He mentioned a bar a few blocks away from her office. It was nicer than most of them, and had a restaurant too. “Six o’clock?” It was earlier than she usually left the office, but she was willing.
“Bring your coupon with you. It’s not transferable.”
He laughed at that. “As though I would transfer it to someone else. I would kill them first. This is my raincheck, and I intend to use it. We’ve earned it.”
They all disbanded with enormous relief a few minutes later. Kate’s managing partner said it was the best Christmas gift they could have, to settle the case and get rid of it.
And now she had a date for a drink with Scott White to celebrate. It seemed silly to her, but she had nothing else to do, so what the hell. He’d scraped her off the sidewalk and bandaged her knees, so the least she could do was have a drink with him. She owed him that. And he seemed like a decent guy.
Chapter 15
Kate forgot she was having a drink with Scott the next day when she dressed for work, so she wore a gray skirt and a gray cashmere sweater, and realized once she was at the office that looked seriously drab. She had worn a warm gray coat over it, since it was freezing outside. She also had on her gray suede boots with high heels. She looked very serious and lawyerly. She didn’t even have a scarf with her to jazz it up. But it wasn’t a date anyway, she reminded herself. It was a drink between lawyers to celebrate the resolution of a case, after a lot of grief along the way, for the lawyers on both sides.
She arrived right on time, and found Scott sitting at the bar. He looked happy to see her, and the maître d’ led them to a quiet corner table. Scott suggested champagne, which sounded good to her and appropriate for a celebration. They toasted each other when it arrived.
“So you’re a widow,” he said gently. “Long time? Short time?” He hoped it wasn’t too recent.
“Very long time. Nineteen years. Twenty in January. Helicopter accident. He was a congressman.” That told him all he needed to know, except that Tom was divorcing her, which she wasn’t going to tell him.
“You must have been a kid when it happened.”
“Young enough. I was thirty-five, with three kids, who were thirteen, ten, and seven. I kind of hung around for a year, trying to figure out what to do, and then went to law school.”
“After he died?” He seemed surprised. He had looked up her law school graduation from Columbia and saw it was only sixteen years earlier, so he figured her for early to mid-forties, at most. “I thought you were younger than I am, by a few years. I’m forty-eight, as I mentioned.”
“That’s very flattering, but no, I’m ancient. Fifty-five.” He could Google it anyway, there was no point lying, and this wasn’t Match.com or computer dating. “Do I have to give the drink back now?” He laughed.
“Definitely not. I don’t care about age. It’s hard enough meeting someone you want to see again, let alone worrying about whether the numbers match up.”
“I’m seven years older than you are. If you’re considering me for a date, I’m too old for you,” she said bluntly.
“Am I too young for you?” he asked her directly, looking anxious.
“I’m not sure I ever want to date again. I had a six-year, superficial, on and off, long distance dating relationship that ended a couple of months ago. As he put it, we had reached our expiration date. It just kind of petered out. We didn’t see much of each other, and it never went very deep.”
“Did you want it that way?” He wasn’t afraid to ask questions, and he wanted answers. She wasn’t sure if she was auditioning or not. But in her mind, she wasn’t.
“At the time, yes. My kids were younger, although the youngest was in college, and my son had just graduated, but they came home a lot, and I like being available for them. He wasn’t big on kids, and I didn’t expect him to be involved with mine. I kind of kept them apart.”
“It sounds like you played it safe, emotionally. Not too involved.” She nodded.
“I’ve never had a big deal relationship since my husband died. I had my kids. They kept me busy, and happy.”
“And now?”
“Not always so happy,” she said honestly. “It’s harder when they get older. I see them when I can, and they’re not too busy. It’s an adjustment once they’re out of the house. I’m still trying to figure it all out. But that’s not an excuse to get in over my head in a dating relationship. It has to be the right person, and I’ve never met that person. I wasn’t looking for it.” In fact, she’d been hiding from serious commitment, most of the time.
“Neither was I,” he admitted. “I’ve had some long term relationships, one in particular that lasted for eight years. We lived together, but it was never quite right. We finally agreed to give up and move on. Time passes quickly. And we lead busy lives. Suddenly you wake up and you’re forty-eight, and forgot to get married. The right person just never came along. I’m okay with it. I have a good life.”
“Forgot to get married, or didn’t want to.” She turned the tables on him.
“Maybe both. I’m not convinced I’m cut out for marriage. And if I don’t want kids, there’s not much reason for it.”
“I kind of feel that way too about marriage. I’m not going to have more kids. So I have no incentive for marriage. I like time to myself now too. That’s hard to explain to people who don’t need that. I gave up all my time and energy to my kids for a lot of years, now it’s kind of nice to be lazy once in a while, and do what I want when I’m not working, I work most of the time.”
“Yeah, me too,” he said, looking pensive. “We lawyers are a strange breed. The good ones are all workaholics. I don’t think you can do it any other way.” She nodded.
“I agree.”
