by T L Bradford
Noah stands up and goes across the room to talk with my doctor. I see her nod her head and smile over at me. Then she puts her hand on Noah’s elbow before leaving the room. “I asked the doctor if it was okay for me to talk to you about what happened.” I nod my head as best I can. “As your doctor mentioned, you were seriously injured. Some very bad people hurt you. Do you remember anything? Nod, yes if you do.” I push my head back into the pillow and try to recall the last day I remember.
My memory is fuzzy, but something slowly comes into focus. I was in the kitchen, making dinner. That was strange. I rarely make dinner. Then, another memory floated in. A man came to drop off a box. He gave me the creeps. Things become clearer. I see this same man in my house. I don’t know why I would let him in. Then, I see him strike me across the head. The last thing I remember seeing was a cross with several people standing around my backyard. Then it all goes fuzzy again. I nod my head to Noah, who instinctively helps me fill in the gaps.
He sits down as best he can next to me on the bed and cradles my head. He begins speaking in low, hushed tones. “Your injuries are severe. You’ve been here for a while.” I feel tears begin to slip from my eye. What must my family have gone through? And Noah? I hate causing people to worry. “That’s all I’m going into for now. You need to get some rest. Don’t worry; I will be right here.” Noah bends over me and places a kiss on my forehead and runs his fingers through my hair. I close my eye and lean into his chest, trying to wrap my head around what he has said and what is my prognosis.
A little while later, my family arrives. There is a load of tears. I get very frustrated because I am unable to speak to them. I would try to write, but I’m hooked up to so many machines it would be nearly impossible. It has been a very emotionally draining day. After they leave, Noah closes the door and takes the chair next to me. The medication makes me groggy leaving me semi-conscious.
In my drug haze, I believe I see Sarita talking with Noah in hushed tones on the far side of the room. They probably think I’m asleep. He is showing her something on his phone. They are quiet for a long while. Whatever it is she sees makes her so distraught she breaks down in angry tears. Why would he make her watch something to make her so upset? That’s as far as my mind gets before I am dragged back under the effects of the morphine.
Over the next few days, I get a lot of visitors. Everyone from the cast and crew, Sam, Archer, as well as Noah’s parents come to visit me. Sarita brings me a huge bouquet of roses and sits with me for long stays. She brings her laptop, and we watch old 80s movies. She does all the talking, but I try to communicate as best I can. Everyone has tried not to make me feel like I was abandoned. I treasure them so much.
By day four, after waking from the coma, I can have the breathing tube removed. I rejoice, finally being able to talk. My throat is incredibly sore, though, and it hurts like hell. The first thing I say to Noah is, “We’ve got to stop meeting in hospitals like this.”
“Let’s face it; this has been a real shit year so far.” He has tenderness in his eyes.
“I hope you didn’t fall in love with me for my looks if so, you will be sadly disappointed.”
“Stop it; that’s not funny.” He waits for a beat. “Of course I’m with you for your looks.”
I smile a little, but it’s hard given all the bandages on my face. “So, tell me, because everyone else is dancing around the subject. How bad is it?”
“Let’s not talk about this right now; you’re still recovering; that’s what’s important.” He dismisses the subject.
“Noah, you’re making me more nervous by not talking to me. Out with it. What’s going on with me? What happened?”
He doesn’t want to talk about this, everything in his demeanor says as much. “Okay, but you have to limit talking. You need to rest your throat.” He takes a deep breath. “You were attacked by several people. You have many broken ribs and bones. Your kidneys are bruised, and there is extensive damage to your face.”
“Yeah, my eye, what’s the deal? When are they going to take off the bandage?”
He stiffens and holds my hand tight. “Josh, it was bad.” My heart drops to my stomach, and I feel like I might wretch.
“Oh fuck, Noah, did I lose my eye?” I grit the words out, absolute panic rising.
