“Wanna come outside with me and Peter? In truth, the kid is driving me crazy with all his questions today.” Stuart smiled that slow, half smile of his. “Sometimes I wish our school went further than eighth grade. Then he could be gone in school all day.”
Matthew laughed and stood, glad for the break. “Sure. I’ll come out with you. What are you working on?”
“One of the buggy wheels needs tending to,” Stuart said. He gave Doris a nod and the two of them left.
Chapter Six
Doris sank back on the davenport. That was odd. She hadn’t expected Matthew to resist her suggestion. Usually, whatever either of them wanted was agreed upon instantly. He must be worried for her. Maybe he thought Jordan would hurt her, just like her folks thought.
Well, he wouldn’t.
Jordan Lehman loved her, and she loved him. They would get their happy ending for sure and for certain. She smiled. Now, she could write Jordan and ask the questions that had been burning in her soul for months. And he could answer her. Her smile widened. He could actually and finally answer her.
She jumped up and went to the kitchen. She chatted with her mother and Verna for what she considered the polite amount of time, and then she disappeared upstairs to her room, too excited to write Jordan to wait even a moment longer.
Dear Jordan,
I have the happiest news ever. Matthew has agreed to receive your letters to me at his address. I’ll include his address at the bottom of this letter, in case you don’t know it. As you’ve probably guessed, I’m back from Hollybrook. Aenti Eliza did her best to match me up with a man there, but he was smitten with someone else.
Just as I am.
Doris flushed for a moment, wondering if she was being too forward. They hadn’t really talked for so long; she felt a sudden moment of uncertainty. But she straightened her shoulders and forged ahead.
Now that I know you can answer me, there are some things I would really like to know. What happened, Jordan? Did you really steal that car? Well, I suppose you must have, or you wouldn’t be in jail. But I know you had to have a gut reason for doing it. Maybe there was some kind of emergency or something. Can you please tell me? For sure and for certain, I don’t want to ask your mamm.
Do you know when you’ll be coming back home? I can hardly wait! It will be so gut to see you. I know I’ll feel better when I can see you with my own eyes.
Please write me back as soon as you can.
Yours,
Doris
P.S. Here’s Matthew’s address: Matthew Wanner, 230 County Road, Hollybrook, Indiana 44790
Doris read over her letter, her heart thumping. She was beyond excited at the idea of Jordan writing back to her. She folded her letter and slipped it into an envelope, addressing it to the prison facility. She pressed a stamp onto it, but she knew she couldn’t put it in their mailbox with the flag up. Her mother would be racing out there to check on what was there. She supposed she could put it in the mailbox and not put up the red flag. But then she ran the risk of someone going to fetch the mail before the mailman came.
Either way, she would be in big trouble.
And then, she figured out what to do. She would wander down the road a bit and put it in Widow Leah’s mailbox. Doris knew for a fact that sometimes Leah didn’t even go out there to check her mailbox. One time, Doris had gathered up at least a week’s worth of mail and taken it to her doorstep.
That was it. She would gather what was in the mailbox and deliver it to Leah. That way Leah would be sure not to check her mail that day. Smiling, Doris tucked her letter to Jordan beneath her waistband, making sure the edges didn’t stick out. In truth, the envelope poked at her through her clothes, but she didn’t mind.
She ran downstairs to put on her cape.
“Where are you off to?” her mother asked her as she passed through the kitchen to the washroom.
“I thought I’d go outside. Maybe I’ll see what the boys are doing.”
“It’s right cold out there,” Verna warned her. “Tell Matthew we won’t be staying much longer.”
“I will,” Doris said. She went into the washroom and put on her heavy cape. She twisted a scarf around her neck and stepped outside.
The cold air snapped at her, and she blinked. A white Christmas they would surely have this year. She was glad of it. Nothing was more beautiful than celebrating Christmas all cozy inside while the earth lay covered in a quilt of snow outside.
“What are you doing?” Stuart called at her from the entrance of the barn.
“Thought I’d go for a short walk,” she said as she drew nearer to the barn. “Want to come?”
She knew for a fact that he wouldn’t, and sure enough, he said, “Nee, why would I?”
She nearly giggled at how predictable her brother was. And then she saw Matthew standing right behind you.
“I’ll come,” he said, and she only just stopped herself from cringing.
Truth was, she liked taking walks with Matthew, but she didn’t want him along right then. Her plan didn’t include anyone else, and they’d already had one strange conversation about her writing to Jordan. But he was already walking toward her, and what excuse could she possibly give for not wanting him along?
“Uh, your mamm said you’ll be leaving soon.” She hoped that would do it, but no such luck.
“We probably won’t walk far. It’s right cold out here, Doris.”
She could tell by the way he was looking at her that he suspected something. What was he thinking? That she was about to hitch a ride to the jail and try to see Jordan personally?
She sighed. “Jah. It’s right cold.”
He joined her, shortening his long stride to match hers. “Where are we going?”
“For a walk…”
“I know, but where?”
She stared up at him. “What do you mean, where?”
“I know you, Doris. You like cold weather well enough, but it’s an odd time to be taking a random walk.”
