by Lily Hayden
Belle flashed him a look, and he knew then that she, at least, had needed to hear that.
“He’s right,” Rose swallowed back the lump in her throat. “It’s not our fault, but I get what you mean, Will. Even as an adult with kids of my own, the expectation for a parent to care about you never goes away. When I was going through my divorce, I wanted Dad to ask me how I was and show that he cared, but he just wasn’t like that. It’s ok to feel angry and resentful, at the same time as being sad that he’s gone.”
“I am angry,” Belle admitted. “I’m furious that he dragged me back into his life, and I’m furious that I was stupid enough to think that he gave a damn about us.”
“I’m glad that it made us all get in touch though,” Rose reached out to cover Belle’s hand with her own. “I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t think how hard it must have been for you when Mum died, and all I can think about, now that my boys are older, is how sad it would have made her for us to have ended up as almost strangers.”
Will felt tears sting his eyes at his sister’s words. “I agree, Rose. Despite the circumstances, it has been lovely to get to know you all again.”
Belle’s phone buzzed on the table interrupting them, and she glanced down at it. “Steph’s going to drop Toby back. I’ll go and wait outside.”
Tim drained the rest of his drink before rising to his feet. “I think I’m going to make a move too.”
Will felt his heart sink a little with disappointment. Even though he hadn’t expected his detached, uncaring brother to morph back into the childhood friend and protector that he had been, it would have been nice to spend a few hours together before they all went their separate ways.
Or got arrested, his mind skipped anxiously back to the ongoing investigation.
“Well, let us know if you get any update,” Will said numbly.
He exchanged a weary smile with Rose as the two remaining siblings watched the others leave the pub. As the eldest, Tim had always been the one that they looked up to, and Will couldn’t help comparing his lack of emotion for the rest of the family to their father’s. Despite his own troubles, he’d been hoping that they could strengthen their bonds but maybe Tim, and Belle to some extent, were too much like Frank for them to ever be the family that Will so badly craved.
Tim
Tim tried to ignore the strange sensation that bloomed in his chest as he walked away from his brother and sister.
You don’t have time to be sentimental, he reminded himself sternly.
In the space of twenty-four hours, his whole world had started to fall apart. He had enough to think about without getting caught up in nostalgia and emotions. There was a very real chance that his affair was going to come to light, and the imminent threat had made him realise how badly he didn’t want to lose Eleanor.
He let out an audible groan as he thought of the power that Emma now held. She was his only alibi, and while he knew she would cooperate and that there’d be phone records to back him up, he hated the power that she could now wield over him. And that was before he even began to figure out what to do about the pregnancy.
“Are you going back to the hotel?” Belle asked as she walked to the smoking area around the corner of the pub, hopping up onto a low wall to wait for her son in the sunshine. She pulled a packet of cigarettes from her bag and lit one up.
Tim stepped away from the stream of smoke, fanning his hand in front of his face to convey his irritation. “Yes, I just texted Eleanor. We’re going to head back home.”
“What if the police want to speak to you?” She asked, shielding her eyes from the sun with her free hand to look at him. “And what about when they release Dad’s body for us to say goodbye to him?”
“I doubt the police will want to speak to me again,” he shrugged with more confidence than he felt. “It’s just the formality of checking my alibi. Once this is all cleared up, I’m sure Linda will be in touch regarding the funeral.”
“Am I ok to collect my things tomorrow?” Belle asked unexpectedly.
“Oh,” he felt a jolt of relief that she was moving on. He had assumed that she was staying until she moved to Hampton Dale at the end of June. “I didn’t realise you were going.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she countered. “But with everything, it’s just going to be too awkward to stay.”
“With everything?” He frowned at her.
“I’m assuming that Emma is your alibi,” Belle replied scathingly. “And after everything Eleanor has done for me, I can’t add to the stress she’s going to be going through by being in the house.”
He flinched at hearing Emma’s name from his sister’s mouth. “It’s not like that.”
Belle took a deep drag on her cigarette. “I’m not stupid, Tim, and neither is she. How long were you talking to her? I’m guessing you must have been gone a while for the police to be so interested.”
“Does it matter?” He shook his head in annoyance. “It’s just a routine enquiry to eliminate us all. She’s a colleague, and we were discussing work.”
“On a Friday night while you were away with your wife?” Belle scoffed. “Please, Tim, have some respect.”
“Nothing is going to come out,” Tim replied through gritted teeth. “Because I’ve done nothing wrong. However, I do think it’s for the best that you find somewhere else to stay.”
Belle turned her back to him as she extinguished the cigarette. “Do you have any idea how guilty I feel knowing about this?” She tossed her head haughtily. “I hate liars, Tim, and I hate that I’m keeping this from her. She deserves better.”
“You’re making something from nothing,” he followed her as she started to walk away, surprising himself at how badly he wanted to justify himself to his sister. “It’s nothing like that.”
“It’s going to come out,” she spun around to face him, anger flashing in her green eyes. “You need to tell her, Tim!”
“Tell her what?”
Tim’s blood turned to ice at the sound of Eleanor’s voice behind him. In the split-second before he tore his gaze away from his sister’s, he thought he saw the horror he felt mirrored back in Belle’s eyes.
