by Sarah Price
“Freman! Right gut to see you!” He extended his hand to shake Freman’s before being introduced to the others. From the expression on his face, Anna also knew that he was genuinely pleased to welcome them to his farm.
The two older men, however, and in particular Bishop Kaufman, seemed anxious to continue their journey, for they were headed farther east to Pequea. Bishop Kaufman stated as much to Jonas Esh and abruptly turned toward the van. Bishop Troyer, demonstrating more manners and grace, cleared his throat before confirming with Freman that the group would be retrieved on Tuesday morning at four. Slipping a piece of paper into Freman’s hand, a note that contained a phone number to reach him in Pequea, the bishop bade good-bye to the rest of the group and returned to the van, assuming the front passenger seat while Bishop Kaufman returned to the backseat.
Jonas Esh led the group to the house. “Rebecca has been baking all day,” he said, smiling as they climbed the steps to the porch. “So excited for company.”
“I hope we didn’t trouble her,” Anna said softly. “Five people for company might be more than she anticipated.”
He laughed. “Nonsense. A home is happiest when there are lots of people in it to share fellowship! We raised our kinner here and plan to raise lots of grand-babies here too!” He opened the door and pushed it open. “Providence just didn’t provide them for us.” He winked at her. “Yet.” Stepping aside, he gestured for everyone to enter before him.
The downstairs of the house was large and open, the floor plan having been designed with an Amish family in mind. Anna soon learned that Jonas and Rebecca Esh had six children, four married daughters who lived in neighboring towns, and two sons, Benjamin being the one set to inherit the large farm and Jacob, who had not felt moved to become a baptized member of the Amish church.
When she learned this, Anna glanced at Rebecca. With her rotund face and pink cheeks, she reminded Anna of her grandmother on her mother’s side. The memory warmed her insides, and once again, Anna was struck with an immediate sense of ease in their company.
Within minutes, Benjamin entered through a back door, having seen the van arrive from the fields where he had been working. With dust on his face and freckles on his nose, he looked younger than his twenty-three years. He wiped his hands on his black pants before he greeted the visitors. Unlike his parents, he did not smile, nor did he have bright, sparkling eyes, a fact that caught her off-guard.
There was an aura of dullness about him, one that startled Anna, for it was a look that she knew all too well. While Freman introduced everyone, Anna studied the young man, wondering at the depths of his pain and why more than six months later, he could still be so intensely mournful for a woman who had not even been his wife. However, as soon as she thought that, she reproached herself. Eight years after her own loss, she too was still grieving. Why should she expect that Benjamin could regain his spirits so soon after the death of his intended?
And yet, she knew, despite his pain and sorrow, he would find another to replace his lost love. He was a young man with a grand future still ahead of him: not every young man could offer a bride such potential sustenance. So, while she recognized the depth of his grief, she remained dubious as to the eventual breadth of it.
Shortly after five o’clock, they sat for the supper meal, one that was far larger than Anna suspected was normal for the Esh family. The larger farmer’s table, however, fit them nicely. After they were situated, Jonas bowed his head for the silent prayer over the meal, the others immediately doing the same. A long minute later, he looked up and the rest of the group finished their prayers. With a big smile, Jonas reached for the plate of warm ham and began to dish it onto his plate.
During the meal, Jonas told stories about how he had grown up with Freman’s mother before she married and moved to Ohio. Rebecca smiled during his stories, laughing at all of the right moments of conversation while she kept an eye on everyone’s plates. If she saw that someone’s dish became even slightly empty, she began passing around food items to refill it.
“And then Freman came to live with us,” Jonas said, with a look of admiration at the man who sat across from Benjamin. “When was that, now?” He tugged at his beard and looked at the ceiling as if counting in his head. “Oh, I’d say eight years now?” He waited for affirmation from Freman, who merely inclined his head. “Ja, just about eight years, I reckon.”
