“Oh, that’s the girl who is writing your memoir.”
“Yes, yes, it is,” Mitra confirmed. “That is my darling Sofija.”
“I don’t see her around as often as before,” Sandy said.
“That is true,” said Mitra and she explained why Sofija wasn’t around that much.
“I am going to leave you, Mitra. I’ll check on you later to see how you’re doing, or whether you want to go somewhere.”
“Thank you, Sandy.”
Mitra sat in the chair where she had the best view of Hamilton and its vicinity. She remembered how much she enjoyed the city’s Confederation Park with her family. They couldn’t afford to buy a car until Marko was seven or eight years old. It was a great achievement to have a car at that time. It was a little Ford. She forgets the model because they didn’t have it very long. Somebody smashed into it in front of their house.
While they had that car, they would go to the beach all summer long. As soon as Petar would come from work and the kids came from school, they would quickly have dinner and leave right away. They didn’t buy another car for two years. They were so shocked when the first one was wrecked. They imagined how tragic it would have been if they were in it. That thought scared Petar and Mitra so much, but the kids begged them to buy another one.
They had wonderful times, especially on Saturdays and Sundays when everybody was off work and school. They used to play beach ball, bocce, and have races. They also spent lots of time in the water. At that time in the late ’50s, the beaches had no pollution. Occasionally, they went up north for a week or so, but even though it wasn’t that expensive compared to the present, it was still expensive for them. Petar worked alone. They had to cover everything with his pay.
Petar didn’t want Mitra to go out and work, leaving their children with somebody else. He always used to say children need their mother at least until they start going to school. No matter what they did together they enjoyed their family.
Mitra took a big sigh, “Oh my God, how wonderful those years were. I should think of happy times, not the sad ones, because I can’t do anything about sadness; it brings me only grief and sorrow. When I think of happy times, I feel joy and peace move into my mind and my heart.”
As Mitra was reminiscing about the past, her phone rang. She knew it was her darling Sofija.
“Hello, you good-looking lady,” the voice said.
“Who is this?”
“Your admirer, that’s who… Hi, Baba, it’s me, Sofija.”
“I knew it was you, but since you were goofing around so was I,” Mitra said.
“Oh, Baba, we are good at it,” Sofija said.
“Indeed, indeed, we are,” Mitra agreed.
After exchanging some small talk, Sofija said that she would come and visit on the weekend.
“After this weekend, I will be preparing for my exams and I won’t be able to visit you for quite some time.”
They exchanged a few words about Marko and hung up the phones to the sound of each other’s kisses.
Marko called his mother again. Mitra was surprised that he was calling her again.
“Is everything all right, son?”
“Yes, it is, mom. I just wanted to know how you’re doing, because you didn’t sound so good this morning.”
“I’m all right, son. How are you?”
“I’m all right. Please, mom, don’t confine yourself to your room, go outside in the fresh air. It’s a beautiful day. Doris and I are sitting outside having coffee.”
Mitra was wondering how that could be; her heart leapt for joy that Marko was able to go outside. There was hope yet that he would get better.
“Hello, mom? Why are you silent?” Marko asked.
“For a moment, I didn’t know what to say because I’m so happy that you’re enjoying such a beautiful day with your wife,” Mitra said.
“Thank you, mom. You better go out with your friends and enjoy it too.”
After they got off the phone, Mitra was wondering whether Sandy called him about her confinement, or Sofija phoned him. It really didn’t matter whether somebody called him or not, it was nice to hear his voice.
Sandy came back to check on Mitra as she promised.
“How are you feeling now? Have you calmed down a bit?”
“Yes, I have,” Mitra answered. “My Sofija called me to say she is coming home for the weekend. My son Marko called me also to check on me and asked me to get out of my room and get some fresh air. I guess I’m going to take you up on it if I’m still invited.”
Sandy had a little smile at the corner of her mouth. Mitra knew what that smile was all about or at least she thought so.
