“I can’t fucking stand it there,” Clay says. “I want to come back home, Mila. Those children don’t give you a moment of peace with all their screaming and shouting.”
His words are like a sword to my chest, and for a second, I can’t speak. “That’s why you left, remember? You wanted children.”
He had thrown it at me as he’d packed his clothes. He wanted a real woman. One who could give him a family. Never mind that we had never discussed children.
I had known there was something the matter with me. In all the years that Clay and I had been married, I had never used contraceptives. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had hoped for a surprise pregnancy, but when that didn’t happen, I let it go. We were happy and didn’t need children to complete us. That’s what I’d foolishly thought. Then Clay dropped the bomb. He was leaving.
“How’s your painting going?” he asks with a smile that does not reach his eyes.
His concern is fake. Clay had never shown any interest in my painting. He called it a hobby, and when the money started rolling in, he shrugged and dismissed it as a nice hobby. He worked as a marketer for a pharmaceutical company. A serious job compared to my little hobby.
It hits me now how many differences we’d had, and I briefly wondered how we managed to stay married for three years. We were such different people.
“Why do you care?” I say and suddenly feel drained. “Please just go.”
I feel no anger or resentment toward him. He is just someone I used to know. Someone I once liked. Now I feel nothing for him.
“We belong together, Mila,” he says.
I meet his stare. His dark intense eyes glower back unblinking. Something dances in them. Something wild. Mad. A stab of fear courses through my veins. I shake myself out of it. Clay is selfish, not dangerous. He would never harm me. Still, I take a step back into the house.
“Please leave,” I say, hating the fear that creeps into my voice. I need to be alone right now. I try to close the door. Something jams it. Clay’s foot.
“I made a mistake, Mila,” he says, his voice taking on a desperate tone. “People make mistakes, and they get forgiven, why can’t you forgive me?”
My hands tremble as I try to push the door.
“Will you think about it?” he says, leaning against the door.
I nod. Anything to get him to go away. He does, and I bang the door in his face. I peer through the keyhole and jump back when I come up against his face close to the door. He stands there, looking at the door, and I’m frightened that he’ll try to break in.
I tell myself I’m being silly.
I run upstairs to my studio, sit down, and wait for my breath to return to normal. When it does, I pick up my phone, and with shaking fingers, speed dial Jessica’s number.
“Please tell me you’re doing something that normal adults do at this time of day,” Jessica says by way of greeting.
In the background, I hear children’s laughter and shouts. It reminds me of Clay’s words about children. A shiver goes through me.
“Mila?” Jessica says. “Are you all right?”
“Kind of,” I say and then proceed to tell her about Clay’s visit.
She knows him well. Her husband and Clay are cousins. That’s how I met him. Double dating with my best friend and her husband. I know Jessica feels bad about that, but no one could have predicted that two people so smitten with one another could end up divorced in less than three years.
“You need to get a restraining order against him,” Jessica fumes over the phone.
“It’s the first time he’s come around,” I tell her.
“It won’t be the last. I can’t believe he thinks there’s a chance you would take him back after what he did.”
“I’m so tempted to go away,” I say. “Someplace where it’s hot throughout the year and where no one knows me.” The fantasy grows in my head. “I’d forget about painting for a while and just be someone else.”
“Have a hot affair,” Jessica quips.
“Yes, a hot Adonis with eyes for no one but me,” I add with a giggle.
“And fall in love,” Jessica says.
I snap back to the present. “Why do you have to spoil my fantasy?” I pout. “You know that’s out of the cards for me. I’m not averse to an affair, though.”
“You don’t have the temperament for it,” Jessica says. “You’re the romantic type of woman. Happy ever after and all that—the best kind of woman.”
“I used to be. Not anymore. I’m done with marriage and relationships and all that soppy stuff.”
“Now that is sad,” Jessica says.
