by T L Bradford
Josh finally speaks. “It works because we work well together. I’m not alone in this. You had to step out of your boundaries to take this chance, and I’m fully aware of that. You didn’t have to worry about pulling off the role, though; you do a great job. I would even say you excel at it.” He looks deeply into my eyes as he says the last sentence. It gets very quiet and intense. I’m not sure how to respond to him. I see his response. He is getting flushed and breathing a little more deeply.
He has never looked more handsome to me. My body recognizes this, too, and I feel my cock start to stiffen. I’m so grateful we are in the water where he cannot see.
Josh then pushes the envelope. “You’re the best kisser I’ve ever had.” Then he moves a little closer to me. I hear the water splash from him as he moves his arms in the water. The small ripple makes it over to my chest, teasing my nipples.
Josh does not break eye contact and moves closer yet again. I don’t move or back up. He is right in front of me now. I am mesmerized by the water drops on his lush eyelashes. His hazel eyes are glinting with gold flecks and staring fixedly into mine. Then I see those gorgeous eyes move down to my lips. I feel a giant rush of heat through my body. My dick is hard as a rock. I want him. I want Josh.
I move into him, closing any space between us and feel his chest against mine. I lean over and smell his masculine scent. It drives me crazy. I feel sweat breaking out on my forehead. My lips gently graze his jawline. I see Josh roll his eyes back in his head and close his eyes. I feel the slight stubble from his beard against my lips and savor every poke and scratch. I put my hands on his chest and slide them down slowly to feel those hard as granite abs. I feel him lift his head back up and look at me again, keenly checking my expression to see if we should continue. I bring my lips so close to his that I feel his warm breath sweep across my lips. Then I pause as I’m looking at those plump lips of his and see they are pink, ripe, and ready. Pink, almost the same shade my mother wore. That I wore…before he beat me into oblivion.
I smoothly backup then wordlessly turn around. I return to the shoreline and get out of the water. What had I almost done?
Chapter 21
Josh
What the hell just happened? I had felt a wave of desire course through my body for Noah so strong and sudden I was unable to control it. Damn it! Why was I always so impulsive? Did I mess things up with Noah? I saw the longing want in his eyes. I thought for sure Noah was into it. Then he just turned and swam away.
I think he’s embarrassed by his feelings for me because that was no accident. I get confirmation of my suspicions when I see Noah get out of the lake. Right there in plain view is Noah’s monster-sized erection. So uh, yeah, he is into me.
The walk back to the resort is now just as estranged as before. When we reach the room, Noah makes some excuse about needing to go somewhere, leaving me alone in the room. My guess is he’s afraid to be alone with me now. I’m unsure of how to approach him. I don’t want to scare him off. He’s obviously dealing with some deep-seated issues about his attraction to men so I won’t push.
I consider avoiding him altogether for the rest of the week. Then again, maybe this is the perfect opportunity for me to talk to Noah when we are alone, and he’s in a more vulnerable state. Maybe we should explore where this can go?
The next therapy session is called Truth, Secrets and Honesty. I decide I will take this opportunity to draw Noah out of his shell and find out his true feelings for me.
I sit around the room for a while waiting for him to come back. When I realize this is not happening, I head out to look for him. I don’t find him, but I do find Scott and Brian, the same-sex couple from our therapy sessions, down in the lounge. When they see me, they invite me over to their table. I sit down with them and order a drink.
I find out Scott and Brian are both in the entertainment industry as well. Scott is a costume designer, and Brian has written screenplays for several award-winning movies. They have been together for almost 20 years and were finally able to get married when marriage equality went into effect. As I sit and listen to them talk about their lives together, I begin to feel a pang of jealousy at their genuine connection. They had to sacrifice so much to be together. Both had lost jobs, contact with family members, and lifelong friends over their decision to be together.
Being so young and used to the times we live in now, it’s difficult for me to understand how hard it was for them years ago. Even the simple act of holding hands in public could have gotten them attacked. I listen carefully and make parallels between their relationship and ours.
