by Lily Hayden
“Is it awfully forward?” He whispered against her neck making her skin tingle. “If I ask if you want to come upstairs?”
Rose had a list of body hang-ups that she was pretty sure would be as tall as her if laid out end to end, but even stone-cold sober her yearning for him outweighed her worries of flabby bits, and mismatched underwear. She offered up a prayer of thanks that her hairy bits had all been seen to as part of her wedding day prep as she nodded in confirmation that she would very much like to follow him upstairs.
Any inhibitions that remained were pushed to one side the moment that he wrapped her in his arms and lowered her gently onto the bed. Gareth trailed soft kisses across the delicate flesh of her throat; slow and tantalizingly sensual until her whole body was quivering with desire. She was pleased to see that he was carrying a little extra padding, just the same as her, as clothing was stripped away between breathless kisses. He grinned at her sheepishly in the dimming light of the afternoon, and she felt her stomach somersault slowly with something more than just lust for this handsome, charming man. She had no expectations of fireworks, but as their kisses grew deeper and they slipped between the sheets to explore one another’s bodies, she felt an almost-animalistic pleasure rip through her.
Afterwards, he held her with a tenderness that made her heart ache, and they lay together talking and laughing with none of the awkwardness that she might have expected.
“I wish I didn’t have to go to work,” he groaned pulling her back to him.
Phil had been the last man that she had been with. And there had only been one boyfriend before that. But she felt remarkably comfortable being with Gareth, and just for a moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and picture spending every day like this.
“So,” he said a little later when he had begrudgingly accepted that he needed to get ready for work. “Do you think you’ll be able to spare me a few hours of your company this weekend?”
Her heart fluttered at his hopeful smile, and she had to press her lips together to stop the happiness that she felt inside bursting out of her.
“I think I’d like that,” she replied.
Her whole body was still tingling with pleasure as he kissed her goodbye.
Maybe it could be the start of something special, she thought savoring the renewed lightness in her soul. She tried to cling onto the feeling, but as Gareth grew smaller in the rearview mirror, the doubts had already begun to creep in.
Just don’t get your hopes up, a little voice in her head warned her.
Already the flames of warmth had started to wane as the logistics rushed back to her. Nothing had changed in her situation. She was still broke, and jobless. Gareth was still miles away.
It isn’t fair, she thought as she squinted through the windscreen at the rapidly darkening sky. The moon was visible, but the sky was still too light for it to be any more than a pale shadow in the sky. Something twinkled on the horizon, and although she knew that it was likely an aircraft of some kind, she pressed a silent wish upon it.
A fresh start. That was all she needed. A lottery win. Debts wiped. A blank slate. Just something.
She felt the last flame of the afternoon’s pleasure flicker away, and the coldness of her loneliness crept back into her bones.
Will
“Are you ready to go up?”
Will had had low expectations for the weekend to begin with, but he had still dared to hope for some semblance of quality time with his family. Instead his sister had been staring glumly into the dregs of half a pint of lager for the previous hour while Craig huffed and puffed about everything from the limited menu at the pub to the lack of nightlife in rural Gloucestershire.
“Not yet,” Will shot Craig a loaded look of annoyance at his lack of tact, but Belle seemed oblivious.
As much as he had enjoyed the earlier months of their relationship, he had to admit that the last few weeks had been a chore, and he wished that he had had the guts to insist on attending the wedding alone. At the time though, he’d thought that he would be the awkward third wheel, assuming that his brother and sisters would all have partners and their children with them. He was acutely aware that the time he had with any of them was fleeting, and he wished that Tim and Rose had cared enough to want to spend the evening together even if it was blatantly obvious from this afternoon that Frank didn’t.
Belle had barely said more than a few words since they’d left the house, and Will had a feeling that she’d have been more likely to open up without Craig’s constant griping. They had grown close recently with Belle beginning to let her guard down and confide in him, but she seemed reluctant to share whatever it was that was on her mind.
“Mum,” Toby came rushing back over to the table through the patio doors where he’d been playing outside with some other children. “Can I get an ice cream?”
She looked up from her phone at her son, but Will saw the way her eyes darted to the paper menu on the table first.
“You’ve just had dinner,” she told him.
“You made me have a kid’s portion,” he reproached her in a scornful tone that would have made Will laugh under any other circumstances. “I’m still hungry.”
“Ice cream isn’t real food.” Belle responded quickly. “I’ve got biscuits upstairs in the room. You can have some before bed.”
“Oh, Mum!” He started to protest, but she shot him a warning look and he closed his mouth.
“Aw, get him an ice cream.” Craig tried to make a joke, but Belle barely raised a smile.
“I think I’m going to head up in a bit,” she ignored the comment, addressing her brother instead. “Sorry, I’m rubbish company today. I’m really tired.”
“Yeah, no worries,” Will tried to catch her eye, but she avoided his questioning gaze. “It’ll probably be a long, old day tomorrow.”
His pointed tone did the trick though, and she lifted her head to offer him a small smile.
“God, won’t it just?” She picked up her glass to drain the remainder of her drink and sighed. “I can’t believe we’ve come all this way for this.”
