Chapter 19
Lena
Jeremy had reacted exactly how I should have known he would.
Like a complete and total dickhead.
Even if on some level, I wasn’t surprised, his question about whether the baby was actually his had broken something inside of me. Something I wasn’t sure could be healed any time soon.
What had I expected him to do? Throw confetti? Break into song about how amazing it was all going to be?
I was deluding myself if I actually believed he’d do anything other than what he had done. Which was to go into complete shock and denial.
Prick.
I left the Christmas party and went straight home, not wanting to see or speak to anyone. I should have known I wouldn’t be so lucky, and it was only a matter of time until the deluge of unwanted visitors hit.
I kept checking my phone expecting Jeremy to call. Or message. Or something!
It remained quiet. And his silence wounded me even deeper.
I was going to have to deal with this situation on my own. That much was obvious.
My doorbell rang. With my face puffy and swollen from sobbing, I opened the door hoping against hope that Jeremy would be waiting on the other side.
It was only the first of many disappointments.
“Lena, my god, are you all right?” My brother was all frantic energy and wild eyes. He burst his way into my apartment looking ready to tear the whole world apart. Meg was right behind him, trying to get him to calm down.
“Please, Adam, I can’t deal with your crazy on top of everything else. So, if you have nothing productive to add to the conversation, just go.” I pulled on my robe and wrapped it around me, suddenly feeling cold. The kind of cold that was soul deep.
“Lena, talk to us. What’s going on?” Meg asked softly, always the calm one. I loved my soon-to-be-sister-in-law. There was something comforting about her demeanor, about the way she took me in her arms and held me while I cried.
Because there was a lot of crying. I was a wreck.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Adam seethed, pacing my living room like a captured tiger.
“Enough, Adam. You’re not helping,” Meg snapped. She turned back to me. “Let me make you some tea. Do you have any decaf?”
“Decaf?” I made a face. “Why would I have—oh.” I felt my whole body sag. “Caffeine isn’t good for the baby, is it?”
Meg put her arm around my shoulder and led me into my kitchen. “How about some juice then? I’m sure you’ve got something to eat in one of these cabinets.” She rooted around until she found a box of chocolate chip cookies Jeremy had brought over on one of our TV binge nights.
“Not those,” I said hoarsely. Meg didn’t ask why, she simply put them away and got out a bag of chips.
“How long has this been going on, Lena? My fucking god, I told him!” Adam growled. I hadn’t heard him come into the kitchen, but now the air practically hummed with his rage.
There was no point in telling him to mind his own business. I had sort of made it everyone’s business by airing my private life for the whole town to see. “For about three months,” I told him, not quite meeting his eyes.
“Three months?” Adam howled, slamming his fist on the counter. “He promised he’d stay away from you. He fucking promised, Meg!”
“And I told you that you can’t make people promise things like that. That you’re only asking for trouble,” Meg shot back, clearly annoyed with her fiancé.
“It’s so irresponsible. And selfish. And narcissistic. And—”
“We get it, you’re angry, Adam. But don't you think we should be focusing on Lena here?” Meg interjected sharply.
Adam’s expression cleared and he looked immediately remorseful. “I’m sorry, sis. I’m just so angry with him for doing this to you. To knock you up—”
“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there, big brother. Do not use antiquated terms like ‘knocked up.’ This isn’t the 1950’s for God’s sake.” I took the glass of orange juice Meg offered and took a sip. It tasted gross. I pushed it away. It seemed OJ was another casualty of my ever-changing taste buds.
Adam accepted his own glass and it was then that I noticed his split knuckles. “What happened there?” I asked, pointing to his hand.
For the first time since my brother had shown up breathing fire, he looked sheepish. “I um... well, I…”
“He punched Jeremy after you left,” Meg filled in.
I covered my face with my hands and groaned loudly. “You didn’t! Adam, why?” This whole thing was becoming worse and worse by the minute. And I was still checking my goddamn phone waiting for his call.
Ugh.
