“Achoo!”
The lass is crazy, the queen thought.
“Suppose she is a true princess?” Prince Nicholas said. “She might be the only one of the eighty maidens here who is.” He hoped Lorelei was paying attention. “If you don’t give her the tests, you’ll never know. You won’t be able to abdicate, Father. I’ll never marry. You’ll never have grand—”
“Son or heir, you’re right.” The king put an arm around Nicholas’ shoulder. “The boy is correct or accurate.”
Lorelei listened between sneezes. Tests? Had they said that if she passed some tests, she could marry Nicholas? Really?
Queen Hermione shrugged. It couldn’t do any harm. A true blacksmith’s daughter would certainly fail the tests. She rang her bell for the Chief Royal Chambermaid.
“Achoo! Excuse me. My Lady-in-Waiting was with me when we got lost. Achoo! She’s still under the spell. She thinks she keeps house for a blacksmith.” Lorelei told them about Trudy.
She’s so kind! Nicholas thought.
“And our black stallion got lost too. He looks like a mule.”
The king called for a groom to ride to the village of Snettering-on-Snoakes to see if Trudy and Leonard had gotten home safely.
Lorelei went upstairs with the Chief Royal Chambermaid. Nicholas followed them. She’ll pass one test anyway, he thought, looking at her muddy footprints. She has small feet. But what about the rest?
The tests began first thing in the morning.
Lorelei had slept well. Her sheets were satin. The blankets were velvet. The mattress was stuffed with swans’ feathers. Just like home. When she woke up, she wasn’t even sneezing anymore.
Someone had laid a gown out for her, and a Royal Chambermaid was there to dress her. The gown was pretty, with diamonds sewn into the skirt and pearls sewn into the bodice. But it wasn’t embroidered, which was a shame. And look at that! “That’s funny,” she said out loud.
The Royal Chambermaid curtsied. “What’s funny, your ladyship?”
“Well . . .” You’d think they’d get it right for a princess. “The skirt on the gown—I don’t mean to criticize—but it’s lighter than the bodice.”
So Lorelei passed the first test.
Three princesses hadn’t noticed. Seventy-seven maidens sat down to breakfast, which was a simple meal. Poached eggs, dry toast, and half a grapefruit—Lorelei’s favorite food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
While they ate, King Humphrey welcomed them to the kingdom or monarchy of Biddle. Then he explained about the tests, but he didn’t say what any of them were. “In closing,” he concluded, “let the truest princess conquer or win.”
After breakfast, the king and queen and Nicholas gave the princesses and Lorelei a tour of the castle. King Humphrey lectured about Biddle as they went. Nicholas stayed near Lorelei, wishing he could warn her about each test, but the princesses might hear.
When the tour was over, everyone returned to the royal banquet hall for lunch—the next round in the true-princess test (although the contestants didn’t know it).
The queen rang her bell, and Royal Serving Maids entered the royal banquet hall.
A salad was placed in front of Lorelei. She picked up her fork.
Now why was a bit of uncooked noodle mixed in with the lettuce? Quietly, she pointed it out to a Royal Serving Maid. And passed the salad test. So that was it, Lorelei thought. You had to guess what was wrong with the food. Funny test.
Five maidens didn’t find the noodle. They were escorted out immediately.
Seventy-one to go, Nicholas thought. He noticed that the crocodile princess was still in the running.
Lorelei found the toothpick under the flounder. It wasn’t hard, now that she knew what to look for. Nicholas breathed a sigh of relief.
Only one princess didn’t find the toothpick.
Lorelei fished the tiny marshmallow out of her ragout. Eight princesses didn’t. One of them was dragged away, yelling, “It isn’t fair! Mine melted!”
Nicholas thought he was going to die of worry before the meal ended.
Lorelei found the flake of tuna on the chocolate cake icing. Four princesses didn’t. The meal was over. Lorelei and the crocodile princess and fifty-seven other princesses remained in the game.
Eleven
After lunch the measuring began in the queen’s bedchamber.
Nicholas and the king weren’t allowed to view this part of the test. They waited in the throne room. King Humphrey listened to petitions from his subjects while Nicholas paced up and down, chewing his nails.
