by T L Bradford
“Yeah, I did, but I can’t say who, we have to sign a confidentiality agreement.” This wasn’t true, but this is not a topic I want to be discussing with her right now.
“Oh, come on, just a clue, pretty please?” She says this while batting her eyelashes and looking up at me pleadingly.
“Not. A. Chance.”
“Okay fine. I wish you the best of luck because you’re gonna need it. Here comes, Vito.” She indicates he is coming by tilting her head in his direction.
I muster up my best false bravado, straighten my back and greet him with my most dazzling smile.
“Hey Vito, I—”
“Can it, you’re out of here.”
“Listen, man, I—”
“Did you not hear me? I said get your shit and get out of here,” he says this in his best Italian accent.
“I swear Vito; this is the last time it’ll happen. This audition was—”
“Damn straight it’s the last time it’ll happen, cause you’re out of chances. I don’t wanna hear it. I told you the last time that it was your last shot. I got a business to run here, ya know? I don’t have time to support you chasing your dreams and whatnot. I gotta dream too, and it’s having my freakin’ bartender here when he’s supposed to be.”
Sam speaks up for me. “But Vito, come on, this audition was different, this was a once in a lifetime shot! He had to go for it…”
“You keep it up, and you’re out with him.”
Vito is a cantankerous cliché of a man. He’s misogynistic, self-serving, and greedy, with a face only his mother could love.
“Sam, don’t worry, I’ll be okay, don’t get yourself in trouble too. Besides, one of us needs to be employed in case I need to crash on your couch.” I drop the towel on the bar and head back around to go out.
Not wanting to burn any bridges, I say to Vito, “Look sorry about everything. I know I messed up.”
Running his hand over the back of his neck, he looks at me. “You’re a good kid. I don’t wish you any ill will or anything like that. Just keep your head up.”
With that, I take off the apron and hug Sam. She says, “Let me know how it turns out okay? You know what they say, when one door closes, an angel gets its wings or something like that.”
“Yeah, pretty sure, that’s not the saying, but I’ll take it, anyway.” And with that, I make my way outside.
I get in my car and bang my fists on the steering wheel, then slump down in the seat. I cannot believe this day. Un-fucking-believable.
As if on cue, my twin sister Chloe calls me. We’ve got a really scary twin vibe where she always knows right away when I’ve got a problem.
“Hey, bro, wassup?”
“How do you always manage to do it?”
“What? I felt my spidey sense tingling and had to call you. Was I right?”
“Yeah, you were. We are such a freak show we need to take that act on the road.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, I think it may be the only job I have going for me, unfortunately.”
“Oh shit, did you bomb the audition?” Her voice goes super high in tone. I’ve come to recognize it as her protective mode.
“I think the audition went okay, so well in fact that I was late for my job. Vito finally fired my ass.”
“Oh, well, I’m sorry to hear it, but it was about time you moved on from that job anyway, right? You didn’t move to LA to be a bartender.”
“Well no, but I need some income. If I don’t book something soon, I’ll be out on the street.”
“Do you think you have a legitimate shot at getting the part?” I haven’t even had time to process what went down today. I should be ecstatic at my performance, but there is that one hitch.
“I don’t know; maybe, it’s hard to tell. You know these Hollywood types are hard to read, they kiss your ass in public, then toss you aside the moment the next victim walks in.”
“Well, that is pretty cynical. Was it for a new part? Or will you be taking over for someone’s evil twin brother?”
“It’s for a new part, specifically being written to partner with an existing character on the show.” Here we go.
“Ah, who? No, no, no, let me guess. I absolutely love that show! Was it with Gracie?”
“No.”
“Huh, is it, Janey?”
“No.”
“Laura?”
“Nope.”
“Well, that only leaves that bitch Cassandra. Wait, aren’t they killing her off on Friday?”
“No, not her, either.”
“Then who the heck is it?”
I pause a few moments, then spit it out.
“Jace.”
“Jace?”
“Yeah, Jace.”
“We are talking about Americana, right?
“Yep.”
“No shit, so… are you supposed to be a same-sex couple or what?”
“Bingo.”
“Joshua Hill, how could you have not told me about this!” she rages excitedly. I can’t tell if she’s surprised or what?
“I couldn’t have. I mean, I didn’t even know.”
“You mean you went in to audition for a gay character, and you didn’t even know it?”
She starts howling laughing. If this were anyone else’s life right now, I would be cackling like a crazy person too, but this was my own fresh hell.
She barely recovers before she starts in again. “Didn’t your agent tell you?”
“No, at least I don’t think so, she’s had me running from audition to audition. I can’t even keep my head straight what part I’m trying out for.”
She starts laughing again, or should I say snorting because this is all too humorous to her. “Can you get a grip for a minute? I have a serious issue here.” That sets her off again.
“You know what forget it. I’ll call you back later when you have control of yourself.”
“No, no, I’m back. I’m sorry, it’s just so…” she’s snorting again.
“Fuck you, Chloe, my life is falling apart, and you’re just gonna sit there cracking on me.”