“Good idea,” Sandy said. “Get dressed and come downstairs. I will let the girls know you’re coming with us.”
A taxi came to pick them up. Since the weather was so nice and warm, Mary had suggested they go down to Confederation Park, “We can have a nice lunch in the Italian restaurant and walk around for some exercise.”
Everybody agreed. Just to see small children and babies would give their heart and mind a great lift. The four of them were sitting on the bench when a married couple with a beautiful girl passed them. The little girl suddenly stopped in front of them and said, “Hi,” with a most beautiful smile on her face. They were very surprised at how warmly this lovely child greeted them.
Her parents stopped to call the little one to leave those ladies alone.
“But, mom, they like me.”
“Yes, of course, everybody loves you. You will be in trouble one day for trusting strangers.”
They were shocked by the differences in behaviour. Here, a little girl had no fear of strangers. She showed the innocent love of a child with no grasp of age in people, but her adult mother saw only useless old people and the rest of the crowd as bad. The little girl stepped away from them, turned around, and blew them a kiss. All four of them sent her more than one. As she left them, she was hopping happily along to reach her parents.
“Oh my God,” Sandy said. “Those people don’t deserve such a wonderful, innocent angel.”
“I wonder who is raising her,” Mitra said. “Who would be raising her? Not her mother for sure.”
“Surely she does not,” Sandy said.
“Somebody else is raising her, judging by her manners,” Mary said.
“It doesn’t matter who is raising her; they are doing a wonderful job, which will benefit her family and anybody who gets in touch with her. Such good manners,” Joan added.
They had been in the park for three hours. They all agreed that they should go home. Sandy called a taxi to come and pick them up. She paid for the taxi. They divided the bill among them. Mitra was glad she went out with the girls. At least it was better than staying home and crying all day long.
The next few days passed very slowly. Mitra was always waiting for a phone call, but she dreaded it. Doris called her twice a day regularly; in the morning and after dinner. Sometimes, she would give the phone to Marko and Mitra would hear his weaker voice. After they finished talking, Mitra cried every time, especially if Doris told her the situation was worsening.
Lots of times, she didn’t go downstairs to eat. The girls were very good to her. They always offered to get her whatever she asked for. They even went to the store and bought her some fruit. It was very hard to figure out what one could do in such a difficult situation. The old saying, “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” was how the situation felt for Mitra.
Sofija visited on the weekend. She found her darling Baba depressed and hard to talk to. The good times when they sat, talked, joked, and exchanged points of view were mostly gone. Sofija felt bad seeing how her baba was doing. They didn’t talk anymore about Mitra’s past; they clung tightly to each other, not knowing what to say.
The next few days continued the same way. Mitra was going downhill along with her son Marko. A couple of weeks after Sofija’s visit, Doris called just before lunch to tell Mitra Marko’
s situation had worsened drastically. She’d called the ambulance. They’d given him oxygen to help him breathe and taken him to the hospital. She was with him at the hospital. He was feeling better now that he could breathe more easily.
“Sorry I didn’t call you earlier, mom. There was such a rush and I was only thinking about saving him. I know, mom, you want to come and see Marko, but I cannot pick you up right now because I want to be with him. Everybody is either working or in school. I will call Stefan at work and tell him what’s going on. I’m sure somebody will come to drive you, if for some reason Stefan cannot.”
When Doris finished talking, she called Mitra’s residence to make them aware of Mitra’s situation because she couldn’t reach Dona or the girls. When Mitra heard all of this she felt numb with fear that these were the last days of her son’s life. She felt dizzy; she quickly moved towards her bed and lay down to stabilize herself.
She didn’t care if she died, but she had to be strong for her son and she had to see him at least once more. She lay on the bed as tears ran like a stream. There was a knock on the door. Mitra said, “Come in,” forgetting to say, “please.”
