by Emma Tallon
She couldn’t do this, she realised. She couldn’t be around him anymore, not at the moment.
‘Tan, you coming to bed?’ Tom asked. He held a hand out to her.
Tanya stepped back and breathed heavily. ‘No, not right now,’ she replied, her voice hard.
Tom frowned slightly. ‘It’s nearly two in the morning – you must be knackered. Come on, I’ll rub your back?’ He gave her a tentative half-smile.
Tanya closed her eyes. ‘Tom, I can’t do this.’
Tom paused before he answered. ‘I know it’s been tough on you, this whole Anna thing. No one wants to have to deal with this, but it’s happened. And you will get through it, I promise you.’
‘No, not that, this,’ Tanya answered firmly. ‘You. I can’t be around you at the moment. I can’t come home and pretend I’m OK and act like the things you do and say make things any better, because they don’t.’ Tanya put her glass down and ran her hands through her hair. ‘I know you mean well, but I just can’t do this right now. I need you to give me some space. I need you to back off for a bit.’
‘What?’ Tom recoiled as though he had been stung. ‘What do you mean? I’m just trying to be there for you—’
‘Exactly!’ she cut him off. ‘I can’t deal with that on top of everything else right now, OK?’ Tanya ranted, letting it all out. ‘I’m not some sad little girl who needs you to pet her better. I don’t need you. I have never needed you. You’re with me because I want you to be, not because I need someone around. Your job isn’t to save me and shelter me from shit – I can look after myself. And right now, that’s what I need to do. I need space to look after myself and get through this.’
There was a heavy silence as they faced each other across the room. Tanya hated herself for hurting Tom, but she had no choice, she was suffocating. ‘Listen, just… go back to bed and then tomorrow go and stay back at your place for a while. Just let me figure things out for a bit,’ Tanya said wearily.
Tom made a sound of disbelief and shook his head, the pain he was feeling evident in his face. ‘Nah, I’m good,’ he shot back. ‘I’ll go now. I’m not staying where I’m not wanted.’ He stared at her for a second before continuing. ‘You know what, Tanya, I haven’t been trying to help you through this because I think you need me. I know better than anyone how strong and fierce and independent you are. I’ve been there for you because I care, and that’s what people who care about each other do. I don’t think that I’m making it better, or saving you. I’m just showing you support. Clearly, though, just like everyone else around here, you don’t appreciate what you’ve got in me.’ He shook his head and left the room.
Tanya heard him pull his clothes on in the bedroom and a minute later he reappeared. He stared at her from the doorway, misery etched onto his face.
‘No? Nothing?’ he asked.
Tanya clenched her jaw to stop her tears from falling in front of him. It hurt her to do this, but her need to be left to her own devices was too strong to ignore. She crossed her arms, hugging herself and cast her eyes to the floor.
Tom didn’t say any more. His pride prevented him from begging her to keep him. She had made herself clear and he would just have to deal with that. He left the flat, slamming the door shut angrily behind him.
Tanya waited until she heard the lift doors close before she crumpled to the floor and cried uncontrollably.
37
He pressed a button on one of the laptops in front of him and the screen flickered to life. There she was again, Anna. He felt immediately soothed. He’d finally installed the new camera today, after it arrived by post this morning. He had felt irritated when she’d smashed up his camera. It meant that he had no choice but to show himself and that had not been part of the plan. Perhaps it was for the best though, he figured. After all, now that she knew who he was and his plan for the future, he had a shot at Stockholm syndrome.
He’d read about a few cases, during his research into past kidnappings, of captives who had ended up falling for their captor. Apparently it had been coined as a psychological condition that causes captives to form mental alliances with their captors, developing emotions such as trust and affection as a form of survival.
It was fairly simple, when he thought it through. He just had to keep her contained long enough for it to happen naturally. The baby she was carrying would help hurry things along too, he reckoned. Expectant mothers had an even stronger natural instinct for survival than normal.