“Fine. I’m heading for Widow Leah’s place.”
“Why?”
Why, indeed. She shoved down her irritation and answered him. “Sometimes she doesn’t go out to get her mail, and I take it to her.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, but then, the confusion on his face cleared, and he nodded. “I see.”
She sighed again. “Fine. So you’ve figured it out already, ain’t so?”
“I think so. You wrote him quick?” He frowned. “Or had you already written him because you knew I’d agree.”
He seemed annoyed with her, but she hardly understood why. He’d agreed of his own free will.
“Nee, I didn’t already have the letter written. I just wrote it.”
“To tell him to use my address.”
“Jah.”
“I see.”
“Ach,” she cried, “will you quit saying, I see? It’s aggravating.”
He chuckled softly. “I don’t know why it should be.”
“When you keep saying I see, it’s like you always know what I’m thinking or what I’m going to say.”
“I often do.” He said it matter-of-factly.
“I know.”
“It never used to bother you before.”
“I know.”
He stopped walking and turned to her. “Why does it bother you now?”
She inhaled sharply. She had no idea why it bothered her now, and she didn’t really want to analyze it.
He touched her elbow through her cape. “We’ve always had a special friendship, Doris. We both know that.”
Her throat tightened with emotion, and she nodded. Of course, she knew that. But things were changing now. She loved Jordan, and that would automatically affect her connection with Matthew. Wasn’t that inevitable? And normal? Besides, Matthew was her cousin, and that put a natural limit on things between them.
“Jah,” she finally murmured. He was looking at her intently, and it made her want to squirm. She was suddenl
y uncomfortable being with him. She wished he wouldn’t have joined her; she was perfectly fine walking by herself.
“That will likely never change,” he said.
How odd. She’d just been thinking the exact opposite—that their bond was already loosening.
“I think it will, Matthew,” she said softly, starting to walk again. He hesitated and then caught up with her.
“Why should it?”
“We’re getting older now. Ach, we’re adults. Things won’t ever be the same as when we were kinner. And we’ll both fall in love and then things will really change.”
“Like you’ve already fallen in love?” His voice had taken on a stilted tone.
Was that it? Was that what was bothering him? That their connectedness would change as they fell in love and inevitably grew apart.
“You’ll always be special to me, Matthew.”
She’d intended it to pacify him and comfort him, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. His expression tightened, and he moved further away from her, though he kept walking.
“Well?” she pressed.
“Right,” he said. “And you’re special to me.” But by his tone, it didn’t sound like it. It sounded like he thoroughly disliked her.
She blinked, wondering how things had gotten so out of sorts between them. She trudged on, now wishing Matthew would just leave.
“We’re here,” he said. “Go ahead and mail your letter.” He opened up the mailbox and took out the accumulated mail. “There. It’s free for your letter to Jordan.”
She reached beneath her cape and pulled Jordan’s letter from her waistband. She placed it in the mailbox and raised the red flag.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go deliver the mail to Leah.”
He led the way across the yard toward Leah’s rambling farmhouse. Doris scrambled to keep up with him, now both thoroughly vexed and confused.
Chapter Seven
Matthew could kick himself. What in the world was he thinking? He’d been a total idiot with Doris. She’d hardly even bid him good-bye when he and his mother left a few minutes after he and Doris returned from their “walk.” He’d tried to catch her eye, to let her know that he was sorry for his sourness, but she wouldn’t look at him. Wouldn’t even gaze his way.
Now he sat stiff as a frozen cornstalk as he drove the buggy home. Verna chatted animatedly all the way, having thoroughly enjoyed her visit. Only when he drove up to the barn, did she question him.
“You seem awful quiet, Matthew. Something bothering you?”
He turned to her and mustered up a smile. “I’m fine, Mamm. Just listening to you.”
She laughed outright at that. “I s’pose I have been talking more than my share this day. But I do love to have my visits with Henrietta. She’s awful glad Doris is home, but she’s still worried. I can tell. She didn’t talk about it much today, but I know my sister.”
“Go ahead and get out here, Mamm. I’ll see to Blackie.”
If he had to listen to one more word about Doris and Jordan, he would have to haul off and kick something. He blinked in surprise. No need for violence, he scolded himself. No need at all.
But the truth was, he did feel like kicking something. Or hitting something. Or chopping something. That was it. He’d work on the firewood. Again.
“I’ll chop some more firewood,” he told Verna. “I’ll be in shortly.”
“That’d be right nice. I know your dat would appreciate it.” She gave him a pleased smile and went off toward the house.
Matthew took care of Blackie, putting him out in the pasture for a spell. “There’s still some grass left,” he told the horse. “Won’t be new growth for a while, though.”
Blackie snorted, his breath puffing out in white clouds of steam. Matthew slapped him affectionately and turned to go. He found the axe and started right in on chopping firewood. It didn’t take long for him to work up a good lather, despite the cold. It felt good to move like that. The rhythm of the strokes felt oddly calming. He tried not to think of Doris. Tried not to think of Jordan, but it seemed that Jordan’s face was fixed in his mind.
