He wondered if she would be able to withstand the pressure on her. He got up and poured himself a glass of water from the carafe, smiling.
Of course she would withstand it. He did not recall ever meeting a gentlewoman so strong-willed.
He must go to bed. He could see the faint dawn light beginning to outline the hills. Tomorrow he must act normally, but maybe he could prevail upon Bingley to ride into Meryton. He might catch sight of Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
Chapter 3
Elizabeth squashed up close to the edge of the coach. Jane had quickly changed places with her before all the younger Bennet girls had climbed on, despite their mother’s noisy objections, and it was poor Jane who was crushed up close beside Mr. Collins.
But she smiled serenely at Elizabeth, obviously secure in the fact that Mrs. Bennet was allowing her much freedom in the expectation of a proposal from Mr. Bingley.
Without the fear any longer of being in too close proximity with Mr. Collins, Elizabeth let her thoughts wander back to Mr. Darcy.
She had been inordinately surprised by his offer to save her from the unwanted attentions by dancing with her — more than once, and she did not understand him at all.
But her thoughts were brought back to the present by hearing her father coughing. She watched him covertly. He had been coughing a lot of late, and it was not the season to expect such paroxysms.
She saw, with some concern, the spasms seemed to be causing him a degree of discomfort. When they reached Longbourn and passed into the house, she noticed for the first time that he seemed thinner and greyer than she had previously recalled.
As they all climbed the stairs to bed, the tired servants silent as they waited on them, Elizabeth bit her lip. When had her father started to be unwell?
She recalled him at mealtimes, he seemed to eat well, but she had not taken much notice of that before. But he climbed the stairs quietly, without complaint. Perhaps she was mistaken, hoping that he was not contemplating the arrangements for Longbourn after his death.
She shivered in the cold air as she changed quickly and hurried into her bed. At least the warming pan had taken the chill off the sheets.
As she closed her eyes in the darkness, Mr. Darcy’s face swam into her mind.
I fear that you might not escape an offer, Miss Bennet.
She shuddered. She didn’t want to admit to herself that he was right, but she knew he probably was.
Her lips curved as she remembered his agreeable behaviour. She had been most surprised to find that he had a similar turn of humour to her own.
She’d also been astonished that he had been willing to take a risk of being thought partial by dancing several dances with her.
“Poor Miss Bingley!” she murmured, and laughed. The vexation of not seeing Mr. Wickham was quite forgotten in the memory of Mr. Darcy’s eyes on her.
But soon enough she remembered her dread of the next day. She was by now, utterly convinced that her parents knew of Mr. Collins’ plan, and that her mother would be loud and determined.
The only hope she had was that her father would not allow her to be unhappy, and she clung to that hope as she drifted into an uneasy doze.
The next morning, she slipped into Jane’s room before breakfast to talk about the ball.
“Oh, Jane. I know that Mr. Collins is going to make me an offer, and I do not want to hear it. But Mama will make such a fuss when I refuse him.”
Jane was sympathetic and tried to calm her sister. But she did not appear to have noticed the difficulty Elizabeth had had with Mr. Collins.
“Oh, Lizzy! I am sure you exaggerate. I did not notice any such peculiar regard by him.”
Elizabeth was happy for Jane that she was so taken with Mr. Bingley. But she was also disappointed that her sister was not so observant as she had needed her to be.
She went downstairs to breakfast. Her place at the table was next to their guest and she suppressed a shudder as he drew his chair up. He was much too close.
She ignored Mr. Collins as completely as she could and listened to Lydia and Kitty as they discussed who they had danced with, and there was much laughter.
But she was aware of the gaze of both her parents on her. Mrs. Bennet simpered over Mr. Collins and laughed at every pronouncement he made.
Elizabeth watched as he became more and more puffed up with confidence and self-importance. She shrank further and further away from her cousin.
She surprised herself with the thought of Mr. Darcy, wishing he were here. She felt her face grow hot, and glanced around guiltily. She caught her father’s eye, and blushed again. She looked down, thinking.
“Excuse me, Papa; excuse me, Mama, I have a slight headache.” She stood up, hoping to escape to her room.
“Sit down, Lizzy! You must not be so rude as to leave the table!” Her mother’s voice made her wince, and her father intervened.
“Go upstairs, Lizzy, if you need to lie down. We will see you later.”
“Thank you, Papa.” Elizabeth hurried from the room. In her bedroom she paced around, her head aching for real.
There was absolutely no possibility of her accepting an offer by Mr. Collins, his presence in the house made the very place abominable to her.
She clung to the hope that her father would take her side and that Mr. Collins would be gone in high dudgeon very soon.
If Papa didn’t support her, she knew the pressure on her would be very great, and again she remembered the items she had hidden in the hollow of the tree. She reminded herself that she must also remember a length of fabric, she’d forgotten that.
She acknowledged to herself that she’d never really thought that she would need to do this, it had been a childish fantasy. But she was glad she had prepared, even though she’d expected her sin to be writ large across her face as she had returned home, the man’s breeches and shirt hidden safely in the tree.
