damn frustrating!”
“I know you feel the same way about me, I can tell, so it is my business, Sunshine.”
“You are such an arrogant asshole. Ugh!”
“Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m right. And maybe that right there, Sunshine, pisses you off more.”
“Look, Trent, you’re right. I do feel undeniable chemistry with you. But when you do things like punch your steering wheel … or when you punch Carter … it makes me question my feelings. We’ve only hung out a handful of times, and you’ve been aggressive twice. I can’t be put in those types of situations again. Besides, you just had a girl go down on you, and then hours later, you came out here and did this with me. That’s fucked up. I’m not into your type of lifestyle. This, tonight”—I motion between us—“was a mistake.”
His eyes snap up to mine. “Cameran, I know it was fucked up. But part of me wanted you to see me leave with her and get jealous. And the other part just wanted to try to go back to who I am. I am not this guy. I have never given two shits about who a girl dances with until you.”<
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“Trent, I am not a project for you to fix up before you move on to better things. Please, leave. Me. Alone. It isn’t going to work out. You can’t have a relationship.”
“Just come home with me tonight. We don’t have to do anything. Just come home with me, and we can talk.”
“Trent, you probably still have her lipstick on you down there.” My stomach turns at the thought.
“I took two showers to wash her off. I was so disgusted and ashamed with myself that I turned the water as hot as I could get it. Please. I need to figure out whatever this is too.”
Before I can answer, he reaches for my hand, and even though I know I shouldn’t, I give it to him. Then, he leads us to his truck.
We are pulling into his driveway in no time because he drives so fast. After pushing my door open, I follow him into the house, unsure of why I agreed to come here in the first place. Yet, despite those nagging thoughts in my head, my feet push me inside as he closes the door behind us.
“No one is home,” he says as if he can hear my thoughts. “You want a drink or anything?”
“Maybe a water if you have it.”
He walks over, reaches in the refrigerator, and hands me a water.
“Thanks.” The cool liquid feels good on my hoarse throat after all of the yelling between Trent and me.
Trent’s voice breaks the silence. “Want to go upstairs and watch a movie? We can watch it down here, but there’s a good chance the guys will show up at some point.”
I eye him cautiously.
He holds his hands up. “I swear, Sunshine, I’m not going to try anything. I get that I ruined any chance of that royally.”
He seems like he’s telling the truth, and for some crazy reason, I trust him.
I nod. “Okay.”
He begins walking up the stairs, and my feet follow him. He leads us into his room, shutting the door once we’re inside.
He disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes. I take the time to glance around his room. It’s not exactly what you’d expect a college guy’s room to look like. It’s clean, and everything seems to be in place. But I don’t see any pictures of family members on the wall, which is kind of strange.