It’s difficult for someone who has never been hurt to imagine the damage a man does when he leaves you for another woman. The dent to a person’s self-esteem. The pain that comes in waves, never completely leaving. The proof that you’re not good enough and will never be.That there will always be another woman who is sexier, better than you. That is the kind of pain I will never allow myself to go through again. I don’t expect Jessica, with a man who worships the ground she walks on, and three sweet boys that think the sun shines from their mother’s rear end, to understand.
“Don’t let that worthless piece of shit spoil love for you. There are good men out there, Mila. You only need to find him.”
My lungs constrict, making it hard to breathe. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Like your upcoming trip,” Jessica says, her voice cheerful.
I love her for that. Her ability to know when to move on to less painful topics. She always knows when to push me and when to back off.
“I was thinking of LA. Forever sunny,” I say and lean back into my seat as the fantasy takes hold.
“You should go,” Jessica says. “Seriously. What’s stopping you? It’s a chance to get away from it all.”
We both know ‘it all’ is referring to my painter’s block, but mostly Clay. The more we talk about it, the more the idea grows. My heartbeat races and drums in my chest. By the time we are finished talking, I can’t wait to get off the phone and check out homes to rent in LA.
Chapter 2
Brad
“Hey, Brad, a couple of us are going out for a drink later, want to join us?” Ken, one of the guys asks me.
I shake my head regretfully. As much as I used to enjoy spending a few hours with the guys, those are things I’ve pushed to the back burner for now. Life as a single parent leaves you little time for socializing. I don’t miss it, though. My life now revolves around my boy, and I’m happy this way.
“Thanks, but no can do,” I reply cheerfully as I gather my gear.
“I can ask Debbie to keep Isaac a while longer; she won’t mind,” Collins says.
His wife picks up Isaac from kindergarten as she’s picking up their son and takes him home with her. I leave the fire station two hours later and go and pick him up from Debbie and Collins’ house.
“Thanks, I appreciate the offer, but I’m beat, to be honest,” I tell Collins and slap his shoulder.
I wave goodbye to the guys, pause briefly at the corner office to speak to the chief, and then I leave. I’m the only one of the firefighters in our station who works nine to five. All the other guys work in shifts. The chief arranged this for me after Brenda ran off with the neighbor, leaving me alone with a young baby.
It’s been a year and a half now, and I’m only just feeling like I’m healing. I don’t look at Mike’s house and want to tear it down anymore. I know I’m healing because I can think of Brenda without my heart shrinking in my chest. The pain is gone now, but where my heart used to be is a huge block of cement.
The only love I have belongs to Isaac. I turn the key, and the engine of the SUV roars to life. Minutes later, I’m driving towards Collins’ house, which, luckily, is only a few minutes from the station. I whistle, pleased that it’s Friday, my favorite day. I get to spend two whole days with Isaac.
Isaac must have been peering through the window because
as soon as I pull up into the driveway, he bursts out of the house. Debbie’s dark head emerges, and she follows him to the car. I jump out of the car and laughingly catch Isaac as he throws himself against me. I hold him tight, and for a second, neither of us speaks.
“Hi, buddy,” I finally say as I lower him to the ground. My voice is gruff as it always is when I see Isaac after a few hours apart.
“Hi Dad,” he says and opens the door to enter the car.
“Brad.” Debbie comes to peck me on the cheek. “Isaac was eager for his dad today, and the boys are all looking forward to tomorrow’s training.”
I grin. “Me too.”
I coach little league every Saturday, something I enjoy doing, but it also keeps Isaac and I busy on Saturdays doing something constructive.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I tell Debbie and slip back into the car.
She waves and returns to the house. Isaac and I chat about his day on the way home.
“Look, Dad,” he says to me as I park in our driveway. “There’s a new neighbor.”
Our drive is between our house and Mike’s house. Or rather, what was Mike’s house before he and Brenda ran off together. I’ve trained myself not to look at it, but now I turn as I kill the engine. My breath hitches as I stare at the most incredible pair of legs I have ever seen.
