by L. M. Carr
Julian reaches for his menu. “I used to come here all the time.”
“You did?”
Setting down the menu, he says, “Don’t forget. I started my career here in Houston.”
And ended it here, I want to add.
Avoiding his gaze, I fold the corner of the white cocktail napkin. “I remember.”
A friendly waitress arrives, jotting down our drink order…wine for me, water for Julian…then rattles off the evening’s specials. I order a bowl of gumbo and beef brisket, while Julian orders a house salad and medium rare steak.
My face twists. “Medium rare? It’ll still be mooing.”
“It’s delicious. I don’t like to eat dry meat. I prefer to taste the…natural juices.” He stares at me pointedly.
My mind drifts back to the first time he went down on me, remembering his comment about tasting my arousal. Julian was obsessed with spending time between my legs.
I exaggerate a playful gag. “In this case, natural juices would be blood.”
“A little blood never hurt anyone,” he jokes with a grin.
Despite not wanting to take the trip down memory lane, images of our time together flash across my mind, and a deep sigh escapes.
When the waitress walks up, I thank her for our beverages and immediately take a sip of wine, rolling the stem between my thumb and index finger.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, reaching over to still my fidgety fingers.
“Truth?” He nods. “I guess I’m just a bit confused about what we’re doing here. We haven’t spoken in years, Julian. Then I happen to see you twice over the weekend…once at the game and then at the restaurant…before you walk into my office, kissing me like you have the right to.”
Julian’s fingers curl over my hand and his thumb caresses my skin.
“The first time was by chance. The second was not.”
“What do you mean?”
“Addison, I knew you were going to be at that restaurant,” he confesses, bringing my hand to his lips.
“Y… You did?” I stammer. “But how?”
He places a soft kiss on my knuckles and looks up, holding me captive with those amazing eyes. “Does it matter?”
I lift a shoulder and shake my head. “I guess not. But why now?”
He exhales slowly. “Because as wrong as it may have been, given the circumstances, I didn’t give a shit. I had to see you.” He releases the hold on my hand and shifts his body to face me. “I wanted to talk to you before we sat down for the interview.”
My heart plummets. “So this is about the interview?” I pray the disappointment isn’t too evident in my voice.
“Yes…and no. I just thought it might be easier this way.”
I smirk, shaking my head in disbelief at my stupidity. “Easier for whom?”
“You... Me…”
“Julian, what do you want from me?”
His eyes darken. “Just you.”
My heart beats faster and I suddenly feel parched. I take a long sip of wine, then set the glass down firmly.
“You said you wanted to talk. I’m here, so talk.”
“Mind if we eat first? I’m starving,” he says as the waitress delivers my soup and his salad.
I place my napkin on my lap. “Are you excited about the head coaching gig?”
He smiles. “I am. It’s been a while since I’ve been in charge. I missed it.”
“Forever the leader,” I quote, repeating what my father always said in reference to Julian.
“The only problem with that is you can’t be a good leader if you don’t know where you’re going.”
His eyes lock with mine, and I struggle to determine what I see reflected in them.
Changing the subject, I comment about the weather, the restaurant and the food, until Julian mentions my job.
“Seems you’ve had quite a career.”
The spoonful of gumbo freezes in mid-air before I set it down, frowning.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Are you referring to the spread in Maxim?”
Julian’s jaw clenches. “Definitely not. I was talking about you becoming one of the industry’s top sports reporters.”
“Oh.” Embarrassed I add, “Thanks. I love what I do.”
“You’re very good at it.”
I grin. “Flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere, mister.”
He laughs. “I wasn’t trying to flatter you. I’m being completely honest. There are a lot of sports reporters who just report, but you...analyze and offer a different perspective than everybody else. It’s obvious how passionate you are about the game.”
“Well, I did grow up around it.”
An uncomfortable silence grows between us.
“How’s your mom doing?” he asks quietly.
I shrug. “Good, I guess.” I shove a spoonful of gumbo into my mouth to prevent myself from continuing.
“She was always good to me.”
I swallow the food, as well as the rise of animosity when I think about how well my parents treated Julian. They loved him like a son, but treated their own kids terribly.
“How’s your brother?”
I set the spoon down. “Rence is still one of the best defensive players in the NFL.” I crack a tiny smile. “Of course, he’s bummed they didn’t make the playoffs, but he’s excited about being in the Pro Bowl.”
“I wasn’t talking about football.”
I nod. “I know.”
I take another bite of food, then smile. “You two were thicker than thieves at one time.”
Julian takes a drink of water and glances at me. “So were we.”
Butterflies flutter in my belly as memories fill my mind, but within seconds, I suppress the thoughts, shifting the focus away from us. “Why don’t you try contacting him?”
“I’ve tried.” He sighs. “He won’t answer my calls.”
I chew slowly as I consider the comment. Rence hasn’t mentioned his former friend’s attempts, so either he’s withholding information from me or Julian is lying.
“I’m guessing he didn’t tell you.”