He takes a deep breath, then says, “They had originally thought your eye might need to be removed given the extensive damage. However, Dr. Chan, Sarita’s father, knows an eye specialist from Europe who is in town for a while. He agreed to take a look at your eye, and he thought it could be saved. While you were in the coma, they performed a few small surgeries on the eye and were able to save it, but we need to wait until those heal to see what else can be done. He’s one of the best in the world, Josh. If anything can be done, you’d have the best of care.”
I can’t help it; I lose my shit. Noah holds me tight and rocks me back and forth. I weep into his strong arms. He continues to run his thick fingers through my hair and wipe the tears from my eyes. “I know baby, it’s not fair, but we’re all here for you. It was a miracle you survived. It was your will to live that got you this far. You can’t give up now.”
“Why, Noah? Who did this to me?” I sob. Something triggers in my memory. The wolf-like eyes. I ask him, “Were you there?”
“No, I wasn’t there. I found you when I came home.” His explanation makes no sense.
“But I remember seeing you. I saw your eyes…” I trail off.
He pauses, “It wasn’t me, Josh…it was my father, Tobias.”
I lift my head from his chest to look at him from my single eye. “It was him, the man from the picture…I don’t understand. Why would he do this to me?” I ask, my voice raising and becoming anxious.
Noah begins to pale. I see the look of guilt and fatigue cross his features. “Because you were with me.” Noah drops his gaze from mine and sits up, backing away from me. “I’m so goddamn, sorry.” He holds his hand over his mouth, and his eyes fill with tears.
His words are broken from his sobs. “I tried so hard not to love you. I let it blind me to your safety. I knew he was a threat. It’s my fault. He had threatened to harm you, but I never thought…”
I drop my head back to the pillow and try to digest what he’s telling me. “He did this… because we were together? How does that even make any goddamn sense?” I ask, becoming angry.
“I told you he was a devout religious fundamentalist. For his faith, homosexuality is a sin. His church has extremist views, but he went even beyond those.”
“This is why you were afraid to come out?”
“Mostly, yes.”
“The security system, the guards on set…that was all a precaution for this?”
“It didn’t even work. You still got hurt. I couldn’t protect you from him.”
“He sent a fucking cross to our house! And I’m the idiot that signed for it. Jesus, what was that? Some sick fucking game?” I’m starting to feel weak and dizzy.
“You have to believe me; I had no idea he had lost complete touch with reality. He has a perverted fascination for ironic punishments. He was insane. Fuck, the things he did…the things he said…” Noah looks horrified.
“Wait, hold up, you’ve talked with him since he did this?”
His eyes go dark when he looks back at me. “I was upset. I wasn’t about to let him get away with this.”
“Where is he, Noah? Will he come back for us?”
“No, I made sure of that.”
“How? Where is he?”
“Please, you have to trust me. Just relax and we’ll talk about it later, okay.” His face has gone blank. When this happens, as it sometimes does, I cannot figure out which version of him I’m talking to, the light or the dark.
“Noah?”
“Yes?”
“I love you. No matter what.”
The rest of that week, I fall into a deep funk. I refuse to see anyone other than my family and Noah. The hospital brings in couns
elors to talk to me, but I brush them off, not wanting to talk. I haven’t looked at myself in a mirror since I’ve been here. It’s not that I’m shallow. It’s all too much to bear at once. I feel like my entire future is in limbo.
It’s crazy, but I also have misgivings about my relationship with Noah. Right now, everything seems fine, but over time, will he lose his attraction to me? Will he even want me anymore?
I start falling into a deep depression, eating very little, and becoming self-absorbed. I sleep all day, waiting for the day to end so that I can wake up and do it all over again.
When I can no longer handle sleeping, I bring out the laptop Sarita brought me and watch a movie and also check what’s been going on in the world. I hear a soft tap on my door.
“Hi there twinsie,” says Chloe, peeking around the corner of the curtain.
“Hey, Chloe, what’s up.” I snap the laptop closed and move it to the side. Chloe comes to my good side and takes a seat where I can see her.