So she had started watching the washing lines of the villagers more carefully, and later acquired a pair of stockings to accompany the breeches. In a few weeks she had the makings of a complete outfit, except for the shoes. She did not know what she should do for shoes.
Over the last months, she had planned to take an old pair that had belonged to her father when they were discarded, but she could not do that now if they might be missed. All must think she was dressed as herself.
She looked in her glass. She would be sad to have to cut her hair. She clenched her jaw. Better to lose her hair than be forced to give Mr. Collins the rest of her life.
She shook herself. It was still possible that she would not need to flee from her house and her family. In fact, she was sure she would not need to, her father would not wish her to be unhappy.
She knew if she did this, then she could never return, and she feared what might happen to her if she was discovered.
She lay on the bed, her head throbbing.
Chapter 4
“Lizzy! Lizzy!” The door crashed open and her mother’s hectoring tones woke her. She winced.
“Stop pretending to be ill, Lizzy. I know exactly what you’re doing!”
Elizabeth sat up, screwing up her face in pain. Her head was aching for real now.
“What is it, Mama?” Then memory returned and she knew what it was.
“Come on downstairs, Lizzy. You know you cannot fool me. You are never ill.”
“Yes, Mama.” Elizabeth was resigned. It was going to happen, however she wished to delay it, and now she wanted to get it over with. After she had refused him, he would leave this house, she hoped. Nothing would seem quite so bad then.
She sat up slowly and smoothed down her dress. She glanced in the mirror. Her face was chalky white and she had dark circles under her eyes.
Very alluring. She almost laughed. She would know how unthinking he was if he made no comment on whether she felt better.
She followed her mother down the stairs, already knowing that Mr. Collins thought of nobody but himself and his own advancement.
Her mother was keeping up a non-stop monologue in front of her. “Now you go in and hear Mr. Collins. You’re a bad ungrateful girl.”
“Yes, Mama.” It was no good objecting. She glanced across the hall at her father’s library. The door was firmly shut and she felt her usual irritation at Papa being absent when he thought there might be conflict in the house. She took a deep breath. She would be strong, she would rely only on herself.
She took strength in the fact that no one, no one at all, could force her to marry against her will. But as her mother opened the door to the sitting room, her heart almost failed her. She knew there would be much pressure on her to ‘do the right thing.’
“Go on, go on!” Her mother pushed her in the doorway and shut the door behind her.
Elizabeth hastily walked around the table to put it between herself and her cousin, who stood there, a smug and odious smile on his face. She picked up the vase and flowers that one of her sisters must have been engaged in arranging, trying to keep her hands and her eyes occupied.
“My dear cousin!” Mr. Collins had no scruples about making his offer to Elizabeth. Indeed, he had no concern that she would not hear him out, for he had spoken to Mrs. Bennet and she had assured him that there would be no objection from Elizabeth as to what he had to stay.
As Elizabeth had surmised, he made no reference to the supposed headache which had driven her upstairs after breakfast. He was in a highly exalted state, and began to explain to her in the most excruciating detail why it was expedient to marry and why he had made the settled choice of Elizabeth.
She was unsurprised to find the name of Lady Catherine de Bourgh was most frequently on his lips, and she imagined that his sermons must be made in the same way, designed to promote that lady’s name in every possible sentence.
But then it was done, and Mr. Collins advanced around the table at her, and placed himself on one knee.
“And now nothing remains for me but to assure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affection.” His face, indeed, showed an extraordinary expression, one which he seemed to think would display to Elizabeth his violent affection, but which made her recoil to the fullest extent.
Mr. Collins then proceeded to talk about her lack of fortune and assure her that he would bear her no ill-will for having so little, after they were married.
Elizabeth jumped to her feet. “No, Mr. Collins. You presume too much, sir! I have not answered you, pray let me do so now.” With as much politeness as she could muster, she let him down as gently as possible, supposing him to be excessively hurt by such a refusal.
She was amazed, however, by his refusal to accept it at all.
“My dear cousin,” he cried with much enthusiasm. “I know that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept.” He gave her a simpering smile. “And that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar before too long.”
“Upon my word, Mr. Collins!” Elizabeth hurried towards the door. “I meant everything I said. I cannot be the wife you need and want.” She had a moment of clarity. “And I know that Lady Catherine de Bourgh would think me most unsuitable as your wife.” She reached for the door latch. “Good day, Mr. Collins.”
As she hurried out of the door, she disturbed her mother in the act of listening with her ear to it. She hastily escaped past that lady and hurried to her bedchamber. She did not expect to be able to maintain the privacy long, and in that she was not mistaken.
Once again the door flew open. “Lizzy! Lizzy!” Her mother’s hectoring tones were the same as they always were. “You must come downstairs this instant. Your father wishes to speak to you!”
Elizabeth turned to the door. “Yes, Mama.” Now she would discover if she was right, if her father would support her choice.
Unbidden, her mind flew back to last night. A tall, dark man, dancing with her so that Mr. Collins could not. He had spoken very seriously.