In the bedchamber Royal Chambermaids with tape measures checked every inch of every princess. If a princess was too tall, she was out. If she was too short, she was out. If her ears were too big, they were out and she was out.
The measuring took the rest of the day. Lorelei worried about the size of her nose. It was her worst feature. She pulled in her nostrils. When she looked in the mirror, she always thought that made her nose seem a little smaller.
Her nose squeaked by. A hair bigger and she would have had it.
The measuring went on.
The waist of one of the princesses was too big by a sixty-fourth of an inch. Queen Hermione said she was sorry, but if she let this maiden slip by, she wouldn’t know where to draw the line.
When the measuring was over, only ten princesses and Lorelei were left. The queen led them to the throne room.
The crocodile princess entered first. Nicholas bit his finger so hard it bled. She smiled at him. Her teeth looked pointy. Where was Lorelei? He held his breath.
Lorelei was the ninth to enter the room. Nicholas started breathing again. They looked at each other. This was scary.
The king gave bouquets to the princesses and congratulated or applauded them on getting so far.
Nicholas wanted to yell, It’s another trick! It’s a test!
Lorelei held her bouquet away from her to examine it. Some flowers made her sneeze and some made her eyes water. Roses were okay. Daffodils were okay too. Lilies made her sneeze. So did peonies. What was that? Parsley? That wasn’t a flower. This was a test! She pulled out the parsley and sneezed.
The bouquet test fooled everyone except the crocodile princess and Lorelei. The best and the worst, Prince Nicholas thought. He was trembling.
Both of them passed the tapestry test. Lorelei spotted the missing thread from twenty feet away. Nicholas wished she could get extra credit.
King Humphrey announced that they would have a light supper and go to bed. The final test or examination, he lied, would be tomorrow, or the day after today.
Lorelei didn’t have a moment to talk privately with Nicholas. She could tell he wanted her to be the one to pass the test, but she wanted to hear him say it. She also wanted him to give her a hint about the big test tomorrow.
He wanted to get near her, too. If he could whisper to her for just one second, he could tell her about the pea. But at supper she sat at the other end of the table, next to the king. Nicholas heard him telling her about his collection of unicorn horns or tusks.
The crocodile princess sat between the king and queen. Nicholas hated the way she ate. She seemed to swallow her food without chewing. And she kept looking at him and licking her lips.
Nicholas excused himself from the table. He went out to the garden and picked up a few large rocks. Then he slipped back into the castle and headed for Lorelei’s bedchamber. He’d put the rocks under the top mattress, where she’d be sure to feel them.
But he couldn’t get in. The Chief Royal Guard stood in front of the door. Nicholas tried to send him on an errand, but the fellow said that the king had told him not to budge for anyone or any person.
So then Nicholas said he’d leave a note for Princess Lorelei. But the Chief Royal Guard said, “Begging your pardon, Your Highness, no notes. I have my orders.”
Nicholas couldn’t do anything. By this time tomorrow either he’d be engaged to Lorelei, or Percival would be the future King of
Biddle. Or he’d be engaged to the crocodile princess!
Twelve
Nicholas couldn’t sleep. One second he was full of hope. She’d passed all the tests so far! The next second he was in despair. Nobody could feel a pea through all those mattresses. And the crocodile princess had a better chance than Lorelei. After all, the crocodile princess was a real princess, not a blacksmith’s daughter.
But it didn’t matter. If Lorelei failed, he’d marry her anyway. And his parents would have fits. And Percival would get the throne. He tossed. He turned. He finally slept, and he dreamed of being eaten by crocodiles and drowned in peas.
When Lorelei entered her room, she wondered why her bed had so many mattresses. Last night it had been an ordinary bed. She shrugged. Maybe they wanted her to have an extra-good night’s sleep before the big test.
She climbed the ladder and slipped under the sheets. The bed was the softest she’d ever been in. She stretched and wriggled her toes. Mmm. Lovely!
“SHE WONDERED WHY HER BED HAD SO MANY MATTRESSES.”