Anna almost gasped aloud. So this was where Freman had retreated when she had refused his offer of marriage? Now she understood better. It was no wonder that he had been so concerned about Benjamin. If he had lived with the Esh family, his cousin would seem more like a brother to him. Unable to stop herself, she looked at Benjamin and wondered how much Freman had confided in him. If so, surely Jonas and Rebecca knew too. That realization caused her a moment of panic: What on earth must they think of her? While she knew that it was not in the nature of the Amish to judge others, she also knew that the reality of their culture often spoke otherwise.
“Stayed for five or so years, ain’t so?”
“Pass the potatoes down to Cris,” Rebecca said softly as she nudged Anna with the bowl.
“Stayed until the wind blew him off to Indiana. Guess he had enough with the strictness of the Pennsylvania Amish!” He laughed when he said it and sent a wink in Hannah’s direction. While stricter with their religious practices, they were certainly not lacking in humor.
Freman turned his attention to Benjamin. “I heard of a new carpentry shop not far from here. A Miller’s Woodshop?”
“Ja, I know John Miller.”
“Mayhaps you might take me to see it tomorrow?” He gestured toward the women. “They will be visiting with their cousins, and my time would be better suited seeing how this Miller is making out with his new business.”
His cousin nodded.
Anna saw a look pass between Freman and Benjamin’s mother. It was a look that she did not need interpreted. Suddenly she realized that it was no accident that so many people had descended upon the Esh family. Yes, Freman had traveled to Lancaster out of concern for his cousin, but undoubtedly his aunt had contacted Freman out of concern for her son. By bringing the others, Freman intended to lighten Benjamin’s mood, instilling him with a new sense of life.
He knows the sense of loss as deeply as Benjamin and I do, she thought, realizing the bitter irony of her own presence at the Esh home.
“Perhaps after we help clean the supper dishes,” Anna heard herself say, staring directly at Benjamin, “you might take us walking?” She smiled at Leah, who sat next to him. “I’m sure we all would benefit from stretching our legs and seeing the country a bit, ja?”
It was after six o’clock when they finally set out upon their evening walk. To no one’s surprise, Mary had begged to be excused, claiming that what she needed most was to lie down and rest. Without her participation, the rest of the group paired off, Hannah enjoying the company of her older brother without any interference from his overly opinionated wife, Leah falling in beside Freman, and Anna walking beside Benjamin.
While they walked, Benjamin pointed out different farms along the road. However, given that the road was flat and the farms so spread apart, he had soon shared all that knowledge before they had traveled very far. For a few moments, Anna walked silently, wondering how to start a conversation with a man so clearly distraught over the loss of his fiancée.
“Freman told us of your loss, Benjamin,” she finally said. “I am very sorry. Losing someone you care for is never easy.”
Benjamin took a deep breath and kicked at a loose stone in the road. “‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,’” he said, quoting from the book of Psalms. “Do you believe that, Anna?”
His question surprised her, and she couldn’t help but look up at him in wonder. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Freman slowed his pace, his eyes scanning the horizon as if mesmerized by the change of scenery, despite having lived there for so many
years. It occurred to her that he might have intentionally modified his pace in order to overhear her response.
“I do believe that,” Anna replied, her voice carrying in the air. “I too have suffered a loss.” She paused, just enough time for Benjamin to gasp. Lifting her hand, she stopped him before he offered his condolences. “Nee, it was many years ago—my mother. But a lost love is difficult too.”
“Such a tragedy to lose your mother,” he mumbled, shaking his head.
“It is only through my faith in the Lord that my spirit is lifted at all,” she continued. “After all, Jesus bore our grief and carried our sorrows so that we wouldn’t have to. I take great comfort in that thought. Even with a heart that remains torn in two.”
He sighed. “We might suffer together, I reckon.”
