‘Jenny didn’t know that that was your plan?’
‘No.’
‘And did Jenny know about the sodium pentobarbital, that you’d ordered it?’
‘Yes, she had asked me to order it and keep it in a safe place for her and that she would ask for it when she needed it.’
‘I see.’ Her tears are in full flow and I hand her a tissue. ‘And why then, why when Liam had just moved back in to be with the kids?’
‘I just,’ she exhaled. ‘I just hated the idea that he was getting to move back in with Jenny and take up where he had left off. I wanted him to suffer, know what it was like to live a restricted life like Jenny had to. He didn’t deserve to just take back up where he had left off. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted the finger to be pointed at him.’
‘So he gets locked up for Jenny’s death and you’d then take over where Jenny left off?’
‘Sort of, yes.’
‘Okay.’ When I first brought Sarah in, I noticed the emptiness in her eyes, they weren’t evil or even malicious, just full of ill-intentioned ideals and my hunch about Jenny’s death being more out of mercy than anything else, had been proven.
‘Sarah Barry, I’m charging you with the murder of Jennifer Buckley on the 3rd of June 2018. You don’t have to say anything, but anything you do say will be taken down and used at a later date in court against you. Is there anything else you’d like to say?’
She shook her head and dried her face. ‘Just that I’m sorry.’
June 3rd 2019
Abbie felt odd standing on the grey-carpeted landing outside what used to be her parents’ old bedroom door, but it would have felt even odder had she sauntered straight in. Her reluctance to walk in on her dad in her mother’s old bedroom wasn’t because she was sixteen and suddenly awkwardly protective about personal spaces, but more because in the past year everything in Oakley Drive and the people who still lived there had changed. Her dad had moved back in, her mum had died and even though she and Josh were the same as they always had been, it was different.
‘Good morning, Abbie.’ Liam climbed back up the stairs from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. Ever since he had moved back in, he had learned the hard way that showering before Abbie woke up was probably the best way to start the day. Especially if he wanted his water to be warm and not to be late.
‘Morning, Dad.’ She stretched her cheek up to meet his kiss as he passed her on his way into the room.
‘Is your brother awake?’ he asked. He had been up since seven-thirty and it was already twenty minutes to eight. If they were to be at the venue in plenty of time, like he knew Abbie would want, they didn’t have any time to spare.
‘I don’t think so,’ she said. She thumped three times on Josh’s bedroom door and then flung it open to find him already sitting at the edge of his bed running his hands through his hair.
‘Oh my God, Abbie, will you just stop, I’m up,’ he growled.
‘Good,’ she said. ‘Today is not the day we want to be late for anything. Today is important and we’re not going to be late, right?’ When he didn’t answer, she continued. ‘Have you decided what you’re wearing yet?’ she asked.
‘Jesus, yes, I think so.’
‘Well all I’m saying is,’ Liam called out from inside his bedroom, he had put on his boxers and with the door slightly ajar called out to the both of them. ‘There is definitely enough warm water for one more shower, but I’m not so sure about the one after that.’ Abbie turned on her heel, bolted for her room to grab her dressing gown and took the stairs two steps at a time. Josh flopped back against his pillow and sighed.
‘You do know he’s only saying that’s so that we rush, you eejit,’ he called after her, but she was already at the bottom of the stairs pulling open the bathroom door and pressing the button on the electric shower. Josh could hear the hum of the shower through the floorboards before he was finished with his sentence.
Liam smiled behind the door as he sprayed his deodorant under his arms. His navy suit, still in the dry cleaner’s plastic, was hanging on the back of the door and his dark blue tie was rolled neatly on the dresser to the side. His crisply ironed white shirt, which Abbie had insisted on pressing for him the night before, drooped from its collar on the wing of Jenny’s re-upholstered Queen Anne chair, and his black shoes were by the utility room door downstairs, the fresh coat of polish drying underneath the radiator. Today was an important day and it was important that the three of them were well turned out. Jenny wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. ‘Josh,’ he banged the partition wall with his fist, ‘don’t fall back asleep, we are leaving on the dot of half eight, the ceremony starts at ten.’
