by Hannah Gray
Anna shoots up out of bed. “Who the fuck is that?” Her eyes are wide and filled with panic.
I shake my head and whisper, “I don’t know.”
The pounding sounds through the door again, and she jumps up.
“Fuck it, I’m calling Mason. I don’t care.” She’s shaking, and she picks up her phone. “Pick up, pick up, pick—Mason!” She screams into the phone about someone being outside of our door and yells for him to hurry. She begins to cry, keeping the phone to her ear as she looks at me. “He’s on his way.”
I want to answer her, but I feel paralyzed. I can’t respond. I can’t nod. Honestly, I can’t even feel my legs or arms. Just a weird, fuzzy feeling in my head. I hear her yelling something to me, and then she comes over and rubs my hand.
“Cam! Cam! It’s okay! You’re okay!”
I hear her yell into the phone something about a panic attack. Then, it all goes black.
Trent
We get to the dorms in about four minutes. Halfway over, Red tells Mase it was just two fucking drunk guys, looking for two girls they were supposed to hook up with and they had the wrong room number. I run up the stairs, taking two at a time, and push open her door with Mason right behind me.
She’s crying hysterically and making this whimpering noise that pulls my fucking heart out. Gently, I scoop her up and put her head against my chest.
“Shh … Sunshine, I’m right here, baby. You’re okay. It was just someone with the wrong room. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
Mason has Red in his arms, and she wipes her eyes.
He nods at me. “We’ll take her Jeep to the house and give you guys some time. Then, when she’s ready, you can bring her home.”
I nod.
Red looks conflicted and walks over to Cameran. “Do you want to stay here with Trent?”
She doesn’t say anything, just continues to cry.
“I can stay with you, Cam, whatever you want.” She gently holds her hand.
Cameran looks up at her. “N-n-no, you c-can go w-with Mason. I-I’ll be over in-in a bit.”
“Are you sure, Cameran?”
She nods.
They walk out with Mason’s arm around her, gently rubbing her back. I’ve never seen him like this. They definitely have a weird friendship or relationship or whatever the fuck it is. But one thing is clear; he cares.
“I’m right here, baby. I’ve got you. I’m not leaving you again, okay?”
She nods weakly. Good. Hopefully, that means she’ll stay with me while she heals. The doctor told us not only does she have physical wounds, but she has emotional ones too. I lace my fingers with hers and press my chin to her hair.
I hold her for an hour until she says, “You’d better get headed home. You probably have morning practice.”
I glance at the clock on her dresser—1:48 a.m. Shit, we do have a 7 a.m. practice. But I don’t care. Fuck football. I’m not leaving her.
“I don’t give a shit about that, Sunshine. But will you please come stay with me? Just until things calm down a little. You’ve been through a lot.”
“Trent?” she practically whispers.
“Yeah, Sunshine?”
Another tear rolls down her cheek.
“Am I ever going to feel normal again?” I hear her voice cracking, sounding so defeated.
It breaks my fucking heart and makes me feel so helpless.
“Yeah, baby, you will. I know it. Your biggest fear is gone. So, now, we just need to get over the fear of the past, and then one day, you’ll only see the future. I’ll help you. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but yes, you will be normal. You are normal. You just have had a lot of shit handed to you.”
She nods. “Sometimes …” There’s a long pause. Then, she continues, “I just want to die, and that’s why I don’t think I’m normal. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my old self from before they died. I mourn for a baby that I didn’t even want. Sometimes, I’m just sick of fighting. I think maybe I’m crazy, Trent. I think maybe … maybe I’ve lost my mind.”
I feel my own eyes begin to water. I reach up and brush them away. I think of my words carefully. “I think anyone who has gone through what you have would think those thoughts. But you can’t let the thoughts overtake you. Then, he wins.” I don’t say his name. I know I don’t need to. “Come stay with me, baby, please. I am begging you.”
She surprises the hell out of me when, after a few long moments, she gives me a small nod.