The door to the room he used as his office opened and one of his men came in, carrying a coffee. He placed it on his boss’s desk and waited.
‘You can go and sit downstairs with Izobel,’ he said. ‘I don’t need anything else at the moment.’ He waited until the other man had left before turning back to the screen.
He didn’t enjoy having to suffer other people around him so much, but he needed them at the moment. He wasn’t so arrogant as to think he could pull absolutely everything off all by himself. He’d needed Diego’s help for a lot of the grunt work, especially at the beginning.
Finding the exact location of Viktor’s body in that field again hadn’t been easy in the dark. They had dug several holes before finally reaching him. The stench had been almost unbearable, he recalled. He was thankful for the thick plastic sheeting in which Viktor had been buried, as he and Diego carried Viktor out to the side of the road. That wasn’t a job that would have been easy alone.
Izobel had been worth taking along for the ride too. He’d told her to befriend Anna in any way she could, knowing that he would need someone to lure her away at some point. She had come up trumps on that front.
Despite having these two working for him, there had been some things he had needed to do himself. Breaking into the flat to collect some of Anna’s personal things was one of them. He had walked around studying the way they lived, careful to only take things that wouldn’t be noticed, including the gym bag he had later used when he’d withdrawn Freddie’s money.
That hadn’t been hard at all really. He had swiped Freddie’s passport to show as ID and styled himself after the other man. The dim old woman behind the counter had been as blind as a bat, not looking too closely as he flattered her with meaningless compliments.
Dale Matthews he’d taken care of himself too. He had enjoyed snuffing out that reprobate, slitting his throat as he slept. It was almost calming, watching the blood pour out from the wound in his neck as he gargled, trying to cling on to life. It had been a risk, going onto the Somers Town estate – he could easily have been noticed. But he was careful to go in the very early hours of the morning when everyone would be asleep, even the party animals. With a hoodie on and a scarf over his mouth just to make sure, he had slipped in and out without seeing a soul.
Again, though, it had been Diego stationed in a car opposite the building who had waited for Freddie to arrive before tipping off the police.
His mind tuned back to the present as the Anna on screen stood up from sitting on the bed and wandered across to the window. She placed her forehead on the glass and looked out across the endless fields. He studied her, the sad droop of her shoulders and her tired stance. He knew she was desperate to get out of the room. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
He stood up and, as he walked out of the room, touched the cool metal of the handgun in his pocket, confirming its presence. It was his insurance policy. He didn’t want to kill Anna, but he was a logical man. If she tried to cause trouble now and betray him, he could always teach her a little lesson. Flesh wounds were painful, but they always healed.
38
Freddie walked through the small side door of Club Anya and through the bar area. Carl was changing over the optics and turned to greet him.
‘Alright, Freddie, how’s it going?’ he asked. ‘Any news?’
‘Nah, not yet I’m afraid, Carl,’ Freddie answered, pausing to talk to the older man.
‘No, course not,’ Carl said glumly. ‘Tanya would have said when she came in,
I guess.’
‘Yeah, she here, actually?’ Freddie pointed his thumb towards the back office in question.
‘Yeah, came in not long ago. She er—’ Carl glanced towards the office and lowered his voice. ‘She’s not looking too good. She didn’t want to talk, so I didn’t push, but… well anyway, she’s in there.’ He turned back round as Freddie walked off to the office. He hoped that Freddie would be able to get through to Tanya. She was usually chatty and full of life, and even when trouble hit she would be at the bar pouring her heart out to him. But not today. He had never seen her so withdrawn. It was worrying him greatly. He shook his head sadly. With Anna gone and Tanya a mess, nothing seemed right with the world.
Freddie walked straight into the office without stopping. Tanya jumped in her seat at the desk, taken by surprise.
‘Freddie,’ she exclaimed. ‘God, you gave me a right fright. What you doing?’
‘How you doing, Tan?’ Freddie asked, sitting opposite her.
‘What? I’m fine thanks, you?’ she asked, bemused.
