by L. M. Carr
“Guys, look. Here’s my goal...” Julian’s eyes dart to each man sitting there. “I want to build a team I can take to the Super Bowl.” He folds his hands together, interlocking his fingers. While he doesn’t specifically ask them to join him in Houston, his intention for inviting them to dinner is clear.
After Julian pays the bill, he shakes hands with each man. I notice Rence lingering in the background. Thinking he wants a moment with Julian alone, I take the opportunity and head to the ladies’ room to freshen up before we leave.
The restaurant is packed, every seat at the bar occupied, hungry patrons waiting in a long line by the door. I smile tightly at people, excusing myself as I squeeze by. Pushing open the wooden door, I step inside the restroom and freeze when I see the redhead at the sink, washing her hands. When our eyes connect in the mirror, I notice a moment of apprehension on her face before it’s quickly gone.
“Hello,” I say hesitantly, slightly surprised she doesn’t return with one of her own. Instead, she turns a bit and places her hands under the dryer. I take in her appearance. Minimal makeup, average height, full hips, shoulder-length hair, blue eyes.
Two more women enter the small space and disappear behind stall doors.
Stepping toward me, the redhead clears her throat and extends a hand. “Hi. I’m Mallory. It’s nice to meet you.”
A small smile tugs at my lips as I shake her hand. “AJ.”
The firmness of her grip reveals her strength. She’s not intimidated by me at all, and I like that.
“So, how long have you known my brother?”
She chuckles, as if nervous or embarrassed. “Not too long.”
There is something different about this one compared to other women he’s dated. She seems genuine, down to earth.
I smirk. “Did you happen to meet him in Chicago on New Year’s Eve?”
Her blue eyes widen. “He told you?”
“Rence and I are pretty close. He’s my best friend.”
She smiles. “Yeah, he’s pretty great. He’s just…” She frowns, seeming to struggle for words.
My eyebrows furrow. “He’s what?”
“He’s…a lot. He’s very intense.”
I nod. “Always has been.”
One woman exits a stall, washes and dries her hands, then leaves.
“Are you having a good time?” I ask, wondering if she understands the deeper meaning in my query.
“Rence and I always have a good time. He makes me laugh like nobody else.”
At that moment, I realize I like her.
“My brother is one of the best men I know. He’s been through a lot, and most people don’t know that underneath those mountains of muscle, he’s a sweet and sensitive guy.”
She smiles. “I know.”
I pivot and face the mirror, reapplying lipstick with a quick glide across my lips.
“You guys look a lot alike,” Mallory comments, watching me in the mirror.
I place my hands on my hips and give her a faux scowl. “I know I’m tall and all, but are you trying to say I look like a dude?”
Her cheeks flame to a shade of red that almost matches the color of her hair. Light laughter arises when she realizes I’m kidding. “No, not at all. I’m just saying you can tell you’re related. My sister and I used to look a lot alike, but as we got older, well… Not so much.”
There’s a noise from the last stall, then a stench fills the confines of the bathroom. Mallory and I cover our noses and run for the door, coming face to face with Rence and Julian standing outside.
“Oh, my god! Mallory giggles as she leans into Rence and buries her nose in his chest. “The smell is burning my nostrils.”
While laughing, I watch the interaction between my brother and Mallory, sighing when he wraps his arm around her shoulders and bends down to kiss the top of her head.
“Do I want to know what that was all about?” Julian implores with raised brows, nodding at the bathroom door.
I shake my head and reach for his bicep, turning him slowly toward the exit. “Trust me, the answer is no.”
Outside the restaurant, proper introductions are made. As she did to me, Mallory extends her hand to Julian. While most women fawn over his looks, she doesn’t, which earns her a few bonus points with me.
“Do you guys want to get some ice cream or something?” Mallory asks, looking up at Rence standing beside her, then shifting her eyes to Julian and me. I refrain from making a joke about dessert. My brother ate his body weight at dinner…and then some.
I motion with my chin to Rence. “It’s up to you. We don’t have to be up as early as you do tomorrow.”
He looks down at Mallory. The quick shake of his head and smile on his face answers her question. “We’re heading up.”
“Okay.” I smile.
“You guys have a good night.” Julian reaches for my hand as the four of us exchange a brief farewell.
I flick my eyes to my brother, whose eyebrows raise slightly. I don’t fight the small smile of approval. I’m happy for Rence. He finally seems to have found himself a nice girl, although I can’t wait to get to know her better.
“Let’s go for a walk, Addison.”
I smile at Julian when he lifts our clasped hands and kisses my knuckles.
“You’re so sweet.”
He nods and shrugs, leading me through the lobby. “I know.”
Strolling toward the beach, it occurs to me that we’re in public and someone may notice the display of affection. I squeeze his hand tighter because, despite my earlier request to keep things quiet, I don’t care anymore. I don’t care who sees us. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care that my subconscious is telling me to slow down. I love this man who makes me feel alive and whole. He is the glue that holds my heart together.