‘Oh my God, Dad, relax will you.’ Josh rolled out of his bed again and gathered up the clothes that he had flung on the floor the night before. Then he pulled up his duvet and, in one quick flick, straightened it out on his bed so that it looked like it was made. ‘I guarantee I’ll be in the car before any of you.’ He answered under his breath. He opened his wardrobe door and pulled out the blue shirt Abbie had made him buy in DV8 yesterday and his best pair of jeans – as in the only jeans he had that didn’t have designer rips. His mum hated the ones with rips already in. She had said numerous times that rips in jeans were only cool when they were earned, not strategically cut in. Abbie had tried to get him to buy a sports jacket too and he had even tried it on for her, but when the sales girl had commented on how much like Conor McGregor it had made him look, he whipped it off as quick as he could. Conor McGregor style couldn’t have been further from his thing. With his clothes laid across his bed, he walked out of his room in his boxer shorts and down the stairs and rapped loudly on the bathroom door. He was standing in the hall by the framed photograph of his mum and dad in their pilot uniforms when his dad came down the stairs.
‘When did you move this down?’ Josh asked.
‘A couple of weeks ago now, when we got the front room done.’ Ever since Jenny had died, the door of the front room had been pulled over and neither Josh nor Abbie had felt able to venture inside. Liam had been there the day the medical supplies company had come to take back the bed, but other than that, everything in the front room had remained exactly as it had been the day she was taken away.
‘She loved that photo,’ Josh said with a catch in his throat.
Nothing could have prepared Josh and Abbie for the grief and exhaustion that swooped in, once the trial was over. Even their busy schedules and preparing for their state exams, which were due to start in three days, hadn’t distracted them enough from the emptiness that they had felt. It was as though they had been holding their breath when she died and only released it once the trial was dismissed.
After the trial, Liam had kept in contact with Alex and, while Alex couldn’t forgive him for the time he had been unfaithful with Jenny, they had remained friends and it had been Alex who suggested that the kids needed to see a counsellor. She gave Liam her aunt Davina Kennedy’s details. It was Dr Kennedy who had recommended that they tackle the front room, treat it like a project that the three of them could invest time in together. She told them it would be cathartic and a catalyst to help them try and let go, in a healthy way. So, bit by bit and day by day, after the trial was over and Sarah Buckley had been arrested for their mother’s death, they each spent some time in the room, looking through Jenny’s things and taking items that they especially wanted to keep. Slowly but surely the room had emptied, with their treasured items safely kept and the surplus items bagged and dropped to a charity shop in town. Among other things Abbie had been delighted with was her collection of fancy shoes – not that she was old enough to wear high heels yet – and Josh had been content with his mum’s favourite books. He had placed them carefully on the shelf in his bedroom with the intention of reading them once the Leaving Cert was over.
‘She did love that photo,’ Liam agreed and stood silently beside his son. ‘Which is why I thought that maybe it would be better down he
re than up on the landing. This way, when people are coming and going they’ll be reminded of how cool she really was.’
‘Yeah,’ Josh nodded.
‘And now that the room is finished,’ his eyes roamed towards the open door of the front room. They had kitted it out as a movie and game room with a large-screen TV on the wall, a PlayStation with a collection of games and a large, sumptuous velvet couch. It was a place that both Abbie and Josh loved to hang out in when their friends came over. ‘I was thinking that we might get a photo after today’s thing and put it on the wall over the sofa. Your mum would like that.’ Liam suggested.
‘Yeah, that’ll be cool,’ Josh said.
‘How are feeling about the exams now?’
‘Yeah, okay, I suppose,’ he said.
Some days anger still swelled inside him and on days like that he felt like putting his fist through a brick wall, but those days were less frequent ever since he had been going to see Davina. She had told him that that feeling was perfectly natural and he had been using her calming techniques ever since she had showed him how. She had also done some work with him on misplaced anger and how he had felt towards his dad and while he hadn’t yet completely forgiven him for leaving in the first place, he understood that not everything that had gone wrong had been his dad’s fault. Their relationship was a work in progress, but it was going in the right direction.