‘No, you’re not,’ Freddie responded. ‘I just got off the phone with Tom.’
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ Tanya cried, rolling her eyes. ‘Are you serious? He got his new mate to come talk to me? How bloody pathetic. Don’t go there, Freddie. It’s no one else’s business what goes on in my relationships.’ Tanya’s back was well and truly up. She was fuming.
‘He didn’t send me to speak to you, Tanya, and honestly I’m not here to fight his corner. I’m here because you’re family and I’ve been watching you go downhill since Anna was taken. I’m worried about you.’
‘I’m fine,’ Tanya replied crisply.
‘No, you’re not, Tanya. Look at yourself – go on, go look in the mirror.’ When she didn’t move, Freddie stood up, grasped her by the elbow and walked her to the mirror by the door.
As Tanya looked at herself she knew exactly what Freddie could see. The bags under her eyes, the grey tinge to her skin, the limp hair that was never usually seen without style and volume, and above all, the haunted, stressed expression that hadn’t left her face in a week. She shrugged him off and sat back down at the desk.
‘So, what? I look tired and I haven’t dolled myself up. You ain’t exactly looking so perfect yourself, mate,’ she said caustically. Tanya pulled open the top drawer and took out her stash of cocaine and a small mirror.
‘It’s not just that, Tanya. I know you’re stressed – we all are. But just look at what you’re doing.’ He pointed at the line she was cutting. ‘It’s barely lunchtime and you’re coking up. It was with morning coffee yesterday. You’re relying on it, and that ain’t you.’
‘Freddie, we all dabble, yourself included, so please don’t start playing the saint now.’ Tanya snorted the line and tidied it all away neatly again. Irritated, she left her chair and walked over to sit on the sofa.
‘Of course we do, but there’s a difference between the occasional dabble and a gram a day. Yeah’ – he nodded as she glanced up at his face – ‘my dealers talk to me, Tanya. I know how much you’ve been ordering.’
There was a silence, as Tanya didn’t bother to deny it.
‘And now suddenly you’re pushing away the first person you’ve ever been happy with. You’re telling him to leave you alone, so that… well, why? So that you can drink and coke yourself to death in peace?’ Freddie held out his hands. ‘Come on, Tanya, that isn’t you. I know you aren’t dealing with Anna’s abduction well, but do you really think she’d want to see you like this? I can tell you for a fact, it would break her heart if she was watching you right now.’
They stared at each other hard for a moment, until Tanya crumbled in front of Freddie’s eyes. She fought the sobs that were forcing their way through until eventually they won. The tears bubbled over and she covered her face as she began to cry.
More than a little surprised, Freddie got up from his seat and sat beside her, pulling her into him for a hug. He’d never seen Tanya break down like this before. In fact he doubted anyone had. She cried it out for a minute against his chest, before pulling herself back, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes with her hands.
‘Fuck.’ Her face turned crimson in embarrassment. ‘Christ, you know how to make a girl cry, don’t ya? It’s just because I’m tired, by the way,’ she said defensively.
She sighed. ‘Look, I know I’m overdoing it a bit at the moment, but that really is just to get me through working both clubs on my own, on no sleep. It ain’t healthy, I know. And once she’s back and I can sleep knowing nothing bad is happening to her, I’ll pack it back in. But right now I need the kick.’
Freddie nodded. He believed her. He knew junkies and he knew people who just needed an extra boost from time to time, and Tanya was definitely the latter.
‘I know, Tan. But what sort of friend would I be if I didn’t check up on that, eh? And seriously, you need to think hard on things with Tom. Because I’ve never known you so settled.’