Adam sat down in the chair beside me, sliding in close. “Because he hurt you, Lena. I warned him that if he ever hurt you, I’d hurt him. I made good on that promise.”
“You didn’t have to do that. I’m more than capable of fighting my own battles. And beating up Jeremy wasn’t necessary. We’re not in high school. We’re adults who slept together. Very consensually I might add, over a long period of time—”
Adam held out his hand to stop me. “Please, spare me the details. I’m feeling sick.”
I rolled my eyes. “I got pregnant, Adam. It was stupid, yes, but it’s where we are and now, I have to figure out what I’m going to do.”
“Don’t you mean both you and Jeremy need to figure it out?” Meg stated.
“You saw his reaction tonight. Was that the face of a man ready to deal with this? I don’t think so. I’ll handle this myself.” The memory of Jeremy’s horrified expression kept replaying in my head on a loop. And the pain of his question ripped me open every time I thought about it.
“He was shocked, yes, but maybe if you give him time—” Meg began to say, but Adam wasn’t having it.
“He doesn’t deserve time. He got Lena into this, he should be here, right now, supporting her. The fact that he isn’t says everything there is to say about his character.” He shook his head angrily. “I always knew he was a pig when it came to women. I’ve seen it myself, he views them as expendable. But this is different. I thought he was at least smart enough to know that he couldn’t treat my sister this way. It seems I overestimated him.”
Adam’s description of Jeremy was upsetting only because it was the truth. Or it had been. I honestly thought, particularly after our weekend away, that he was changing. That he could be something different for me.
But that was before I dropped a literal bomb in the middle of it all.
Meg still seemed unsure, but Adam was going on. I didn’t have the emotional energy to fight him. “Come back to our place. You shouldn’t be alone right now,” he insisted and for the first time that evening, Meg agreed.
“I don’t need a babysitter, guys. I’ll be okay.” Even as I said it, I didn’t quite believe it. I felt as if I were dangling dangerously close to the edge with no one there to pull me back.
I put my hand on my stomach. “You sure have caused a lot of drama, little one,” I murmured quietly. When I looked up, I found my brother and Meg watching me with a strange mixture of sadness and something close to wonder.
“My baby sister is having a baby,” Adam mused, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe it.
Meg took my hand. “Is that what you want? To keep it?”
As she asked the most important question, I realized the truth. It was so clear, and I knew without a doubt that there was only one option for me. The only one that felt right. The only one that I could live with.
I wanted this baby.
Even if Jeremy was never a part of our lives again, this tiny piece of us was important. The most important thing in the world. And sure, it couldn’t have come at a worse time, but my baby would be loved.
I nodded. “It is. I want this baby.”
“What about Jeremy?” Meg asked, glancing at Adam who looked ready to spit nails again.
I picked up my still quiet phone. And then I st
arted crying all over again.
They put their arms around me, holding me tight. Adam kissed the top of my head. “Let us take care of you, Lena. We’ll go tell Mom and Dad. Our family is stronger than anything and we’ll support you completely. And Jeremy can—”
“Enough, Adam. Now isn’t the time. Lena doesn’t need to hear about all the ways you’re going to rip Jeremy apart,” Meg reminded him sternly.
“You’re right,” Adam agreed before turning to me. “It’ll be okay, sis.”
I wanted to believe him. I really did.
But there was a gaping hole in the middle of my chest where Jeremy was supposed to be.
**
I ended up staying with my parents through the holidays. My parents, while shocked when I told them about the baby, were exactly how I knew they’d be: excited to be grandparents. Supportive. Incredibly loving.
I was so lucky to have them.
I had only been staying with them for a few days when I got a text from Jeremy.
Don’t shut me out. We need to talk.
I didn’t respond. What would I say? Took you long enough, asshole.
Perhaps I was being stubborn, but my feelings were shredded into pieces. His radio silence in the days after telling him about the baby had done a lot of damage. It had confirmed my worst suspicions about him. That deep down, our trysts had been nothing more than sex. His romantic getaway had been an attempt to fool himself into thinking it could be something else. But when push came to shove and he was faced with a serious, real-life issue, he ran for the hills.