Then, my gaze rises to her generous chest, and all the blood in my body drops to my cock. I’m glad to find that everything is working just fine down there because since Brenda left, I have never even looked at another woman sexually.
The woman is lying on a lounger on the front lawn. She’s wearing shorts and a white top with the tails tied under her tits accentuating their size. I swallow a ball of saliva and force myself to look away. We get out of the car, and she still doesn’t open her eyes to look our way.
I steal one last glance at her thighs, and then I propel Isaac toward the house. We’re both struck by the new neighbor, but our reasons are vastly different.
“I’ll get dinner started,” I tell Isaac once we’re in the house.
“Can I play with my ball outside?” he asks. “I’ll be in the front, and I won’t speak to strangers.”
I grin. He knows all my fears. “Okay, but keep the front door open and don’t go disturbing the new neighbor.”
“I won’t, Dad,” he says and bounds up to his room to get the ball.
In the kitchen, I roll up my sleeves and get to work. I’ve become quite the chef since Brenda left. Trying out new recipes has been one way of keeping myself occupied. Over the last year and a half, I’ve learned survival techniques that have nothing to do with being a firefighter.
Keeping busy is one of them, and ensuring that by bedtime, I’m so tired that it doesn’t take me more than a few minutes to fall asleep. The images of Brenda and Mike rolling around on Mike’s bed next door while I’m at work no longer haunt me.
On the day she left, she had been in a vicious mood, telling me all the gory details of their affair. She planted images that haunted me for almost a year. How she spent the night at his house when I was working the night shift and excruciating details of how Mike fucked her. Things that a man should never hear about his wife.
The only thing that had made me hang on to my sanity was Isaac. I’d been left without a wife, but Isaac had been left without a mother. He was three years old then, and after asking about her for months, he had abruptly stopped. We never speak about her. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad; I hate to bring it up and cause my boy more pain. I do wonder whether he has forgotten her in all his innocence. There’s no way to know without asking Isaac, and that is something I can’t bring myself to do.
***
Dinner is ready, and I realize that I haven’t heard the sound of Isaac’s ball in the front yard. My stomach churns. I drop the kitchen towel and hurry out.
“Isaac,” I shout as I step out onto the porch.
There’s no response, and images of a frightened Isaac being driven off in a strange car fill my mind. I run out, and as I cross the front lawn, I hear his sweet voice. My knees almost buckle from the relief. I follow his voice, and when I see him, I smile despite my anxiety.
He and the neighbor are lying side by side on respective lounges. Their chins are up, and they are looking at the clouds.
“I see a car, Mila,” Isaac says.
“I see it too,” the lady says. Her voice is sweet and gentle, the kind you cannot imagine ever sounding angry. As I get closer, I realize that it’s not just her body that is hot. She’s beautiful with wide blue eyes, a full soft mouth, and blonde locks that frame her face.
She hears my footsteps and turns her head. She stands up and smiles. Her smile deepens the dimples in her cheeks. My heart does a somersault in my chest.
“Hi, my name is Mila, and I’m your son’s newest friend.” She sticks out a hand, and I take it. Electricity sizzles as our hands touch. I’ve never had such a reaction to a stranger. Her hand is slim and long and so soft. I don’t want to let go of it.
“And I’m Brad Bennet, sorry if Isaac—”
“Not at all. He’s an absolute darling,” she says, glancing at Isaac, who grins at her as if she’s an old friend.
Her eyes rake me up and down, and I realize that I still have on my apron.
“Well, thanks for watching him. I was making dinner, and I realized I couldn’t hear him playing out front.” I’m blabbering.
“That’s fine. We had a good time getting to know each other.”
She has the bluest eyes I have ever seen. I’m about to excuse myself and Isaac when I realize how rude it is to just leave without inviting her in.