“It must be very tempting for your father to keep the estate with the family. It is a very usual thing to expect a daughter to marry in line with her parents’ wishes.”
She shivered, she would have been glad of his support today. She smiled slightly as she walked downstairs. She would never have believed he could be so civil and interested. Not amiable. No, he could never be that, but perfectly polite and not proud at all.
Mr. Collins was standing in the hall, his gaze burning reproachfully at her, but his manner confident. She almost laughed, he could not believe he would not be successful. In his own mind, he was a perfect catch.
She tossed her head and knocked on her father’s door.
Chapter 5
“Come in!” She heard his call and she turned the handle and slipped inside, hoping to close it behind her. But she was without good fortune, for her mother pushed inside as well.
“Don’t think you can get around your father with your wiles, Miss Lizzy!” her screech went through Elizabeth’s head.
Elizabeth stood and waited for her father to speak. It was the first time she’d really looked properly at him in a good light for some days now, and she was startled by his gaunt look. He did not get up, another sign which made her uneasy.
“You wished to speak to me, father?”
“Yes, Lizzy, I did.” He sighed. “Come here, child.” He indicated the chair opposite him.
She moved towards it, feeling her mother pushing her from behind. Slowly she settled herself into it, ignoring her mother as best she was able and trying to steady her racing heart.
Her father could not meet her eyes. Suddenly she felt very alone. She was not going to have his support for her decision. She sat up straighter.
“You are not well, Papa. Do you have pain?”
Her mother made an exclamation of annoyance. “Do not beat about the bush, Lizzy. Tell your father what you have done this morning!”
Elizabeth turned to her, pretending surprise. “I have done nothing this morning, Mama. In truth, I have been very occupied in not getting engaged.” She smiled serenely at her mother, knowing it would vex her.
“Oh, Lizzy! You know how you torment my nerves!” Mrs. Bennet turned to her husband. “Mr. Bennet! You must make her marry him! Or we will all be turned out of Longbourn and then the whole family will suffer because of Miss Lizzy having ideas above her station!”
Elizabeth started. She recalled hearing Mr. Darcy saying those very words last night.
“… dancing with someone above your station.”
And he had smiled.
If only. Her mind wandered. She would wish to have found someone she truly loved.
“Lizzy! You are not listening to your father!” Her mother flicked at her with her handkerchief, and Elizabeth turned back to her father.
“I am sorry, Papa. What have you said?”
He smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. “I said that you are most observant, Lizzy. I believe you to have been the only person to have seen that I am less than well.” He shot a look of despair at Mrs. Bennet, who was sitting there with her lips pursed.
He reached for her hand. “Lizzy, this infirmity has brought home to me my own mortality. I have been distressed to know what is likely to happen to my family — to all of you.”
She held her breath. So this was to be the means of persuasion. If her father was dying — which certainly seemed to be his fear now — then her mother and sisters would be thrown out of Longbourn with her.
She looked out of the window. She could bear that with equanimity — except for Jane. Jane did not deserve that. She needed to be here, to receive the attentions of Mr. Bingley and to marry for love and be happy.
The view out of the window blurred and shimmered as the moisture in her eyes threatened to overspill. She blinked hard.
“So you see, Lizzy. Although it pains me very much, I must ask you if you
will consider the needs of your mother and your sisters.” Her father was speaking very earnestly to her. “I ask you most sincerely if you will do your duty and accept the offer of your cousin. This would secure Longbourn and ensure a place to live.” He smiled painfully.
“It would be nice for you to have an estate to leave your children, I think.”
Elizabeth thought of those poor, imaginary children. They would have Mr. Collins as their father. She felt sick. Papa could not know that he was advancing her determination to refuse her cousin.
“Elizabeth, I beg that you do for your family what I cannot.” Her father’s hand tightened around hers.
She concentrated on her breathing, she must not give in. A moment’s weakness and she would be tied to the most odious man she had ever met.
“I understand what you are saying, Papa.” Her voice was very quiet.
Her mother cried out with happiness. “There! I knew you would see sense, Lizzy! Oh, Mr. Bennet, I am so happy.”
“Do not rejoice too soon, Mrs. Bennet.” Her husband cautioned her.
“Lizzy has not said she would marry, she merely said she understood.”
“Oh, well. But now she understands her duty, she will do what needs to be done.” Mrs. Bennet hugged herself with joy.
Her father shook his head. “Will you marry him, Lizzy? And make your family safe?”
Elizabeth stood up and went to the window. There was a sudden silence from her mother.
She wondered if they realised the enormity of what they were asking. In order to make the other members of her family safe, her parents were asking her to give up all her hopes and dreams, shackle herself to such a man as she felt nothing but disdain for.
Long after her mother was dead, and her sisters married and gone, she would still be here, never to be free of him. It was too much to ask.
But still she felt the call of her duty to her family. She had been brought up to do as she was bidden by her parents, and now they had occasioned such a reasonable argument as would take much effort to refute.
Compromise and Obligation: A Darcy and Elizabeth Pride and Prejudice Regency Variation Page 2