‘That’s the thing, though, innit?’ Tanya sniffed and wiped her blotchy face again with the sleeve of her thin summer cardigan. ‘Settled ain’t necessarily happy. And it’s not exactly me, is it? I mean…’ She blew out her cheeks. ‘Tom is amazing. He’s the perfect man and he loves me. And I do love him too. But… you know, I was damaged a long time ago. I learned to live without all that and on my own two feet, and I like that. I like knowing that whatever happens, I’ve got my own back. And I like not knowing what’s round the corner, who I’ll meet next, what adventure is still in store. I’m not built to be a… I don’t know, “nice girlfriend” – the steady little woman. Like, he does the same thing every day, you know? He works the same hours, has the same evening routine and I can always tell what he’s thinking. There are no surprises.’
‘A lot of people would call that a good thing,’ Freddie offered.
‘Exactly! There’s something seriously wrong with me – I’m damaged.’ Tanya laughed. ‘I look at something good like that, and it fills me with dread. I just want to get away. I’ve ignored that so far, but then Anna got taken and I feel like my arm has been ripped off.’ Grief rippled across her features. ‘And Tom just wants to be there for me. All the time, in every way. And I just feel like I can’t breathe. It’s not even his fault. He’s not doing anything wrong, or going over the top with it, it’s me. I’m the problem. I don’t know…’ She slumped back on the sofa. ‘I think that after all the years of opening up to the wrong men, the bad boys, I’m just too far gone to be content in a normal, healthy relationship.’
Freddie lay back on the sofa next to her and sighed. He wanted to tell her that she was wrong, but the truth was he didn’t know if she was. Tanya had been fiercely independent and headstrong for all the years he had known her. She had grown from the wide-eyed new girl in town to underworld star to successful business owner in her own right – all through her own determination and without the help of any man. She hadn’t had many relationships over the years, but the ones she’d had had been thrilling, fast and a total car crash. She had left with her heart and soul crushed every time. And Freddie knew that better than most, being the first man to have crushed it, many years before.
He hadn’t realised how much he had hurt her at the time. They had been young – he a local up-and-coming face and she a stripper at one of the racier clubs on the circuit. It had been a bit of fun, until she’d started getting ideas about relationships and the future. He’d dropped her quickly, moving straight on to the next girl. He hadn’t even thought about her again until he’d met Anna a couple of years later and discovered they were business partners.
Now, here they were, four years later and they were practically family. He felt heavy remorse at the part he’d played in damaging her and wished he’d let her down in a kinder manner and with more respect. Hindsight was often a curse. He glanced at her and gave her a sad smile, which she returned.
‘I’ll be fine. Let’s just focus on getting Anna back and then I’ll th
ink about it all with a clear head.’
‘Yeah, let’s do that,’ Freddie replied.
Tanya glanced sideways at him. ‘Have you got any idea yet who has her?’
‘Not a clue, that’s the problem.’ He pinched his nose.
‘Other than that Carter boy, have you had any more proper leads?’ she asked.
‘Not really.’
‘But you’ve considered Frank Gambino. I heard you say so to Fraser. I think there may be something in that,’ Tanya said quietly.
Freddie’s eyes locked onto Tanya’s. ‘What do you know about Frank Gambino?’ he asked, his tone sharp.
‘Not much, but… there was something Anna hadn’t told you. I wouldn’t usually pass on things that aren’t my business, but in the circumstances…’ She trailed off. She felt guilty betraying Anna’s trust but this was more important. It might be the information Freddie needed to find her. ‘He tried to blackmail her into selling him Club Anya.’
‘What?’ Freddie was shocked.
‘He’s been dangling your casino in front of her, offering her an exchange. Our club for permission to build your casino. He got pretty shitty when she told him to piss off.’
‘Why wouldn’t she tell me that?’ Freddie was annoyed. At least now though he knew why she had been acting so shifty before she was taken.
Tanya shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But what I do know is that he didn’t take kindly to how things went down.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me this before, Tanya?’ Freddie asked in exasperation.
‘To be honest, I knew he was already on the suspect list. I didn’t see much reason to shit stir.’
‘Well, it didn’t fully make sense before, but it bloody does now,’ Freddie exclaimed, standing up. ‘Christ, what else has she been keeping from me?’