“Eleanor,” he forced his voice to remain calm even as his pulse quickened in panic. This is it, he realised surprised at the force of the guilt he felt. “I didn’t see you there.”
“What’s going on?” She ignored his comment, her eyes darting between Tim and Belle.
Tim glanced over her shoulder at Hugo waving cheerfully from the back of the car, and a secondary wave of regret rocked him.
“Rose!” Belle burst out unexpectedly. “We were talking about Rose. Tim was in a position where he could have helped her keep her job, but he’s refusing to get involved.”
Tim turned to look at his sister, startled that she would defend him. Belle narrowed her eyes at him, and he could only nod, speechless by her actions.
“Well?” Belle glared at him. “Don’t you think that it’s worth sticking your neck out for your own sister?”
Tim fell into character, shrugging dismissively. “Can we talk about it another time?”
“No,” Belle shot back, and he saw a spark of enjoyment at his discomfort flash across her face. “You should have helped her when she came to you. She should at least get paid for the full month. I personally think she should drag them to a tribunal.”
“What happened?” Any suspicion on Eleanor’s face was replaced by concern.
“It’s a long story,” Tim reassured his wife before turning back to Belle. “Look, you’re right. I’ll look into it as soon as I’m back in the office and find out what happened. To be honest, the centre is going offshore at some point regardless, but I should have made time to help her out.”
Belle nodded satisfied before turning back to her sister-in-law. “Tim says you’re going back to London already. We’ve just ordered lunch if you and the kids want to eat first? Toby is on his way now.”
Eleanor looked at him d
oubtfully, expecting him to dismiss the invitation in his impatience to get home, but he nodded, suddenly wanting to enjoy the time he had with his family before the inevitable fallout.
“Sure, why not,” she agreed when Tim seemed willing. “I’ll get the kids.”
The moment she was out of earshot, Tim turned back to Belle.
“Why did you do that?” He asked in confusion. If anything, he would have thought his sister would have enjoyed him getting his comeuppance.
“Look, I’m not happy with what you’ve been doing, but at the end of the day, you’re still my brother and, deep down, I think you know you’ve messed up,” Belle sighed. “Without her, Tim, you’ll end up like Dad; lonely and old, with kids that don’t know you.”
He felt the familiar destructive anger of self-defence bubble to the surface at her hurtful words, but he recognised the truth in what she was saying.
“I’m in over my head,” he admitted pushing away his instinct to deny fault and to lash-out. He realised now that his temper was just a distraction from the uncomfortable feeling of shame pressing down on his chest. “I don’t know if I can put this right.”
Belle shrugged. “That’s on you, Tim. I still think you’re going to have to tell her, but you’re my brother and even if I think you’re wrong, I’ll be here for you.”
He trailed after his sister and his family, trying his best to push the thoughts from his head. Her comparison of him to their father had pierced the tough shell of his conscience, making him see how desperately he wanted to change the path that he was on.
Belle
She stepped away from the table to withdraw the last cigarette, tossing the empty packet into the bin. The evening was still warm, but there was a breeze in the air, and the beer garden was beginning to empty as drinkers headed home or to the cosiness inside. The Red Lion sat on the outskirts of Hampton Dale. The pub faced the main road, but the garden had clear views of the hillside. Belle watched as the sun dipped low behind the green slopes; the only trace of the summer’s day the rose-gold streaks it left behind. She lit up the cigarette, feeling an immediate prickle of guilt as Toby swooped back to the table from the climbing frame to take a sip of his drink, and shot her a disapproving look.
“Mum!” He scolded her sternly. “I thought you didn’t do that anymore.”
“Sorry,” she said, meaning it. “This is my last one, I promise, and then no more.”
Belle knew that she had never been physically addicted, always able to kick the habit for months or even years at a time. It was more of a psychological crutch, but one that she’d needed to handle her nerves at coming back to the village for the wedding. She waited until Toby had turned back to the play area, Hugo trailing behind him, and she inhaled deeply.
“We’re going to make a move,” Eleanor said when she returned to the table. “Hugo is going to be furious, but they’ll both be getting grumpy if they’re out much longer. I’m glad we didn’t check out or it would have been a long night.”
“Thank you for staying so long,” Belle held her arms out to embrace her sister-in-law. She was glad Eleanor and Tim had ended up spending the afternoon with them. It had been a surreal day, but Eleanor’s maternal presence seemed to draw them all closer together.
“Are you sure you’ll be ok to get back tomorrow?” Eleanor asked. “We can always fit Toby in if you need?”
“It’s fine, thank you,” Belle shook her head. “I might stick around a little longer with my friend.”
“What about you, Will?”
“Honestly, I’ll be fine.”
Will squeezed Eleanor’s outstretched hands, and Belle glanced up at her brother with a sympathetic smile. The plan had been for her and Toby to get a lift home from Craig, but the break-up had left them high and dry.
In the grand scheme of things, a few nights on a sofa and having to catch a few buses home are the least of our worries, she reminded herself silently.
“Right, well if either of you need a place to stay…” Eleanor trailed off uncertainly.
