by I. T. Lucas
“What do you mean? Are you depressed?”
Wendy was so good at hiding her feelings that he hadn’t gotten the sense that she was battling sadness.
“I don’t let myself get depressed. Whenever my mind goes to places it shouldn’t, I distract myself with something. Why do you think I watch so much anime?”
“I thought it was to shut others out.”
“That too. But mostly, it’s to keep out of my own head.”
“Did you talk with Vanessa about it?”
“No. I don’t like shrinks.”
“Vanessa is cool. I’ve known her my entire life. Her son is my best friend.”
Wendy chuckled. “Are you friends with toddlers? Vanessa can’t have a son who is your age. She is what? Twenty-five?”
Damn. He’d painted himself into a corner. “She just looks young. Lots of plastic surgery. She is actually forty years old.” Eighty-something was more like it.
“Seriously? Usually, I can tell when someone's had something done. She looks so natural.”
57
Wendy
Vlad was lying, but Wendy didn’t know why.
Who cared how old Vanessa was, or whether she'd had plastic surgery or not. But she was glad that the conversation had steered away from where it had been going.
Wendy didn’t like to talk about her father. She didn’t want to think about him or remember all the nasty things that he had done to her. And she definitely didn’t need the pity, or conversely the doubt that those stories were likely to evoke.
She’d learned early on that people didn’t want to believe things that made them uncomfortable. It was much easier to think that she was a disturbed teenager than to accept that her charming father had been abusing her.
Keeping her mouth shut was the best strategy. Whenever her father discovered that she’d told someone, the abuse would intensify tenfold. When she had just endured in silence, he’d let her be for long stretches of time.
“I’m not sure about the plastic surgery, I just assumed that Vanessa must have had some to look that young. Maybe she just takes good care of herself.” Vlad kept lying like there was no tomorrow. “My mother also looks much younger than thirty-six.”
“Why did she leave your father?”
“She was a teenager. She didn’t want to get married.”
Wendy was getting tired of Vlad’s lies. While she was finally opening up to him and telling him things about herself that she hadn’t told anyone else, he was making stuff up for no good reason.
“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. But don’t lie to me.”
A red hue painted Vlad’s pale cheeks. “You are one to talk. Was anything that you’ve told me true?”
Ouch.
“I’ve never lied to you. I just didn’t tell you the entire truth.”
Tilting his head, he glanced at her from under his long bangs. “So, when you told me that I was a great kisser, you actually meant it?”
“Of course. You would have known if I'd lied about it.”
“You could be a good actress.”
She shrugged. “I am, but I wasn’t acting with you. The act that I usually put on is the opposite of that. I try to appear as uninterested as possible even when I am attracted to a guy. I don’t want to encourage anyone.”
“So why did you encourage me?”
“Because you needed it, and I’m a big softie.”
“So, it was a pity kiss?”
“No. Stop twisting my words. I like you, and I think you are a really nice guy who lacks confidence. But usually what I do when I like someone is to push him away because I don’t trust men. With you, I just couldn’t force myself to do that.”
“You didn’t push me away because you wanted to use me, not because I was so irresistible.”
“That’s only partially true. I hated using you like that, but I believed that I had no choice.”
“And now you believe differently?”
“I’m not sure about anything anymore.”
With a sigh, Wendy looked at the Guardians and Richard, who were goofing around while practicing with their homemade bows and arrows. They had been decent to her even though she’d betrayed them, and nothing in their behavior indicated that they were anything other than what they seemed.
Good men.
She was terrified of letting go of her conviction that evil lurked inside most males, but she just couldn’t imagine Bowen or Leon or even Richard hurting a child for any reason.
And Vlad certainly wouldn’t hurt a fly.
“Most men are not like your father.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Vanessa told you?”
“She didn’t have to. You made it quite clear that he wasn’t a good man.”
“He’s a monster, but I don’t want to talk about him. Tell me the truth about your dad. Was he a deadbeat father?”
“My mother doesn’t even know who he was. She hooked up with many different guys.”
“At fifteen?”
“No, not at fifteen. She is not thirty-six. She is much older than that, but that’s what I’m supposed to say.”
“Why? Because Richard is younger than her?”
“Yeah.”
“If your mom looks good, what does it matter how old she really is?”
“It doesn’t.”
Wendy let out a breath. “I’m sorry. This must be difficult for you.”
He chuckled. “When Vanessa suggested that my mom should come along to check out Richard, I wasn’t too happy about it, but I’m starting to warm up to him. He works his butt off training with the Guardians, and he is a good sport about doing really badly compared to them. I think he and my mom may get along. I just can’t think of him as my stepdad, and I never will, but that’s okay. I’m an adult, and I don’t need a father figure in my life, and if my mother wants to date a guy who is not the wise, mature mentor type I imagined for her, that’s fine with me.”
