by Iris Trovao
“Girl trouble?” she asked, and he blinked down at her in surprise. “I figured it was work but Mom called there too, and your receptionist said you took an early lunch.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “My personal life isn’t important, especially when it’s distracting from hospital calls.” He lowered his gaze. “I’m so sorry I didn’t pick up right away.”
“I told Rose to call ‘cause I figured with Mom being, like, crazy, you wouldn’t pick up if it was her,” Lily admitted. “I know you wouldn’t ignore us.”
“I still should have picked up,” he whispered. “It doesn’t matter what’s going on between your mother and I, I have to assume it’s something important when she calls. I lost sight of that for a moment…and I’m so sorry.”
“Dad,” she said firmly, “my boyfriend and I got in a car accident and I don’t know if he’s gonna live or die. Making me, your kid, have to try to convince you not to feel guilty for not picking up a phone call isn’t the best distraction.”
He shook his head. “You’re right. Hashtag dad fail?”
She snorted, shattering the tension between them, and buried her face back into his chest. “You’re such a dork.”
Dr. Dorky McNerdface, he thought, and his heart clenched. The last time Jolie felt like she had nothing to lose, she got so drunk that she landed herself in the hospital. Now she’s probably been fired, I left her, and she presumably fought with her friend after that…
“You think they’ll bring me a hot chocolate, too?” he asked as Lily settled back into his arm.
“If they do, then you can pretend you don’t want your whipped cream and let me have it,” she suggested, and he chuckled, kissing the top of her head.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Jolie stood in front of the pub, lit cigarette hanging limply from between her lips. Her left eye suddenly exploded with burning pain and she smashed her palm against it, snatching the smoke with her other hand.
“Motherfucker,” she hissed.
“You okay?” a man asked from behind her.
“Just an eye-toke,” she groaned, blinking rapidly in an attempt to drive the smoke out of her eye sockets.
“Ugh, I hate that,” he agreed, and motioned to the door. “Can I buy you a drink? Don’t need to write off the night just yet.”
Jolie stared up at him, one eye watery and probably red, her face blotchy from crying, pants still covered in coffee grounds and flour from the job that she wasn’t sure she even still had. “Are you kidding me?” she snapped. “I know I look like a hopeless case that would be easy to get in the sack, but you can fuck right off with that.”
He raised his palms, shaking his head, and backed away. He didn’t even have the decency to apologize, simply disappeared into the pub.
She glared at his back as he entered, taking a tentative puff of her dwindling cigarette, squeezing her aching eye shut to try to create some moisture.
After several more tense minutes staring at the front window of her old haunt, Jolie tossed the butt onto the sidewalk and squashed it with her boot. She pulled out her phone and tapped the screen.
Nothing. Nobody.
You’ve officially driven everyone away that ever meant anything to you, she thought bitterly. Great fucking job, JoJo.
She turned her phone off completely and shoved it back into her coat pocket, letting out a deep breath and heading inside. She didn’t recognize the bartender, which was probably a good thing. She recognized a few of the barflies that lived on these stools, but they weren’t anyone she’d ever talked to. She never was one of those drunks that sat and told her whole life story to a stranger.
No, she’d been one of those drunks that would get shitfaced and pass out in an alley. Or set her bathtub on fire and drown her phone. Or… Fuck. I am pathetic.
She sat down at the bar, almost in slow motion. It was like the air was made of soup, dense hot resistance pushing back at her. There was some part of her that knew she shouldn’t be here. That she’d come here out of habit, because things were hard. That she’d pushed everyone away and made them harder than they needed to be.
“For the record, you don’t look like a hopeless case.”
Jolie closed her eyes as the guy from outside slid onto the stool next to her.
“I don’t know why you’d think I would give a shit what I look like to you,” she retorted.
He leaned an elbow on the bar top and rested his head against his hand. “I don’t think you give a shit,” he replied. “What I think is that you look like you’ve had a terrible day. I’ve also had a terrible day. Maybe we have a drink together and our day magically gets less terrible.”
“I’m not gonna fuck you,” she snapped, poking the inside of her cheek with her tongue. “I’ve hit my quota for self-destructive decisions today.”
He laughed and raised a finger to the bartender before turning back to her. “I’m not one to often dabble in the fairer sex, so you don’t have to worry about me trying to fuck you,” he drawled. “Though I’m not sure whether to be offended or flattered that you think hooking up with me would be self-destructive.”
She took in his plaid button-down and well-shaped beard and snorted. “You’re a mountain bear that looks like he could bench press me. Trust me, I could think of a million destructive things we could do together.” She shook her head at the bartender as he slid a glass across to her companion. “But it’s nice to know that you’re not into vaginas.”
“Not often, anyway,” he corrected, raising an eyebrow. “Mountain bear, huh? Am I that obvious?”
“You look like you walked out of a lumberjack calendar, yes.” She waved a flippant hand up and down his outfit. “Did you move here or are you just passing through?”
“Temporary stay,” he replied. “My cousin is going through a nasty divorce and struggling to sell her house while juggling kids and a full-time job and a psychotic ex-husband that may or may not still be running around the city.”