“Would you like to join us for dinner?” I really want her to say yes. Something about the softness in her face makes me think she’d make a good dinner companion. I almost laugh at myself. Plain lust is making me poetic. She’s hot, and I wouldn’t mind spending the next hour ogling her sexy body.
She shakes her head, and disappointment floods me. “Thanks, but I’m afraid I can’t. Lots of unpacking to do. I just moved in today.”
“Well, it’s a standing invitation. Whenever you’re free, let us know. We are a friendly neighborhood.”
Too friendly, I think to myself as I remember my ex-wife and Mike. I push away the thought, but it has already soured my mood.
“Say thank you, Isaac,” I say.
“Thanks, Mila,” Isaac says and comes to my side.
“Miss Mila,” I correct him.
She laughs. “Mila is just fine.”
She says goodbye and turns to enter the house. I stand and stare at her gorgeous ass. I imagine cupping it as I carry her to the bedroom and my cock stirs. She sways as she walks, and then I realize that she’s stopped. I raise my gaze and meet her stare. Her eyes drop to the bulge in my trousers. She looks away and hurries into the house.
Great. Now she thinks I’m a perv. We’ll probably never see her again. That thought leaves me feeling unsettled. I realize just how much I want to see her. To fuck her if I’m to be brutally honest.
“Dad!”
I whirl around. Isaac is already at the front door.
“Coming.” I steal a last look just as she reaches the door. She slips in and doesn’t look back.
I let out a breath I was not aware I had been holding.
Chapter 3
Mila
“I hear swish noises; what are you doing? I feel like I don’t have all your attention,” Jessica complains from the other end of the phone call.
The swish noises she’s hearing are the sound of the curtains as I push them to the side and peek through the window. I feel like one of those nosy neighbors everyone dislikes, but I can’t stop myself. “Mmmm,” I manage to say. My eyes are glued to Brad and Isaac as they leave their car. My mouth waters as I take in Brad’s chest encased in a tight-fitting white T-shirt. From behind the curtain, I can tell that he’s been sweating as the T-shirt clings to his skin.
“Mila,” Jessica say
s.
“Hush, give me a minute. I’m eye-fucking my new neighbor. The one I told you about.”
She giggles. My attention returns to Brad. I imagine running my hands over his muscular thighs. A sigh escapes my lips.
“Describe him to me again,” Jessica says, her tone urgent.
“You’re sick and married,” I tell her as Brad and Isaac disappear from view.
“Nothing wrong with looking,” she says. “Or hearing, in this case.”
I collapse onto the couch. I feel as if I’ve been running, and all I’ve done all day was to go out for groceries and do some cleaning.
“Have you met him? What does he do? God, this is so exciting, better than a porn movie.”
“You watch porn?” I’m horrified.
“Steamy, not porn and I watch it with David,” she says.
“I’d really love to indulge your fantasies, but I’ve got to go,” I tell Jessica as I remember Isaac’s ball that I picked up that morning from my garden.
“Hey, you can’t just go and leave me hanging,” Jessica says.
I laugh and disconnect the call. I adjust my denim shorts and a white sleeveless top. Then I get Isaac’s ball and head for the door. I try to talk myself out of it as I cross the driveway. Isaac will leave the house at some point. It’s only been two days, but I can already tell that he likes playing outside.
What if he goes out and I’m not there to give him back his ball?
I could leave the ball on their porch.
That’s just plain rude.
I do this as I go up to the door. Suggest solutions and then answer why that won’t work. Before I know it, I’m knocking on the door.
I’m about to give up when I hear footsteps from the other side of the door. It flings open, and Brad stands there smiling at me. For a few seconds, I can’t speak. He’s naked except for a towel wrapped around his middle.
“Hi,” I croak and hold out Isaac’s ball. “I found this in my garden.”
His hair is damp and matted to his scalp. Brad looks good enough to eat. He doesn’t make a move to take the ball.
Say You Love Me : An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 27