‘Great,’ Liam said.
‘Finally,’ Josh said as the bathroom door opened and a plume of steam came out with Abbie, her dressing gown tied around her and a towel wrapped around her head.
‘You know,’ Liam stopped him before he disappeared inside. ‘One of the last conversations I ever had with your mum was about you, Josh.’ Liam swallowed back the emotion that the memory had brought up.
‘You did?’ Josh asked.
‘Yeah, and as the three of us know,’ he grinned at Abbie, ‘she was rarely wrong.’
‘If ever,’ Abbie interjected.
‘What did she say?’ Josh asked.
‘She said that you were probably one of the most sensitive souls that she had ever known and that you were entitled to feel let down and angry, but that in time you’ll get there, that you always do and that I was just to give you time.’ Hearing his mum’s words made Josh want to cry.
‘I didn’t know that she said that, I never even thought to ask,’ Josh said, his voice soft.
‘Me neither,’ Abbie said.
‘God, she loved you both so very much, we both do,’ Liam said. ‘And today she’d be so bloody proud.’ Liam repressed the tears that had formed at the back of his throat. They each took a moment as they stood side by side in the hall to catch their breath.
‘Right, enough of the soppy stuff,’ Abbie was the first to break away. ‘It starts at 10 a.m. in the main hall and I want to get there a little early.’
‘And you are still okay, Abbie, to do the thing?’ Liam asked.
‘I think so,’ she tightened her dressing gown around her. ‘I’ve done my speech and I know where to stand.’ She remembered the text that Alex had sent her the night before. ‘And Alex said that she got the tickets you sent over and that she, Louise and Kelly would meet us there.’
‘Good girl,’ Liam pushed his hands into his pockets, looking at them both. They had each grown into the most amazing young adults that he and Jenny had hoped that they would become, but as they stood in front of him, Josh in his boxers and Abbie in her dressing gown, they reminded him of when they were much younger. ‘Your mum would be so proud of you today, both of you.’
*
It was a quarter to ten when the three of them pulled up into the car park. Three cars away from them, Kelly had just pulled in and Louise and Alex were the first to get out. They waited for Liam, Josh and Abbie to approach and by the time they got there, Kelly was standing there too.
‘So…’ Kelly was wearing a navy suit jacket over a blue shirt and a pair of jeans. He extended his hand to shake Liam’s. ‘Funny old day for you all,’ he scrunched up his lips and nodded at Josh and Abbie. It was Kelly and Liam who broke away from the others first, walking a couple of steps ahead.
‘It is a proud one though,’ Liam answered. ‘Abbie has her speech all done out, I thought it was more fitting that she did it.’
‘It couldn’t be more fitting, the daughter of Captain Jennifer Buckley, they’ll be on their feet. Is she nervous?’ Kelly asked, looking over his shoulder where the others had fallen a little further behind.
‘I don’t think so, I don’t know, she says she’s alright but when she goes in and sees the size of the room she’ll be addressing, she might wobble a bit.’
‘And by the look of the car park,’ he waved his arms over the full car park that stretched in lines towards the building, I’d say it’s going to be full.’
‘I’d say so,’ Liam said. He thought for a moment. ‘Kelly,’ he glanced back over his shoulder making sure the other group were out of earshot. ‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something ever since the trial.’
‘You have?’
‘I just wanted to say thank you for the investigation and for seeing it through, for agreeing to do it in the first place. I know it can’t have been easy, you know, because of your loyalty to Alex and everything.’ Liam stuttered a little trying to make his point.
‘That’s okay, Liam, all in a day’s work.’ Kelly said. ‘I just wanted to get to the bottom of it for everyone’s sake, but especially for Alex’s, if you know what I mean.’