Brian says that they both came from typical heterosexual backgrounds when they were young. After they both graduated college, they ended up in LA and met on a movie set. They spent many years as platonic friends before things between them began to change. Brian’s mother passed away, and Scott was there to support him.
Then, Scott was in a car accident not long after, and Brian was there to help him through physical therapy. The long hours together brought them closer, and over time, they realized they had fallen in love. Their families did not approve, so both were disowned. Friends from home turned their backs on them. They were islands in a sea of hate. Despite the negativity, they knew that whatever happened to them, they ultimately belonged together, and no one was going to take that away from them.
The hitch in their marriage came oddly enough from residual effects from Scott’s accident. Damage to his brain resulted in inoperable tumors. Scott is going to die. Brian refuses to accept it. This is their story.
Hearing them helps me put my life in perspective. Life is tender and fragile. The very accident that brought them together would be the same thing that tears them apart.
“Josh, do you want a relationship with Noah beyond friendship?” asks Scott.
“I’m not sure anymore. I mean, before this whole mess with the leaked pictures I would have said yes, but with his reactions lately to me and his paranoia about people seeing us as more than friends has made me second guess it. I don’t think Noah is ready to accept himself, much less ready to accept us as a couple. I think I may just be setting myself up for failure.”
Brian says, “Don’t give up on him just yet. It is a big transition for him, and it sounds like Noah has a lot of baggage associated with his sexuality and daddy issues to top it off. Be there for him and try to get him to open up about his past. My guess is, that’s where the problem lies. Not with you.”
“I’ll try. He’s the hardest person to get to open up. I’m so scared that I’m going to push him away.”
“Some people need the push,” Scott says, looking over at Brian. I detect they went through something similar when they were starting out but decide not to pry.
“Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it. You have no idea,” I feel a little lighter.
Shortly after, I go back to the room. Noah is still not there. I change my clothes, shower, and watch a movie before I decide to turn in. Sleep does not come, unfortunately. My mind returns to earlier today. I loved seeing Noah smiling and playful in the water, him watching me with such intensity I felt blood rush from my head to my toes, his lips grazing swiftly across my cheek, the feel of his hands running down the length of my torso. I didn’t want him to stop. If only he kept going. I feel myself getting hard just thinking about it. I touch myself and then begin to tug on my cock softly. What follows is the most powerful and unexpected orgasm I have ever gotten from just masturbating.
I’m covered in sweat and myself, so I take another shower. I lie back down, waiting to hear the door open. No Noah. Maybe I had gone too far.
Chapter 22
Noah
Today was a total clusterfuck. I have to get out of here. As soon as we get back to the resort, I use my phone to call an Uber. I have no idea where I’m going; I know it won’t be here. Once inside, I ask the driver for advice on where to get a drink. He mentions Dukes Barefoot Bar, so I decide to go there.
It’s a great
choice. It has an open-air concept with part of the restaurant built into a cave-like structure. There are plants and rock formations throughout the place. As I walk to the outer patio, I have an excellent unobstructed view of Kalapaki Bay. I order the first of many drinks that evening, which is a Hawaiian Salt (ocean vodka with lemonade and passion fruit juice).
I need to get my head right. Today I came so close to going too far with Josh. There is no coming back from this. I can’t laugh it off and say I was playing around.
He knows now that I am attracted to him. My encounter with the drama student in college was the last time I had been physical with another man of my choosing and ever since I have questioned exactly where I stood on the Kinsey Scale. I was able to repress those feelings for most of my life successfully, but they have begun to resurface.
I cannot imagine any scenario where starting something up with Josh would end well. All I foresee is a total disaster.
I am so confused about what I am feeling for Josh. On the one hand, I want to see if we could have a normal relationship out in the open. I’m happiest when I am with him and proud to have him by my side. But, on the other hand, I don’t want to be defined by my sexuality for the rest of my life. I know some actors have done this and have a perfectly happy and healthy family lives, but I’m unwilling to be put under that kind of scrutiny. The consequences are too steep.
