Venna was a very proficient healer, so it was only a short while before Tási came outside and stood beside me.
“Ella’s awake,” she almost whispered.
“Stay here,” I replied. “I need to speak with her alone.”
I didn’t say anything else or offer any further explanation as I walked away from her into the infirmary. I had made my heart known to Tási the night before, and there was nothing more to be gained from mere words at that moment.
“I’m not letting you near her until you explain what you did,” Venna stopped me at the door.
Her demeanor was not that of Venna my friend, or even Venna my lover. The woman standing before me was Venna the healer, and she was not going to let me near one of her charges if she thought that I was going to cause any further harm.
“I’m healing her, Venna,” I explained so that she would understand. “She’s had a bad break, and I’ve had to reset the bone so that it can join together properly.”
“Promise me you won’t hurt her anymore,” Venna pled.
“I hope that’s not necessary, I truly do,” I told her honestly. “But ultimately, that will be for Ella to decide, not me. Now, please leave us alone for a while so I can to talk to her.”
Venna nodded her head reluctantly before joining Tási outside the infirmary. Once I took a deep breath, I sat beside Ella’s bed for what I knew would be a difficult conversation.
“I’m sorry,” Ella apologized with tears in her eyes almost before I sat down. “Please don’t make me leave.”
“I’m not angry with you, Ella,” I told her as I took her hand. “I’m just very disappointed.”
“I didn’t realize it was you,” she begged. “I promise I won’t ever talk to you like that again.”
“I don’t care about your words, Ella,” I explained. “It’s what was in your heart when you said them that truly bothers me.”
“Anger, rage, and hatred, Ella.” I continued as I stared at her intently. “Your words were practically dripping with them. And what’s worse is that they not only guided your actions, but I can tell that they’ve taken hold of your heart as well.”
She looked confused and was about to object before I cut her off.
“If you stay here for any length of time, you will hear some of the stories about what I’ve done,” I confessed to her. “My own actions have not always been driven by the best motivations, but I have learned to control my anger—to harness my rage and unleash it only when the time is right, and more importantly, only when the target is right.”
“Your lack of restraint is going to get you killed,” I went on as I squeezed her hand gently. “Today you only faced me, and I wished you no real harm. Some other day, your lack of discipline will pit you against someone who will not be so charitable. If you’re lucky, you will be the only one who dies that day, but your anger may also lead others to their deaths as well. I don’t want to see that happen to you, Ella.”
“I can’t help it,” she admitted. “It all comes back to me sometimes. The anger and feelings of helplessness get the better of me and I need to take it out on something... Or someone.”
And there it was, just as I knew it would be. Ella hadn’t come here by accident, just as our meetings had never been by chance. She needed me then, just as I had needed her back in Tula. I felt a sharp pain as the guilt ran through me, and I knew that the path I was about to journey on might be only the first of my betrayals of Tási’s love for me, but I had no choice—Ella needed my help, and not only did I owe it to her, but I simply couldn’t ignore her pain once I knew it was there and that I had the power to heal it.
“Ella,” I began hesitantly. “I may be able help you gain some control over your emotions, but it may be a very… intimate process. I can try and make it as easy as possible for you, but my influence can sometimes be a bit overwhelming.”
“I don’t understand,” she began before her eyes lit up. “Wait, is that what I felt from you back in Tula? I thought I’d only imagined it.”
“Probably, Ella. Honestly, I don’t know. I had very little control or awareness of it back then.”
“Will you let me try?” I asked her.
Ella nodded her head slowly, and I attempted to prepare her for what she was about to experience.
“I’m not going to try to do too much,” I told her. “Especially not the first time. But eventually, if you’re comfortable with what happens and when I think you’re ready, I’ll delve into you and try to heal you from the inside.”
I had only done that once before, when I’d ventured into Tási and merged her fractured core. I’m not sure how I knew that I needed to do the same for Ella, but just like so many times before, as I spoke the words, I recognized the absolute truth in them. My Sintári nature clearly guided both my thoughts and actions at times, and I had learned long before to stop questioning it.
Ella nodded silently again, and I gathered my thoughts for a moment before I began. I wasn’t sure exactly how I should proceed, since none of my prior experiences were of this nature. I had sent my companions my feelings for them, shared my love with Venna and Tási, and even used my power to kill on occasion, but I had never tried to heal with it. Not like this.
With Tási, I hadn’t been concerned whether or not my love and affection for her leaked into the tendrils of emotion I used when I delved into her core. But Ella was completely different, and I wanted to venture into her in only my purest form, without any uncomfortable emotions or desires. So, I cleared my mind as much as possible, and trickled the thinnest thread into her from my fingertips.
My eyes were closed as I concentrated on following the tiny thread, but I heard Ella gasp as my essence traveled inside her. I kept my own mind as blank as possible and focused only on Ella’s response as I let the thin tendril wander just a little. Ella’s emotions were clear to me; she had no barriers to my presence, and the confused jumble of her thoughts caused me to pause my efforts.