The prince was so nice! Even if he weren’t a prince, even if he were a blacksmith, she’d love him. But he was a prince, and that was even better.
She rolled over. She couldn’t get comfortable. The sheets felt all right. Satin. Satin was good. The blankets were velvet. Velvet was good.
She closed her eyes.
Something was wrong. Her nose itched and her back ached. She climbed down from the bed and looked at it.
It had to be the mattresses. Maybe there was a pigeon feather in one of them. But which one? There were so many.
She’d never fall asleep. She’d be up all night. Then she wouldn’t be at her best for the big test tomorrow. Maybe she could stretch out in front of the fireplace.
She spread a blanket on the floor and laid another one on top of it. Then she got in between them and closed her eyes. The hours crawled by. The floor was hard, but you expected a floor to be uncomfortable. You didn’t expect it from a bed piled with twenty mattresses.
Lorelei turned over on her stomach. No better. She rolled back. Could she, Lorelei, actually become a princess? She’d passed every test so far. If she married Prince Nicholas, she’d live in a castle. And so would her father. She giggled. Trudy would be a real lady-in-waiting.
Trudy! She sat up. She’d forgotten to find out if Trudy had gotten home safely. What kind of queen would she make if she couldn’t remember her subjects?
She lay down again. She’d ask first thing in the morning. What could the test tomorrow be like? Would they ask her questions? She didn’t know anything about being a princess. She didn’t know much about being a blacksmith’s daughter either.
What if they asked her about laws! About geography! About how to sit on a throne! Lorelei was awake all night.
In the morning the Chief Royal Chambermaid led the two maidens to the throne room. Lorelei’s bones ached, and the skin under her gown was black and blue.
King Humphrey and Queen Hermione and Prince Nicholas were sitting on their thrones. All the courtiers and subjects had been cleared out for the big moment.
The first thing Lorelei wanted to do was to find out about Trudy. Then she’d take whatever test they wanted. She’d probably fail it. But at least she’d know about Trudy.
The other maiden looked so rested and . . . Lorelei hated to admit it, but the other one was beautiful. Maybe by now Nicholas wanted her to win.
“Good morning, princesses or damsels,” the king boomed.
“Did you sleep—” the queen began.
“Did you find out—” Lorelei began.
The doors to the throne room burst open. A man rushed in carrying a child in his arms. Lorelei thought the little boy didn’t look right.
King Humphrey stood. “What or why—”
“Sire! I am a poor woodcutter! My son is sick, and I have no money to pay a wisewoman to cure him. I have nowhere to turn, except to you.”
“Oh dear,” Lorelei said. She ran to the child. “Does your forehead pulse?”
The boy nodded.
“Oh dear. Does it hurt to—”
Nicholas interrupted. “If you were a princess here,” he asked the crocodile princess, “what would you do?”
This is the test! Lorelei thought. Maybe the boy wasn’t really sick. But he looked sick.
The crocodile princess said, “They should be forbidden to trouble you with their problems. This man and his son must be put to death. That will cure the boy.” And she smiled her slow smile.
“What would you do, Princess Lorelei?” Nicholas asked.
What was she supposed to say? Did that horrible one give the right answer? But if you couldn’t help people—if you had to kill them to make them leave you alone—then she, Lorelei, didn’t want to be a princess.
But then she’d have to give Nicholas up.
Well, it didn’t matter what the right answer was. Somebody was sick! “Oh dear. I used to get sick when I was a little—uh—princess. I still do sometimes.” She turned to the queen. “Do you have any betony?” Lorelei was sure she was ruining everything, because the queen looked so upset. “I need the leaves of the chaste tree, too. If you don’t have that, some bugloss will do. Where’s the kitchen?”
Queen Hermione didn’t know what to say. So she rang for the Chief Royal Serving Maid.
“Princess Lorelei would be kind to our subjects, Father,” Nicholas said, while they waited for the serving maid. “Whether or not she can feel a pea under twenty mattresses.” He dropped to his knees so hard, he thought he had broken a kneecap. “Ouch!”