“Richard is a bit shallow, but he isn’t mean. And that’s the most important thing.”
Vlad’s lips lifted in a sad smile. “You have very low expectations if not being mean is the only quality you appreciate in a life partner.”
“It is the most important one. I don’t mind if a guy is not the sharpest tool in the shed, or if he is short or tall, or any of the other things people think are so important. All I want is someone who is kind and respectful, but since I have trouble trusting those qualities to be true, I’d rather stay alone.”
58
Vlad
If that was all Wendy wanted in a man, then he was a perfect match for her. Except, Vlad wanted to be more to her than that.
He wanted her to find him desirable and handsome and smart. She’d said all those things to him before, but they might have been lies or exaggerations.
“I’m kind and respectful, and it’s not an act. You would have felt it if it was.”
Wendy smiled. “You are much more than that.”
He wanted her to continue and tell him all the ways he was more, but that would be fishing for compliments. Instead, he just said, “Thank you.”
“I don’t know why a guy like you is interested in someone like me.” She cast him a sidelong glance. “Is it because I was the first one who showed interest in you?”
Ouch. That hurt.
Then again, he’d told her as much, so it wasn’t like she was making assumptions because he was so unattractive.
“Of course not. I like you because of you.”
“What is there to like? I’m a heartless bitch who doesn’t trust anyone. I’m dishonest, manipulative, and disloyal, and I repaid your kindness with betrayal.”
The Guardians were practicing a good hundred and fifty feet away, but Vlad could tell that they were listening to the conversation. First of all, because they’d stopped talking and secondly because they were trying very hard not to look in the porch’s direction.
Pushing to his feet, he offered Wendy a hand up. “L
et’s take a walk.”
She put the coke can on the wooden floorboards and took his hand. “They are too far away to hear anything, but a walk sounds nice.”
As they passed the guys, Vlad waved. “We’re going on a short hike.”
“Don’t go too far,” Bowen said.
“We won’t.”
Vlad waited until he was sure they were out of the Guardians’ hearing range. “You know what I’ve just realized?”
Wendy looked up at him. “What?”
“That I haven’t given you enough compliments. I’ve been so absorbed in my own insecurities, thirsty for every kind word that you’ve said to me, that I neglected to see that you needed shoring up as much as I did.”
Wendy waved a hand in dismissal. “You didn’t have to say anything. I saw it in the way you looked at me, and the way you got excited every time we were touching.”
“That’s not enough. You are very pretty, and any guy would have been attracted to you. But you are also kind and giving even though you don’t realize it. You weren’t interested in a relationship for reasons that had nothing to do with me, and you gave me compliments despite that. You did it for me, so I would feel better about myself and gain confidence. That’s not something a heartless bitch would do.”
She shrugged. “You forget that I had an ulterior motive.”
“You just said a few moments ago that you meant every word.”
“I could have been lying.”
“But you weren’t.”
“How can you be sure of that?”
Vlad stopped, put his hands on Wendy’s shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “The question is, what would you rather I believed about you? If you want to keep me away because you still think that a relationship with me will be your doom, you’ll do everything to convince me that it was all a game for you and that you didn’t mean any of it. But if you no longer think that the program is your only option, and if you are ready to embark on a new journey with me at your side, then you will do everything you can to convince me that you meant it.”
As Wendy stared into his eyes for the longest time, he could see in the depths of hers the million and one thoughts racing through her mind.
Finally, she whispered, “Are you asking me to take a chance on you?”
“Yes. But also on my friends and family who are willing to give you another chance. Forget about the program, Wendy. Fate brought you here for a reason. It’s time to change your destiny’s trajectory and shed the past that has such a crippling hold on your life.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
It would have been better if Wendy figured it out on her own, but they’d been going round in circles for too long, each one protecting his or her soft, fragile core and afraid to make a move.
If he wanted Wendy to be brave and let go of what she believed was her safety tether, he needed to be brave first and say what was on his mind.
“To avoid pain, you are willing to forgo everything that matters in life and live like a shadow. The bad guys win, and you lose. Don’t let that happen. Live your life, figure out what makes you happy, and let yourself fall in love.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is. You are already halfway there.” He smiled. “You found me, and I found you. The only thing standing in your way is fear. Kick it in the ass and send it to hell where it belongs.”
59
Wendy
Could Vlad be right?
Visualizing fear as an ugly black blob that she could kick all the way to hell was so incredibly appealing.
Could she do that, though? Did she have the guts to change the trajectory of her life and embark on a new journey with Vlad at her side?
It sounded so good, so tempting, and Wendy yearned for that bright future with every fiber of her soul, but fear wasn’t easy to get rid of. The black, sticky blob clung to her with a ferocious grip, and she wasn’t strong enough to shake it off, let alone kick it in the ass and let it fly.