As if reading my mind, he leans down and plants a feather-light kiss on my lips.
“What was that for?” I ask, seeing his eyes sparkle with delight.
“No particular reason.”
Warmth spreads throughout my body.
It’s getting late so there aren’t too many people out, yet my attention is drawn to a group dressed for a night on the town. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a long, sleek ponytail sitting atop a petite brunette’s head. There’s no mistaking the death glare when she spots us walking together. Ice-blue eyes shoot daggers.
“Um…We have a visitor,” I state, squeezing his hand firmly when Gigi starts walking toward us from my left.
“Just keep walking,” he encourages as he continues to lead me to the right.
Her friends call her name several times in an attempt to stop her. Her thin frame comes to a halt before us, arms crossed, foot tapping on the ground. I glance quickly at Julian, who inhales and exhales slowly.
“Seriously? I thought you said you needed time to concentrate on your new job.” Her gaze rakes over my body before she snarls and gives me a dirty look. “Really, Jay?”
I flinch slightly, unsure whether I’m offended by the disgusted look I just received or whether it’s because she just called him by the name his mother abhorred. In all the years I’d known her, never once did I hear her call anyone by a nickname. Her son was no exception.
“Georgina, I’m not going to do this again with you right now,” he warns, sidestepping her and avoiding her group of friends who have gathered around us.
“When then?” she yells after us. “Want me to come back up to your room so you can fuck me like you did last night? Then again this morning?” she spits angrily.
I gasp, then quickly realize her words are just meant to hurt me because I was in Julian’s bed last night and this morning.
“I suggest you stop. You’re causing a scene,” Julian shoots back over his shoulder as we continue to walk away.
Like an insolent child, Gigi Asher screams at us, garnering the attention of the few stragglers who have obviously overextended themselves with the evening’s festivities and stumble back to their
rooms.
“You dumped me for her?”
Her wails linger in the distance as we step onto the cool sand. I stop walking and steady myself against Julian’s bicep to remove my sandals.
Both shoes in hand, I am swiftly scooped up and cradled against his solid chest. He kisses the side of my head, silently apologizing. Julian continues walking beneath a dark, moonless sky.
“That family is something else,” I note darkly, suppressing the memories of being accosted in the elevator by the patriarch of the family.
“I’m sorry I ever got involved with them.”
I nod in agreement as Julian continues to walk, my body swaying gently from side to side as his feet sink into the soft sand with each step. A deep sigh releases from his chest.
“I can walk,” I whisper, feeling his arms strain and the tension in his neck where my fingers remain laced together.
“But why would you when I can carry you?”
“Because I’m heavy and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Julian presses his nose to the side of my head and inhales the sweet scent of my shampoo. “You can’t ever hurt me more than I hurt myself…and you.”
I choke down the rising emotions, determined not to ruin this moment. He stares at me, the weight of his gaze laden with sincere regret for choices made.
Silence floats in the balmy night air until he sets me down, my toes touching the small waves that ebb and flow unceasingly. Shifting his position, Julian stands behind me and drapes his arms over my shoulders. I reach up and wrap my hands around his forearms, my thumbs moving slowly over his warm skin.
“Where’d you go tonight?”
Confused, I tilt my head to meet his gaze, the scruff on his chin grazing my face. “What do you mean? I was with you.”
He shakes his head. “No. While we were talking, it looked like you were thinking about something.” He takes a deep breath. “You went back to that day, didn’t you?”
I release a quiet breath, nodding.
“I think about that day so often,” he admits softly, his arms tightening.
My eyes close, shutting out the memories and the pain.
“It’s hard to describe what I felt. I was in so much pain, so angry. I wanted to kill someone, but I was mostly angry at myself because I had pushed away the one person I wanted—the one person I needed.”
His words create chaos in my heart and pandemonium in my mind. “I don’t understand, Julian. You said you hated me. You said you could never forgive me.”
I feel him swallow. “I know.”
Those three words had completely erased all the love he’d ever professed.
“But I wasn’t saying it to you. I hated myself.”
“But—”
He continues. “I hated that I couldn’t look at you and ask you to stay with me. I hated that I needed you but didn’t have the right to ask. I hated the idea that after all I did, the way I hurt you, you still loved me. And I hated that you said you were still mine.”
“I was always yours, Julian. Always.”
“You have no idea how many times I wanted to call you. How many times I went to your job only to immediately leave. I was such a fucking coward. I didn’t think I would ever forgive myself for what I did to you…and us.”
“I guess I still don’t fully understand why you chose to go to a different college. We had big plans for our future, but…” My voice fades as I choke back a sob.
“Come here,” he says, guiding me down onto the sand. Wedged between his legs, I lay back against his chest and rest my arms on his bent knees.
“You know how sometimes in a game, the play gets changed at the last second and only the quarterback knows what it’s going to be?”
I hum with understanding and nod.
“Sometimes someone else makes the call, and at other times, if I don’t like what I see, I make the change…”
I wait patiently for the full explanation of why he broke up with me just before we left for college.