Still, I waited to hear from him again. And I waited. And waited some more. Through Christmas, I waited for him to call or message but there was nothing. I received a call from an unknown number on Christmas Eve, but when I answered it was only static. Probably some crappy telemarketer trying to get a last-minute deal before the end of the year. But nothing from Jeremy. It was like the message had never happened.
Just like that my heart shattered all over again.
I tried not to act depressed, but Jeremy’s disappearing act on top of the never-ending morning sickness was making the holiday period a downer.
It was the day after Christmas and our house was full of family and friends. My parents had hosted a post-holiday gathering every year since I was a kid. It was similar to the British Boxing Day when my mom would pull out all the leftover Christmas food and we’d gorge ourselves all over again and watch movies. Adam and Meg usually commandeered the television and would force the rest of us to endure hours of The Lord of the Rings trilogy until we wanted to scream.
I wasn’t enjoying it this year though and wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. I wasn’t in the mood to plaster a smile on my face and pretend I was okay when I wasn’t.
I was sitting in the corner of the living room, an observer when I was usually a participant in the festivities. Adam was giving me some space, which I appreciated. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to another rousing rendition of Jeremy is a Jerkface.
Mom brought me a hot chocolate, but everything I swallowed soured my stomach.
“I have something for you,” Whitney said, appearing by my side. I noticed she had arrived with her mother, June, a while ago. She handed me a box of teabags.
“Ginger tea?” I asked as she sat down beside me.
“Ginger works like magic on morning sickness. Drink a cup in the morning, or whenever you feel it getting worse. Trust me, it’s a life-changer,” Whitney assured me.
I looked at her questioningly. “How would you know this works for morning sickness?” I couldn’t help myself from asking. Since Whitney had moved home, she had been pretty tight-lipped about her life and her reasons for moving home. She told everyone that she wanted to be here for her mom and Meg, which I was sure was true, but I could also sense there were other reasons.
“I had a miscarriage. Last year. I was only twelve weeks, but my morning sickness had been awful. Ginger tea was the only thing to give me any relief,” she said quietly, her eyes downcast.
Whitney had been pregnant? “I had no idea. I’m so sorry,” I responded.
Whitney gave me a small smile. “You don’t need to be sorry. It was probably for the best. I wasn’t in a position to take care of myself, let alone a baby. And you wouldn’t have known because I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Mom.”
Sensing she didn’t want to talk anymore about it, I lifted the box of tea. “Thanks for this. Want to come with me while I make some?”
“Sure.” Whitney followed me into the kitchen.
I filled the tea kettle and put it on the stove, switching on the burner. “Want some?” I asked, pulling down a tea mug.
“No thanks, I’ll stick to the hard stuff,” Whitney said, pouring herself a glass of wine.
She was putting the bottle of white wine back in the refrigerator when Kyle walked in carrying his daughter, Katie, who was wearing an adorable red velvet dress.
“Hi, guys. I was looking for Katie’s diaper bag. I’m pretty sure I left it in here—oh there it is.”
He and Whitney caught sight of each other, both going still as an unspoken vibe passed between them. I watched the two of them curiously.
“Hey, Webber. Merry Christmas to both of you.” I gave him a hug and kissed Katie’s head, breathing in her clean, baby smell. Her tiny face made my heart clench, making me think that this time next year I’d have my own little one to dress up for Christmas.
Katie’s mouth screwed up and she let out an ear-splitting wail. Kyle started to bounce her, trying to soothe her. “I think she’s teething. She’s been doing the whole screaming her lungs out thing for days. She’s not sleeping. She’s crying constantly.” He looked frazzled as he rooted around in the giant bag he had brought with him. “I’m pretty sure I packed a teething ring.”
“Here, let me take her,” Whitney offered just as the tea kettle started whistling.