The new nurse came in pretending not to know about her situation. She found Mitra crying. The nurse came over to Mitra and put her hand on Mitra’s shoulder, telling her she hadn’t seen her downstairs for lunch and was wondering if she wanted her to bring some food or drink.
Through her tears, Mitra answered, “No, thank you, nurse. I can’t eat or drink while my son is dying.”
Now the nurse gave Mitra a hug, saying, “I’m very sorry to hear that, Mrs. Milutinovic.” The nurse admitted to Mitra she’d received a request from her family to check in on her.
Mitra thanked the nurse for her kindness. The nurse offered to stay with her longer, but Mitra said she wanted to be alone. She promised to call if she needed help.
“Please do, Mrs. Milutinovic. We would like to help you.”
“Can you please put the phone on my night table, so I can reach it easily if my family calls?”
When the nurse went out, Stefan called his mother to hear how she was coping with Marko’s situation. He told her if she wanted to see Marko, he would come to pick her up so they could go together. Mitra got a little bit offended when Stefan asked her if she wanted to see Marko.
“What kind of question is that? Of course I want to see him,” Mitra answered abruptly.
“Sorry, mom, I didn’t mean to make you mad. It’s no problem for me to come and pick you up. I only thought it was too much for you.”
Stefan noticed his mother was in a very frail emotional state. He didn’t want to say anything more, only that he was coming to pick her up in half an hour.
Mitra answered, “I’m sorry, son, if I was a bit rough.”
“That’s fine, mom. Don’t worry about it, please.”
Mitra got up right away. She wasn’t sure if she was stable enough. She called the front desk. She needed the nurse to help her dress; her son was coming to pick her up. It took about 10 minutes for the nurse to show up. Mitra sponged herself a bit. She was ready when Stefan showed up.
They exchanged hugs and kisses. This time they took more than the usual time letting go of each other. On the way to the hospital, they didn’t talk very much; both of them were crying. When they arrived at the hospital, Marko was lying on his back with intravenous in his arm and an oxygen mask in his mouth. Doris sat beside him.
When Mitra saw her son in that condition, she almost collapsed. Stefan held on to his mother to make her stable. If he hadn’t held her, she would have fallen down. She did anyway. The nurse walked in, noticed Mitra’s condition and asked if she could get her a drink or something.
Mitra answered before they did, “No, thank you, I don’t need anything.”
Doris got off her chair and they sat as close to Marko as possible. Marko had changed so much since Mitra had seen him 10 days earlier.
The three of them sat around Marko’s bed, having a light conversation. Mitra said a word or two but mostly she kept quiet. Marko was fighting pain and occasionally coughing. Mitra rested her hand on Marko’s arm or shoulder. After a couple of hours, Marko’s doctor came in to see him. Marko lay sedated. The doctor said to Doris, “Mrs. Milutinovic, can I see you in my office please?”
“Yes, doctor, of course you can.”
Doris introduced the doctor to Marko’s mother and brother. Doris told the doctor he could tell all three of them about Marko’s condition.
“Are you sure, Mrs. Milutinovic?” the doctor asked.
All three of them said, “Yes, we all want to hear it.”
They walked into the doctor’s office, a small cubicle with a device for blood pressure, a computer, a good office chair, and two others for visitors. Stefan stood while Mitra and Doris sat down in the available chairs.
The doctor opened a page on his computer to show them Marko’s situation, then he quickly closed the computer saying, “We can talk without looking at the computer.” He bent down towards Doris and Mitra and took each of their hands in his. He looked at them with the saddest expression saying, “I’m really sorry that I have to give you bad news.”
The doctor was an older man. “If it is any consolation to you, I lost my son six months ago. I know how dreadful such news is to hear.”
He offered them a box of tissues, to which all three helped themselves. He looked at them again and finally said, “I’m sorry but Marko cannot be saved. He is in a lot of pain, and we had to sedate him in order to make it easier for him to bear his pain. I can see on his chart the doctors have tried everything to help him, but the disease has gone too far. For that reason, nothing can be done.”