Jolie let out a low whistle. “Well all that sucks ass.”
“Indeed it does.” He nodded. “So Uncle Declan is hanging out in the city for a while.” He sighed. “And…you did not ask for my life story. Sorry, I legit come from a town of like ten people. It’s always a bit of a culture shock coming here.”
She shook her head. “It’s all good, man. Hearing about other people’s shitty problems is a good distraction.”
“Not going to argue with that. I can’t say that helping Chloe isn’t also helping me get away from my own issues.” He downed the last of his glass. “Also I’m Declan. And you are…?”
She took a deep breath and extended her hand. “Jolie. Nice to meet you, Uncle Declan.”
He wrinkled his nose as he shook. “That just doesn’t sound…”
“Wholesome?” she supplied, and the bartender returned to refill his glass.
“Definitely not wholesome.”
She pursed her lips as the barman paused in front of her, and took a deep breath. “Canadian whisky,” she said hoarsely, motioning to the white bottle on the shelf behind him. Once the drink sat in front of her, she had that slow motion sensation again, curling each finger around the warm glass, the whiff of caramel and spice curling into her nostrils, the pull like a siren’s song.
“So, what’s got you chewing out friendly strangers this evening?” Declan cut into her alcoholic reunion.
She snorted. “Ugh.” She swirled the whisky around in the glass. “Queen of self-destruction.” She took a sip, and her eyes fluttered closed at the silky smooth burn on her tongue.
“Well, knowing that is half the battle, right?”
“I think I’d rather not know,” she admitted. “Then at least I could blame everyone else instead of being depressed that I fucked up my whole life myself. Again.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t it easier to fix, though, since you know why it’s broken?”
She scoffed. “You don’t know me.” Another sip. Another internal moan.
Why do you have to be so delicious?
“I know that it’s harder to see solutions when you’re in the thick of things,” he said, the inflection in the words insinuating that he wanted her to elaborate on her situation.
She sighed. “I’ve been pining over a close friend for almost a year and now that we’re finally together I’m fucking terrified. I made such a scene that I probably lost my job and my last friend, and drove away a guy that I actually could see myself being happy with.”
Declan nodded thoughtfully as he sipped his drink. “Fear of it not working out?”
“Oh, I could list a shit ton of reasons why it won’t work out. The fear is valid.” She raised her glass in a sarcastic toast. “Makes the most sense to cut and run before I ruin his life.” I just wish it didn’t fucking hurt so much. She’d expected each sip to dull the ache, a stupid, misguided attempt to obliterate the pain shattering her heart.
“Well, here’s to being pathetic and lonely,” he declared, clinking his glass against hers and downing the rest of his drink. He waved to get the attention of the bartender, and Jolie stared down into her rapidly dwindling whisky.
Pathetic and lonely.
Doomed to be pathetic and lonely.
She chugged the rest of her booze and slammed the empty glass down on the bar.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Are you okay?
It got really intense today but I don’t want to give up on this.
I’m sorry for showing up at your work…it was a bad idea. I just couldn’t stand the thought of you deciding we were over.
That we’d given it a good try.
It’s been less than a week since we’ve been around each other in person and I don’t think that’s a good enough try.
We’re so different. We’re incredibly different, with different lives, it’s going to be challenging working that all out…and we should have talked sooner about what our relationship even is.
We didn’t, and that was a mistake. I foolishly assumed that we were on the same page, that you knew how I felt, but when I started to doubt that you did know, then I started to doubt that you felt the same way, and then…
Our whole blowout today happened because we didn’t talk to each other.
You’d think that after almost a year of just talking that we’d be good at this by now.
I’m worried that you’re not answering.
I don’t know if you’re ignoring me on purpose…if you’re reading these and choosing not to say anything. Or if something has happened to you.
The last time you ignored me, you said you went on a bender but in reality you were laying in a hospital bed with alcohol poisoning.
I’m in that same ER tonight.
Lily and her boyfriend were in a car accident. They’re okay. But that’s why Gina was calling me.
I don’t know if that matters to you or not, but it should.
I wish you would answer me.
“Dad?” Lily asked, leaning against Carson’s shoulder. “You didn’t say anything when I asked you if it was girl trouble.”
He sighed, finally putting his phone to sleep and slipping it back into his pocket. He’d read and reread his messages to Jolie so many times throughout the evening, hoping he’d see three little dots appear. Hoping that he wouldn’t see her unresponsive body being rushed in on a stretcher.
“Is everything okay with Jolie?” Lily asked.
He drew his bottom lip between his teeth and looked around the waiting room, trying to figure out how to avoid the question. His daughter had been discharged but she’d refused to leave before she was allowed to see Nick, so he’d offered to stay with her so Gina could take Rose home.
“I thought you didn’t want to have to comfort your old man?” he finally asked, lowering his gaze to the floor.
She raised an eyebrow. “Context, Dad. I didn’t want to comfort you feeling guilty about me and Nick. Helping you through your lady troubles is kinda my job as your super knowledgeable teenage daughter.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Should be the other way around,” he murmured.