“Which leaves no time to date,” he concluded with a grin, “or not like normal humans do anyway. Women don’t like it when you come home with a briefcase full of work. But I love what I do.”
“So do I,” she smiled at him, “except with clients like yours. Fortunately, most of them aren’t that way. I couldn’t have been a lawyer while I was married. My husband’s political career was too demanding. He needed me on deck all the time, especially during campaigns.”
“I would hate that,” Scott said, looking at her admiringly.
“I didn’t love it either, but it was the deal. I always knew he wanted to go into politics. He loved it.”
“Were you happy with him?” It was a tough question from someone she barely knew. She didn’t answer for a long time.
“I don’t know why, but I’ll answer you honestly. I was. He wasn’t. He wanted a divorce right before he died. There was someone else. I just told the kids recently. They never knew. My mother thought that I should be honest with them, instead of covering for him, which I always did. It’s twenty years later, and she thinks they have a right to know. My mother is a psychologist.”
“I’m sorry I asked, but I’m intrigued by you. Wife, mother, you’re a great lawyer, politician’s wife, obviously for a long time.”
“Fourteen years.”
“You do everything so well. You’re alone, and you were alone for a long time with three kids. I don’t know how you’ve done it all.”
“You just do it. And then one day your kids tell you what you did wrong.”
“Can you tell them to go to hell?” She shook her head.
“No, you can’t. They get bitching rights forever about how you screwed up their lives. They’re yours forever, for better or worse.” She smiled, thinking of Claire.
“That scares me to death. I’m sure I’d do a lousy job, and they’d never forgive me. That’s why I never wanted kids. I’m too selfish anyway. And I’m always working.”
“I’ve always got one who is pissed off or hates me, and one or two who love me and think I’m great. It hurts, but it’s the way it works. I like perfect sc
ores. In fact, one of their complaints is that I expected too much of them, and wanted them to be perfect. They’re probably right. I thought they were perfect. And recently the whole house of cards came tumbling down, and it turns out that they’re human, and not perfect—and so am I. It’s been a hell of a shock. But we’re getting things put back together now. It’s a little more real, and maybe easier to manage. I think I raised the bar too high for all of us. I figured that if everything and everyone was perfect, nothing bad would happen to us, but that’s not the way it works. Bad things happen anyway.” He nodded, absorbing what she was saying, and he was impressed. Nothing appeared to be out of order with her. She seemed in perfect control of herself, her environment, and didn’t have a hair out of place.
“You’re an impressive woman, Kate. I couldn’t do what you’ve done. It was a lot easier being by myself.”
“Lonely though,” she said simply, and he nodded.
“That’s the problem when you get older. It’s not so terrific being alone. And if you wait too long, no one wants you. The dilemma of timing. I hope your kids realize how awesome you are, and appreciate what you gave up for them,” he said, truly impressed with her.
She laughed. “That’s not part of the deal. They’re not supposed to notice, and they don’t.”
“So what’s the score at the moment? How many love you, how many don’t?” He was fascinated by her and her family and what she said. She seemed like the most practical, realistic, enchanting woman he’d ever met. He had suspected it in the office, but she was even better than his fantasies about her.
“One hate, two loves,” she said without hesitating. “That’s about par for the course. At two hates, I panic. Right now, we’re okay.” He laughed and they both noticed that it was already eight o’clock.
“Can you stay for dinner?” he asked cautiously. She seemed like a bird who would fly away easily if you grabbed for her, and he didn’t want to rush her, and lose her so soon. Kate could stay for dinner, but she wasn’t sure if she should. She hesitated. “We can do it another time,” he said, so she didn’t feel pressured, which was all she needed to feel comfortable. She was having a nice time with him.
“No, let’s do it now. I can stay.” She smiled at him, and he liked being there with her. She wore a faint musky perfume, he could just barely smell it. He wanted to lean closer to her so he could, but he didn’t want to frighten her or seem weird. It had a mysterious Oriental scent to it. It was as bewitching as everything else about her. She was a feast for the senses. He couldn’t imagine how any man would want to leave her, her husband in the past, or the man she had recently broken up with because they’d reached their “expiration date.” Scott thought he must have been crazy to let her go.
They talked about other things during dinner, his time in the Navy, her time at Columbia law school, working to become a partner of the firm while she raised three kids and how she did it, her mother the artist and psychologist, who sounded fascinating too.
“My life in Montana as a kid was so mundane compared to yours. I was an only child in a small, simple place. It was a good life. I didn’t really start to see the world until I was in the Navy, and then I wanted to go everywhere. I was thinking about going to med school, but it took too long, so I went to law school instead. It was the right decision. I love the law. I think about going out on my own one day, but I like the convenience and protection of a big firm, with everything at your fingertips and important clients. As a corporate lawyer, I think a big firm is the way to go.”
“I’m happy where I am too.” She looked satisfied as she said it. There was nothing disgruntled about her, or unfulfilled, and he liked that about her. She was happy with her lot in life, despite everything that had happened to her. That was rare, he knew.