“I didn’t like the calls that were being made, so I changed them.”
Bewildered, I struggle to understand. With the absence of his father, Julian was extremely close to his coaches. They always seemed to have his best interests at heart.
“Did the coach at Alabama have other plans for you?”
He cleared his throat. “No, my other coach did.”
I sit up and whip my head around, confusion contorting my face. “My father? Is that who you mean?” A cold, ominous shiver runs through me.
He looks at me with a somber expression that pulls his mouth into a hard frown, giving me the answer.
“I don’t understand what he had to do with anything!”
Julian sighs and shifts me back to my prior position with his chin resting on my shoulder as we both stare out toward the ocean. “Before I tell you this, remember that getting angry won’t change anything. We can’t change the past.”
My heart accelerates and I brace myself.
“Before my mother passed away, she went to him and asked him to keep an eye on me. You know, keep me on the right track and out of trouble.” A small smile tugs at his mouth. “I think my mother knew I was going to have a difficult time without her, so she made provisions. Unfortunately, she didn’t realize she was making a deal with the devil.”
“That son of a bitch was the devil!” I repeat firmly. So many memories flood my mind, and my heart aches over the years of abuse Rence suffered at the hand of our father. While most of the damage was verbal, the emotional manipulation was seared into my brother’s spirit and affected him for years. “What exactly did he do?”
“Apparently, my mother had squirreled away a little money here and there. It wasn’t much, but when you had nothing, it was everything. But not enough to support a family—”
“A family?” I shriek. “What family?”
“Do you remember the time your period was late and you thought you were pregnant?” My stomach roils at the vivid memory of that night. The night I hid in the bathroom and sobbed, praying fervently for a negative test result. We were just kids ourselves.
“Your father found out, except the pregnancy test he showed me was positive.”
My nostrils flare and I clench my teeth. “But I wasn’t pregnant!” I counter angrily.
“Well, someone in your house was.”
I gasp. “My mother? But…,” I stammer. “How?”
Julian shakes his head. “I didn’t find out the truth until after the damage was done.” He takes a deep breath. “When he told me you had an abortion, I was so angry with you.”
I burst into tears. “Julian, I would have never done that!”
“You have to understand what a tailspin my life was in after my mother died. I knew your father had big plans for me. At the time, it felt like he was the only one who had my best interests at heart, so I listened to what he told me to do. He always treated me like a son. I trusted him.
“He told me I needed to focus on football first. The thought of losing everything I worked so hard for scared me. After what I thought you had done, I knew I couldn’t play football and be with you, so…”
“You chose football,” I complete his sentence.
“Your father encouraged me. He said you were a distraction and that if you really loved me, you wouldn’t have done what you did. I thought he was looking out for me.” Julian shakes his head, then huffs heavily. “He only cared about himself. After my injury, he wanted nothing to do with me.”
Tears fill my eyes, my voice coming out tiny and weak. “I didn’t do that. I would never have done that to our child, to you.”
A sob reverberates through his chest as his hold on me tightens.
I clear my throat. “I’m sorry he lied to you, but what I’m most sorry for is that you didn’t trust me enough to confront me and give me the chance to tell you the truth.” The boulder in my throat prevents me from speaking for several seconds, then I whisper, “I hate him.”
; Julian slides my hair to the side, lowering his mouth to my ear. “We were both victims in all of this, but you were the one who got hurt the most.”
I hang my head and shake it slowly. “Things could have been so different. I hate that he meddled in our lives.” I force down a swallow. “My father was such a manipulator. He knew how much I was hurting, but he just kept telling me that you obviously didn’t love me as much as I thought and that I needed to get over you.”
Julian curses. “He threatened to get my scholarship revoked if I tried to contact you. Because he knew I didn’t have much money, he held it over my head. There were so many times I was tempted to call you. At one point, I seriously considered quitting school just so I could be with you, but I was so angry and hurt, and deep down, I knew you deserved more than a college dropout with nothing to offer.”
“That never mattered to me,” I murmur. An intense rage swirls like a vortex, drawing in anger, hurt and resentment until a tornado of wrath explodes. Turning my body, I cry against Julian’s chest. “I’ll never forgive him for this.”
Julian’s arms close, forming a tight cocoon around my shaking body. He holds me while I mourn the wasted years and the time lost.
“How did you find out the truth?” I sob.
He sucks in a deep breath. “After your father died, your mother wrote me a letter. She admitted she was the one who was pregnant, accepting responsibility for her part in your supposed betrayal. She even produced paperwork to confirm the termination of her pregnancy. I didn’t understand why she felt the need to tell me. I think the guilt finally got to her.”
As if adding insult to injury, it hurt so much to know that my mother was involved.
“You have no idea how guilty I felt. All the years I spent hating what I did. That’s why I came back for you. I’m finally on the right path and want you right beside me every step of the way.”
When the last of my tears have fallen and my fingers ache from clutching around Julian’s waist, I exhale. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster and I want to get off.