“We don’t really talk about you.”
“Here you go,” the waitress says with a smile as she brings over our dinner and sets the plates before us. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
Julian thanks her while I remain quiet, strife stirring in my heart.
After cutting into his steak, Julian pops a piece into his mouth, chews slowly, then closes his eyes, moaning in pleasure. “So tender. So flavorful.” He opens his eyes, cuts another piece and extends his fork. “Want a bite?”
“No, thanks,” I decline, watching as he slides the fork into his mouth. “I’ve had steak before. I’m not a fan.”
“But it might be worth trying again.”
“Like giving Houston a second chance?” I inquire.
Julian nods. “I guess, but it’s going to be different as head coach. I’m aware of the challenges.”
“Challenges?”
“I’ll be the youngest coach in the NFL, which means some of my players will be older than me.”
“Age shouldn’t matter. You have experience. Besides, you were always wiser than your years.”
He gives me a sad smile. “That’s what my mother used to say.”
I freeze mid-chew, then swallow. “Julian, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to go there.”
The smile on his face spreads. “That’s okay. She’s…” He places a hand over his heart, “always with me.”
Diverting from the emotional path, I change the subject.
“Well, like I said before, at least you’re coming to a warm climate. I would hate to leave California for a place like Minnesota.”
Julian pins me with a sharp stare as he wipes the linen napkin across his mouth. “The weather wasn’t the only reason I wanted to come to Houston.”
I purse my lips. “Really?” I shake my head skeptically, unable to believe his decision had anythi
ng to do with me. “I’m sure the salary of over seven million, with a bonus for making the playoffs, had nothing to do with it.”
He tightens his jaw. “Addison, I don’t need the money.”
“What do you need, Julian?”
The dimple on his right cheek emerges through his light scruff. “I need to get my girl back. I need her to understand why I did the things I did and how sorry I am. I need to make her see how I feel.”
I chug the last of my wine, narrowing my eyes at him. “I’m sure Gigi will be happy to hear that.”
Gone is the smile, replaced by a hard line of his lips as he nods sharply. “I deserved that one.”
I tamp down my anger, not wanting any tension between us. “So…” I take a deep breath and blow it out. “You’re telling me that after all these years, after you completely shattered my heart, you suddenly have this epiphany and want me back? Are you going to try and tell me that you never stopped loving me?”
He shakes his head, and my fragile heart plummets.
“I don’t have to try,” he mutters. “It’s the truth.”
“It’s not the truth. It’s a fucking lie!”
Julian waits patiently, knowing I need to get this out.
“You don’t love me. If you did, you never would have left.”
“You’re wrong, Addison. I have loved you since we were thirteen, regardless of the time we spent apart.”
My chin quivers, emotions bubbling to the surface.
“I see it in the way you look at me. I feel it in the way you respond to my touch. Admit it. You still have feelings for me.”
“Oh, I definitely have feelings of hate.”
“Addison…,” he whispers and covers my hand with his.
I attempt to pull away, but his hold tightens.
Moments slip by.
“You left me, Julian,” I say in a quiet, shaky voice. “You just left.”
“I know,” he sighs. “And I’m so sorry about that.”
“I tried so hard to get in touch with you, but you became this different person. You went to college, and ‘J. Mack’ was born. I didn’t know who that was. You weren’t you anymore.” Tears flood my eyes and fall, despite my best efforts to keep them at bay.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Addison.”
“I’m fine. It’s just… Seeing you in person has ripped open old wounds. It’s dredged up so many memories, and I hate it. I hate that I think about you. I hate that I’ve followed your career. I hate that I couldn’t be there to comfort you when you got hurt. I desperately wanted to be there for you, but you cast me aside like I was nothing. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “I’m sorry.”
I take a sip of water, seeing a small smile appear on his face.
“I wish I could go back to that day, Addison.”
“The day you got hurt?”
Searing me with a hard look, he utters, “The day I told you to leave me alone. I wish I could go back and change things.”
A fierce ache pierces my heart, just as it did that day. “That was the second worst day of my life.”
Julian releases a deep breath and hangs his head.
After a few moments of silence, he looks at me once again. “It feels surreal being here with you. I’ve thought about this so many times. I wasn’t sure how you were going to react to me after everything.”
A chuckle of disbelief tumbles out of my mouth. “What would you expect? You broke my heart…twice.”
He nods in agreement. “You have no idea how many times I wanted to call you. I saw you at games, but I went out of my way to avoid you, not knowing what to say.”
“Why? We were in the same building so many times. At last year’s NFC Championship game, I stood on the sideline less than twenty feet away from you. You wouldn’t even look in my direction.”
“Trust me, I saw you. I just wasn’t ready to face you yet.”
Confused, I shake my head.
“I knew, when the time was right, I was going to find my way back to you. I needed to get my life back in order first.”
“How do you know I don’t have a boyfriend? I could be married.”
“You don’t have a wedding ring on, so you aren’t married. Do you have a boyfriend?” he inquires slowly.