“You’re looking great; how are you feeling?”
“Okay, I guess, I’ve got the good drugs, so I’m feeling no pain.”
“Where’s Noah? I think this is the first time I’ve been here and not seen him.” She grins at me. “It’s so cute how he watches over you to make sure you’re okay.”
“It’s not cute, Chloe. It’s…manly,” I say in a deep voice. “He went home to take care of some things and feed Lola.”
“Okay, sure, whatever you say,” she rolls her eyes and grabs a notebook out of her bag. “I brought you something.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a notebook; only it is specifically for writing screenplays. I figured, since you can’t type fully yet until the cast comes off, you can write your scripts longhand. It helped you before when you were going through therapy. If nothing else, it will get your mind off of this place for a little while,” Chloe beams.
“I swear I could become a lawyer with all the People’s Court and Judge Judy’s I’ve seen. Thanks, Chloe. It was a great idea. I’d hug you, but I’d probably end up giving you a concussion,” I indicate my cast.
“No problem. It’s reward enough to see you smile.”
“You know what? I don’t want to talk about me, how are you doing? How are things with your man? Have you told mom and dad yet?”
“No, and not because I thought they would have an issue with it, but it seems like it may be a moot point.”
“Why? What happened?”
“We’re on a break.”
“Geez, I’m sorry to hear that. You want to talk about what happened?”
“I suck at relationships. Why is it so hard? Committing to one person should be a given. It’s supposed to be ingrained in our DNA. Your born, you go through life, you go on the hunt to find your mate and stay together forever. What’s so hard about that?”
“Okay, first of all, I think you’ve been watching way too much Animal Planet.”
“I’m serious! You know what I mean! You’re supposed to find your one true love; then you live happily ever after. But what if one of you can’t get your act together? The timing is off, or there’s still something left to do. Whatever it is, it’s just not working right.”
“Then you work harder to find common ground, that’s all.”
“Spoken like a whipped boy.”
“Hey, don’t go hating on me because I got my man,” I lovingly admonish. “Alright, look at it this way. It’s been a while, Chloe, I think if he doesn’t know by now if he wants to commit to you, then maybe it’s time to talk honestly with him about where you see this going, or maybe it’s time to start looking elsewhere.”
“That’s exactly what I thought too. If one of us has dragged it out this long, there must be some underlying issue. That’s why I told him that very thing, but he still wants to make it work.”
“Wait, hold up. You’re the one that won’t commit?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, how does that even work? There are so many unknowns! I can’t even handle it.” She gets up from the bed and begins pacing back and forth in front of the window.
“Chloe, listen to yourself, you’re probably just scared! Take a breath, okay. You’re getting way too ahead of yourself. You’ve got to slow down and take it minute by minute. So, Danny wants to have a long-term committed relationship with you, am I at least getting that much right?”
“Yes.”
“You think things are moving in a direction you aren’t ready for, am I still on track.”
“Yes.”
“Do you love him?”
“That’s neither here nor there. There are so many factors at play!”
“Sorry, but that’s exactly the point! Are you sure you’re not over thinking this? I’ve never seen you so happy to be with someone, and he seems to care for you for some weird reason. Why can’t you allow yourself to be happy without creating needless drama?”
“Joshua Hill, did you just call me a drama queen?”
“If the shoe fits…”
She stops pacing and stares at me. I can see the cogs turning in her mind. “I hate it when you’re the rational one.”
“I’ve gotten wiser with time.”
“We’re the same age, you tool.”
“I mean in relationship years. I mean, look at Noah and me and all the shit we’ve been through. If you want something or someone bad enough, you’ll be willing to fight for them no matter what the consequences or the future may bring. I’m living proof of that.”
“Oh, Josh, I didn’t mean to…damn, I came here to cheer you up.”
“No, it’s fine. All I wanted to get across was that unforeseen things could block your path. In fact, I can guarantee it will happen. You’ve got to be strong together when that happens.”