‘I do.’ Liam glanced back at Alex regretful for what had happened between them. ‘I am sorry for everything that’s happened, I’m sorry I let Alex down. I really am and I know that Louise is not my biggest fan, but I do have the utmost respect for her and I fully understand that she had Alex’s best interests at heart.’ Liam ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled.
‘She is a force to be reckoned with alright,’ Kelly grinned. ‘But you’re right, she was just looking out for Alex,’ he said. ‘But the fact that you and Alex are at least friends – on good terms again – Louise will come around too. She knows you’re not a bad man, she just has a zero-tolerance policy for men who, you know…’ His reference to the fact that Liam had betrayed Alex with his ex-wife was understood.
‘I get it, loud and clear.’ Liam dipped his head awkwardly. ‘There was something else I’ve been wanting to say, Kelly.’ It was something that had been playing on his mind ever since Jenny had died and he had decided the night before that if he didn’t say it today, that he probably never would.
‘What?’ Kelly asked.
‘I’ve been thinking about Louise and everything she’s been through, well, everything both of you have been through, you know, with the baby and everything.’
‘It’s grand Liam, she’s grand.’
‘I know, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if I caused Louise any undue stress that made her lose the baby… I really am sorry if that was the case.’
‘Not at all,’ Kelly glanced over his shoulder and noticed that Louise had broken away from the group behind and was making her way to catch up with them. ‘It turns out that the miscarriage was because of an underlying fibroid issue or something, she’s still going through some tests and is on injections and a few other things at the moment, so no, it wasn’t because of the stress, the little baby was just not meant to be.’
‘Oh,’ Liam answered not knowing what else to say.
‘What you boys talking about?’ Louise said with a smile on her face as she came in between them.
‘Oh,’ Kelly glanced at Liam and Liam looked away. ‘Just Sarah Barry’s case, how it’s building up.’
‘Yeah, she’s pleaded guilty.’ Louise said. ‘The sentencing hearing will be soon, but they reckon it will be a minimum of fourteen years.’
‘I’m amazed, I really didn’t know what to say that day in the court. Honestly, it crossed my mind that I was being framed, but then I thought to myself that that would be ridiculo
us, those things only happen in movies, I had no idea of who it could be.’
‘There is always evidence, you just have to look hard enough,’ Louise said. ‘Once I showed her the package that Josh had taken a photo of, there was no other way she could plea. She was pretty embarrassed about the Josh thing, too, and I think she was more concerned about that getting out and ruining her reputation. So, when I told her that she could avoid that particular detail getting out,’ she raised her eyebrows just enough to suggest that she may have used undue influence to extract Sarah Barry’s confession, ‘she was happy to plead.’
‘I really do appreciate that,’ Liam said. ‘Josh does too.’
‘It’s no bother,’ Louise looked at Kelly. ‘We might not always do what’s expected, but we always do what’s right.’ She smiled, and Kelly slipped his hand briefly around her back. ‘And for what it’s worth, not that it’s for me to say, but I think that what Sarah did she did out of misguided loyalty and love for her friend.’ She caught an expression on Kelly’s face which meant that maybe she had said the wrong thing. ‘Not that that makes what she did any less of a crime,’ she was quick to add.
‘Dad,’ Abbie’s voice came from behind, the three of them stopped and waited for the others to catch up. ‘I think I’ve to go in this way.’ She pointed to a stage door to the left of the university’s main hall.
‘Do you want me to go in with you?’ Liam asked.
‘No, I’ll be fine, you guys just go and get your seats and the next time you see me, I’ll be on stage in Dublin University, just like mum was thirty years ago, addressing the assembled academics, aeronautical professors, aviation enthusiasts, international dignitaries… and Josh,’ she smiled as Josh made a swipe for her. They each wished her good luck and waved her off before they entered through the main lobby and took their seats inside. By chance, Liam’s seat ticket was the next one to Alex’s and, while they waited for the ceremony to start, Alex leaned over to whisper to him.
‘God, I don’t know what you’ve done with the kids, Liam, but I’m so impressed. I’ve never seen Abbie so confident and content in herself. I can’t believe she’s about to get up on that stage.’
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