As a gray-topped buggy passed by, Benjamin lifted his hand to wave. By this time, Freman and Leah were in front of them, and as such, the four of them walked together. Anna listened to their conversation with only partial interest. They spoke of people that she didn’t know and places she had never visited. She did, however, notice that Leah hung on every word, appropriately smiling when Freman told a pleasant recollection and carefully shaking her head when Benjamin shared a sorrowful one. There seemed to be a careful balance between the two men, and toward the end of their walk, both appeared more relaxed, whether from the company or the conversation, Anna could not tell.
Over an hour had passed by the time they returned to the Esh farm, the sun having set and the sky turning a grayish-blue color. The stars hadn’t come out yet, but Anna could tell that the sky would not be as full of them as at home. Despite the darkness, there was a glow from the Englische houses and nearby cities that would certainly drown out the crisp twinkling of lights in the night sky.
As they filed into the kitchen, the women removed their shawls and sweaters while the men hung their straw hats on hooks near the door. Jonas sat at the kitchen table, reading the paper, while Rebecca leaned over the open door of the oven. A sweet scent filled the kitchen as she removed a baking sheet of fresh, baked cookies. Using a quilted pot holder, she set the tray on a cooling rack before she turned around, smiling as she greeted them.
“Refreshing walk, then?” She glanced at Benjamin, her eyes lighting up when she noticed the change in her son’s demeanor.
Without being asked, Anna went to Rebecca’s side to help her wash the dishes.
“Danke, Anna.” Rebecca wiped her hands on her black apron. “Thought I’d send some cookies over for your aendi,” she added, directing this to Hannah and Leah. “Haven’t seen her in a while and I would so love to go visit. Unfortunately, I’m already committed to help our neighbors with making applesauce.” While her words spoke of regret, Rebecca did not look completely remorseful in Anna’s opinion. And she suspected she knew why.
“Mayhaps Anna might accompany you?”
The suggestion surprised her just as much as the person who offered it: Freman.
“Oh?” Rebecca raised an eyebrow and looked at her. She too seemed surprised by Freman’s words. However, from the sparkle in her eyes, so dark and warm, the idea was not unpleasant to her. “That would be lovely.” She paused, a quick glance cast in Mary’s direction before she added, “Would you like to go along, then? I’m sure you may enjoy it.” As if an afterthought, she quickly added, “That is, unless you’d prefer to visit with the Blanks.”
Words escaped her. For what seemed like an eternity to Anna, she stood there, too aware that everyone watched her and waited for her response. While she wanted to speak, her mind was focused, not on what she wanted to say, but on the fact that Freman had obviously suggested an alternative in order to ensure her enjoyment of the day.
“I . . . ” Her eyes flickered from Rebecca, who waited expectantly, to Freman, who merely lifted one eyebrow as he watched her. The expression on his face, so serene and calm as if he had not just said anything at all, made her catch her breath. Had she just imagined that he spoke? Yet, when she returned her attention to Rebecca, she knew that she had heard correctly. “I . . . should like that very much,” she managed to say at last.
No one appeared to notice that anything was amiss. Rebecca seemed delighted, and since plans were now arranged for Friday, everyone else began to discuss their plans for Saturday. The men discussed the potential of attending a horse auction in a nearby town. Mary quickly stated that she too would like to go. Before anyone could object, both of the Musser sisters readily voiced their enthusiasm for the idea.
Anna, however, was left standing by the sink, dumbfounded as she pondered the meaning behind Freman’s words.
Hours later, under the cover of darkness, her mind still raced. She lay on a twin mattress in the bedroom that she shared with Leah and Hannah, listening to their soft breathing as they slept. She, however, couldn’t stop thinking about his words and remembering the expression on his face. Under the cover of darkness, she still could not make sense of it.
Clearly his behavior conflicted sharply with his words. Since his reappearance in Sugarcreek several weeks ago, he had barely paid any attention to her. Even that very day, despite traveling for hours in the same van, he directed no questions toward her. And, just moments before, when the group had been outside for their walk, he seemed to purposefully focus his attention on conversing with Benjamin or Leah. However, when he made the suggestion that she accompany Rebecca to the neighbors, it was clear that this was not a random proposition; he had obviously given thought to this matter before he spoke.