Wendy felt like a shipwrecked mariner who was desperately clinging to a rotten plank to stay afloat. It was cold in the water, and she wasn’t sure where the shore was or how long it would take her to get there. And yet she was afraid to let go and swim in the opposite direction, where a luxury yacht was waiting for her. She knew that it was there only temporarily, and it wasn’t going to wait forever. She had to decide whether she was willing to take a chance.
If the yacht sailed away, her only option would be to hold on to the rotting piece of wood and hope that she would float to shore before it disintegrated.
Pick the yacht, Wendy, an insistent voice whispered in her ear. It might be your only chance.
“How do I kick fear in the ass?”
“You don’t cover it up, or hide behind it, or under it. When you let light shine on fear, it will shrink to a manageable size, and then you can kick it.”
“You mean, talk about it?”
Vlad nodded. “If you choose to embark on a new journey with me at your side, then you need to convince me that you meant everything you said to me. And the way to do it is to trust me enough to tell me your fears.”
“It’s hard. I don’t like talking about it. It depresses me.”
He pulled her gently toward him, wrapped his arms around her, and tucked her head under his chin. “I might not seem like much, but I’ve got you, and I’ll keep you safe. You are not alone.”
Letting out a breath, Wendy wrapped her arms around Vlad’s slim middle and leaned on him. There was strength in him that was more than physical, and warmth that emanated from his soul as well as his body.
It felt so good to be held, to listen to the strong beat of his heart, and to believe that she was safe with him.
Logically, she knew she was, but with fear embedded into the very fiber of her being, it was difficult to submit to the sensation of safety and accept it as real.
Wendy was going to try, though. The future that Vlad had painted for her was worth fighting for.
“The things I’m going to tell you are ugly. After you hear my story, you might feel differently about me.”
“That won't happen.”
“I know it will, but in a way, this will be a test for you as well. If you can stomach my story and not think less of me after hearing it, then you are worth taking a chance on.” She looked up into his eyes. “I will know how you really feel, so there is no point in trying to hide it.”
“I won’t.”
“Let’s walk.”
Pulling out of his embrace, Wendy tucked her hands into the pockets of her coat and lowered her head. It was easier to talk without looking at Vlad or touching him. She also decided to block out his emotional responses until she was done.
Otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to finish.
“My mother left when I was a baby. She chose her drug addiction over me and left me behind to be raised by a monster.”
As Wendy went on to describe her life growing up with her father, she pretended that she was talking about someone else to prevent the tears from choking her.
Thankfully, Vlad didn’t ask any questions, and the only sound coming out of him was an occasional growl when she talked about the abuse or the disbelief from the few people she’d dared to tell about it.
“I kept missing homework assignments and failing at tests because the pain, sometimes physical and sometimes mental or both, made it hard to concentrate on school stuff. When the teacher asked what was going on, I told her, and she summoned my father to a meeting. He convinced her that I was a pathological liar. He told her that I was a disturbed kid because my mother left me and that I was in therapy. He told her that he would bring a letter from my therapist to prove it. There was no therapist, but he got a letter from somewhere, maybe he forged it himself, and that was it. No one believed me, and what I got for reaching out were more beatings.”
When Wendy chanced a glance at Vlad, his hand was over his mouth, and his eyes were closed.
It
was just as she’d feared. He was disgusted by her and thought that she’d somehow earned the punishments.
Nothing new there.
People always blamed the victim for courting the abuse. They couldn’t understand why a sane person would beat up a child, or a spouse, or rape someone. That’s why she’d stopped even hinting at it and had perpetuated the monster’s pretense of a loving father who was raising his daughter alone to the best of his ability.
Appearing normal had made it much easier to have friends.
60
Vlad
Vlad was in trouble. His damn fangs were fully elongated, ready to tear into Wendy’s father and cut him to pieces, and his eyes were glowing.
She’d just bared her soul to him, and he couldn’t even answer her without scaring the shit out of her.
“I need a moment,” he mumbled into his hand. “I’ll be right back.”
Vlad turned around and broke into a jog. He wasn’t going to leave Wendy alone. He was just going to run in circles around her until he got himself under control. Not that she was in any danger.
With the amount of aggression that he was emitting, no predator would dare to come close.
Wendy must think that he’d gone nuts.
No wonder she’d thought the paranormal program was her salvation. No one had ever offered her a helping hand before.
How could a teacher ignore her plea for help? Weren’t teachers obligated to report each instance of suspected abuse?
Her father must be very charismatic, or maybe even possess some compulsion ability. Somehow, he’d managed to convince the teacher to keep quiet.
And what’s more, Vlad had the gnawing suspicion that Wendy’s mother hadn’t left voluntarily. The bastard might have murdered his wife and then told everyone a story about her running away to do drugs. Keeping Wendy around and pretending to be a loving father was a good cover. No one suspected him of murdering the mother.