“No, nor me,” he grimaced. “I wasn’t expecting them to roll out the red carpets, but I am starting to wonder why they even bothered inviting us.”
“Perhaps we should blow off the wedding,” she joked with a wry smile. “They’ve got a really nice new big Tesco that I wouldn’t mind checking out.”
They both grinned, but before Will could press his sister any further on the matter she clambered to her feet.
“Right, I’ll see you both in the morning,” she said after she’d managed to coerce Toby to leave the play area.
“What’s up with her?” Craig asked the moment they were out of earshot.
“She’s just had a tough day,” Will replied sharply unable to hide his irritation at his lack of sensitivity. “It probably didn’t help that you were moaning that you wanted to go all afternoon. How would you have liked it if I was nagging you if we were meant to be spending time with your family?”
Craig pulled a face at Will’s tone. “Well, actually, that’s exactly what you’re like. You were all quiet and moody when Kelly and Dean stayed over ours, and you couldn’t wait to leave when we went out with Kev and all the other week.”
He flushed guiltily, knowing Craig had a point. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be. And anyway, that was because I was knackered both times. Plus, she’s on her own, Craig. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to leave.”
Craig shrugged, but Will didn’t miss the slight eye roll.
“I think I’m going to go to bed as well.” Will said when he didn’t respond.
“It’s not even half eight,” Craig scoffed. “Let’s have another drink.”
“You were dying to go a minute ago.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
Was he actually for real? Will stared at him in irritated exasperation.
“Fine,” Craig conceded. “Let’s go up and watch a film on my iPad. That’s if th
e Wi-Fi even works.”
He bit back a sharp retort, deciding a film where neither of them would have to speak and risk upsetting each other was probably the safest bet.
“Are you even watching this?” Just half an hour into the movie, Craig turned to look at Will who was idly thumbing through his phone.
“Yeah,” he replied unconvincingly.
Raya had sent him a link she’d found for a great itinerary for Shikoku, and he hastily locked his screen to turn his attention back to the horror film playing on the small screen.
“You’ve been off all day,” Craig remarked after a moment of silence. “Anyone would think we were going to a funeral, not a wedding.”
“Sorry that we’re not the Von Trapps like your family,” Will snapped back. “But it’s not all raindrops on roses.”
“We’re hardly the Von Trapps,” he laughed taking no offence. “That’s more like your family than mine. I can imagine your dad blowing a whistle and you all running back like sheepdogs.”
“What’s that meant to mean?” Will flinched at the implication even though he knew he had started it.
“He’s hardly the sunniest guy, is he?” He replied in a flippant tone that set Will’s nerves on edge. “And your brother and sisters are all a bit standoffish.”
“It’s complicated,” he snapped back defensively. “Everyone has got their own stuff going on, and no, he wasn’t the warmest father in the world, but he’s still my dad.”
“Is it the will then?” Craig eyed him thinking back to their earlier conversation. “Is that why everyone is sulking? Because you’re worried that you’ll have to share it with Melania or whatever her name is.”
“It’s not the money,” Will protested, ignoring his attempted quip. If anything, he knew he should be grateful that the penny had finally seemed to have dropped after Craig’s tactless earlier excitement about the size of the estate, but he was so done with the amount of space it was all taking up inside his head. “It’s the principle. Bluebell Farm was in my mother’s family for a century, and it’s all we have left of Mum.”
“Well, you’d have to sell it one day,” Craig shrugged. “And it’s not like you ever go there. Although, when we live in Bristol we can probably get back here more.”
“It’s not about that,” Will retorted in a flash of temper. “And I’ve told you, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I told you I’m thinking about Japan.”
“Oh, God,” Craig groaned dramatically. “Not this again.”
“Yes!” Will burst in exasperation. “This! Again! I’m trying to be honest about what I want, Craig, and I’m sorry it’s not what you want, but that’s all there is to it.”
“I’m just saying,” he shot back. “That it wouldn’t kill you to wait for your holiday like normal bloody people do, instead of swanning off like a gap-year kid with no responsibilities.”
Will felt his blood beginning to simmer, and weeks of frustrated anger rose like a bubble from the pit of his stomach. He saw the shadow of doubt cross Craig’s face, and he knew that even he was aware that he’d pushed him too far. Will could feel all the words, and thoughts, and arguments that he had repressed fighting to surface, but even in his temper, he was wary of saying something that he could never take back.
Instead, he choked back the emotion snatching up his jacket and phone. “I need some air.”
He stormed from the room, and down the steps out into the car park battling back the need to scream and shout in utter frustration at the way that he felt. Because deep down, he knew that Craig’s overbearingness was just the tip of the iceberg. He knew that it wasn’t fair to lay the blame at his feet. He knew that it wasn’t a coincidence that he’d developed an overwhelming urge to flee at the same time Frank’s invitation had landed at his lap.
It’s not just Craig. He allowed the voice in his head to admit it aloud, and with the admission came a rush of hatred and hurt that he had buried so deeply that he had no idea that it had been lurking there all these years.