They had finished dinner by then and he didn’t want the evening to end. “What happens now that I’ve used my raincheck up, a double since we had dinner too. Is that it? Do I get another chance?” She thought about it and smiled, still not sure what he wanted from her, a date or a friend.
“You don’t mind that I’m seven years older? Are we friends?”
“We are now, I hope, but I have to be honest with you, truth in advertising, I’d love to be more than that one day. And seven years is nothing. It’s small change.” He didn’t want to terrify her, but he wanted to make it clear, he didn’t want her as a pal, although he would have settled for that. He was wildly attracted to her, and had been since the first time he saw her across the room, and he didn’t give a damn how old she was. “I wouldn’t care if you were ninety, you’re the most beautiful, exciting woman I’ve ever met.” What he said was very flattering but she couldn’t believe it. She was just an ordinary person, a widow with three kids, and a lawyer. She never saw herself as exciting or special, but it seemed kind of fun that he did. She smiled at what he said.
“I really think you deserve another raincheck after all that, or several of them.”
“Do you like movies?”
“I love them, ballet, theater, not opera, and staying home. I’m a homebody.”
“So am I.” He looked pleased. “That’s hard to sell on a hot date.”
“Maybe that’s why I don’t date much.”
He got her home at eleven. They’d been together since six o’clock, and the time had flown. They had learned a lot about each other. He kissed her lightly on the cheek when he left her in front of her building with the doorman watching, and he continued on in the cab. She went upstairs feeling pleased. She’d had a very nice time. It didn’t have the panache and sophistication of an evening with Bart, or even Tom, but Scott was a smart, extremely astute man in the same field she was. They had a lot in common, and she was completely at ease with him, and could be open and honest about everything. That was a first. She didn’t have to “be” anything or anyone for him, except herself.
* * *
—
Kate’s dinner for the whole family with their partners on Christmas Eve was even more fun than the first one before Thanksgiving. She had decorated her apartment and a tree and put everyone’s presents under it. She made eggnog, and served that and champagne when they all arrived. She had invited them for six o’clock. They opened presents at seven and sat down to dinner at eight. Everyone loved their gifts, and the children always gave Kate lovely ones that meant a lot to her. She had chosen all of theirs with great care.
She had ordered a family style meal from an excellent Italian restaurant. They delivered it on time, and the girls helped her serve it, even Claire. She had given Claire several outfits for the baby, along with presents for her, and Claire was excited. The baby was two and a half months away now, and she was huge. It was going to be a big boy. She was excited about her trip to St. Bart’s with Reed the day after Christmas too. It would be their last trip before she became a mother.
The food was plentiful, and the conversation loud. Reed had brought some terrific French wine. It was a real family Christmas with all eight of them at the table, and everyone was in great spirits. Then Anthony said he had an announcement. They all looked at each other, and Alicia, sure that he was going to say he was getting engaged. His wedding date with Amanda had been a few days before, and they had all wondered if he was sad about that, but he didn’t seem to be. He looked jubilant now. Kate was afraid that an engagement would be too fast. They had only known each other for six months, but he stunned them into silence with what he said.
“They’ve asked me to open our new corporate office in New Delhi. It’s a fantastic career opportunity and I can still design games. They’re moving a big chunk of our videogame design and production department there. I’m moving to India in January,” he stood beaming at them, “and I’m taking Alicia with me,” he added. “She just finished school at the end of the semester. There’s a huge film industry in India, and they love exotic women. We already have the name of an agent,
and she’s going to audition there for some parts in feature films.” He looked like he was about to explode he was so happy, and Kate felt it like a blow and didn’t want to show it. He was going so far away. It felt like a terrible loss to Kate. Margaret looked at her immediately, and understood.
“How long will you be going for?” Kate tried to sound upbeat about it, and happy for him. But her son was moving to India. She would hardly see him anymore. He had grown wings. She was pleased for him, but sad for herself, selfishly, and she knew that was wrong.
“Just two years,” Anthony said. “We’re coming back in June or July for a three-week vacation. And if we haven’t killed each other by then, we want to get married while we’re here. So get ready for a wedding.” Alicia smiled broadly at that. “We want to start a family after that, but not until we’re married.” He looked at his sister pointedly, to register his disapproval again of what she was doing. Their family values hadn’t been totally lost on him.
“You can meet the baby then,” Claire said, smiling happily. “He’ll be three months old in June.”
“Does she think of anything else anymore?” he said in a low voice to Tammy. “She’s getting to be as bad as Amanda was with the wedding.”
“I think it’s some kind of hormonal thing. Pregnant women get obsessed with their babies, even if it’s boring as shit for the rest of us.”
“So that’s our big news,” Anthony concluded. They were moving to India in January, and getting married in June or July. Kate felt a little better knowing the move was only for two years, not forever, like going away to college, and they would be coming back in six months to get married. But January was only a few weeks away.
“I think your mother and I should come to visit you in India,” Margaret said with a light in her eyes. “I’ve been wanting to get back there for ages, and now we have the perfect excuse.”
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