Mitra and Doris burst out crying, holding each other’s hands. Stefan stayed in control, but he was angry at the situation. Why did it have to be that way? When Doris stopped crying, she asked the doctor how long Marko had left.
“I would say no more than a week. It will be soon.”
All three of them were stunned. They were hoping against all hopes that he could live a little longer. Now, they had to face reality and accept the inevitable whether they liked it or not. Marko’s son, John, Sofija’s father, called his mother, Doris, to find out how his father was doing. She told him everything the doctor told them.
John was on a business trip. He burst out crying on the phone. He was angry that his mother hadn’t told him sooner about his father’s condition.
Doris said she was surprised too. She thought he would live much longer. “Sorry, son, I knew you needed to go to Europe for business. I didn’t want to stop your trip. It’s important for you to keep your job.”
“I know, mom, but my dad is more important to me.”
“I know, son, I know.”
“I’m coming back tomorrow and that’s it.”
“Fine, if you think so, come. It’s better that you come while he can hopefully still see you. He cannot talk.”
“When did you last see Sofija?”
“I saw her a few days ago when she came to see Baba. You know we all count less than her great-grandmother.”
Doris laughed after saying that and Mitra showed a very faint smile. “See you tomorrow, son. I will stay with your father all night and somebody will stay through the day.”
Stefan said, “I will stay with my brother tomorrow.”
Mitra said, “I will too, I’m not going back to my place and leave my son to die without me.”
John arrived two days later with his wife. Marko’s condition was worsening rapidly. Four days had passed since the doctor told them the bad news. The entire family came to see Marko, to say goodbye. Since Marko knew he was dying, he pre-arranged his own funeral with Doris’s help. She didn’t want to be part of it, but he told her if she could not do it, he would do it by himself. Doris had to help him and be with him.
As they were doing the arrangements step by step, Doris was surprised at feeling that something so dreadful could feel so normal and so important. M
arko told Doris the same thing. He told her that he was satisfied with how he was facing his own life’s ending with dignity, understanding that life has an end and his end was coming soon.
There were always lots of people coming to see Marko. Mitra stayed by Marko throughout the day. She slept at Stefan’s house. Every morning they would come and relieve Doris. Sometimes Marko’s son, John, also stayed. It was Friday morning around 7:00 am, when Marko’s condition got really bad. They rushed to get there before Marko died, but Mitra couldn’t be any faster than she normally was. They got there too late.
Chapter 21
They found Doris slumped over Marko’s body, pleading with him to wake up and not to leave her alone. They walked into the room and Mitra’s legs gave out when she saw her dead son. Stefan and John were holding Mitra tightly, but for a moment she passed out. They put a cold compress on her face and let her swallow a sip of water, then she came around.
The room was completely packed with family. Everybody was crying, some very loudly, Mitra and Doris especially. There was another patient in the room with Marko, but when the nurses realized that Marko had died, they took that patient to another room. They were sitting around Marko’s dead body, which was now serene and peaceful. Death can fool us with its absolute stillness, especially after there has been a stormy fight between life and death.
After an hour, the doctor came and pronounced Marko dead. The nurse asked the orderlies to put the body in the morgue, until a funeral hearse would remove him. The family went to Marko and Doris’s home to be there for family and friends who came to pay respect and express condolences to Marko’s family. It was a Yugoslavian custom to receive people with good food and drinks, especially plum brandy, slivovica, from the old country.
They were in the funeral parlour for viewing on Sunday night. Monday was the day of Marko’s funeral. There was a full service at the church. The priest conducting it gave a short and condensed history of Marko’s life. After Marko was buried, all the guests came for Marko’s last memorial meal in the hall. A full meal was served for more than 150 people. There were some personal eulogies from the family. That is how Marko’s life ended after a very short illness.
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