by Lily Hayden
“Because maybe I want you for myself.”
Belle
Belle clumsily hobbled back to her makeshift bedroom in the ground floor study. Toby was upstairs in the spare room, and she hated that she couldn’t even make it up the stairs to put him to bed or get him up in the morning. She had tried limping around the kitchen to help with the children’s breakfast, but she was so slow that she ended up just getting in the way and making Eleanor late.
It was an awful feeling to be such a useless burden, but her sister-in-law handled it with grace; if she found Belle a nuisance, she never let it show. Belle was half-hoping the hospital would change her cast to a walking-boot, but half-hoping that they didn’t. The moment she could manage the stairs would be the minute she had to leave the Joneses’ beautiful home, and she still hadn’t figured out where she was going to go.
She heard Eleanor descending the stairs closely followed by Hugo and Toby. The boys had become thick as thieves despite the age gap, and their little voices chattering away tugged at her heartstrings. She would love for them to continue their friendship after she moved out, but she knew that it was unlikely that she’d ever have a permanent relationship with her brother’s family.
Still, she thought morosely as she tossed back a handful of painkillers before shuffling out to her son. That’s the least of my worries right now.
“Don’t forget Uncle Will is picking you up from Katie’s today,” she reminded him. “So, make sure your shoes aren’t muddy before you get in his car.”
“Any plans for today?” Eleanor asked as Belle waved Toby off with Eleanor’s kindly neighbour who had been dropping him to the school’s breakfast club on her own way to work.
“Still flat-hunting,” Belle gave her sister-in-law a wry smile. “I promise I’ll be out of your hair at some point. I just need to speak to my landlord about getting my deposit back, get this thing off my leg and I’ll be gone.”
“Don’t be silly,” she replied hefting Bea up onto her hip. “It’s more important that you find the right place for you and Toby. I know Hugo will miss him when you two go.”
“We’ll miss you too, Hugo,” Belle affectionately ruffled his hair. “I really do appreciate you all.”
“That’s what family are for,” Eleanor dropped a kiss on to her head as she passed leaving Belle flushing with pleasure at the sweet gesture.
Exhausted from her fitful sleep, she crawled back into bed for an hour before forcing herself to get up to tackle the stressful task of chasing down her landlord. After being promised a call back by the letting agent, she limped into the kitchen to make herself a sandwich when she noticed Tim’s phone light up on the counter next to her. She glanced at it, her eyes narrowing in disbelief as she scanned the line of text in the notification.
No! She stared at the text in shock. Tim might be a crap brother, but he wouldn’t cheat on Eleanor, surely?
Belle might be a lot of things by her own admission, but naïve had never been one. She’d had enough experience with liars and cheaters to know the signs, and the more she stewed over the content of the message, the more his long working hours and weekend plans seemed suspicious. He was barely ever in the house, and when he was, he was snappy and irritable. She had seen enough married men who were just like him, in their expensive suits throwing their surplus cash around in Fantasies.
Poor Eleanor, she thought as she pushed the phone away in disgust. She deserves better.
It wasn’t her business she reminded herself as she aggressively packed away the ingredients, no longer hungry.
For all I know Eleanor could be well aware of Tim’s antics, she tried to convince herself but somehow, she didn’t think it was the kind of thing Eleanor would put up with. It’s not like she’s reliant on him financially; she must earn good money of her own. No, she wouldn’t have it.
If it were one of her friends’ boyfriend, she wouldn’t hesitate to confront them. But Tim was her brother, and she was staying in his house. She was still fretting over what to do when the letting agency called back; the short exchange immediately pushing Tim’s philandering to the back of her mind. She had just hung up when Will pulled up onto the drive to drop Toby home from school.
“What’s happened?” He asked seeing the expression on her face.
“The bloody landlord did a property check ready for me to hand the keys in Friday,” she groaned. “He’s withholding over half of it because he’s found a burn in the carpet that Ben did by accident.”
“He should pay for that, surely!” Will knew how much she needed the deposit back for a new place.
“That’s not the worst part,” she grimaced. “Because we were both on the agreement. He reckons he’d give us half of the remaining amount each, but he wants both keys back first, and guess who I can’t get hold of?”
“Oh, that’s a nightmare!” Will looked genuinely gutted for her. “Surely Ben will give it back to get his money?”
“With the burn in the carpet and the landlord claiming it needs a deep clean, it’s only going to be five-hundred-pounds,” she looked devastated. “He might hand the key in for that incentive, but it was all my money in the first place! I used the deposit I had back from my old flat, and not a penny of it was Ben’s, but there’s nothing I can do to get it back.”
“That’s so expensive,” he winced, wondering how anybody could afford to pay a deposit, moving fees and the first month rent while they were out of work. “What are you going to do?”
“No idea,” she sighed despondently.
“You’ll have to ask Tim,” he grimaced. “I’m so sorry I can’t help.”
“I really don’t want to ask him,” she replied. “I’m here rent-free, eating their food; they’ve even bought Toby loads of presents for his birthday. Plus, how would I ever afford to pay them back? I won’t be able to work for ages, and now I’ve got no childcare. It’s hopeless.”