I swallow and blow out a breath. “No. I promised myself I would never let a man hurt me the way you did, Julian.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
The waitress clears our table and asks if we want dessert. When we shake our heads, she smiles. “I’ll be back with the check.”
Julian pays the bill as I use the bathroom. I splash my face with water, then blot it dry, annoyed that I broke down in front of him.
“Are you all right?” he asks when I emerge from the ladies’ room. He raises a hand and wipes away an elusive drop of water on my temple.
I simply nod, sniffle and button my jacket, then we walk out onto the sidewalk.
“Ready?” he asks, offering his arm. The gesture transports me to junior year of high school.
I vacillate for a brief moment, then slide my arm in and secure it around the crook of his elbow.
With a binder and two textbooks clutched to my chest, I slung my bag over my shoulder, ready to walk out of Calculus with Julian as I always did.
“Addison,” he called.
I stopped and turned around. My face contorted with confusion when I saw the apprehensive look on his face.
“What’s the matter? Is it your mom?”
He shook his head. “She’s fine. I wanted…” Taking a deep breath, he continued. “Look, we spend almost every day together, and you’re one of my best friends.”
I stepped closer. It was no secret that Julian was close to my family, so it made sense that he and I spent a lot of time together. The smile on his face suggested he knew that with each passing year, my feelings for him had grown. He wasn’t just Julian. He was my Julian, and I wanted him with my whole heart.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Okay…” I drew out slowly as the bell rang, marking the end of the day.
Julian reached for my hand. “When I first met you, you were just some girl…”
The small smile that spread across my face matched the one on his, and my heart skipped a beat at the feel of his fingers intertwined with mine. His thumb caressing my skin made the butterflies flutter in my belly.
“But now, after all these years, you’re not just some girl. You’re the girl I think about all day. You’re the girl I dream about at night. You’re the girl I want…” His free arm slides around my waist, “to be mine.”
I gasped as I comprehended his words. “Julian…,” I breathed.
“You’re my girl, Addison. You always have been, and you always will be.”
Thankful the classroom is empty, I cradled the back of his head, my fingers running through the light brown hair at the nape of his neck. His lips crashed against mine. I angled my body so his thigh was wedged between my legs. Our tongues slipped into each other’s mouths, dancing sensually, while I rubbed against his jeans. We kissed, he touched, I climaxed…he chuckled.
“What the hell is so funny?” I murmured against his lips.
His hand still on my ass, he asked, “Did you just come on my leg?”
My cheeks reddened as embarrassment washed over me, my head hanging in shame. As much as I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t. I could feel the moisture on my panties.
“Holy shit. That is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
I gave him a small smile.
He squeezed my ass again. “I had no idea.”
I shifted my leg and lifted my knee to his crotch. Julian sucked in a breath. Through gritted teeth, I warned, “Tell anyone about this and you’ll be singing like a goddamn canary for the next few weeks.”
“Remember walking into prom like this?”
“I
do,” I reply softly. “My god, my dress was awful.”
“You were the envy of every girl there.”
“That’s only because I was with you.”
We walk in silence for some time.
“Can I ask you a question?” I blurt.
Julian nods. “Anything.”
After a moment of hesitation, I ask, “What did you mean at the restaurant?”
He chuckles. “Which part? I said a lot of things.”
“Not tonight. I meant Friday night.”
Julian stops and turns to me, cupping my face. “Addison, I shouldn’t have said th—”
“Then why did you?” I interject as rejection stings my heart.
“Let me finish.”
I wait silently as my stomach drops.
“I shouldn’t have said that. What I should have said was I don’t want to let you go. There’s a reason I can’t, and it’s because, deep down, I have always known that you were the best part of me.”
My chin trembles and my eyes fill with tears.
Julian’s thumb sweeps across my bottom lip, his wide eyes searching my face. “I’m tired of running away from you. I’m tired of fighting myself. I’m tired of denying how much I’ve missed you and how very much I still love you. I’m tired of it all.”
I’m stunned into silence.
“Seeing you the other night made me realize that even if you hated me and never wanted to speak to me again, I will never let you go. I just can’t.”
I shake my head slightly as his lips touch mine.
“I’m dreaming, right? This is all a realistic dream,” I murmur against his lips.
He shakes his head. “God, I hope not, because then that means I’m dreaming, too, and when I wake up, I’ll be back in the nightmare.”
I reach my arms around his neck and hug him tightly, inhaling his scent and committing it to memory. My heart thunders in my chest while the pieces of my heart start to reconnect, encouraging the reunion. I slam my eyes shut and bite down on my lips to prevent the words “I love you” from tumbling out of my mouth.
He pulls back to look at me. “Please tell me those are happy tears,” he quips. “I hate to see you cry.”
I mop up the moisture with the cuff of my jacket and sigh heavily before looking at him. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll give me another chance, Addison,” he demands. “Give me a chance to make up for so many lost years. Let me love you each and every day.”