It was all Frank’s fault. Maybe if he’d bothered being even a half decent father, we’d have all been closer, and we would have had this conversation months ago. I wouldn’t be taking off around the globe the moment that the going got tough, and Belle wouldn’t be forced to count her pennies to clobber together a pub meal for her child.
The force of his confession startled him, but it felt good, it felt liberating, to admit it. Will paced the carpark unable to keep still with the adrenaline.
I should have said something, his anger began to turn inwards now at himself for not wanting to rock the boat, and he wondered if he had left it too late.
Belle
A tiny sliver of light shone into the room from the hallway, but it might as well have been a stadium-size floodlight to Belle’s sensitive eyes. The room that had seemed spacious and comfortable when she’d arrived this afternoon felt cramped and tiny; the walls pressing in around her. She screwed her eyes shut as if it would help her to drown out the muffled noises that managed to slip through the gap beneath the door, but it was no good. Footsteps echoed in the corridor, just another guest leaving their room, but they may as well have been kicking a football against the paper-thin walls as the fine hairs at the back of her neck rose in irritation.
Belle sighed heavily, rolling onto her back to stare up into the darkness at the ceiling in exasperation. Toby snuffled in his sleep besides her, and she placed a hand gently on his pyjama-clad arm, needing the comfort of his warm, slumbering presence. She could hear her sister’s gentle snores, and she envied her ability to fall asleep so quickly. Rose had walked through the door barely an hour ago, and Belle who had been idly thumbing through her phone while Toby slept had perked up a little at the promise of company. It had all been downhill after the initial excitement of landing a new job, and she was over the worst of her sulk and ready to talk it out with someone. But Rose had showered and gone straight to sleep quicker than Belle had ever seen a sober adult pass out in her life, leaving her lonely and full of her own wretched thoughts.
She had attempted to lie down to follow them both into sleep, but after ten minutes it became clear to her that her mind just couldn’t shut off. All the little threads of annoyances and upsets seemed to have tangled together in an overwhelming knotty jumble, and as much as she knew that she had to work through her feelings, she had no idea where to even begin.
It started and it ended with Frank.
She knew that much, and she wriggled carefully up into a sitting position to begin the arduous task of facing her demons. Belle knew that she had a fresh start within her grasp, and while she had hoped that her dad would help her, she wasn’t naïve enough have to put all her eggs in that unreliable basket.
It doesn’t matter, she tried to reassure herself cross-legged in the darkness of the hotel room.
But it did matter. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t hurt so much. It hurt to feel like an unwanted visitor in the one place that held all her memories of her mother. It hurt to feel like she wasn’t welcome, and to know that she never would be. There were people that you connected instantly with, and there were people that grew on you, but Belle felt it in her gut that there was going to be no magical late bond between her and Frank. And certainly not now Linda was on the scene.
No, Frank had made his choice. And we will never be it.
She was sick of the feeling of anger coiled in the pit of her belly. No matter how many times she tried to look on the bright side, count her blessings, it was always there. She had thought that forgiveness was the key to ridding herself of the horrible sensation, but it was proving harder than she imagined to be the bigger person when he was just so unwilling or unable to be anything other than cold and distant. If it weren’t for how excited Toby was, she knew that she wouldn’t bother going to the wedding tomorrow.
Just the thought of spending a full day watching Linda and Frank swan around her mother’s home made the anger heat up and sizzle within her, and it crossed her mind
to wonder how she would deal with being so close to them when she moved back to the village. Panic bubbled up in her veins, and she fought to push it away quickly.
I’ll deal with it, her jaw clenched tightly in defiance. You haven’t come this far to just come this far.
Returning to Hampton Dale where she had a job, a lovely house, and some good friends would be perfect for Toby. She wasn’t about to let her feelings for her father ruin it for them.
She had so much she needed to get off her chest, and she had a horrible feeling that the will would be the last straw once the palaver of the wedding was over. She was done with tiptoeing around Frank now. He held the power, disrupting their lives when he summoned them back here, snatching their safe place and their mother’s legacy from them.
I’m not going to wait for the last kick in the teeth, she decided.
The decision made her feel stronger, and she got to her feet needing to do something with the sudden burst of restlessness. Her eyes, now adapted to the darkness, moved to the door and then back to her sleeping son.
He won’t wake up. And if he does, Rose is here just a few feet away.
The Wedding Day
Rose
Rose felt a wave of nausea pierce through the dull fog of her mind. On shaky legs, she rushed to the bathroom to kneel over the porcelain toilet bowl and retched violently until all that was left was acidic bile that burned her throat.
“Rose?” She heard her sister call out, and her heart sank at the thought of relaying the news.
Rose washed her face and her hands, buying herself a few moments to compose herself. Even through her own shock, she was conscious of her nephew, just a child, in the room.
“Is everything ok?” Belle was sat up on the end of the bed. “Who was on the phone?”
Rose glanced at the still outline of Toby in the bed to check that he was still asleep before she drew a deep breath. “It was Father Harris from the church. Linda went back to the farm this morning and she found Dad. Belle, he’s dead.”