“Oh dear,” Lorelei said. A pea? What was he talking about?
“My darling princess.” Nicholas took Lorelei’s hand. “Will you marry me?”
“Oh dear. Yes, I’ll marry you. We’ll need hot water. Does your stomach ache?” she asked the boy.
He nodded.
“Did you sleep or rest well last night, Princess Lorelei?” the king asked. He had to know, even though everything had gotten confused or mixed up.
“No,” Lorelei said. “I couldn’t get comfortable. So I slept on the floor.”
“The pea!” said the queen.
“The pea or bean,” said the king.
“Darling!” said the prince.
Epilogue
Lorelei cured the woodcutter’s son. King Humphrey and Queen Hermione gave their consent or permission to the marriage of Prince Nicholas and Princess Lorelei.
On their wedding day Nicholas wore a doublet embroidered with parsley, a shirt embroidered with tape measures, and hose embroidered with noodles. Lorelei’s hood and veil were embroidered with tuna fish. Her bodice was embroidered with green peas, and her skirt and train were embroidered with tiny mattresses.
Trudy (who was perfectly safe, of course) was furious that she hadn’t gotten rid of Lorelei. But when she moved into the castle, the other Royal Servants showed her the good side of serving a bunch of persnickety monarchs. She learned to agree with them over a dinner of cream of asparagus soup, venison crown roast, and twelve-layer mocha-raspberry cake.
When Sam returned from the earldom of Pildenue, he moved into the palace too. He never understood exactly how Lorelei had become a princess. And he couldn’t for the life of him understand why everyone called him Lord Blacksmith. But he liked living in a palace and shoeing the king’s wonderful horses.
So they all lived happily ever after.
To Sylvia, my real fairy godmother.
—G.C.L.
One
What a hideous baby, the fairy Arabella thought. She said, “My gift to Sonora is beauty.” She touched the baby’s yellow squooshed-up face with her wand.
The baby began to change. Her scrawny arms and legs became plump, and her blotchy yellow skin turned pink. Her pointy head became round. Honey-colored ringlets appeared on her scalp.
Ouch! It hurt to have your body change shape and to grow hair on your head in ten seconds. Sonora wailed.
King Humphrey I
I of Biddle thought, Why did the fairy do that? As his first-born child—as his lovey dovey oodle boodle baby—she had been fine the way she was. But he bowed low to the fairy. “Thank you, Arabella. What a wonderful gift.” A person could get into a lot of trouble for failing to thank a fairy.
Queen Hermione II picked up the yowling baby and cuddled her. Then she curtsied deeply and thanked the fairy too, even though she wanted to wail along with her daughter. Sonora looks six months old, the queen thought. I wanted to watch her grow.
Gradually Sonora stopped crying, and her mother put her back into the gilded cradle. Time for the second fairy gift.
The fairy Allegra waved her wand over the baby. “I give Sonora the gift of a loving heart.”
Something was happening again, Sonora realized. But this was better. This didn’t hurt. She pictured the tall being and the soft being who fed her and held her and made noises to her. They were nice! She loved them! She said, “Goo,” and blew a wet bubble.
Adorable! King Humphrey II thought.
Sweet! Queen Hermione II thought.
“My turn!” The fairy Adalissia stepped up to the cradle.
Adalissia gave Sonora gracefulness. Then the fairy Annadora gave her good health, and the fairy Antonetta made her the smartest human in the world.
Not much changed when Sonora got good health, since she was healthy already. And not much changed when she got gracefulness, because month-old babies don’t have much opportunity to be graceful. But something did happen when Antonetta made her a smart person. Sonora listened more closely when the nice beings thanked the fairy. She noticed her own name and knew that she’d heard it before.
Aurora, the sixth fairy, was flustered. She had planned to make Sonora the smartest person in the world, but that miserable Antonetta had stolen her gift. Now what could she give the baby? She could make the child beautiful. But no, Arabella had already used that one. Adalissia had done gracefulness. What was left? They were all looking at her. They were laughing behind their sympathetic faces, glad they had been at the head of the line.
The Fairy's Return and Other Princess Tales Page 6
