CHAPTER SIX.
_July 20th_.Rachel was surprised when I told her that I knew her secret, and I don'tthink she was pleased.
"Will told you! Will told you himself!" she repeated, and stared at mein a puzzled, curious fashion, as if she wondered why on earth he shouldhave chosen to make a confidante of me. "It is hardly a regularengagement, for father will not hear of my leaving home, and the waitingmay be so long that I have told Will it is not fair to bind him. Hesays he is content to wait, but we agreed to speak about it as little aspossible for some time to come."
"Oh, well, I'll keep the secret. You need not be afraid that I shallgossip about you," I told her. She wears no ring on her engagementfinger, but always, always--morning, noon and night--there is a littlediamond anchor pinned in the front of her dress. I suppose he has givenher that instead, as a symbol of hope--hope that in ten or a dozenyears, when she is an old thing over thirty, they may possibly bemarried! Well, I can imagine Rachel waiting twenty years, if it comesto that, and keeping quite happy and serene meantime; but Will Dudley isdifferent--so quick and energetic and keen. I could not have imaginedhim so patient.
Yesterday Vere came home, bringing her friends with her, and alreadyRachel and her love affair seems far away, and we live in such a bustleand confusion that there is no time to think. I'm rather glad, for Iwas getting quite dull and mopey. They arrived about five in theafternoon, and came trooping into the hall, where tea was waiting. Twogirls and three men, and Vere herself, prettier than ever, but with justthe old, aggravating, condescending way.
"Hallo, Babs! Is that you transformed into a young lady in longdresses, and your hair done up? You dear, fat thing, how ridiculous youlook!" she cried, holding me out at arm's length, and laughing as if itwere the funniest joke in the world, while those three strange men stoodby staring, and I grew magenta with embarrassment.
One of the men was tall and handsome, with a long, narrow face, andsmall, narrow eyes; he laughed with her, and I hated him for it, and forhaving so little sympathy with a poor girl's feelings. Another wassmall, with a strong, square-set figure, and he looked sorry for me; andthe third looked on the floor, and frowned as if something had hurt hisfeelings. He was the oldest and gravest-looking of the three, and Iknew before he had been ten minutes in the room that he adored Vere withhis heart, and disapproved of her with his conscience, and was miserableevery time she did or said a thoughtless thing.
"I told you I had a smaller sister at home--here she is! Rather biggerthan I expected, but not much changed in other respects. Don't be shy,Babs! Shake hands nicely, and be friends!" Vere cried laughingly,taking me by the shoulders and pushing me gently towards where the menstood; but, just as I was fuming with rage at being treated as if I weretwo, father came suddenly from behind, and said in his most grandseigneur manner--
"Allow me, Vere! If an introduction is made at all, it is best to makeit properly. Captain Grantly, Mr Nash, Mr Carstairs, I have thehonour of introducing you to my second daughter, Miss Una Sackville."
The change of expression on the men's faces was comical to behold.Captain Grantly, the narrow-faced one, bowed as if I had been the Queen,and the nice little man smiled at me as if he were pleased--he was MrNash, and poor Mr Carstairs flushed as if he had been snubbed himself;I was quite sorry for him.
The girls were very lively and bright, spoke in loud voices, and behavedas if they had lived in the house all their lives, which is supposed tobe good manners nowadays. Margot Sanders is tall and fair, and wearseye-glasses, and Mary Eversley, who is "Lady Mary," would have beenconsidered very unladylike indeed at our polite seminary.
It seems to be fashionable nowadays for a girl to behave as much like aman as possible, and to smoke and shout, and stand with her arms behindher back, and lounge about anyhow on her chair. Well, I won't! I don'tcare if it's fashionable or not! I'd rather have been a boy if I'd hadthe choice, but as I am a girl I'll make the best of it, and be as nicea specimen as I can. Lorna says a girl ought to be like a flower--sweet, modest and fragrant; she's a bit sentimental when you get heralone, but I agree with the idea, though I should not have expressed itin the same way. If I were a man I should hate to marry a girl whosmelt of tobacco and shrieked like a steam whistle. I'd like a dear,dainty thing with a soft voice and pretty, womanly ways. I hereby vowand declare that I will stick to my colours, and set an example to thoseold things who ought to know better. Lady Mary must be twenty-five ifshe is a day. I don't expect she will ever be married now. With theclear-sighted gaze of youth, I can see that she is hiding a broken heartbeneath the mask of mirth. Life is frightfully exciting when you havethe gift of penetrating below the surface.
Will Dudley came to dinner; he was the only stranger, as he made thenumber even. I wore my new white chiffon, and thought I looked veryfine till I went downstairs and saw the others. They were smart, andVere looked lovely, and did the honours so charmingly that even motherseemed to make way for her. Poor mother! she looked so happy; she doteson Vere, and is so proud of her; it does seem hard she doesn't have moreof her society! I felt sad somehow, and sort of lonely as I watchedthem together--Vere fussing round and saying pretty, flattering littlespeeches, and mother smiling at her so tenderly. I feel nice things,too, but I can't say them to order; my lips seem all tight and horrid,as if they wouldn't move. I felt like the elder brother in the parable,because I really have denied myself, and been bored fearfully sometimesthese last weeks doing fancy-work with mother, and driving about shut upin a horrid, close carriage, while Vere has been gadding about andenjoying herself; and then the moment she comes home I am nowhere besideher! Injustices like this sear the heart, and make one old before one'stime.
I suppose I looked sad, for Will Dudley crossed over the room to talk tome.
"Aren't you well?" he asked, and his eyes looked so anxious and worriedthat it quite comforted me.
"I have rather a headache," I began, without thinking of what I wassaying, and then, (somehow I never can help telling him exactly how Ifeel), I stopped, and contradicted myself flat. "I'm perfectly well,but I think I'm jealous. I have been the only child for so long, andnow my poor little nose is out of joint, and I don't like it a bit. Itaches."
I thought he would sympathise and protest that I could never besuperseded, in his opinion at least, but he just sighed, and saidslowly--
"Yes, she is very lovely! It must be a great responsibility to have aface as beautiful as hers, with all the influence over others that isits accompaniment!" and looked straight across the room to where Verestood beneath the shaded lamp.
She was not looking in our direction; but, as if she felt his gazewithout seeing it, she turned her head slowly round and raised her eyesto his, and so they stood while you could have counted ten, staring,staring, straight into each other's eyes, and I saw the colour fadegradually out of Vere's face, as though she were frightened by what shesaw. That is the way people fall in love! I've read about it in books.They sort of recognise each other when they meet, even if they areperfect strangers, and Lorna says it is the soul recognising its mate.But I know well enough that Vere would never satisfy Will Dudley, and,besides, there is Rachel--poor patient Rachel, who trusts him sofaithfully. I looked up quickly to see if he had turned pale also. Hewas rather white, but there was a curious little smile about the cornersof his lips which quietened my fears. I should not have liked thatsmile if I had been Vere. There was something contemptuous in itdespite its admiration, and a sort of defiance, too, as if he werequite, quite sure of himself and secure from all temptation; but thenthey do begin like that sometimes, and the siren weaves on them herspells, and they succumb. I wonder how it will end with Vere and WillDudley!
The Heart of Una Sackville Page 6