I felt her sense of elation and amazement—she was completely enthralled by my ability to slip inside her as I had. There was also a sense of awe as she recognized my power, and even a bit of apprehension over that power, but my presence was not as clean as I had intended, and I felt the unmistakable urges of desire alongside all the other emotions inside her. Despite my best efforts, it was obvious to me that my passion could never be fully purged from my ability. At least, not when that desire was in my heart.
I sensed Ella’s growing discomfort with the sensation, so I slowly withdrew the tiny strand from her. Once it was clear, and I no longer needed to focus on my presence inside her, I opened my eyes and looked Ella in the face. Her conflicted emotions were abundantly clear the second I saw her. Ella’s scrunched brows and look of confusion told me everything I needed to know.
“I’m sorry,” I offered her. “I tried my best, but I couldn’t keep you from experiencing those feelings.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered in confusion. “It was absolutely incredible, but I never felt… desires like that before.”
“I can’t keep them out—not completely, Ella,” I replied regretfully. “But I can keep them as subtle as possible, and in time, if you’re comfortable with doing this, their influence on you should diminish.”
“There’re real, aren’t they? You actually have those feelings for me, don’t you?”
This was definitely not a conversation that I wanted to have, but I took a deep breath and answered her honestly anyway.
“Yes, Ella, they’re real,” I confessed to her. “But I’m trying my best not to act on them. I don’t want to do anything to hurt Tási, but I also can’t ignore your pain. You need to know that if we do this, my own feelings for you may lead us both somewhere neither of us intend to go, but it’s the only way that I can help you. Unfortunately, my powers come with a heavy price—one that you and Tási may both have to pay.”
“Yet if I refuse your help, I’ll probably just get myself killed,” Ell
a replied flatly.
“There is that,” I offered with a weak smile.
“Can we take it slow?” Ella replied after a short pause. “I need some time to get used to what you’re doing to me.”
“There’s no hurry,” I reassured her. “But you’re not going outside the Garrison until I think you have some control over your impulses. Consider yourself on medical restriction.”
“I understand,” she replied reluctantly.
“And,” I added. “Your spear work is atrocious. You’ll be sparring with me on a daily basis until I see some significant improvement.”
Ella’s eyes flashed in fear as she recalled the brutal beating that I had inflicted on her just before. I let that fear set in her for a moment before I eased her worries.
“For instructional purposes, Ella,” I soothed. “Not like today.”
She let out a deep breath she had been unconsciously holding, and Ella’s sense of relief was obvious.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” She asked when she recognized my subtle taunt.
I simply smiled back at her as I stood up and started to leave the infirmary.
“Venna will be in shortly,” I called out as I reached the door. “She’ll let you know when you’re cleared for duty.”
Ella might have offered some additional protests, but if she did, they were lost behind the closed door, and as I left the infirmary, Venna and Tási were waiting anxiously outside.
“Stop!” I said firmly as the two of them almost pounced on me.
“She’s fine, I didn’t hurt her,” I assured Venna who was practically glaring at me. “Go inside and see for yourself.”
Venna didn’t waste any more of her time on me, and she rushed inside to check on her patient, leaving Tási and I standing together in an awkward silence.
“Maybe,” I answered her unasked question. “I don’t know. She’s broken inside and she needs my help. Other than that, I just can’t say.”
“I don’t want to know,” Tási replied in a hushed voice. “Don’t tell me anymore and please don’t let me find out about it.”
“I will make sure that you don’t,” I assured her as I wrapped my arms around her. “I’ll do what needs to be done to heal her, nothing more.”
“I know that you’ll heal her,” Tási replied as she gripped me back tightly. “But once you do, I think you’ll find it hard to let her go.”
Tási’s words were like a dagger to my heart. She spoke them with such conviction and certainty, yet they were still laden with her love for me—the pain that they caused her was clearly excruciating.
“I’m sorry, Tási,” was all I could say.
“I know that you are,” she answered me. “I know that your heart is in the right place, and that you only want to help people. That’s why I love you, and why I’m willing to… overlook so much for you.”
“Now, if you don’t mind, I need to help Venna with her patient,” she said as she let go of me and returned to the infirmary.
The fact that the patient she was tending to was the cause of Tási’s pain only twisted the knife that was still in my chest, and it took a moment for me to gather myself before I could return to the Garrison.
“Did she survive?” Evans asked in jest when I approached him.
“Yes, but I want her on restricted duty,” I replied to him humorlessly. “You were right—she’s much too wild and reckless. I’ll be working with her to correct that issue, but until I clear her for full duty, she’s not to leave the Garrison.”
“I will make sure she’s put on guard duty only, no patrols beyond the wall,” Evans said in acknowledgement.
“Thank you,” I replied more warmly. “Ella’s an old friend, one that I owe a debt to. I need to see that she’s got herself under control before we put her in any truly dangerous situations.”
“I agree. In fact, I had already decided against assigning her to any patrols for that very reason.”
“You’re a good man, First Marshal,” I replied. “Not many would be so considerate.”
“I appreciate the compliment,” he responded flatly. “But my concern was more for those who would accompany her.”