He’d never given much thought to Jordan before. He was just one of the Lehman boys. He had no idea Doris was riding out with him. If he’d known, he would have paid a whole lot more attention to the guy. He supposed Jordan was handsome enough, but there didn’t seem to be much else to recommend him. What did Doris see in him?
Matthew lowered the axe and stared down at the pile of wood, lying helter-skelter at his feet. He needed to face facts. Doris would always consider him her cousin. That was never going to change. The entire family considered them cousins. The fact that Matthew wasn’t related to her in any way would never cross their minds. Not anymore. Matthew had “belonged” to Verna and Nathaniel for too many years now.
Even the fact that Matthew’s last name was different didn’t seem to matter.
He needed to give up his fantasies. Doris would never be his. His breath hitched, and a pain zapped through his chest. He swallowed hard, realizing that he’d always carried the fantasy of him and Doris together. Ever since they were young, he’d assumed that someday they would make a home together.
What a fool he was.
He swiped his arm across his forehead. Pathetic. That’s what he was. Pathetic. But no more. He wasn’t going to spend his adult life lamenting what could never be. He was going to find himself a girl. One who was available to him. One who would see him as a potential husband, not as a cousin. Which he wasn’t.
There were lots of nice girls around. Just the other day, Annie Hershberger had given him a smile that hinted at her interest. She was a lovely girl. Matthew raised the axe and buried it in the chopping block.
Annie Hershberger. Yes. He would ask her if she needed a ride home from the next youth singing. He staunchly ignored the immediate protests from his heart.
Annie Hershberger.
He would get to know her. See what they thought of each other. Maybe it would work out beautifully for the both of them.
* * *
Doris nearly went crazy that week. Every day, she waited for Matthew to arrive and to slip her a letter from Jordan. But Matthew didn’t arrive. She wondered whether he’d gotten a letter but was just too busy to come by. Would he do that, though? Let a letter languish at his house when he knew how eager she was to receive it? He wouldn’t be that thoughtless. So, if he didn’t come by, it could mean only one thing. There was no letter.
But surely, Jordan had received her letter the day after she mailed it. It only took about twenty-four hours for a letter to travel within the state. She knew this well, as she had written plenty of letters over the years. So, why hadn’t he written back?
As each day passed, a worm of worry burrowed deeper and deeper into her mind and heart. Didn’t he love her anymore? Did he not want to tell her the truth of what happened? Was he afraid she would judge him?
Maybe she hadn’t worded her letter to him correctly. Maybe she had caused him to feel bad. Ach, she shouldn’t have asked him anything at all. Why in the world had she done it? She should have just sent him a cheerful, chatty letter he would have been happy to answer. But still…
Didn’t she deserve to know exactly what had happened? They were courting, after all. She wasn’t fishing for gossip.
And so her mind went. Round and round and round. And if there was ever the crunch of buggy wheels on the drive during those tortuous days, she would fly to the window, hoping to see Matthew coming up the lane.
It never was.
Her family was getting well into the Christmas spirit. The sparse decorations which her father allowed had been placed about the house. Just a few candles and some greenery, but nevertheless, it was looking very much like the beloved holiday. Her mother was elbow-deep with Christmas baking.
“How many dozens of cookies are you baking?” Doris had asked her just that morning.
“These are for the school Christmas program,” Henrietta h
ad responded. “I volunteered to supply a good portion of them for the refreshment time afterward. And you know, the whole district will show up. We’ll need plenty.”
Which was true. And even though none of her siblings attended school anymore, they were still loyal supporters. Once or twice, her mother had even stepped in as substitute for the schoolteacher when she was out sick.
“Do you think Mark Lapp will be there?” Kara had asked, dipping her finger in the frosting with a dreamy look on her face. And then she seemed to realize what her question revealed, and her cheeks turned crimson. “Uh, I mean, the whole Lapp family… Oh, of course, they will,” she answered herself hurriedly, “they still have children attending school.”
Doris gave her sister a knowing look, nearly chuckling out loud, but the look of embarrassment on Kara’s face stopped her. But Sally did laugh and then covered her mouth with her hand. Their mother purposely chose to ignore the remark, although Doris was sure she saw the corner of her mother’s mouth turning up in a slight smile.
The whole interchange made Doris yearn for Jordan even more. Would he be back home in time for the school Christmas program? Would he be back home in time for Christmas at all? She hoped so. Oh, how she hoped so.
Doris had thought long and hard about what to give him as a gift. The only thing she could think of was to copy a sonnet she’d read in a library book. It was a beautiful love poem, but not too forward, she was certain. She painstakingly copied it in her best script on a piece of stationery and then rolled it up and tied it with a ribbon. She hoped he would like it. He wasn’t necessarily a poetry person, but he would appreciate the thought.
If he was even home to receive it.
“Why don’t you help frost the cookies?” her mother asked her, pulling her from her thoughts. “Then, we’ll box them up and put them in the basement. It’s so cold down there, they’ll keep fine.”
So, Doris iced the cookies, trying her best to get into the Christmas spirit.
The Cousin (Doris's Christmas Story Book 1) Page 4