Will wrapped an arm around his sister hugging her tightly as he racked his brain for a solution.
“London is so expensive,” he empathised. “Even Craig is thinking about moving because he could get so much more for his money elsewhere.”
“It’s not even a nice place to live,” she said glumly. “Unless you’re loaded like Tim.”
“Have you thought about moving out of London?” Will suggested as an idea came to him. “You’d need much less deposit, rent would be cheaper, and you’d still get the same benefits until you’re back in work.”
“Where would I go though?” The thought had crossed her mind, but she was terrified of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no network. Even her scrappy little patchwork of estranged siblings and friends had been invaluable after her accident.
“Well, you still talk to some of your school friends back home,” he said. “And even though he’s useless, Dad is still there.”
“I doubt he’d be any help,” she replied sullenly, but her heart skipped a beat as she realised the suggestion appealed to her. “Although, I do think it’s a better place to bring up Toby.”
“Oh, definitely,” Will felt a glimmer of hope that they may be getting somewhere. All he wanted to do was help his sister, but without money it seemed there was nothing that he could really offer. “Hey, maybe Dad would be able to lend you money!”
“I doubt it,” she pulled a face. “He’s hardly rolling in it.”
The seed of the idea had been planted though, and Will tapped the keys in his hand against his leg in contemplation.
“Why are you looking like that?” Belle regarded him suspiciously, but Will could read her well enough to see there was a glimmer of hope in her expression.
“Look,” he began tentatively. “It’s just an idea, but what if Dad would agree to sell the fields and let us all take a share.” He thought of his own crippling debt. “Even split five ways that would be enough until you’re back on your feet.”
She felt a flicker of excitement, but just as quickly she reminded herself to not get her
hopes up. “Do you really think he would? Did anyone even find out if we had any right to anything after he gets married?”
“I don’t know, but there’s no harm in asking,” Will said trying to remain positive. “And there’s no harm in having a look at how much it would cost if you moved. You’ve already said that there’s nothing close to Toby’s school that’s affordable, and he’ll probably have to move again anyway.”
She was trying her best to ignore the quickening of her pulse at Will’s suggestion. It did make sense; she was still in touch with a few of her old friends who lived close to the village, and some of them had children too. In the village, he’d be able to ride his bike out on the street, call for his mates and go to the park without her trailing behind him terrified he’d be run over or worse. Even as a teenager, the worst she’d ever seen in the village had been drunken behaviour and the occasional bus shelter graffitied.
Even if Dad doesn’t want anything to do with us.
The thought still stung, but it was impossible to not get excited after a quick search online that left both her and Will speechless at the difference. She could get twice the space and a garden for the money she was paying here. Even if nobody would lend her the money, if she was really thrifty and stayed here for another few weeks, she could probably manage to scrape together a deposit.
“Look,” Will said wisely. “As soon as you’ve had your cast changed, let’s go down there. I’ll ask Dad for you, and maybe we can get the lay of the land, look at a few places…”
“Yeah,” she nodded her head feeling more bolstered than before. “That’s a good plan, Will. Thank you.”
She tried to keep her hopes from rocketing, but thoughts of a place of her own, green spaces and a proper family for Toby were already taking over her head. She would have to swallow her pride to ask Tim if she could stay a bit longer, but now that the seed had been planted, she could barely contain her excitement.
Will
“Is it weird,” Will turned down the volume on the stereo as they zipped past the sign proclaiming that they had arrived at Hampton Dale. “That I always feel like I’m about fifteen when I come back here?”
They’d been driving in silence for the last part of the journey, both lost in their own thoughts. Belle had been feeling exactly the same, and she was relieved that it wasn’t just her.
“And me,” she admitted. “It’s funny because I couldn’t wait to get out of here, and I never thought I’d want to come back.”
Will took his eyes off the road to look at her over his sunglasses. “Do you still feel that it’s what you want to do? Or are you going to see how Dad is first?”
“I’ve got zero expectations of Dad,” she pulled a face, but he noticed how she had started fidgeting with the end of her plait as she spoke, a nervous habit that she’d had as a little girl. “He’s never done anything for any of us. I’m amazed he even remembered that he had kids to invite to his wedding. I left the village because of him, not because I didn’t like it there.”
He swallowed back his discomfort forcing himself to ask her the question that had been on his mind for a while. “What was he like after Mum died?”
Belle rolled her eyes. “Exactly the same; hardly around, moody, and irritable when he was there. No change really, but I’d always had Mum to balance his coldness, and the atmosphere was unbearable without her.”
“He wasn’t always like that though, was he?” Will frowned. It was hard to remember what was real and what was just nostalgia after so long. “He was alright with you all before Mum…”
“No,” Belle turned to shake her head at him. “Absolutely not. He was always that bad. He did nothing for us unless Mum made him or there was something in it for him.”
Will pressed his lips together thoughtfully but said nothing.
“What are you thinking?” She pressed him.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“No,” she insisted. “Go on.”