This left her with a burning question: what had driven Freman to propose such a thing?
Chapter Nine
WHEN SHE HEARD Leah and Hannah whispering, their voices low and hushed so as not to wake her, Anna’s eyes fluttered open. At first, she couldn’t quite place where she was. Sunlight streamed through the window near the foot of her bed. The brightness in the room felt warm and welcoming, unlike the darkness that usually greeted her when she awoke at Mary and Cris’s home. Focusing on the slanted ceiling hanging quite low over her head, she frowned: everything felt unfamiliar, including the sounds of other people in the room.
And then she remembered where she was.
“Did we wake you, then?”
Anna looked across the room at Leah. She was already dressed and leaning against the door, a pretty picture with her hair pinned back and her blue dress matching the color of her eyes. Having arisen earlier than her sister, Leah waited patiently while Hannah sat on the edge of the double bed that they had shared, brushing her long hair as it hung over her shoulder. She too was already dressed.
“Oh, help!” Anna cried softly as she quickly pushed back the sheet and quilt to get up. “Have I slept that late?”
Leah laughed at her concern. “Nee, Anna,” she offered as a reply. “It’s just a quarter to seven. You’ve plenty of time to dress.”
Quarter to seven? Anna blushed, embarrassed that she had slept so late. That was certainly not like her.
She turned around and slipped the white nightgown over her head and quickly changed into the same dress that she had worn the previous day. Unlike Leah, she had only packed two extra dresses: one for work and one for worship. Since her burgundy dress, the one that she wore yesterday, had not gotten soiled, she saw no reason to dirty another one.
Downstairs, the enticing smell of freshly baked bread and fried potatoes greeted the three young women. With the table already covered with a green and white checkered tablecloth and set with dishes, the kitchen seemed to welcome them.
Rebecca smiled when she heard their soft footsteps on the stairs. “Did you all sleep well, then?” she asked as she sliced a loaf of bread on a wooden cutting board.
“Ja, danke, some of us even better than others,” Leah replied, eliciting a smile from Hannah and a slight blush on Anna’s face even though Rebecca’s back was turned to them.
“Let me help you,” Anna offered as she hurried to the counter. Her unfamiliarity with the Eshes’ kitchen did
not counter her familiarity with morning routines. Momentarily the men would come inside, having finished morning chores. With a long day ahead of everyone, they’d be hungry for a hearty breakfast.
Rebecca pointed to the top of the refrigerator at a plastic blue pitcher. “Just the water.”
The other two women made themselves busy, even though there was truly not much for them to do.
“It’s such a pleasure having people around the house,” Rebecca said as she placed the basket with still-warm bread onto the table. “With everyone married and living elsewhere, it gets awful quiet here sometimes.” Placing her hand on the counter, she gazed out the window, staring without seeing at the fields.
Anna wondered what she was thinking about, whether it was her own grown children having moved away or the broken dream of Benjamin’s marriage and the sound of grandchildren that now would not be running through the house. Either way, she felt a tug at her heartstrings and wished she had words of solace for the kind woman now hosting them in her home.
The silence in the kitchen ended when the door opened and three of the men entered, stomping their feet to kick off any dirt that remained on the soles of their boots. Each man removed his hat and hung it on the wall near the door before approaching the table. Anna noticed that Benjamin, once again, seemed morose and withdrawn, with the dullness to his eyes that she had first observed upon her arrival. After their walk the previous evening, some life had returned to these eyes, only to disappear once again after what she hoped had been a good night’s sleep.
“I dare say there’s a chill to the air this morning!” Jonas announced, a smile on his face as he rubbed his hands over his arms. “Shall I put on the heater, Rebecca?”
“For me?” Rebecca laughed, making a light sound as she shook her head. “Heavens, no! I’m just fine, Jonas.”