“Thanks, Whit,” Kyle said, his smile so sweet it would make your teeth ache. He passed his daughter to Whitney, who held her like a pro. The little girl continued to fuss, but Whitney started singing to her in a soothing, quiet voice. After a few minutes, the baby stopped crying and laid her head on Whitney’s chest.
“Wow, I’m impressed. You’re a natural,” Kyle said, his eyes never leaving Whitney standing in the middle of the kitchen, rocking his daughter.
“I’ve always loved kids,” Whitney shrugged, but her face glowed happily.
Kyle gave Katie the teething ring and she sucked on it while nestled in Whitney’s arms. “I wish her mother felt the same way,” Kyle muttered, his expression darkening.
I knew the relationship between Kyle and Katie’s mother, Josie, was fraught at times. Josie had taken the breakup with Kyle incredibly hard and Adam had intimated that Katie’s mother hadn’t taken to parenthood in the same way Kyle had.
“Everything okay with Josie?” I asked Kyle, sipping my tea. Whitney was right, the ginger settled my stomach almost instantly.
Whitney continued to bounce and sway Katie, but I noticed the way she listened closely to what Kyle was saying. I knew that Kyle had been in love with Whitney for years, but the older Galloway girl had never seemed interested in Adam’s best friend. There had been murmurings of something happening between them at some point, but I took that as idle gossip and nothing more. Now, looking at the two of them standing so close together, I wondered.
“Not really. She took off a few days before Christmas. She said she was going to see her mom who lives in Delaware. She didn’t want to take Katie because she said she wasn’t sure how she’d do on such a long car journey. Katie was supposed to be with me for Christmas anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal to have her early. I won’t ever turn down a chance to spend time with my girl.” Kyle leaned down and kissed the baby’s head. He straightened and then as if realizing how close he was standing to Whitney, he backed up slightly.
“So, she’s still not back?” I asked, feeling slightly awkward by all the tension r
adiating between the two of them.
Kyle cleared his throat and turned back to me. “I didn’t hear from her on Christmas. She didn’t even call to see if Katie had a good day. Then I got a text from her right before I came here. She says she’s staying with her mom for a while. That she can’t be a mom to Katie right now. So, I guess I’m officially a single parent.” Kyle didn’t seem angry, just sad for his daughter.
“Oh, Kyle, I’m so sorry.” I put an arm around him. “But Katie is so lucky to have you.” I felt a stirring of longing for Jeremy, wishing he could be the kind of father Kyle was.
“I’m the lucky one,” Kyle replied, reaching out to take his daughter from Whitney. But Katie wasn’t having it. She yelled at the top of her lungs when Kyle tried to extract her from Whitney’s arms, burying her face in Whitney’s shirt.
“It seems you’ve got a fan, Whit,” I laughed.
Whitney rubbed the little girl’s back. “It seems so.” She tried to hand the baby to her dad, but Katie still refused.
“If it’s okay, I think I’d like to hang out with her for a little while longer,” Whitney said with a soft smile and a hint of wistfulness in her tone.
Kyle couldn’t hide his feelings as he nodded and watched the woman he had been in love with most of his life walk his daughter into the living room.
“Looks like you’re second fiddle today, Web,” I teased, elbowing him in the side, amused at how his eyes never left Whitney and Katie, as though he were seeing something he wanted so much he could taste it.
I knew how he felt.
Kyle finally turned to me. “How are you doing? Adam filled me in on what’s been going on.”
“Of course, he did, the blabbermouth,” I grumbled, finishing my tea and putting the mug in the dishwasher.
“Lena, he’s only worried about you. Don’t be too hard on the poor guy.” Kyle started picking at the cheese and crackers Mom had put together earlier.
“I know he is. I know everyone is. It’s bad enough being the jilted soon-to-be single mom. I don’t need everyone hovering over me like I’m going to fall apart. Yeah, the situation sucks, but it is what it is. And I’ll figure it out like I do everything else.” I sounded so confident. So sure.
Say You Love Me : An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 24