She slowly pulls herself together. “Okay, okay, let’s look at this positively. If you don’t get the part, worst-case scenario, you end up back home with mom and dad sleeping on the pull-out sofa in the basement. If you get the part, you end up on a popular cutting-edge TV show with an awesome storyline, a huge bank account and a hot partner to boot. I mean, do you have a problem with playing a gay guy?”
“I don’t know, I mean it wasn’t something I was anticipating when starting my career, you know. What if I get the part and then I get stereotyped and can’t get any straight roles afterward? Even worse, how am I even supposed to play this role? Can I even pass for one?”
“First of all, I’m pretty sure there is no one type of gay. Just be yourself. This could be a good opportunity for you. It would show your diversity as an actor.”
I sink into the car seat a little more and take in what she is saying. I look around the parking lot and see some sketchy guys standing around, looking up to no good. It’s in that second that I realize I’m about two steps away from being one of those guys.
“I need to think about this; I’m not gonna get all wound up about it now anyway, I haven’t even heard from them yet one way or the other.”
“Where are you now?”
“Sitting in the parking lot of Vito’s.”
“Take the day to figure things out. The answer will come to you.”
“Yeah, okay, Yoda, I’ll do that.”
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
“God, you suck at sentiment.”
“But you love me, anyway.”
“Yeah, I do. But don’t tell anyone.”
After another five minutes of sulking, I finally pull out of the parking lot. I have just enough gas to maybe get me home. Living in LA has not been a treat for me. It’s been a hustle since I got here.
Things started out okay. I had been in an
improv theater troupe in Denver. I got noticed by my soon to be agent there. She lined up a few gigs for me in LA. I had done a few walk-ons, extra work, and several commercials, but nothing big yet.
My forte is comedy, but looking like I do, parts for me in that genre are far and wide to find. I know, play me the world’s smallest violin, right? I can’t help it. I was born with great genes. I thought that would be an asset when trying out for those roles, but it turned out to be just the opposite. I got lumped in with the Lothario parts. Not at all what I’m about. Pretty boys get the uber boring leading man parts, not the character roles which I prefer because they are the most honest and interesting.
I drive over to my side of town; to what I affectionately call my dumpster fire apartment. Here the lawns are brown 365 days a year, gangbangers own every other corner, and there is a random car chase at least once every couple of weeks. Good times. I pass two payday loan shops and a carwash on my way. Crap, I owe on one of those loans next week. No chance of paying it off now.
I’m about eight blocks away when my dashboard gas light comes on — end of the road, buddy. Now I have to take the bus to get to auditions.
I pull into my parking spot, and head on upstairs. It is a small three-floor apartment complex named of all things, the Shangri-La. It doesn’t get more LA than that. It’s an odd light green color. It should have been renovated years ago, but the owner never got around to it.
Before I go around the corner to my door, I hear the landlord bawling out another tenant about their late rent. Shit, I’ve been dodging that guy all week. I back up and lean against the far side of the soda machine, hoping he doesn’t see me. I see him knock on my apartment door now. When I don’t answer, he makes his way to the next loser. When he is out of sight, I make a break to get into my apartment.
It’s a one bedroom, with a tiny kitchen, living room and a small balcony that can fit two chairs. I go over and turn on the TV, then head to the kitchen. I fill up my watering can and water my ferns. It’s an odd hobby I know, but plants seem to ground me somehow — something I picked up from my mom who has the world’s biggest green thumb.
After watering the plants, I go to sit down in front of the TV. Nothing is playing. Oh, great, did my TV die now? Nope, it’s a patronizing message from Netflix telling me I have not paid. It is not sympathizing with me today either. I can’t even afford the subscription fee for that. I look around and try to figure out how else to distract my mind. I lean back on the couch and decide to take a nap.
My mind starts to drift, and I think about my audition this morning. My agent Lisa said this one was pretty much in the bag so long as I passed the chemistry test with my co-star. I had submitted a video audition a couple of weeks ago, and the producers of the show thought I would be a perfect fit for the new role. I guess they had been having issues finding the right pairing for one of their characters, so a chemistry audition was important.
I met bright and early with Genie and Steph. They gave me a brief rundown of what they were looking for. I went into hair and makeup for a touch-up and then made it to the set. I met with the Casting Director again and then Steph promised to introduce me to the person who would be my co-star and partner.
He walked me over to another actor on the show. It was Noah Sinclair. I’m not a big follower of the show. I had only seen a few episodes in preparation for the audition, but I know he is a popular character. Noah approached our group, and I tried to piece together what exactly is happening here. Are we doing a different scene? I was so confused. I could only stand there and gape like a total idiot.
Noah seemed to catch something in my eyes, so I did my best to play it off and save face. I tried to relax and introduce myself. I was a little taken off guard by the presence of the guy. I’m not blind to the fact that Noah is a heartthrob on the TV show, and one could easily tell why. He was a lot taller than he looked on TV. He was probably a couple of inches taller than me, and I am not a short guy. He was probably late 20s early 30s with short, black hair that fanned over his forehead and startling silver-green eyes. He was slender but fit. It’s obvious he took really good care of himself. He was wearing a button up black dress shirt with the sleeves half-rolled up and charcoal slacks. When he looks at me, I saw his dark looks brighten and then saw his smile emerge. When he did this, I introduce myself. It triggered a deep dimple in his left cheek.