I’ve been staring out into the bay so long I have not realized that I am being watched. When I break out of my haze, I look over across the bar and see an attractive single man sitting there smiling back at me. I give him an awkward smile back and turn my attention back around to look at the bay again. Then I feel a shadow cross my table. It’s the guy from the bar. He asks if he can sit down. Unprepared for this intrusion, I say yes on instinct.
He says I look familiar and asks if I was the guy from Americana. I say yes, I am, and he smiles big and bright. We talk for a little while. He says that he’s taking a mental break from his job and hanging out for a couple of weeks here in Kauai. He is some Silicon Valley hotshot who is burning out and needs to get away.
He’s very good-looking, around the same height as me, with light brown hair, blue eyes and an athletic build. I wonder what he’s doing here alone. Then again, I’m here alone, so, who’s to say?
He’s been here for about a week already and tells me some of the best places he has gone on the island. I make a note so that I can catch a few of them before I leave.
“So, what’s a good-looking guy like you doing here alone in a bar?”
I’m three drinks deep by this point and starting to feel the effects. I chortle, “I’m in couples therapy.” Realizing how stupid that sounds, I laugh again, a little too loud.
“Alright, I see. So, are you not satisfied with your partner, is that it?” he implores.
“No, it’s just relationships are complicated. Why are they so complicated?” I feel myself slurring the last word.
“Wish I knew bud.” He’s smiling now, humoring me.
I go on, ruminating about life and whatnot, and he patiently sits and listens to me. At some point, I stop making sense altogether, but he doesn’t seem to care.
“It’s just, your life is fine right, and then someone comes in and messhes up the whole thing. Why…why is… that? I didn’t ask for thish. My life was fine. I, I, I was in control. Now, now, I’m not.” I stutter and slur my way through that last refrain.
“I hear you, man; relationships are the pits. That’s why I don’t do them.”
“What do you do?” I look up and wave the server down, indicating I want another drink.
“Hey, now slow down there. You are going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.” He’s genuinely concerned, but I don’t care. I want to drink until I no longer have feelings.
“You didn’t anshwer me; what do you do?” I hear myself but feel outside of my head.
“I hook up.”
“Oh, and that works?”
“Like a dream. In fact, I was thinking of having a little mindless fun tonight. Are you game?”
Holy crap. This guy is hitting on me. I’m trying to pull what little thoughts I have left in my head together to see if I remember saying anything that would get me in trouble. Nope, not a one. Am I giving off vibes now? Am I setting off gaydars around the island?
“Sir, that is just a character I play. I am not gay.” I sound like a haughty southern belle when I say this.
“Could have fooled me. I’m never wrong about these things.” Then he coolly and confidently takes his leave and pays for my drinks on the way out.
I somehow made it back to the resort. Don’t ask me how, but I think a white car was involved. Maybe it was the same guy who brought me there because I don’t remember giving them any address. I try to maintain a sense of dignity and walk through the lobby to the elevator. Once inside, it feels like the entire world turned sideways. I cannot remember my room number, but then remember I have a key card and look on it to find the room. First, I go the wrong way down the hall, then I go the other way and clumsily fumble with the card to open the door. Thankfully, it turns green, and I stumble inside.
I run into every piece of furniture in the living room. Holding onto the wall, I find the bedroom, then fall flat onto the mattress and hold on for dear life. As I lay there, face slightly turned on the covers, I see Josh’s silhouette.
I know he is faking sleep because there is no way he could have slept through all that clatter I just made. He is sleeping on his stomach with his head turned to the side. His arms are up on the pillow beneath his head. The moonlight is framing him making him look almost ethereal. His chest is bared. Only the white sheet covers his lower half. Then I see that ass. It is glorious and perfect in the moonlight. If I could walk straight, I would get up and rub my hands all over that thing. I want to keep looking at it, but darkness slowly creeps to the sides of my vision and then I am out.