“You two have the strongest relationship I’ve ever known, outside of Mom and Dad. That will never change.”
“I hope so.”
“What’s that? Of course, you guys will be happy together. Why would you have any doubts?”
“Well, look at me. I’m a mess, Chloe. He feels guilty and concern now, so he’s here all the time. What happens when we get back to real life, and he has to deal with me looking like this all the time. Will it always be a constant reminder of what happened and how he wasn’t there to help me?”
“Stop right there. You are the moon and the stars to Noah, okay? That man would move mountains for you. He’s been strong for you these past weeks, and as you just said, both of you have to step up to the plate and take a swing to make it work. You both are so strong together. We all envy you. And one more thing, to tell you the truth, your appearance isn’t even the most beautiful thing about you.”
Chloe walks over to the bed and places her arms around me. “We all love you, Josh, no matter what. Talk to him before you drive yourself crazy. This is advice from one drama queen to another.”
Chapter 47
Noah
It’s been about seven weeks since the incident. The immediate weeks after the attack were muddled chaos. There was so much misinformation about what happened that we had to turn the world off for a while. Being at our house was out of the question.
Staying at a hotel or resort had its risks because the staff could sell out your location to the paparazzi. So, when Josh was able to leave the hospital finally, we went to stay with my parents in Tennessee, since the press had no idea where to find them. With my family, he could convalesce and be babied by my mom for a while. Trust me; he took full advantage. We spent our time relaxing, and when he was able, fishing on the lake with Jacob.
Now he’s in much better shape. The cast has been replaced with a sling, and he’s wearing his eye patch until he has his final surgery. Overall, his body has healed nicely. Dr. Chan personally attended to Josh’s facial lacerations. His plastic surgery was flawless. There are a few remaining scars, but over time, they should be barely visible.
Having spent so much time together during Josh’s hospital stay, all our friends
and family bonded tightly. So much so, that the gang and my family will be joining us for Christmas at the Hill’s house. They all thought it was a great idea of how they celebrated with Olympic challenges and were game for some fun. We all needed it.
My mom and dad will be in later this afternoon when their flight gets in. Right now, we are driving up to the Hill homestead. Josh is sitting right next to me up front. He’s extra tired from the traveling and has his head laid back against the headrest staring out the side window. Olive, Sarita and Kai are in the backseat singing some god-awful pop song at top volume. Gemma and Ash are swallowed up in wedding plans and their own family meetups so they will have to miss this round.
I reach my hand out to Josh over the center console to bring him out of his reverie. He has trouble sleeping since the attack, often waking up drenched in sweat from nightmares of the beating. I try my best to be there for him. He’s a little better, but there is a new self-awareness about him that makes me a little sad. His smile is more guarded, the shine in his eyes a little dimmer.
I rub my thumb over the backs of his knuckles to get his attention. He shifts his head my way on the headrest. It’s been months since his last haircut. He looks boyish with his messy mop-top. With his long hair, the ends have taken over, giving him a gold tinted appearance. He looks beautiful.
Lately, he’s made some disparaging remarks about his attractiveness that concerns me. I’ve tried to reassure him, that to me, there’s no one more gorgeous than him. I bring his hand to my lips and kiss the back of his hand. He gives me a sleepy smile. “Hey, there. What’s on your mind?” I ask him softly so the others cannot hear.
“It’s nothing. I’m so happy to have you all here. This means the world to me. To think, I was so close to not seeing another Christmas with my friends and family.”
I have no words to say, so instead, I bring my hand to his face and softly caress his cheek. He closes his eyes, seemingly taking in all the affection I am sending his way. He smiles. This time it reaches his radiant hazel eyes.
About a half hour later, we are pulling up the driveway to the Hill homestead. The Hill clan comes pouring out of the house, raining hugs, and kisses on everyone. I get a sturdy backslap from Xander and a punch in the gut from Zach. I always wanted brothers and sisters, now I have been blessed with both.