Will was silent for a moment. He was too self-conscious to admit what he’d always thought about his relationship with his father, but it felt like he’d been keeping too much in lately. His sister was refreshingly honest; she was hot-headed and always said what she was thinking. Will wished he could be more like her instead of repressing everything, scared to upset anyone.
“I always thought,” he took a deep breath deciding to take the plunge. “That Dad was always off with me because I was gay.”
He waited for Belle to laugh or dismiss the concern that had festered at the back of his mind since he was a boy. It was part of the reason he’d never come back, and part of the reason that he found being around Frank Jones so hard. His sister surprised him when she didn’t reject his belief immediately.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I honestly couldn’t tell you if the old man is an outdated bigot. I don’t get him, Will, at all. He’s the most closed person, emotionally, I’ve ever met.” She flashed him a grin. “And I’ve dated in London.”
Will laughed, grateful for her attempt to lighten the heaviness at the mention of their father. She flipped down the sun-visor fussing with a tiny smudge of eyeliner in the corner of her eye as she continued. “I would like to think that he doesn’t think like that,” she said seriously. “He’s the kind of person who would say something if he did, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know,” Will admitted, but what she was saying did ring true. Growing up, Frank had had an opinion about every one of their neighbours, and they’d all heard his grumpy outbursts on numerous occasions. “I guess.”
“Look,” Belle shut the visor glancing over her shoulder to check Toby was still occupied beneath his headphones. “He’s a lot of things, but I don’t think he’s that vile.” She frowned as if considering her words. “No, I don’t think he’s ever even thought about it, because that would mean having an opinion about any of us. Which he clearly never has.”
“Maybe.” He fell quiet as he contemplated Belle’s logic. He had always felt that the non-existent relationship was down to his father’s prejudice, but even though her reasoning seemed plausible, it was too tragic to cheer Will up at all.
He steered the car off the High Street, driving in silence past the pub until they reached the gates of Bluebell Farm. Today the gate was wide open, and Will slowed the car taking care to avoid the potholes in the long drive.
“The car’s not there,” Will pointed out. “Maybe they’re out.”
“I told him we were stopping by,” Belle sounded annoyed, but even despite the awkward walking-boot on her foot that had finally replaced the cast she was the first out of the car. “Well, I spoke to Linda. He ‘wasn’t available’.”
Toby hopped out of the car scampering ahead of them around the side of the house. Even though he’d only been here once before on their brief visit, he had talked about the lambs and the fields constantly since. Belle had admitted to Will that it had made her feel guilty that he rarely got to go on daytrips, let alone holidays. They followed him through to the back of the house, but nobody answered when they knocked.
“Typical!” She exclaimed in annoyance, but when she pushed the door handle sharply it flew open. Belle leaned over the threshold to call into the house. “Hello? Dad? Linda? It’s Belle.”
“Shall we go in?” Will asked her when there was no response. He had had to psych himself up to come here today, and only then because he knew how hard it would be for his sister to swallow her pride to ask their father for help. He could see in the clench of her jaw that she was furious that he wasn’t here. Even worse though, he knew her pride was wounded. They had an appointment to see a house in the next village, and Belle had even been speaking to a school friend about a potential job. All she needed was some money for a deposit and to tide her over, and they had both really hoped that their father, despite all his faults, would come through for her.
She shrugged as if she didn’t care, but he could see the hurt glistening in her eyes, and it gave him the co
urage to brush past her into the house. He stepped into the kitchen, calling out and drew to a halt as he peered around the corner into the sitting room that had been Tim’s bedroom. His father was fast asleep, sat up in the armchair with his chin slumped against his chest. Will could hear his quiet snores, and he felt his heart soften at the sight of the vulnerable, old man who seemed a million miles away from the father they’d grown up with. They drew to a halt looking at each other uncertainly.
“Hi Grandad!” Toby skipped into the room oblivious to their indecision. “Hey, is Frank asleep?”
Will didn’t miss Belle flinch at her son’s greeting, but before she could react further, their father stirred in his armchair opening his eyes. He stared at them with a look of bewilderment, and Will felt a jolt of panic that their own father didn’t recognise them.
“Hi Dad,” he tried to sound calm even as he remembered how disorientated his father had seemed for the first few minutes of their last visit. “We told Linda we were coming.”
Frank blinked twice blankly at them before he seemed to even notice they were in front of him. The cloud seemed to lift as he rubbed a hand across his eyes. “Oh, have you been here long?”
“No, we just got here,” Will felt a glimmer of relief. “I think Linda’s gone out, but the door was open.”
“Oh, has she?” He still seemed a little confused.
“So, how are you, Dad?” Belle asked in a faux-bright tone. “Have you got much left to do for the wedding?”
He shook his head. “No, Linda is taking care of all that.”
An awkward silence descended over the room, before Toby, full of excitement at the day trip, burst out. “You were sleeping when we came in!”
Frank barely glanced at him, and for a horrible second Will thought he was going to ignore the little boy.
“That’s old age for you,” he said finally.
“You’re not that old,” Will reminded him. Even though his dad seemed coherent now, he was only seventy; Will was pretty sure he shouldn’t be so decrepit. “Is everything ok? Have you been ill?”