“Okay, just until I’m better,” she says quietly.
I nod. “Just until you’re better.”
But in the back of my mind, I know that I have to use this time to make this girl know that, together, we can be normal. Together, we can face anything. I have a few weeks to make her fall in love with me. And that’s what I’m going to do. I never back down from a challenge, and I won’t start now. Not when she means too much to me.
twenty-five
Cameran
I have to admit it. Last night, I slept better in Trent’s bed than I had slept in probably four years. I hear him tiptoeing around, and I rub the sleep from my eyes.
He looks up from his duffel bag. “Sorry, Sunshine. Didn’t mean to wake you. I have to go to practice, but I want you to stay here, okay? Red is staying, too, and she has your medication and all of your work if you feel up to it. She’s taking the morning off from classes, and I’m taking the afternoon.”
I allow my eyes to roam over his body. My mouth waters, and my breath hitches. He’s shirtless, wearing black basketball shorts that hang dangerously low on his waist. I can see the band of his boxers. Along with his perfectly sculpted abs and that sexy V leading down to his sacred place. My body tingles as I wonder what he looks like beneath those shorts. The night of Carter’s party, I felt enough to know it’s large … very large. But I want to know more. These dirty thoughts consume my brain more than they should.
His deep voice breaks me from my trance. “See something you like?” He smirks.
I should be embarrassed, but I’m really not. I only feel one thing. Need. I nod slowly and bite my lip.
His expression grows serious, and he growls, “You keep biting your lip like that, and I’ll say fuck practice and spend my morning in my bed with you. Naked.”
Biting my lip once more and then releasing it, I tilt my head. “Is that so?”
He makes his way across the bedroom in three steps and bends down, so he’s looking right into my eyes. “You’re lucky the doctor said no activity for a few weeks, after your next checkup, or else I’d have you naked right now.”
His breath smells like mint, and suddenly, I’m embarrassed because I haven’t brushed my teeth today.
I blush. “I’ll see you when you get back from practice.”
He presses his lips to my forehead. “Don’t go anywhere. Red is going over later to get some of your things. I’ll get you anything else you need.”
I cover my mouth with my hand. Embarrassed of what I’m about to say. “A toothbrush?” I feel my cheeks burning.
He chuckles lightly. “I actually grabbed that for you last night along with your meds and a change of clothes and underwear.” He winks and glances at the time. “I have twenty minutes before I have to leave for practice. Want me to help you out of bed and into the bathroom before I go?” His offer seems innocent enough.
“Yes, that would be good. Let’s make it quick though. I don’t want you to be late for practice. You’ve already done enough with missing class and all.”
“Baby, I can be as quick as you want.” His expression is serious for a second, and then he lets out a husky laugh.
“Har-har-har. So funny.”
I begin to sit up, and he comes over to lift me.
“You’ve gotta let me try to do it without you carrying me. How am I going to do it myself when you aren’t here?”
He frowns but eventually nods.
He leans down next to me. So close that I can smell his intoxicating scent. �
�All right, just lean on me and try to get up,” he says.
It hurts like hell. Pain sears through my abdomen and all the way up to my shoulder, but damn it, I’m going to do it. I take his arm and lean on him, and we make our way to his bathroom. I’m thankful that he has his own at this moment. He closes the door behind me to give me privacy, and I go pee. After, I turn on the shower and decide to try to remove my clothes as I wait. I get the shirt off, but the pants and socks are a bigger struggle.
He knocks lightly. “Sunshine, you okay?”
“Um, yeah, sort of.”
He pushes the door open, and I attempt to cover my breasts.
“Trent! I’m naked!”
He tries to look unaffected, but I can tell he’s anything but. “Yeah, and you need help. Stop being so damn proud and let me help.” He pulls my socks off one at a time and then my sweatpants and underwear. He looks up at me. “There you go,” he rasps.
I look down at his shorts and see a noticeable bulge there.