“Yeah, well, I don’t need advice on relationships from you or mom,” she retorted.
The words weren’t filled with any kind of vitriol or venom, but they stung just the same. Carson didn’t harbour any delusions about how he and Gina’s relationship came off to his daughters, not after they’d come clean about everything. Lily had a good grasp on reality and she was right… She didn’t need relationship advice. She’d chosen an amazing young man who treated her well and made her happy, and that was all that a father could ask for.
He hoped that carried into her adult life, that she would choose wisely and not let herself be taken advantage of. Nor take advantage of others.
“Did Mom do something?” Lily asked quietly.
Carson sighed. “No.” How do I explain this…how can I even… “Jolie and I should be able to deal with both of our life situations in a mature way. And I… Well, I didn’t handle myself in a mature way today.”
“So the two of you are acting like dumb teenagers?” she asked, and he opened his mouth to protest but then laughed, shaking his head.
“Yeah, you know…we are,” he admitted.
Lily shrugged. “Is it because you’re in love with her?”
Every nerve ending in Carson’s body went ice cold, and he blinked a few times, reaching up to press a hand against his chest where his heart thrummed rapidly beneath his palm.
The goofy smiles when he saw her texts. The way the earth had completely stopped spinning as soon as she’d walked into the restaurant. How he’d barged into her workplace instead of just calling her or waiting like a normal, stable human being.
“Dad?” she took his hand in her good one, searching his face. “Are you okay? Sorry, did I wig you out?”
He cleared his throat and swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. “No, no. I just think I made a mistake with her. And now I’m worried.”
“Okay,” Dr. Sahir said as she entered the waiting area.
Lily leapt to her feet. “Is he alright?”
Carson joined her, steadying her with an arm around her back.
“He’s going to be just fine,” Kamala said with a smile. “He’s still asleep, but you can go in if you like.”
“Can I stay until he wakes up?” she asked.
Carson squeezed her shoulder affectionately. “I told you sweetie, visiting hours are only open for another—”
“You’re a big deal around here, can’t you override the rules?” she demanded.
Kamala chuckled. “Even families of prestigious doctors need to follow the rules.”
As they walked up the hallway, Carson glanced over his daughter’s head at his old coworker. “Did you get a hold of his father?”
“Yes, he’s just waiting for a flight, should be here by lunchtime tomorrow,” Kamala replied. “I’m glad I was able to reach him before he got on the plane to let him know Nick is alright.”
He nodded in agreement. He couldn’t imagine having been away from his family and getting a call about one of the girls being in critical condition.
“Well, we’re available if he needs anything,” he said, and paused at the door to Nick’s room as Lily headed inside and sat down next to the bed. He watched from the hallway as she took his hand, leaning down to kiss his knuckles, and his heart clenched at her choked sniffle.
“This kid was very lucky,” Kamala said quietly, and handed over a clipboard.
Carson gritted his teeth as he flipped through the file. The bastard that hit them is very lucky he’s in custody, he thought. He had never been a violent man, but he didn’t know what to do with the rage boiling deep in his guts at the thought of his daughter in danger.
“Listen, I’ll be here til nine-thirty, but she can’t stay any later than that, okay?” Kamala said as she took the clipboard back.
He offered her an appreciative smile. “Thank you. We’ll get out of here before the st
aff gets in trouble.”
She nodded and walked off, shoe clicks echoing in the hallway, and Carson turned back to Nick’s room. He didn’t want to intrude on Lily’s time with him.
“It’s so sweet how close they are.”
He nearly leapt out of his skin at the proximity of Gina’s whisper next to him, his heart shuddering in his throat before dropping reluctantly back into place. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “Where’s Rose?”
“She’s watching a movie with Thad,” she explained, and put a hand on his arm. “I wanted to check on Lily. And you.”
“I sincerely hope you’re not using our daughter’s car accident as an excuse to get closer to me. I know you're having a hard time right now, but you’re better than this.”
She blinked at him as he removed her hand from his arm.
“We need to set a good example for the girls,” he said softly. “And that means co-parenting effectively while maintaining our own healthy lives apart.”
Gina crossed her arms, leaning on the door frame.
“You loved me, once,” he continued. “You eventually didn’t love me enough, despite still wanting the life you had with me… And now you love Thad, but want to give that up to have the life… I think you need to try loving him and being loved by him and finding happiness with that. You’re not going to find happiness with me, Gina. Deep down you know that.”
She swallowed hard, and begrudgingly nodded. “Are you happy?” she asked hoarsely. “With that woman? Rose won’t stop talking about her.”
He stifled a chuckle. His daughters were shit disturbers, even when they didn’t mean to be.
“Yes, I’m happy,” he said, staring at Lily and Nick with a sad smile.
Lily looked back at them. “Oh good, Mom, you’re here,” she said, waving Gina in. “Dr. Sahir said I could stay til nine-thirty but Dad has to go.”
Carson’s brow furrowed.
“Go fix your mistake?” She raised an eyebrow, and he shook his head with a sigh.