Tim awkwardly hugged them goodbye with none of the warmth of his wife.
“It’s been good to see you,” he said to Belle. “Just let me know if you need me to drop anything off to you, or maybe give me a call if you need to stop by.”
He might be an arse, she thought as she waved until the car was out of sight, but at least he’s trying.
“I’m going to head off in a bit,” Rose said sheepishly.
“Are you seeing that guy?” Will smiled with what felt like the first genuine grin of the day. “Good for you, Rose.”
“His family are lovely,” Belle vouched. “After Mum died, Bev and Alun were amazing to me. It’s been so good to spend time with them again.”
“No, I just meant I was going to go home,” Rose smiled self-consciously. “They do seem like a lovely family. She must be a close friend to you.”
“She is,” Belle agreed. “She used to come up and stay with me in London before we had kids. The whole family are one of the main reasons that I wanted to come back. Bev’s already offered to help with school runs and the holidays until I get myself sorted. It’ll be nice for Toby to have that stability that we’ve never had.” Belle noticed the guilt flash across Will’s face, and she reached out for his hand quickly. “Sorry, that’s not a dig at you both. It’s no-one’s fault.”
“It’s still crap, though,” he grimaced.
Rose tried to look optimistic. “Well, as horrible as this has all been, I hope that we can use it as a fresh start and try to see each other more regularly, or stay in touch in your case, Will, if you’re heading back overseas.”
“I agree,” Will nodded. “Although I’m starting to worry that I won’t be able to go anywhere unless they find out what happened with Dad.”
“I’m sure it’ll all be tied up within a few days and we can all try to move on.” Rose offered, a hint of worry in her voice. “I did send Linda a message, but she hasn’t responded. I think I’ll try again once this is all sorted; the last thing we want are any bad feelings around the funeral.”
“I’m trying to be reasonable,” Will said flatly. “Because I know it must have been horrible for her to find him, but for her to say that we could have done something…” He shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know if I want to see her at all. I feel really angry, and if I’m honest, scared that I’m being accused of the most awful thing.”
Belle nodded her head in agreement. “I feel the same. I didn’t like her anyway; she was so rude.”
She looked at Rose as she spoke, and while her sister smile sympathetically, there was a flicker of concern in her eyes. Belle hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that her sister had been a little off with her. There hadn’t been anything tangible in what she’d said or done; just a niggle that was playing on Belle’s mind.
I’m fed up with us all tiptoeing around each other, she thought suddenly. If we just said how felt in the first place, maybe we’d have never got to this point.
“Rose, is everything ok?” She asked. “I can’t help feeling you’ve been a bit quiet with me.”
Belle caught Rose’s eyes flick questioningly to Will. Her stomach flipped uneasily that her suspicion had not only been right, but her brother was in on whatever the issue was.
They’ve been talking about me, she realised as hurt flooded her chest.
“If this is about the walking boot,” she snapped angrily as her instinct for self-preservation kicked in. “Then yes, I did only wear it to stay on at Tim’s. I should have been honest, but you have no idea how desperate I was for somewhere to stay, and neither of you came running to help me. But if you think that means I could have walked to the farm, murdered our Dad, and gone to bed like an absolute psychopath then you can both go to hell!”
Will’s eyes widened with panic as he reached out for her. “Hang on a minute! Nobody thinks you did anything. Belle, I drove past the farm late at night. That looks much worse.”
“B
elle, I would never think that of you!” Rose protested. “I was just worried that Dad had upset you yesterday. I just didn’t want you to think you couldn’t talk about anything because of what happened.”
“I’m fine,” she shrugged, but she felt herself soften as she turned to acknowledge Will. “I know how you feel. I would be lying if I said I’m not worried that Linda is going to make something up…”
“If only we could prove we weren’t there.” Will grimaced.
“Oh!” His comment opened a locked memory that she’d forgotten about. “There was a security camera at the side of the house. Linda shouted at Toby when we first went down for hitting it with a ball. That will prove that we were never there.”
She saw the relief on her brother’s face, and if she hadn’t already been certain of it, his expression would have been enough to convince her that he was innocent.
Rose
It was almost dark by the time she pulled the car to a stop outside her house. She blinked once, almost startled to see that a navy-blue night sky had rolled in around her as she had driven the sixty-plus miles on autopilot. A heavy fatigue hung from her shoulders, and she barely had the energy to unfurl her tired body from the car to make the short walk into the house. Rose took only her handbag; too tired to face carting in her weekend bag. She locked the door behind her, grateful for once for the emptiness of the house, and without bothering to potter she walked straight up the stairs to climb into the bed.
She waited for the familiar worries to come creeping out of wherever it was that they hid during the daytime, but her mind was empty and still, and she closed her eyes to let sleep take her. The irony wasn’t lost on her even as she was washed away into unconsciousness. She had spent the last five years fighting to grasp sleep, relying on alcohol, or medication, or sometimes both; the most mundane troubles built up by her mind until they were huge and unconquerable. Yet now with the loss of her father, the worries about her siblings, no job, Gareth, the list went on, she found that her mind had simply shut off under the pressure of it all.