He catches me looking. “Hey, what do you expect? This is what happens whenever you’re near.”
I just stare at him with an ache between my legs so strong that I think I might combust into thin air.
“Trent.” I watch him, my entire body on fire for this man in front of me.
He rolls his tongue over his bottom lip and then drags a hand through his short hair. “You have to say it, Sunshine. Tell me what you want.” His eyes burn into me with lust.
“Please. Put your hands on me.”
He nods and stands up. He presses his mouth to mine, his tongue sweeping through my mouth, and I moan into him. He leans down and takes my left breast into his mouth. He gently sucks and works his tongue, and when he’s convinced he’s given that one enough attention, he moves to the right.
“So beautiful.”
He dips his finger into my center. And massages my most sensitive spot with the pad of his thumb.
“More, Trent. More.” I lean against the vanity, and for the first time since getting shot, I’m not even thinking about how sore my body is. All I feel is an aching need to be closer to this man.
His fingers work faster. “So fucking tight and so sweet and mine,” he growls.
I whimper out but not in pain. No, this is pure ecstasy.
His hand stills, and he breathes against my neck. “Cameran, are you sure this is okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re not hurting me. Though I’ll hurt you if you don’t get back to what you were doing.”
He laughs roughly against me and then continues to work me with his fingers. His lips move against my neck, and it’s all just too much. My hips rock against him as much as my wounded body will allow. He presses in and out, in and out. Faster and faster. I feel my body begin to tingle, and my toes start to curl.
“Trent, I’m going to—oh God.”
“Yeah, baby, let me feel it. Come all over my fingers.”
At his command, I rock into him as my orgasm crashes over me and pulls me down with it. My head spins with euphoria, and I see actual stars.
I finally come back down to earth to see him grinning like a fool.
He looks at his phone. “Shit, I got two minutes. I’m going to send Red up to help you.”
I shake my head. “I’ll be fine. Getting into your bed will be the only tricky part; it’s kind of tall. Just bring me my phone, and I’ll text her when I need help.”
He considers my words for a moment. Then, he nods, leaves the bathroom, and returns with my phone.
“I hate leaving you. I could just be late.”
I shake my head furiously. “No. No way. You go, please.”
I would feel terrible if he missed the one thing he loves in life. And all because of me. I know football is an outlet for him.
He kisses me one last time and sets a few towels on the vanity. “All right. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
I smile. “All right. I’ll be here.”
For the most part, the water feels pretty good. I have to keep my incision dry, but they gave me some stuff to put over it during showers. I turn the water off, slowly stepping out. Being careful not to overdo it.
I towel-dry my hair and wipe the steam off of the mirror, and for the first time since that night, I look at myself. My eyes are a little more sunken in from losing a few pounds. I haven’t weighed myself, but I know my pants have been looser. There are faded bruises on my neck, and as I study them, I can feel his grasp. I look exhausted. Really freaking exhausted. Which makes sense because that’s how I feel.
But then I think back to how Trent looked at me this morning. I had just woken up and probably looked a mess, yet he looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He says he loves me, and call me crazy, but I am beginning to think he might.
When he touches me, when he looks into my eyes, I feel him. He sets my soul on fire; he makes me feel free. When we’re together, I don’t feel this ball and chain that I usually do, pulling me to the bottom of the ocean, pulling me down to the depths of my despair. With him, I’m … lighter. I breathe easier. I smile wider. Hell, I even sleep better. The truth is, part of me thinks he is my cure. I have so many psychological problems from my own personal demon, named Alex.
Yet I find myself wondering, If I let him, could Trent save me? Could he breathe the life back into me?
If I am telling the truth, I think a big part of me feels the same way about him. But in the back of my mind, I hear my therapist telling me, “Rushing into something could be detrimental to your progress, Cameran.”
Which reminds me, I need to schedule an appointment with her ASAP.