“Even so,” I replied again. “Your concern for those who serve under you reflects well upon you.”
With the matter settled, I moved on to my next priority. If I was to treat Ella discreetly, she needed more private accommodations than the barracks where she was currently assigned, so I sought out Ilvain to see if he had anything more suitable in his inventory.
Luckily, Ilvain had been quite efficient in his efforts, and an unoccupied home was ready for her to move into. Even more fortunate was that the shelter was very close to the path I usually took on my daily rounds, so stopping by there would not be too difficult for me or raise any suspicions. Once I secured the home for Ella, he sent a runner to inform her of her change in accommodations for me, and I returned home for the day. Even though it was still early, and I hadn’t completed my rounds, I simply couldn’t handle any more that day.
When the others made it home, I was laying on Bane’s cushion, waiting for him to join me. Tási saw me there, and simply nodded to me before she went to help Broda prepare our dinner. As she left, Venna came and whispered to me that the runner had made it to the infirmary, and Ella was in her new home. She had been there for part of the discussion Tási and I had and knew enough to guess at what was happening, and her discretion was as much for Tási’s benefit as it was for mine. Bane returned soon after, and I wrapped myself around him as he lay himself beside me.
You hurt Sintári, I can feel it.
‘I do Bane. Let me lay with you for a while; it will help ease the pain.’
He curled around me in return, and I nestled myself in his embrace, seeking peace in his soft purr and the rhythm of his heartbeat. It wasn’t long before I felt myself falling asleep, and I let the warm comfort of Bane’s presence take me away from my troubles for the night.
For the next two days, I made my usual rounds. The only difference was that when I inspected the Garrison, I also took the time to spar with Ella for a while. Her technique was horrible, and she tried to make up for it with a viciousness that might have been intimidating to a lesser opponent. But time after time, I countered her wild slashes and thrusts, and turned her uncontrolled fury against her. I could see Ella’s blows from a mile away, so despite the fury that she put into them, I parried her strikes easily and landed my own in return.
“I almost had you that time,” Ella gasped for breath after I slapped her hard with the flat of my blade.
“No, you didn’t,” I corrected her. “I just let you get that close so that I could smack you.”
“What am I doing wrong? I haven’t even managed to graze you once in two days.”
“Aside from your poor technique, which the First Marshal is working on with you, you have no control, Ella,” I told her yet again. “You’re wild and overly aggressive. You try to use raw strength where only a subtle touch is required.”
“I know,” Ella confessed not for the first time. “But once I start fighting, I can’t control it—my anger takes over and I lose myself in it.”
“I’d like to try to work with you again tomorrow, if you’re ready,” I offered. “I can stop by your house on my way here in the morning.”
“I’m ready,” Ella replied. “I’ve been thinking about what you told me in the infirmary, and I know that you’re right. I can’t keep living like this, and I don’t want to be a prisoner to these feelings any more. I’m willing to do whatever it takes for you to free me from them.”
“Alright then,” I sighed, knowing that the path to Ella’s freedom would be a dangerous one for both of us to walk. “I will see you in the morning.”
I finished my rounds that day, but most of my attention was elsewhere as I did. My mind was preoccupied, and I was truly anxious over what was to come in the morning. Worst of all, I couldn’t speak about it with the one person who I w
anted to talk to, the only person who might be able to offer me some reassurance. As I considered that, I realized that there was another person whose feelings I hadn’t even taken into account—Venna. So, since I was close enough to the infirmary, I stopped in to see her before I went home.
“Are you hurt?” Venna inquired as she quickly looked me over.
“Not on the outside,” I replied openly.
“It bothers you a great deal, doesn’t it?” She asked as she took a seat on one of the beds.
“Yes, it does,” I admitted as I sat down beside her. “But that’s not why I’m here. I came here for you, Venna. I’m so sorry, but in all of this, I’ve never even thought to ask you how you feel about what’s happening, what will be happening with me.”
“I was wondering when you’d ask me that,” Venna smiled.
“I know how much you love Tási,” Venna continued, “and I know that your love for me is separate from that. Just like my love for Stel is a separate thing from my love for you. It is not something I ever considered before I met you, yet now, I can’t imagine living without it.”
“What you did for me is beyond my ability to explain to you. The hole you filled in my heart was a wound I never knew that I had, yet you healed it for me without even knowing it. Having felt your touch and experiencing your power, I cannot even consider denying it to another who is in need of your unique healing ability.”
“But, just like Tási, I don’t want to know about your… other relationships. You need to keep them private. Tási is yours, and she deserves to at least be seen as that in public, even if you need to act differently in private. And you’re not the only one who needs to practice discretion. Your… patients will need to respect your relationship with Tási as well.”
“Thank you, Venna,” I said as I kissed her gently on the forehead. “I needed to hear that. All of it.”
“I know you did,” she smiled back at me as I got up.
“I’ll see you back home tonight,” I replied as I headed outside again.
She didn’t answer me, but I felt her warm smile on my back as I left the building.
Second Skin: Unified: A litRPG Adventure (Second Skin Book 3) Page 39