He seemed to take up the entire room, and I was captivated by those eyes. I had a hard time pulling my gaze away from them; they were so striking. His grip was so warm and welcoming. I felt like my hand was melting into his. This admiration all comes to a screeching halt when Genie handed out the scripts and said we were ready to get started.
Wait. What did she mean we were all there? Noah took his script and walked over to the bar set to read the script. He did not seem at all surprised by this turn of events. I almost asked him what was going on, but I didn’t want to look like a newbie or unprofessional. So instead, I sat in total ignorance.
I pulled up a seat one over from him and started reading the script, with my head down. It seemed straight forward up to that point, and I began to relax since it was just a pool scene. Two bros were shooting pool, no problem. Then, I saw the problem. The characters seemed to be almost flirting by the time I was halfway through the script. What. The. Actual. Fuck? Without turning my head too much, I glanced over toward Noah to see his reaction. Did he know that was coming? Did he agree? I flipped a few pages to the back of the script and sure as shit there it was. My character was a new love interest for the character Jace.
I froze a second. My heartbeat jumped, and I tried not to freak out completely. Noah was looking over at me now, so I know he had finished reading it and was measuring my response. Before complete panic set in, Steph walked over and said we were about to start filming. I pull my shit together and string a few words together that I hope made sense. Then we started filming.
The script was just a guideline to give us direction for the scene. The important part of the test was how well we responded to each other. We started off sticking to the script, but as we went on, we started making things up. Pretty soon we weren’t using the script at all. This is where I thank god in heaven for my improv training. Slowly, Noah came around to my side of the table and began some flirty banter with me. I picked up the ball and ran with it. Do or die; this was the time to shine. I pushed all other thoughts and concerns out of my head and focused on the task at hand. Even if I ended up not getting this role, if I at least did well, they might consider me for another part.
The last scene required us to get up close and personal. I needed to nail this shot and get the mood right. I focused on getting in the head of my character, Max. Noah was looking me over in a not-so-subtle way, not breaking eye contact when I looked up at him. For reasons I didn’t understand, my temperature went up a few degrees, and I felt a rush of excitement. It was all so foreign and yet… Noah parted his lips and breathed in slightly. I gathered my strength and running on pure adrenaline, went right up to him. He’s so tall I had to tilt my head up to look into his eyes. When I do, no joke, I was completely captivated by his stare. He looked at me as though there was no one else in the room, and I am totally in his sights. His tongue slightly parted his lips as he moved his head closer to mine. I brought my hand up around his waist to invite him in further, encourage him.
He was so close. He smelled clean, like winter pine and ocean. I thought he was about to go full guns and lay a kiss on me, so I prepared, but instead, he hovered over my lips then moved slightly to the side, closed his eyes and breathed me in deep. I closed my eyes as well, playing off of his actions.
Not sure how to end the scene, as we had not been following the script, I came back to the present and opened my eyes. I saw the small crew standing around, and they looked enthralled. It looked like they got what they wanted. I was still holding Noah and backed away when I realized it.
The sound of the phone ringing startles me and I jump up off t
he couch. I check who is calling. Only three people ever call me on the phone; it’s either my agent, my sister or my mom. This time it’s my agent.
“Josh! How did it go!”
“How did it go? Seriously, Lisa, you sent me on an audition for a gay character and didn’t even tell me?”
“Yes, but listen, in my defense, if I had told you, chances are you never would have gone out for it.”
“Yeah, Katie, you’re right, you realize how stupid I felt in there? I could have screwed things up if I wasn’t careful with what I was saying.”
“You’re a pro; I had no doubt you would be able to handle anything they threw at you.”
“You are too much, sometimes, I swear. I can’t believe you would think it was okay to spring this on me like that!”
“Okay, I apologize, but when I heard about the part, I knew you would be a shoo-in for it.”
“Still, not seeing where your mind was on this one.”
“It was important that you didn’t overplay it, this way you would not have time to load a bunch of silly stereotypes into the character. Max was written to be relatable, and that’s you all over.”
“Lisa…”
“Look, Josh, tough love time okay.” She slows down and drops her voice. “I’ve been doing everything I can to get you some work, but let’s face it. It’s tough to get you the type of roles you want much less the roles you’re comfortable with.”
“Where are you going with this?” I’m at the end of my rope.
“Your chances of actually booking this part will be better because there is less competition for the role. You said yourself how badly you need the money now. Well, this is your best chance of getting some money in your pocket quick, well outside of doing porn, anyway.”
“Great, well, thanks for being so blunt.”
“You know what I mean. Josh, you’re a great-looking guy, and you have a lot of talent, but it won’t matter one bit if no one out there can see what you’ve got. Think of it as a stepping stone; you won’t need to play the character forever, you get a little publicity and get known for doing edgy characterizations. No fear. Directors will be looking to cast you because you won’t have those hang-ups and you show that you are willing to go the extra mile for a part, especially if it is outside of your comfort zone.” She stops for a moment when I do not respond. “Have they contacted you yet?”