Chapter 23
Josh
When I get up this morning, Noah is still laying sideways across his bed in his clothes from last night. A streak of crusted saliva is on his mouth, and he is out cold. I stand over him and shove his arm to wake him and am immediately hit with the smell of booze. Guess I know what he got up to last night. We have to leave in 30 minutes, so I roll him over and check his pulse to make sure he’s still alive. He is.
I climb up on his bed and put my arms under his and drag him from the bed to the bath. I dump him there and turn on the ice-cold water. He shoots up like he was given a shot of epinephrine. He runs his hands over his face and tries to scramble out of the tub. I push him back down and soak him until he stops fidgeting. I try my best to clean him up and put him in a fresh pair of pants, a dress shirt and some dark glasses. His eyes are bloodshot, his cheeks a ruddy color and he tips over when I’m away too long. This is going to be one hell of a day.
Our therapy session will involve role reversal and truth exercises. If the screeching and yelling from Katie and Charlie is enough to give me a headache and I’m sober, I can’t imagine what it must be like for Noah. I’m sitting right next to him in what some may think is an affectionate gesture, but it’s just to hold him upright. Brian leans over and asks Noah if he is hungover. Noah replies, “Definitely,” and nearly slouches down on his back. I pull him back up thankful everyone is transfixed on the nightmare that is Katie and Charlie’s role reversal.
When another of the couples begins their exercise, I hear small burping sounds from Noah. I hiss over to him quietly, “Motherfu…don’t you dare puke!” I dart my eyes toward him, and I see he has his eyes closed.
Then he opens them, smiles, and says, “False alarm.” Asshole. How much longer until we can get out of here?
Scott and Brian are next. Brian’s portrayal of Scott is heart-wrenching. Through Brian’s eyes, we see how he views Scott as strong, self-sufficient, and hopeful. He also shows Scott’s stubborn and playful side. Then, as Scott, he shows Scott’s love for himself. It crushes me to se
e them put in this tragic situation. How is it fair that a love story like theirs is forced to end when there are so many other toxic relationships that go on forever and produce nothing but trash?
I think about the conversation I had with them both the other night. Brian thinks I should give Noah time to figure it out on his own. Scott was not opposed to me taking the upper hand and being direct with him to let Noah know I’m experiencing feelings for him that I need to sort out. Either way, the notion is that being with him is worth the fight. While their struggle is coming to an end, mine is just beginning. I decided then and there that I want Noah.
I feel something damp on my shoulder and realize Noah has dozed off and is drooling down my shoulder. Sonofabitch. He couldn’t even give me this one moment of revelry because he spoils the moment. Well, this is my fight now, and I’m in it to win it. He does a loud snore/snort and wakes himself up. Then looks up at me with a goofy half-grin. I shake my head and commit to what I’m going to do.
“Noah, as you portray Josh, have him describe himself.”
I shoot him a death glare, and he attempts to hold an intelligible conversation. Pretending to be me, he says, slightly slurring his words in a macho Buzz Lightyear type accent, “Hello, my name is Josh Hill, and I’m God’s gift to the human race. I’m incredibly handsome, pop culture savvy and everyone adores me. I ooze charisma from my pores and women’s ovaries explode when I walk by them.” WTF? He’s making me look like a world class douche. I know some of this is the alcohol talking, but there’s always an ounce of truth in every lie.
Dr. Harris asks Noah, “Josh, what do you think about Noah?”
“I’ve nicknamed Noah Captain Buzzkill because he’s like the uptight dad that ruins the cool kid’s party. He’s the Debbie Downer on everyone’s day. He’s pompous, arrogant and egotistical. In fact, Noah is so vain; he probably thinks this joke is about him.” He laughs at his own joke. His self-awareness is getting uncomfortable. I had no idea he could be so self-deprecating.