The sight of my hairbrush sitting on the pile of things Trent left me turns my lips up into a smile. He thought of everything to make me more comfortable. I slowly and painfully pull my clothes on, thankful that Trent went for comfort. A pair of my baggy camo-print sweatpants and a loose-fitting long-sleeved shirt. Grabbing my phone, I text Anna.
Me: All dressed. Want to come give this old woman a hand with getting into bed?
She texts back instantly.
Anna: Thought you’d never ask! *wink emoji*
I giggle. I’m so blessed to have met her. She’s my angel sent here from heaven. Well, her and Trent both, I suppose.
A minute later, I hear a knock at the door.
“It’s me—ya know, your BFF, Anna.”
I laugh and open the door. “Thanks for coming up. That bed is kind of a bitch to get up into. It’s much taller than our twin ones at the dorm.”
She nods and puts my arm around her shoulders to help me get to the bed. I could do it on my own, but it feels nice to have friends help me through this healing process.
“Yeah, I hear ya. The one in the spare room is the same way. But, man, they are hella more comfortable than ours at the dorm.” She helps me onto the bed and then walks around to the other side. She climbs in next to me, bringing the remote.
I turn my head toward her and narrow my eyes. “Spare bedroom? You expect me to believe that?” I laugh and poke her in her shoulder.
“No, I’m serious. We’re just friends, so why would I sleep in Mason’s bed? I’ll admit, while you were in the hospital, I stayed here the entire time.”
She looks embarrassed, and I grab her hand.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I get it. Trust me. I slept better last night than I have in years.” I take my hand back and rub my temples. “I don’t get it. I’m so screwed in the head. I mean, who would sleep good after being shot by their ex just because they slept next to a different guy?” Though I know in my heart that Trent isn’t just some guy.
She sits up and looks at me. “Hey, don’t you dare say that, or I’ll kick your wounded ass,” she scolds. “You aren’t fucked up. You’ve been through a ton of unfortunate events, but you’re tough as nails. It’s okay to want Trent. Hell, it’s even okay to need Trent.” She plays with a short lock of red hair and twists it on her finger.
I shake my h
ead. “I don’t know what I need.”
She lifts a perfectly arched eyebrow. “But you know what you want, don’t you?”
She’s got me there.
I shrug. “The last guy I felt anything for ended up being a monster. Obviously, I’m a shit judge of character.”
Her features soften. “Cam, I know you don’t believe that. I know you know it’s different.”
“I guess it is different. I’ll admit it. With Alex, I was tired of struggling and tired of being alone, and he paid attention to me. He really chased me down and wanted me. So, I just went with it as an escape from my current life. Which is pathetic to give up freedom and self-esteem for fancy gifts and a place to call home.” I take a deep breath and let it out. “But with Trent … I don’t know, Anna. I feel safe. He feels like home, like I’ve known him my whole life. I don’t want to run away from him. I want to run to him. Which is crazy. But holy cow, Anna, I … I think I love him.”
A grin stretches across her face. “Babe, I know you do. And I know he loves you too. I think this would be good for you. Hell, I think he would be good for you. He worships the ground that you walk on. He hardly let me take turns in being with you at the hospital unless he had practice because he didn’t want to leave you. That boy—no, that man loves you. Don’t let your fear stop you from allowing yourself a chance at something with him. He’d give you the world if he could, Cam.”
I know she’s right. Somewhere deep inside of me is a voice letting me know that it’s okay this time. That Trent isn’t Alex. But on the other hand, I have the part of me that knows I am not nearly ready to jump into something else. So, here I find myself … torn.
twenty-six
Trent
I walk into my room to a sight I could surely get used to. Cameran’s mess of blonde hair is flowing around her. Those pouty lips are begging for me to kiss them … among other things. She’s wrapped up in my sheets and blankets, and fucking A, the sight does all sorts of things to my body. After being so exhausted from practice, all I want to do is crawl next to her and pull her against my chest.
